Social Isolation from Judging Others

Question:

 Since my childhood, I had a faith that if anyone  does something wrongful act, he/she must be forced to realize that they had done something wrong because, if they are not made to realize, they will surely commit that wrongful act again. For that, either they must be punished or they must apologize their mistake. Therefore, whenever someone does a wrong to me, I try that they must realize their mistake. Due to it I am left with only few friends. My relations with my parents are worst because they many times lie to me & don’t understand my feelings. I want a honest relation with  everyone based on truth. In other words, I believe that as anyone behaves with me I must also behave with him/her in the same way. Please help. THANK YOU.

Answer:

Surely by this time in your life you must have noticed that telling people they are doing something wrong does not stop them from doing it again. In fact, sometimes it has the opposite of your intended response—they resent your judgment and repeat their action to make their own point.

So perhaps it’s time to rethink this belief of yours that you need to police the world for wrong behavior. It’s making you friendless and isolated from your family and it is not making the world a better place either.

I would suggest you stop worrying about other’s bad behavior and focus on yourself. Consider that your ideals of truthfulness from others and your demand for punishment or apologies are not coming from a loving or compassionate part of you. Those judgments are from your ego-self that wants to control life by imposing a simplistic black-or-white morality on everything. Haven’t you ever been the object of that kind of thoughtless condemnation by others who don’t see the world the same way you do? It doesn’t feel good does it? Does that judgment from them make you want to accept their judgment, their point of view as the truth? That is what you are expecting others to do when you judge them.

It may help to realize that everyone is doing the best they can with what they know at the time. Kindness and compassion from you will inspire them to do better and it will bring you closer to people’s hearts as well.

Love,

Deepak

For more information go to deepakchopra.com

Follow Deepak on Twitter

 

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

About Deepak Chopra

Time Magazine heralded Deepak Chopra as one of the 100 heroes and icons of the century, and credited him as "the poet-prophet of alternative medicine." Entertainment Weekly described Deepak Chopra as "Hollywood's man of the moment, one of publishing's best-selling and most prolific self-help authors." He is the author of more than 50 books and more than 100 audio, video and CD-Rom titles. He has been published on every continent and in dozens of languages. Fifteen of his books have landed on the New York Times Best-seller list. Toastmaster International recognized him as one of the top five outstanding speakers in the world. Through his over two decades of work since leaving his medical practice, Deepak continues to revolutionize common wisdom about the crucial connection between body, mind, spirit, and healing. His mission of "bridging the technological miracles of the west with the wisdom of the east" remains his thrust and provides the basis for his recognition as one of India's historically greatest ambassadors to the west. Chopra has been a keynote speaker at several academic institutions including Harvard Medical School, Harvard Business School, Harvard Divinity School, Kellogg School of Management, Stanford Business School and Wharton.His latest book is "Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul."

Comments

  1. Try lavishing attention on helpful behavior and giving hurtful behavior the cold shoulder. Pay most attention to the things you want because what we attend to expands. Think of attention like watering a garden and "water" the useful parts of the garden. Feed the produce and starve the weeds. Turn a blind eye to the minor infractions of others. When you are deeply bothered by something try expressing your feelings using "I" messages along these lines. I feel ___ when you ___. What I want is ____ (Insert desirable alternative to behavior at issue). Stating what you want does not guarantee that you will get it. But it is more likely that you may get what you want if the person values you, you are clear about your desires and you state them in a Loving way free of accusation. The best relationships to invest in are win/win where both parties needs are respected and met as much as possible. Best wishes for increasingly Heavenly relationships. Also, value quality relationships over the quantity!