Last night I drove by Sunset and Cliffwood in Brentwood California, about five minutes from my house. There was a spontaneous memorial there, several hundred flower bouquets commemorating 13-year-old Julia Siegler who was killed in a tragic accident last Friday when she was hit by two cars while trying to cross the street to catch her school bus. The press accounts said her mother was there and witnessed the whole horrific event. Many of her classmates were in the bus and saw it happen too and then were forced to remain on the bus and witness the continued madness as police and paramedics rushed to the scene.
My sister Mallika, who’s closer to the situation than me if only because her own daughter Tara was remotely connected to Julia by virtue of attending the same elementary school where Julia once served as “big sister” to little Tara, already blogged about Julia’s death and the community’s response to it. Before she posted it, she asked my advice on whether she should. I was honest with her: I said I didn’t know. I was conflicted, not at all sure how Julia’s family wants to mourn – privately or with the comfort that even the most anonymous to them feel some measure of their grief. Mallika went with her instincts (and the counsel of some of her good friends) and did publish her blog. The response has been overwhelming and positive.
I’m still conflicted. You see, I never met Julia. I don’t know her mother. I think I may have met her father many years ago, but only because the name feels familiar, we’re in the same industry (media), and in this town (Hollywood) everyone always says, “oh yeah, I know so and so. I have a project with him.”
Still, the thing is that Julia’s death is agonizing to me and I can’t even explain why. I can’t even explain why I am writing this, except to say that for me writing is cathartic in its own way. Last night when we passed the memorial, I kind of choked up. My wife asked me what was wrong and I shrugged and told her that I couldn’t really explain it. Overnight, I thought that maybe it’s because I just live in the neighborhood and now I too am a father (and a devoted uncle) and maybe I just empathize in a way I never did before. But really, underneath, I know that that is only part of it. The other part? I’m stumped.
Several people I’ve spoken with (and Mallika talks about it in her blog too) noted that sadly what happened to Julia happens every day in neighborhoods all around the country and cities all around the world. And sometimes it’s not even because of horrible accidents, but inexplicable natural disasters like the earthquakes we’ve seen in recent weeks in Haiti and Chile that have killed thousands, countless amongst them children. Even more deaths every year are revoltingly the result of violence perpetrated by both friends (US military) and foes (terrorists) alike as they fight in neverending wars overseas.
And yet I confess, that Julia’s death has affected me in a way more than the thousands of others that have been suffered by people that are equally strangers to me in the last few weeks. I admit that with no small measure of shame because no untimely death, especially by a child, should ever be more tragic than another. It feels clichéd and cheap to chalk a tragedy like this up to karma or fate, to shed a tear and than make some big broad commitment to some noble cause in Julia’s memory, because that won’t bring her back which is probably the only thing that matters to her family. That’s a hollowness that will never be filled, if even they find some healing over time.
I can only offer my condolences to Julia’s family and friends, part of the seemingly overflowing chorus of thoughts and prayers they are receiving from thousands that both knew and did not know Julia. I told my wife that I’m not going to use my phone any more while driving – no texting, emails, even calls. Not just because Julia’s death is a reminder of just how deadly a weapon a car can be, but also because maybe in the ensuing silence, I can quietly observe and honor her death in some meaningful way.
Related Articles: When A Community Mourns, by Mallika Chopra
I'm going to take a stab at answering/explaining what stumps you, because I find myself and many others in the same boat.
This death was preventable and completely without sense.
You have lost someone close to you, whom you loved dearly and probably learned some of that love from your friendship with him.
The collective consciousness is getting stronger and we feel our inter-connectedness as a result of that thickening cord.
Now I'll try to explain her death: She was too good for the world we now live in. She was too special and had to leave for a far better place. It had nothing to do with karma, but more along the lines of her destiny that she chose to experience before coming into this world. There is something to be learned from her life AND her death. You made a decision to make a change in how you interact in this world to make it a safer, better place.
I don't profess to have definite answers or reasons. I'm just proposing options from which you may (or may not) choose one that resonates best with you.
Thank you to share,Gotham!
You have transmitted something very peaceful to me!
I love the way you talk about death; alive, profond and communicative.
Also, it was interesting to read the intents this evening. One of them gets my attention;
My Intent is to pray that we may all be freed from what binds us ~shanti
From: angela mf
http://www.intent.com/amf/intents/my-intent-pray-…
I should not add anything else to your state of consciousness, as I feel it well grounded.
Well maybe this song that was on my playlist this evening:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbkCOfYAkSk
Take care brother (sorry to call you like that but I feel you closely!)
RIP Julia!
Oddly, I too find myself overly effected by this 'accident'. The phrase 'meaningless death' lodged itself between my head and heart. Surely someone's death has undeniable meaning family and friends. Senseless death seems more fitting. We struggle to make sense of it.
What saddens me most is that we have not only created but actively sustain a world in which technology is worshiped. The evolution of a society is measured by whether it controls technology or technology controls it. Maybe Julia's passing will help us to value our relationship with family, friends and new acquaintances more than our relationship with cars, computers and phones.
I respect that you allow us the chance to accept or reject your proposed options. I hope that you are wrong about Julia being too good for our world. What does that say about those of us she has left behind (especially her young classmates and friends). Certainly, the world is worse of without her, but she was not too good. She was just right and taken from us too soon, but not necessarily by a sentient supreme-overlord-god-type-thing.
The purpose of her death cannot be to teach us to slow down or pay attention while driving. This god-being could just have you wrap your car around a tree.
Hope good give the best place…
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more along the lines of her destiny that she chose to experience before coming into this world. There is something to be learned from her life AND her death. You made a decision to make a Designer Handbags change in how you interact in this world to make it a safer, better place. I don't profess to have definite answers or reasons. I'm just proposing options from which you may (or may not) choose one that resonates best with yo
But really, underneath, I know that that is only part of it. The other part? I’m stumped. natural tinnitus cures
i dint know the meaning of RIP in the correct context till Michael Jackson passed away . . .
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Are you SERIOUS? You're an idiot.
I am very sorry to hear about her passing. Death sucks, plain and simple. One can only hope she is in Heaven (or wherever you think you go or don't go in the afterlife) and is enjoying herself. Her passion for carpet cleaning companies, as well as her love for her children and husband, will not be forgotten.
Very shocking to see that 13-year-old Julia Siegler who was killed in a tragic accident last Friday when she was hit by two cars while trying to cross the street to catch her school bus.Property Auctioneers
It really is a sad incident, doesn’t matter how it happened though. My hearty condolences for those parents, who have lost their beloved daChanggyeonggungughter. Accidents do take place every now and then but when we lose someone whom we know or were close with, that surely ring a bell and it takes a lot of time for us to recover from the impact. – Jordan I
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It doesn't matter how her name is pronounced. However, I must say, that she must be remembered as the kind, loving, beuatiful girl that she was. RIP Julia
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It's a really sad thing. I'm really sorry and devastated to hearing these bad news. R.I.P. dear Juli. honlapkészítés