In the last 2 weeks, there have been two high profile, celebrity stories about rape – Roman Polanski’s arrest in Switzerland this past weekend for a crime he committed decades ago, and Mackenzie Phillip’s reveal on Oprah that her father, John Phillips from the Mama’s and Papas, raped her, and then she had an ongoing, incestual, consenting relationship with him.
While these two stories have certainly been unsettling and controversial, a third story has kept me up every night this week – anguish by a friend about a momentary glimpse into the molestation of a young boy by an older man – a young boy, perhaps 10 years old, whose face remains a mystery, but whose safety has consumed my thoughts. I find myself praying every night that the police will track down the molester, and help an innocent child find a path to healing.
While there is controversy that a 76-year old Roman Polanski has been arrested for a crime he committed decades ago, the fact remains that he drugged and raped a 13-year old girl. Let us not forget that Roman Polanski committed a crime, and then fled the country.
The victim appears to have forgiven him, reached a settlement years ago, and recently asked for the charges to be dropped. It seems she continues to focus on her own healing, only to be faced with the trauma over and over again by the media. The healing process for a victim of violence and molestation is undoubtedly a life long process. But, once again, this was a crime against a young girl who was drugged and molested by an older, powerful man.
Roman Polanski led a very tragic life leading up to the rape – lost his mother during World War II in a concentration camp, and his pregnant wife, Sharon Tate, was murdered by the Manson family – horrors that I cannot even imagine. But does that excuse the crime?
Undoubtedly, the molester of the boy who haunts my dreams has issues – perhaps he was molested as a child? Perhaps he is on drugs – does being high on cocaine provide any sort of excuse for John Phillips if he did indeed rape his own daughter? Crimes come with their own karma – often very tragic karma by the one who is committing them. But, a line has to be drawn somewhere when it comes to dealing with hard issues like child molestation.
While Mr. Polanski has high profile friends who have written a joint letter demanding his release, there is no special reason why he should be exempt from the law. Said law, admittedly, is filled with bias, but why should a filmmaker – who may be brilliant, a great mentor, a good co-worker – be treated any differently?
I want the man who is out there molesting that little boy that I heard about this week locked away. I want him treated for his psychosis. I want to the boy to be freed from his clutches.
Sexual abuse is unacceptable – whether it is happening now or in the past.
No one person should be exempt from the law when it comes to hurting a child. No one.
It is very clear to me that the man you speak about has to be kept away from the boy and treated. But in the case of Roman Polanski… I don't know what the law says, but "treated alike" sounds very much like "punished alike". It's been decades, and we don't know anything about how he has handled this issue. Is he the same person? Has he changed? Would he repeat the pattern? Has he healed inside, and maybe is helping people heal from the same disturbance?
Sometimes I wonder if people demand the punishment of criminals in an attempt to heal their own pain at the horrors that have happened. But punishment doesn't heal anyone. It really doesn't. Of course he shouldn't walk free of responsibility just because he is famous, but it is as natural that he shouldn't be punished if he has changed. Courts of law shouldn't determine how guilty we are, but to what degree we are healed, and in what best way we can continue to heal. Society might have to judge, but why not keep the door open for grace.
It is unfortunate that sexual molestation is a crime, but only if the molester is an adult. The real shock is that the vast majority of incidence of molestation in the country occurs between children. This is a well known fact among social workers and people who work in child care, but it seems to have escaped the notice of the media. Children who molest other children have not committed a crime. The parents have not committed a crime, so neither is required to get any kind of councilling or treatment. So while no one should be exempt, there is a whole population of children that are exempt.
There is also a pervasive opinion both in the psychiatric community and in law enforcement, that child molestors can't be rehabilitated. I have even seen this stated in psychiatric textbooks. This situation creates an irreconcilable catch 22. I have seen statistics that something like 6 out of 10 girls will be sexually assaulted before they reach maturity. This means we have a large population of people out there who are doing this terrible thing, but they are hard to catch and usually involve family members. If they DO get caught, they are put in prison where they learn even more vicious forms of violence…If they are not incarcerated they often go through some form of coucilling and are required to stay away from children (if they are adults when they commit the crime). But even the councillors don't beleive the therapy works!
