After President Obama’s latest speech in Cairo, there are many discussions about the way to create peace between Western and Muslim world views. I would like to add my perspective and share some insights and conclusions from the process of integration of Iraqi refugees here in Sweden where I live.
Sweden is one of the countries receiving the greatest number of refugees per capita in the Western world, and there is a lot of work of integration going on. Lately refugees have come mostly from Iraq.
In Sweden, democracy and equality of all people regardless of gender, race, political, social and religious belonging are values not only generally embraced but even practiced to a great extent. The Muslim refugees have different values of course, this creates a conflict and somehow we need to solve it. This mirrors the global challenge we face.
Being true to its values, Sweden has decided to pursue integration (which requires finding a way for both cultural views to transform and mature in order to function together) and not assimilation (which would require the "others" to drop their culture and fully adapt to one’s own). As democracy does not require uniformity but a harmonious way for diversity to function together, Sweden considers integration the highest way.
The process of integration of Iraqis in Sweden has proved to be a process of transformation of both parts. It necessarily starts with a willingness of both parts to find a solution, and with a commitment to do what it takes, meaning to change. In the case of our Iraqi refugees, their willingness and commitment is quite natural, because it is their own preference to live in this country (as the situation in their country is what it is), and Sweden has its commitment coming from the values existing here.
Returning to the global situation, we now have a very short and powerful moment when there is a fragile wish in all parts to find another way. All parts see the opportunity. It is a delicate moment when we really need to do our best to take the next step to building enough trust so that commitment to change can happen. It is or will become clear that force, threat or any of the old ways of domination would result in missing this important moment. Trust is built on healing national emotional wounds and building togetherness in spite of ideological or cultural differences. This doesn’t mean that different parts of this process can not be clear about what they stand for, but any evolutionary relationship requires both parts to honestly look at their own identifications and drop what needs to go in order to build a future together.
My family has been active in the work of integrating refugees for many years in many ways. At the moment, we discuss aspects of this process every day, as my partner works within an integration team which explores higher methods and is setting the tone nationally. So I would like to give some very practical examples of how both parts need to change in order for integration to happen. Even if the parts in these examples are called "Swedish integration team" and "Iraqi refugees" they could as well be called "the West" and "the Muslims".
The issue I’d like to exemplify with is gender equality, which actually is just one of the many aspects of the conflict between dictatorship (domination) and democracy (equality):
Swedes want women and men to have equal rights in all aspects of life. They do not believe that any human being should dominate another human being. They have the conviction that this is the highest way and they also have an image of Muslim cultures as being backwards and oppressing their women. There is an indignation about the way women are treated, an attitude of accusation and… a tendency to impose our ways, in other words, to do exactly what we condemn in them- dominate!
Iraqis on the other hand want the men to be men and the women to be women, which to them means very clear gender roles and family structures. Their culture and religion supports the view that men are the head of family with complete right of domination, mini-dictators of their kingdoms. Both Muslim men and women are thoroughly shaken by the sudden meeting with a new way and men have often the tendency to try to be the best dictators they can be – using threat at first and different degrees of resistance when the first shock has settled down.
The Swedish team has addressed this issue by resisting their own tendency to judge and impose (domination) and preferring democratic methods like dialogue and education. Not only did they have to change their own attitude if they wanted the other to change, but they soon found out that the education was mutual.
A practical issue was the sexual education in schools which many Muslim families angrily refused to allow their children to participate in. Instead of threatening with economic repercussions, which they could have easily done, the team chose to organize a meeting explaining what exactly children do and learn in sexual education class. It turned out that the Iraqis had believed that "sexual education" meant that Swedish schools have special fornication rooms, and naturally wanted to protect their children from such a great evil. The hearts of the Swedes opened up when understanding what “the others” had felt and feared, and that helped them let go of domination even more. Instead, a beginning of real empathy emerged.
In their turn, after being met with non-violence and finding enough trust to even discuss this issue with the Swedes, the Iraqis opened up enough to agree to a sexual education meeting for themselves, men and women separately. These lessons about “sexuality” turned to be intense dialogues about the role of “woman” and “man”. After that meeting, the women enthusiastically asked for more, thirsty to know more about how a woman can define herself in other ways than what they knew. The men had a very fiery meeting, where their idea of their role in family and society was deeply challenged.
The Swedes found out that they were not dealing with crazy mini-dictators keen to hold on to their power, as they had believed, but with men sincerely concerned that if they do not play the only role they have been taught to play, their families will fall apart and suffer. They wanted well being for their families, felt deeply responsible, and here they were challenged to change their idea about who they are and how well being needs to be reached in the new context. The men didn’t ask for a new meeting, but went home with a lot of new concepts to digest, while the Swedish team had to also incorporate the new, much more human image of Iraqi men.
