When my father passed away in May, I began to write, in fact the words just poured out of me. I had not written in twenty years. I suppose that writing about him easies the pain of his loss, but it is more about the positive person that he was in life and how many people he touched. I always knew that my father was a special man, but in his passing I got to know how many people he really touched. He was a hard working man and a devoted father and husband. He came from a family of seven and remained very close his family.
When my father was told five years ago that he had a rare bladder cancer and he would be lucky to live a year and no one lived passed five, he calmly told us all that he was going to fight like crazy and live his life. From that day forward he did what he was suppose to do, they took out half of his bladder and he got back up a month later and started a new career at 66. He spent his weekends with his grand kids and he did not talk about his cancer. Eight months went by and then he got the news that the cancer was in his lungs. He told his wife, I have never been to Europe lets go. They went, he got back and had the cancer removed from his lung. A small surgery turned into a large one with cracked ribs, but he never complained. I got involved and said enough surgery we are going to Mexico so that they can treat your whole body and mind. He went back and forth to Mexico for three years getting treatments. The doctors in the States were impressed at the slow growth of his cancer. Through out those three years he had chemo and lost all of his hair and was sick for months at a time. When people asked him, how are you, he would say I am fine, now lets talk about you.
My father finally gave up on the trips to Mexico, because it took time away from him seeing his grand kids and that is what he loved most. The cancer traveled back to his bladder into his liver and his colon. He wanted to live and put the fact that he had this growing cancer to one side of his brain. He was in pain most of the time but he did not burden anyone with it. He still looked good on the outside and at work he never talked about the fact that he had cancer. He never let his cancer be a part of his life, he may have had it, but it never had him.
In the end the last 6 month of his life, he knew that he was going to pass, so each day he would sit down on his couch and turn the recorder on. He made a video for each of his family members telling them all how special each one was to him and that he had a great life. He had no regrets, or unfinished business and he wanted everyone that he loved to know that he was going in peace. He had one request and that was to pass at home in bed, he hated the hospital. In the six months before his death he got up each morning and went to work and came to my house and played with his grand kids. He continued to joke with others and ask them about their lives and what they were doing. He was in terrible pain most days, but he kept that to himself and only once did I see him cry from pain and he told me how sorry he was that I had to see him that way. He was an amazing man and an inspiration to me and all of the people that he knew in his life.
In his finial days, his family including his siblings, mother, wife, kids, grand kids, nieces, friends were there. We all took care of him in his last week. Taking turns, spending the night, talking with him, giving him his medication for pain and just sitting and holding his hand. I was amazed at all of the people who wanted to see him and care for him. When he passed, people from his work, his past, new friends, clients all said the same thing he was bigger than life, he always had a smile and a passing joke to tell.
I am so blessed to have had a wonderful father. I know that life is a gift and that each day something special can happen, if we are open to it. I want to make a difference, I do not know how , or when it may happen, but I am determined to continue in my fathers path.
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