For the past several days I have noticed that my body has been screaming at me- giving me signals and begging for me to pay attention.
I have always believed that different parts of our body manifests an emotional state tat needs to be healed. With that said, I still many times fall into a rut that more often creates ore dis-ease not only in my physical body but my mind as well. I end up creating unnecessary emotional turmoil and before I know it I am in a vortex of uncontrollable self destruction which I usually wake to and say to myself- "Who was that?"
Ever since I was a little girl, I remember holding much of my pent up energy in my belly region. When I was scared or fearful or nervous… I always used to complain of a "belly ache." Now as an adult, I face an even bigger challenge. I have difficulty breaking down the food I eat and elimination. I am very aware that it is some deep seated control issue that I pray and intend to conquer this year. Its amazing how I have programmed my body via my thoughts to create this that it has developed into a very uncomfortable situation.
Recently, I have also noticed challenges in my skin manifesting itself. As a teenager and young adult I suffered from pretty bad skin and last year thought things were finally settling down, and clearing up. I was happy and I was feeling really good about it. Then the turn of the year came, and BOOM! Adult acne all under my jawline, giant ones under my skin that to me screamed "I’m ANGRY!" — now, if this was the case, I still have yet to figure out what am so unhappy and angry about because the last time I checked I was having way too much fun and feeling really good. The manifestation of the painful adult acne has begun to really affect my self esteem and again has created a question and a dialogue in my mind to figure out what in the heck is really going on?!
This past week- large adult acne breakouts coupled with constipation and lack of sleep and energy has equalled a ball of a discombobulated emotional mess. When I have allowed myself to feel, I suddenly turn into this victim, this frightened being I thought I had grown out of. Last night I was in a very dark vortex of sadness, anger at myself and fear of life. It was like a silent volcanic eruption that suddenly came back out. I cried myself to sleep- I tired my body from reacting to that victimized mindset.
Today, a new beginning. I’m paying attention to my body. I am still constipated, and my skin seems to not be as swollen as it was yesterday. I still feel a lack of energy from within and feel the need to do some serious meditation and allowing the spirit to come through me and help me out.
Body awareness is an on going journey for me in getting to know myself better. I just hope as I unearth and heal the parts of myself I need to love and forgive, I intend things to get better and easier as the days go by. I understand that I am the number partner I have in my health, and that it is up to me to love it the way I deserve to be loved.