The greatest problem in these and many other meetings has not been the issues themselves, but for both parts to hold on to a vision of peace. The Swedish team had a background which encouraged and valued civilized, peaceful dialogue, but still had to make efforts to stay peaceful. Instead of trying to change the others, they found out that the main task was to change themselves, let go of their own judgments and anger for the sake of the common goal. The slightest tendency of the Swedes to judge, impose and dominate was met with a fierce resistance and even attack, as the way of domination is much more automatic and considered right and useful in Iraqi culture.
On the other hand, the Iraqis discovered that it is useless to even try to threaten or impose their will on the Swedes, as that attitude would not have any beneficial results at all. They found out that the Swedish culture was not as evil as they thought and that there is a possibility for more well being for them if they continue to research it. They discovered that the Swedes are “quite nice people” and can be talked with, and also that they want to understand the Iraqi culture (the Swedish team has continuous education about all aspects of Muslim cultures).
All in all, no progress whatsoever was made by trying to change the other, but only by managing to see and change oneself. Not force, but willingness, not threats, but openness, not conflict, but honest dialogue turned out to be the slow but real way to integration of our world views into a new, higher perspective for both.
During the years, the process of integration has become much smoother and after a first rough period of conflict, Iraqi refugees find their way to being integrated and enriching members of the society they have chosen to be part of. Also, Swedes find their way to integrate and appreciate the new multicultural national image. The process expands everyone’s self image and benefits all. Democracy is not endangered, but has grown to include even more.
I believe that the process going on here in Sweden and the experience and insights gained by all parts need to be known to other people and countries who wish to participate in the global process of integration of the Western and Muslim world views, and ultimately of all kinds of world views existing today. It is imperative that we let go of the tendency to dominate another if we want true global democracy. No nation should impose what another nation should do, but everyone’s focus needs to be on self-inquiry and transformation instead. It is the attitude of domination itself we want to eradicate, not each other.
Democracy is a much higher way for human beings to relate compared to domination. Democratic countries need to stand up for this truth. But they also need to realize that the imperative need for global integration today demands that not “the others”, but we ourselves change. It is obvious to anyone that threat, force and demands for change made on another will be met with resistance and aggression, while a clear and sincere announcement of the own intention and focus on change, together with a willingness to listen and understand “the other”, to discuss and find ways that result in increased well being for everyone, are a sensible and effective way to the change we all long for.
Love, aurora
Dear Aurora,
Thanks for this marvellous post. i agree with your views.
a friend of mine lives in sweden and he is full of compliments of swedish people and the country.
Wish you love, peace and happiness.
Trisha
Blessings to you Aurora!
It is noble work that you and your family does. I am currently living next door to an Imam, and found his family open and very loving. They came from Iraq over 9 years ago. In his family, it is that the man is head of his household, but I notice that his wife is very independent herself. It does not show at first blush. We are noticing that the breakdown in understanding cultures is that of language. When you say "sexual education", as you pointed out, they mistook for an actual demonstration. I am currently teaching my neighbor's wife of menopause as she has never heard the term or knew of what this was. Her education was lacking in this area. Her husband is elated that I am helping his wife to understand herself in a better way.
We speak at length of the story of Fatima as the month of May was an honouring to her. She was very independent and allowed rights that many women of the west are actually still fighting for. This ideal that a woman should not be educated is not within the Koran, and does not reflect in any way the teachings of Mohammad (PBUH) One wife was a General in his army, the other an Imam. Through keeping the masses uneducated, allows those minorities that are educated to interpret the Koran as the see fit, and they do so to control the masses. We saw this centuries ago with Christianity. It is nothing new.
As the people are educated, and allowed to read the Koran in the manner that calls their own heart, I do believe they will see the truth within it's holy pages. What you are encountering right now is, what I believe, the interpretation given to them by those who wanted to control them. There are many issues that need to be addressed, but knowing the Koran, and speaking with a family from Iraq, I have come to understand that there are many similarities. Much more than we realized before we met this family. I do believe that the controlling nature of the past interpreters will end, and the people will find their freedom and release in the truth of the Holy Koran. This means equality for everyone and education to the women. It takes time when a people are released from their bondage to realize that they were indeed in bondage.
There are more similarities than differences.. please focus on those,, and you will find the integration a lot easier and much more peaceful..
loving hugs..
Marylynn
dearest aurora,
yes, it will need the eagerness from inside to make that change, otherwise stretching hand wont work.
Wish you love, peace and happiness.
Trisha
Dear Trisha,
I moved to this country twenty years ago and I am still in awe at many things about the way its people think. So I agree with your friend
Lots of love to you too 
Dear Marylynn,
thank you for sharing that story. I agree that focusing on similarities is good but it isn’t necessarily always the best way, as I see it. It might easily result in a fantasy world where all is “good” about everyone’s behaviour. And that can be a ground for a lot of hidden frustration, and also for pain and confusion for the children who grow with one set of rules at home and another in school. There are innumerable instances when Muslim girls get in trouble because the two cultures are so different. If the adults are not willing to change, then the children are indeed seeing to it that cultures do integrate forming new expressions.
