No thank you.

By on December 6, 2008 in Happiness

I can’t find peace, balance, happiness or love. I love a man who reacts badly whenever I say so. He hasn’t contacted me in over three weeks. I miss him and still love him but it feels empty throwing it out there and getting the opposite in return. I’m crying. My life is so uncertain but today the uncertainty is dark. I don’t know what to do when my best isn’t good enough even for myself. I’d say I want to die but more accurately I’d like to know what a happy life is like first.

About Kerri

I moved to the mountains. I love a man who is ignoring me. I just am not happy. I love the mountains and feel like home here. I feel like a waste of space and time pretty much always.
View all posts by Kerri →

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3 Responses to No thank you.

  1. meadysmusings December 5, 2008 at 6:12 pm #

    Hey Kerri I know when people tell you it at times it sounds like yea yea…but it really is darkest before the sun comes up! Hang in there! And although here should not be a substitute for real friends or real help if you need it…you can always talk to other members on here!

  2. meadysmusings December 5, 2008 at 6:14 pm #

    When I say real I mean as in face to face.

  3. dymty December 6, 2008 at 5:00 pm #

    We can, at times, be so intent on pursuing that we lose focus on life's little gifts. I envision someone chasing a butterfly, wishing to hold it, or to let it perch on her hand. Isn't the real beauty in watching the butterfly just be a butterfly, flitting from flower to flower? To hold the butterfly would be to deny its real purpose. We can study abutterfly under glass, with a pin through its back. And while we might be fascinated, that surely would not match the exhilirating experience of seeing the butterfly do what it does naturally. And the butterfly does not concern itself with worries of where it should fly to next. In fact, it seems as though the butterfly finds its next flower almost by accident. And so it can be with ourselves. We can be so intent on seeking out one particular flower that we pass by endless fields of blossoms.

    Slow down, take some time to reflect. I'm not saying that this person is not for you; I would never suggest to know who you should be with. But perhaps he is feeling some pressure to give back to you what you want to give to him. It may not be in his capacity, and perhaps he's feeling just a bit inadequate and thus avoiding the potential blow to his ego. A guy never wants to feel 'inadequate'. Be gentle with him: don't place too strong of demands on him. He will show you his love as best he can, if he does. It's entirely possible, given human nature, that the more you push him, the further he will retreat. And please, please do not beat yourself up about this! You are doing the best you can, and no one can fault you for trying, especially YOU!

    Peace and love.