The Pursuit of Substitute Needs

By on September 26, 2009 in Relationships

Question: You speak of a hierarchy of repressed emotions as follows: anger, hurt, need, and fear. I gather from what you say that our needs, other than for survival, are an illusion. Is awareness of these needs all that is necessary for them to be met and to move beyond them? Is there some action we must take?

Leonard’s Answer:  The only true need is the need for others to be present with us. All other needs are substitute needs. When we came into this world as tiny and vulnerable babies, we had a need for our parents to be truly present with us. But to varying degrees, they were not, and so we did not feel safe. In order to feel safe, we began our pursuit of substitute needs.

“Well, if you will not be present with me, then will you at least love me?”

It soon became obvious that we would not receive the level of unconditional love that we needed to feel safe, so we went after the next substitute need.

“Well if you will not love me, then will you at least accept me unconditionally?”

That substitute need was not met.

“Well, if you will not love and accept me unconditionally, will you at least approve of me, or acknowledge me, or make me feel special.”

With each step we take in pursuit of these substitute needs, we are moving away from ourselves and becoming lost in others.

Most of us spend our entire lives in pursuit of these substitute needs, completely unaware that all we really need is for others to be truly present with us. One who is fully present is loving, accepting and acknowledging. When another is truly present with you, you get it all.

-Leonard Jacobson
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About Leonard Jacobson

Leonard Jacobson is deeply committed to helping others break through to the joyous experience of living in the NOW. He teaches how to become fundamentally present and how to arise in mastery of your mind and ego, so that you are no longer involuntarily pulled out of Presence.

He has been teaching people how to be present for over 25 years. When you attend one of Leonard's events, you will enter into the direct experience of the awakened state.

What is actually happening is that the depth and power of Leonard's presence is calling up that dimension of you that is already whole and complete. Once you have directly experienced the awakened state, it will set in place the foundation for your own awakening.

Leonard teaches that the fully awakened state of consciousness is available now. It is not something that occurs in the future. It is not something that we can arrive at through spiritual practice. It is already here, waiting to be revealed. As you awaken into the present moment, your thoughts will stop, your mind will fall silent, and you will awaken to an inner silence and peace that is beyond understanding. You will begin to encounter what the mystics and Masters have been speaking of for centuries.

One of the most significant aspects of Leonard's teaching is his unique insight into the nature of the mind and ego. Leonard teaches us how to come into right relationship with the ego in a way that helps the ego to relax, and he teaches us how to integrate awakened consciousness into everyday life and relationships.

He is the founder of The Conscious Living Foundation, a registered non-profit organization. In 2005, he was awarded the Peace Prize by Religious Science International, although he is not affiliated or associated with any religion or church. His teaching is both inclusive of and transcendent of all religions and spiritual traditions. It is for all those genuinely seeking to awaken, and for all those who want to overcome the pain and limitations of the past, and open into an more loving and abundant world.

He is the author of four books, Words from Silence, Embracing the Present, Bridging Heaven & Earth and his latest book,
Journey into Now, which is a fully comprehensive guide book along the path of spiritual awakening.

He lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota and offers evening teaching sessions, weekend workshops, and longer residential retreats in the United States, Europe, and Australia.

For more information about Leonard and his teachings, visit www.leonardjacobson.com.
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2 Responses to The Pursuit of Substitute Needs

  1. Noreen October 26, 2009 at 1:12 pm #

    Thank you Leonard, I think this is one of the best things I've ever read!!!

  2. dymty December 17, 2009 at 8:33 am #

    Replace 'you' with 'I'. There is no substitute.