I sat down and thought about it for about 15 minutes today and in that short time I counted over 50 people that I knew personally (including myself) who have admitted to me, at one time or another, that they were sexually molested. Many of them were men. Sadly, I could probably come up with even more if I thought a few minutes longer.
I do not beleive that Mr. Polanski should be treated any differently than anyone else. People must be responsible for their actions. It is the job of the justice system to see that people convicted of crimes must be punished. That being said, I also don't beleive that time in jail, or fines, or injuctions to stay away from children are going to solve this problem.
I also don't beleive that there is ANY kind of remedy in place that really works. What we need is for good people to get together with experts and we need to get good data on the whole problem. It needs to be talked about openly and needs to include the problem of child on child molestation, and educators, social workers and pychiatric people need to start crafting some different solutions to the problem. People who sexually molest other people have a problem, and their problem becomes our problem. Until we start to talk about sexual molestation in the same way we talk about other social ills like alcoholism and drug abuse, we will not engage people in looking for a social answer to the problem.
Yes, make Mr. Polanski accountable for his actions, but wake up and realize that the problem is a complicated and far reaching social illness. It requires many smart people and lots of good thinking, as well as, a popular beleif that molestors can be healed, to move towards a society that doesn't create molestors in the first place.
No one is exempt from their actions and their choices. Whether they are publicly brought to justice or suffer privately from their guilt (or lack of it). I agree with Deepak. Child molestation is wrong at any age, under any circumstances. I am puzzled, however, as to why the Swiss justice system acted only now. Mr. Polanski has been in and out of Switz several times in the last 30 years. Andy why did Mackenzie keep her horrible secret for so long…..
Very even handed–I've struggled with similar questions, thank you for expressing them so well.
Another issue that seems to fly under the radar: sexual preference seems to be in part hard wired, what was "perversion" decades ago is accepted by vast swaths of the population, though there are ideological hold outs.
I wander if the predilection for preferring young children isn't also hardwired; while we continue moralizing about these monsters and how they can't be rehabilitated and must be socially ostracized and branded, perhaps there are mitigating physiological as well as psychological problems driving the behavior.
Of course, children must be kept safe, that goes without question. But if we can turn a humane eye to real answers when it comes to predatory behavior as opposed to grandstanding and moralizing, we might do a better job of finding more concrete solutions.
Thanks for this entry.
How terrible it must be for Roman Polanski's rape victim and rape victims everywhere who are hearing so many high profile people defending his actions and asking him to be released. To echo a commentary in the Los Angeles Times, I don't think these people would rush to defend a less famous person of the same crime or if the same crime ever happened to their wives or daughters. (Read commentary here: http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-lopez30-2…
Rape and sexual molestation is a big issue worldwide, people must be protected and
much work needs to be done to shift from punishment to healing.
I think that it is also important to know when something is a police matter vs. a matter that a psychologist should be handling.
Praying for the boy that you mentioned Mallika and praying that the police catch that person before they do more harm.
From my Blog [ If you have not already signed the Amnesty International petition, please consider it.]
When Congress returns from recess, they'll have a lot on their plate. Will there be room for protecting women's human rights?
Sign the petition urging President Obama and Vice President Biden to actively support the re-introduction and passage of the International Violence against Women Act (I-VAWA) this fall.
http://www.amnestyusa.org
E mail from Amnesty International 8/18/09
Right now, young girls are being sold into unwanted marriages to pay their fathers' debts. Their sisters are raped by rebel bands as a tool of war. And their mothers are beaten by husbands in retribution for daring to seek basic education such as the ability to read.