I think the most important thing is a commitment to always communicate in honest and fair dialogue between the cultures, a willingness on both parts to change any of one’s own outdated ways for the sake of the new generations, even if one can’t always agree on the particularities. If there is a mutual wish to evolve, then the friction can shape us as human beings and bring everyone more freedom.
If we didn’t have so much ego identification with our backgrounds we could create a perfect world with one good productive meeting
)) But as it is, we surely need time…
Thanks for the hugs
love, aurora
Great post Aurora, the Swedes are indeed among the champions of human rights and compassion. Sweden is living proof that morality, goodwill and that basic
Thoughtful Post Aurora,
Thank you. It is not as though the U.S. has no experience in integration. The U.S. has been integrating, not just assimilating Mexicans for multiple generations now. But it does take two generations to change primary language and other cultural markers, while maintaining a certain respect and adoration of ancestral ways.
I was writing three years ago that the U.S. had a moral and karmic obligation to resettle millions of Iraqis in the U.S. which would have done more for Islamic – Western relations than all the rhetoric of 1000 Obamas. Of course there are none so fearful as those who pretend to power and this is simply not going to happen. But I have to say Swedish karma ought to be the most rewarding of all the Western nations for the good work they have chosen. Let the Swedes enjoy the blessings others have forsaken.
(To multiply the following blessing, read aloud.)
Let us daily increase in: wisdom, love, gratitude, reverence, healing, peace, joy, happiness, laughter and prosperity.
Blessings X 10,
Ed
Dear Ed,
thank you, very interesting thoughts. I was thinking about the American system this morning, wondering if there is any work with refugees there. If you or anyone knows and wants to describe it a little I would be grateful.
What I know is that the USA receives immigrants, which is a different thing. It is different, because the whole context is different. I believe (might be wrong) that the USA receives mostly work immigrants- which is about the USA allowing an inflow of well educated or skilled people to enter the country, and the terms of the relationship are thus of trade (American financial opportunities in return for education and skills). The attitude of the USA is of having the right and power to dictate the terms.That is why the integration of such people looks in a totally different way. In a way, it is a business transaction where the USA is the one with most power.
But Sweden has no work immigration at all. The integration I describe is about refugees, which gives a completely different relationship and context. In this situation, Sweden has to "grow" by practicing its compassion not for the sake of gains but simply because that is what any human heart dictates, while the refugees themselves are here on a quasi- voluntary basis and have to deal not only with the trauma of war, etc, but also with having left their culture against their will. Sweden can't consider this work as a profit in any financial term, but only in human terms. And we're not talking about a small effort… I read somewhere that the tiny Swedish town S
Hi SEKP,
thank you for your answer. You seem to know a lot about Sweden, have you lived here? Yes, I agree that Swedes are rational and common sense people, which is reflected in the sensible way they manage this country. They are healthily free from a belief that someone else (an authority outside human beings) should dictate how things are run in a country, and so they can take full responsibility for how things are.
At the same time, I am glad to observe that many of the so non-religious Swedes are looking for a deeper understanding of themselves. There is a spiritual (not religious) current not related to sacred books or churches, which don’t interest most people here, but from an inquiry into one’s own deeper human nature and one’s relationship with the whole. I think the same happens in many other countries.
love, aurora
Wow, I'm really impressed regarding these facts about the Swedes. This leads me to believe that if religion wasn't such a prominent part of our society (US) more people would demonstrate their own innate goodness and common sense to conduct their lives. (I knew it). Common sense is not very common here… In many ways, religion "removes" the ability for people to think for themselves and thus leaves them power-less rather than power-full.
Gayle
Gayle, common sense uses the positive attributes of doubt, skepticisms and critical thinking as shield against charlatanism that prevails more in the United States than any other developed country in the world. Without common sense we may not recognise someone making great political and social observations but at the same time pretends to have mental powers and abilities that
Hi Aurora,
I somehow missed your response. As far as I know all refugee work in the U.S. is left to the resources of the local communities where the refugees settle. Last year, it was Somalis who overran the resources of a small town in Maine. If memory serves, there was no assistance from the federal government and minimal assistance from the state. This is not unlike taking a homeless person into our home and providing, when half of the family is against the idea.
And yes, the official immigration policy is "what's in it for us?" Not "how can we help?" We are burdened with the old world national empiricism until the New Age brings awareness to the masses. Which brings me to Gayle's comment. When the common condition is a fundamental lack of awareness we might call ignorance or sleepwalking, the common sense is typically nonsense and what we need desperately is, uncommon sense.
Let us daily increase in: wisdom, love, gratitude, reverence, healing, peace, joy, happiness, laughter and prosperity.
Blessings X 10,
Ed
Since common sense consists of, among other things, a desire for truth, reason and rationality, it is indeed uncommon, especially in religious communities, which unfortunately includes the religion of new age.
Do you believe in telekinesis? – The purported ability to move or deform inanimate objects, as metal spoons, through mental processes? The power to move something by thinking about it without the application of physical force?