Question:
I am 36, decided a new path in life, following my heart, leaving my career to become a therapist, something I wanted since I was a child. Struggled through personal therapy for years, following a spiritual path which you as well as many others have set through speaking to my heart. Thank you for that. My current issue is that its been almost 10 years I have been without a relationship. Struggling with my past where I grew up in a home where love did not exist amongst my parents as my father continued to love his ex wife after marrying my mom, my mom not being able to pull him into a loving hug and sanctuary with her, using me and my brother as objects of love and acceptance. Metaphorically speaking of course.
I grew up being angry at men and scared of intimacy, too close to my mother, in a relationship which seems more like a marriage amongst us, as my therapist put it. I have been struggling with my subconscious for years, yet consciously seeking to find a partner with whom I will share Life as it so wonderfully unfolds now in front of me. Unfortunately it seems my subconscious is stronger for I do not see anything happening, not even a sign of a flirt. I exercise yoga, I visualize, I meditate, I am in therapy, I am positive, I am lost and found as we all are throughout life. What else can I do? What is that which is keeping me there and I cannot subconsciously let the bond which holds me strongly attached to my mother go?
Answer:
Well, you seem to be sure that your lack of a relationship is based on not overcoming your past family dysfunction. Maybe it is or maybe it isn’t. It’s entirely possible for you to have healed your issues with men and still not have a life partner.
I think finding a partner is not just a question of focusing on healing past negativity and trauma, but more importantly positively creating or becoming the whole person that you want to be. Those healing practices are important and you should continue them, but you need to add a perspective that takes you beyond this vision of yourself as damaged goods.
If your attention is on fixing your problems, then it can keep you identified with the problems. If you are focused on actualizing your highest potential, then that is what you are identified with and that is what you will become. This is where having archetypes and heroes in your life can be instrumental in aiming your life beyond your struggles toward the woman you would want to be in a relationship. When you do that, you will find yourself with someone you can love and grow together with.
Love,
Deepak
For more information go to deepakchopra.com
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