The United States could be doing more to combat rape in conflict, high rates of domestic violence around the world, human trafficking, and other forms of violence against women.
But the comprehensive legislation that would make fighting violence against women a priority for US foreign policy and give the State Department Office for Global Women's Issues the force of law is still missing.
We've been working with Senators Kerry and Lugar, who have promised to lead I-VAWA through the Senate.
And the Obama Administration has already taken historic measures this year to raise the issue of violence against women by:
Creating a State Department Office for Global Women's Issues
Appointing a White House Advisor on Violence Against Women, and
Creating the White House Council on Women and Girls
But the bottom line is I-VAWA has still not been reintroduced.
A little pressure from the top can go a long way in advancing this important legislation when Congress returns in September. President Obama and Vice President Biden championed I-VAWA as Senators. So we know that their support is there.
Given the long list of priorities that Congress has to tackle this fall, we can't allow women's human rights to be pushed to the back-burner once again.
We were so close last year, but the opportunity slipped through our hands. Even with all of the bi-partisan support we generated, I-VAWA never reached the Senate floor for a vote.
But this year, we're determined to make it happen.
We need at least 5,000 signatures on our petition to the President and Vice President to
show strong grassroots support for a coordinated U.S. government effort to stop the global crisis of violence against women and girls.
If we really want to stop violence against women, then we'll need to start protecting women's human rights.
Sign our petition and share it with someone who supports women's human rights.
In Solidarity,
Betsy Wright Hawkings
Deputy Executive Director, Research & Policy
Amnesty International USA
This discussion made me feel very sad.
About the particulars of these aforementioned cases I don't know the details or what has been reported apart form heresay. On the one hand I dont like to throw the first stone til the facts are known in a cold dispassionate way.
However, children's rights are paramount. There is an ombudsman for children in scandinavian countries?
www2.ombudsnet.org/history.htm (you can follow this link)
There is also a convention of charter of the rights of the child through the world health organisation.
http://www.euro.who.int/eehc/ctryinfo/conven/spec…
Thanks for raising this issue.
my first reaction is one of anger!! You can see why this is such an awful crime because the victims are put through so much AFTER the original crime..I am usually one for forgiveness but rape is as bad as it gets.Our legal system is certainly flawed and has too many grey areas but why should we err on the side of the offenders? If Polanski is truly sorry he would turn himself in and plead guilty without involving the victim in a court battle. It just frustrates me to see so many people showing compassion for a celebrity who did something unthinkable to me..no matter what culture you are in ,no matter what your beliefs,raping a child is wrong!!!!!!!! rape is wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! prevention is key but isnt the point of this blog..IF YOU RAPE,YOU SHOULD BE PUNISHED………the person who said keeping these people away from kids isnt the answer….ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!! I cant believe I read that….I will assume that was a typo so that I can go about my day NOT feeling the need to throw up
Dear Mallika:
Your post touched me in a personal way.
Friends of ours recently lost their teenaged son to suicide. He was sexually abused as a young boy. He was one of the kindest, sweetest, gentlest young men I've ever encountered. Sadly, he never experienced the healing he so deeply craved.
I will be sure to pray for that little boy who has touched your heart. I will pray for both he and all of the children who have been vicitmized and deeply traumatized in this way.
Love,
Greg
What a awesome 6 hour, thankyou to Dave and all the crew at Roudtuit Caravan park for all the work that went to running this event, well worth marking in the dairy for next yearZayıflama Lida Fx15 ve Biber Hapı zlfvbh burmeh yaza lida fx15 biber hapı ile formda girin burmeh yaza lida fx15 biber hapı ile formda girin Trakya Üniversitesi tabiii en önemliside bize baya bi para getirecek. his family and particularly the children he had artificially created will be happier and far better off without him, not to mention wealthier. Remember and play his music if you want..it was pretty good but don't for get what an absolute failure as man he was. He dies a whiny drug addicted loser.. Save your sorrow for someone worthy