Outgrow Yourself



“It is such an unsettling feeling, you know,” I told my husband this afternoon. The day was unseasonably bright and warm and we turned our faces to the sun. A cup of tea, a coffee and the leisure of French Saturday made this moment a perfect one for sharing confidences.

“When I am with men,” I shared “when I relate with them without flirting, without a slightest sexual connotation, when I am simply their partner – I feel strange, both comfortable and … unwomanly.”

“What does make me a woman? The sexual aspect, the motherhood? Without it — what does it mean that I am a woman?

“But you know,” I continued, “I do not feel like I’m a woman, of course I do not feel I’m a man, I almost feel like something else, something that includes both male and female, something that goes beyond those distinctions. Frankly, I think of myself as “it.”

It does feel very real, much more so than defining myself as only one or the other.

But it is quite unsettling.


  1. How have you thought about femininity? I ask, because when I started looking at what makes me feel like a woman I realized that … I don’t know really.