I spent a lot of time on the phone today, then I volunteered in my son’s classroom, I picked my daughter and her friend up from school and brought them back home where I worked some more, listened to the kids play on the trampoline and kick a soccer ball around, and made dinner while talking with my husband. Somewhere in between my son’s TV show, the girls making cupcakes and my husband gulping a glass of water I hit sensory overload. I value peace a great deal, but as a busy mom with busy kids, I sometimes struggle to find that silence at any point after my early morning meditation.
Tonight we decided that a little quiet would do everyone some good, so before I put a moratorium on breathing loudly, we turned everything off and everyone found a quiet activity. Ahhhhh, peace in our time. I used to do this all of the time with the kids. We would have mandatory quiet time every day. The amazing thing is, the kids were in preschool when I did that. But as they grew up and I went back to working more hours, the very thing that drives me crazy took over –the chaos.
So tonight as a family we came up a few strategies for making sure everyone gets a little quiet time each day. I’d like to share them with you.
1. Each night before dinner we will turn off all electronics, put on some calming music and sit for 5 minutes gathering our thoughts and energy.
2. Remembering to ask for quiet. Just as each person has a right to enjoy themselves, a family is a team and if someone needs the chaos brought down a level all they need to do is ask.
3. Thirty minutes before bedtime, each child will brush their teeth, get ready for bed and then go to their room with a book or journal. They will use that time to decompress and so will I. Instead of cleaning up or doing laundry or squeezing in an extra 30 minutes of work, I’m going to take that 30 minutes to read, meditate, breathe…..basically, find my peace.
4. We’ve already elminated video games on school nights and the TV is not allowed on until all homework is done and even then, not until after dinner, but we chose 2 nights a week where no electronics whatsoever will be turned on. This doesn’t eliminate all chaos, but the TV, iPods and beeping games escalate overstimulation.
I was reminded that years ago a mom said to me, "I can never take time for myself, my kids won’t let me." I’m a better mom when I can focus and I’m not in sensory overload. Moreover, the kids don’t realize when they are overstimulated until you let them experience quiet and peace. So mandating some quiet time is good for them too. I hope you’ll share your methods for creating peace in your home.
Once again, great advice!! I do have a question though. I have set my 7yr old up with his own personal journal he likes to keep up with, but, there are times he also like to either draw, paint, build with legos and practice new songs on his keyboard. Is it essential that he keep his quite time to being quiet or are some other activities also acceptable?
I hope you had a great holiday season. I look forward to hearing back from you again, your advise is greatly appreciated and welcomed.
Daniel P La Huis
Daniel,
In my opinion "quiet time" is time where we each get to be alone with ourselves. Just as my quiet time might sometimes be reading a good book for 15 minutes without interruption, I feel our children need to choose a quiet activity that just lets them decompress. The key is to do the activity without other distractions. As for practicing music, as long as it doesn't interfere with your quiet time, and your son is happy and truly practicing, not just making noise for fun, then it qualifies as quiet time for him.
Play with it. In the intial moments after quiet time you will find that your son feels organized, happy, content, etc. If this is not your experience, then the activity didn't fit the bill for this purpose.
And for a 7 year old, 15 minutes may be all you get. The quiet time will increase as he gets older
Peace and Light,
Teri
My son is very serious when he get behind his keyboard, but, I as I have had time to think more about your blog, I think this collective thinking is a good practice.
I think this form of collective thinking in silence would be a good practice to be taught in schools and get rid of the old "time outs" that are so often used as a punishment. The "time outs" are a good idea, but, teaching the children how to use this time to develop instead of just making them sit and face the wall while all the other kids make noise seems like it also builds up anger and feeling left out.
My son does't have any serious behavior problems, but, just in case one day is not in such of a good mood, he may get the occasional "time out". Would you have any suggestions that I may pass along to him to make his time out more acceptable and possitive?
Your question inspired me to write a blog post on time outs and how to use them in a more coscious way. I hope the information helps. I think your suggestion of getting rid of time-out as a punishment is a wonderful idea!