Staying Present with Your Kids!

Today, my 6 year old daughter Lily had her second soccer game. They got spanked but the kids didn’t know it. They actually thought they won. Not sure how their little brains put that one together but they did. The sidelines were packed with laid-back Boulder parents each with a blanket and a full-blown organic feast at their fingertips. It was a beautiful day along the front range of the Rockies; crystal clear with a deep blue sky.

Lily was armed and ready to go with her new shin pads and super high socks that she has practically slept in lately. She has only been playing soccer for about 2 weeks.  For some reason she has never had an interest as she tends to like more artsy activities with the exception of rock climbing. At any rate, she is fast and does a good job of kicking the ball. Her first time in the game today she more or less just followed around her friend Kate. They trotted up and down the field looking at everything except where the ball was. At one point I think I even spotted them looking at a flower that was growing along the sideline. As for me, I’m never certain what approach to take with her. On one hand I want to provide a nudge of parental motivation and on the other hand I keep reminding myself that she is six!

When she came rambling off the field at their first break I couldn’t hold myself back. I said "Lily, you have to go after the ball. Chase it down. Growl at it…grrrrr!" That’s when she turned and gave me this sad look and said she didn’t want to play anymore today. (Nice work, Daddy) I countered back by saying "well you made the commitment to your team to play so you’re playing…dernit." I felt bad but she decided to keep playing. About 5 minutes later she hit the field with a new lease and a tough-girl attitude. She pulled a complete 180 and played with a ferocity that I hadn’t seen since Mike Tyson bit off Holyfield’s ear…only minus the violence and inject it with a hint of sportsmanship. She ran the ball down, kicked it hard, and the sidelines roared…LILY, LILY, LILY. Okay, that last part I made up but you still get the idea.

When she ran off the field I could only give her a big fat hug as she smiled ear-to-ear. I could see the personal satisfaction on her face. What’s the point of this story? Well, maybe there isn’t one. I doubt that my words had anything to do with her changing her attitude and bringing her game. Sometimes just standing on the sidelines and being present for your kids is all that is required. If the right words escape you in a time like that don’t sweat it. Often just being there is enough for them to work things out on their own. Then all you have to do is swing them around by their toes and congratulate them for a job well done.

I love you, Lily! Someday, maybe you’ll read this and get an idea of just how much.