Tag Archives: alyssa nobriga

Meditation: Who Am I?

Playground LoveI recently went on a silent retreat and in that experience was able to see the mind with more clarity and witness how it organizes itself. Having had no distractions, plenty of time and a deep intention, a lot was revealed that I’d love to share here and see what may resonate for you in your own investigation.

I realized most thoughts have a common detonator; they seem to point back to a “me” who is having them. The mind creates this character called “me” and then more thoughts are believed about who this person is or isn’t. Whether that’s a good me or a bad me, we seemingly imprison ourselves by buying into these beliefs about who we think we are; which are ultimately limiting and not entirely true.

There was a realization that this sense of a “me” or “ego” maintains the illusion of itself by believing stories based off the past or future. It needs the mind to sustain itself; it also needs time, which is only in the mind. It can be quite powerful to notice what is actually here when you’re not referencing a past or projecting a future…to deeply and intimately discover this moment.

I was able to see that every story the mind tells is only appearing now. Even if the story is about the future like, “This is going to take forever!” it’s just one thought appearing now. In this same way, any story about who I think I am is also just one story appearing now. All it takes is seeing through the thought appearing in this moment to wake up from this sense of a separate self.

As soon as we identify as a separate character, there is this sense of incompleteness or lack that will always look to to fill itself: to be, do or have more by searching somewhere other than here. This search will never end for the separate character because in identifying with a limited version of ourselves we mask our innate completeness. In a way this search is a deeper calling back home to our true Selves.

When we stop to truly investigate what’s here in this moment, you may notice something more magical and ordinary than you ever thought.

What if it was never about more in the future: our careers, ourselves, our relationships? What if this whole search was what actually maintained this sense of separation and kept us away from the realization of a deeper truth?

Instead of using more words and thoughts to point to a deeper experience, I have created a guided meditation to slow this process down so you can inquire and find out for yourself. When you have a few minutes of uninterrupted time, I invite you to sit in silence, watch this video and discover what is true now.

Many blessings,

Alyssa

Are You Trying To Find Your Purpose?

Enjoying the sunHas trying to find your purpose ever stressed you out? Do you feel some sort of pressure to make something meaningful with your life? In the past, when I heard people talk about their purpose, I would feel stressed and believed I was supposed to be doing something different or more with my life.

I thought that I needed to be clear about what that purpose looked like in the physical world. I then realized that by searching for this clarity, I was missing the life that was actually given to me as this present moment. I realized I had been missing the opportunity to express what was most important to me while I was searching.

What if it’s not as complicated as the mind makes it out to be? What if in the larger picture, what you’re doing is not as important as how you are being while you are doing it and the quality of energy you are putting out into the Uni-verse?

We are all hooked up differently to feel alive and sometimes it’s just about paying attention to what already lights us up. One thing that has helped me get clarity around this, and that I often recommend to clients, is having what I call a Joy Journal. It consists of taking some time every night to simply write down your favorite part of that day: this could be connecting with a coworker on a break, teaching a child how to ride a bike, or even being in nature or with animals.

Over time I was able to become more aware of the themes that spoke to me and I consciously created a job that brings in those elements and that feels aligned with my values. I knew I enjoyed connecting authentically with people, creating environments where people could more deeply discover who they are and ask meaningful questions.  I loved being a part of an inspiring community, and I knew I loved Bali.

So… I created a Wellness Retreat to Bali and over the last four years have been leading groups there on an immersion retreat where we do yoga, daily meditation, we get massages, eat raw food, get inspired by each other and also express our creativity. At the heart of these activities I could see that what I truly value is consciousness work, genuine relationships and supporting people. It’s no surprise that I also work as a psychotherapist because these qualities are expressed in that work as well.

It’s not that my purpose is my work, but my work supports me in expressing what I hold as most important to me. The invitation is to first clarify what you truly value. If at the heart of things you hold important in life is love, then discover how love expresses itself in your life moment-to-moment, person to person. Or if what you really value is service, then simply asking yourself everywhere you go, “How can I best serve here?” is a way of embodying your purpose. Then watch as life unfolds by honoring what is truly in your heart.

You can trust that the intelligence that holds the stars and the galaxies in the Uni-verse is also orchestrating your life… you can rest in that. A flower doesn’t know where it is going or its ultimate purpose, and yet it still blooms… something in it knows.

Goals are fine, and if you already have clarity about a specific expression your life is taking, then follow that, assuming it’s aligned with your heart. Just don’t get lost in the goal, thinking that getting “there” will somehow deeply satisfy you. It’s easy to have the end in mind or believe you have a purpose and then lose sight of the other 90% of your life, brushing your teeth, driving to work, meeting people at the grocery store, etc. This 90% is as much a part of life as the other 10%. By mentally living in the future, we miss out on the opportunity to express what we truly value now.

Often what we actually deeply yearn for is the creativity and spontaneity that arises out of the present moment. I invite you to enjoy this discovery as you let go of the stressful ideas about how you believe life should be, and experience the fullness of following what you truly value in your heart moment-to-moment.

“We can do no great things, only small things with great love.”  ~ Mother Teresa

Are You In Relationship With Your Partner’s Potential?

3 Ways to Keep the Love Flame BurningDid you get into your relationship thinking you could “fix” those few things that you didn’t like about your partner? Do you find yourself seeing your partner as they could be and miss who they actually are? Do you feel they aren’t living into their potential or do you compare them to your idealized version of them?

This kind of behavior can be really toxic in relationships, and I have found many of my clients bring this up, so I thought I’d share some points of insight for you to consider:

People can usually feel when you don’t fully accept them as they are. On the other hand, being with someone who is in full acceptance of who you are is one of the most healing things we can offer one another.

“But if I accept them as they are then they’ll never change” our minds tend to say. What I have found is quite the opposite. As we come into relationship with the one we are actually with, not an image of who we want them to be, a deeper experience of connection is available. Coming from this place of acceptance first, we are available to make more effective changes in the relationship (if we still want change that is) because we are neutral within ourselves and move from a place of wholeness.

There are going to be things that work for you in the relationship and other things that don’t. I’m not suggesting you to be a doormat and ignore what’s true for you. I’m inviting a different approach that may actually be more successful and fulfilling.

What if you were able to actually meet your partner with full acceptance of where things are for the both of you right now? In that intimate connection of fully accepting how they are, how you are, and where the relationship is, from here see if there are still things you want to share or not.

I don’t mean to fake this acceptance because that’s also felt and won’t offer true healing. I am speaking of an acceptance that arises out of our humility to truly recognize that we don’t know that it would be better if they only changed. These judgments are an opportunity to use the relationship as a teacher. To learn about yourself through it by recognizing your partner as your own mirror and looking at what unresolved material this situation is pointing at within yourself. What part of yourself are you not fully accepting? Is there a part of you that you have denied, repressed, or not owned?

As long as we’re trying to make our partner into something different, we’re in relationship with an image of who we want them to be, continuously getting disappointed and never truly meeting one another.

What if for a moment you met your partner with complete and authentic acceptance? Without necessarily sharing with them that you’re trying this out, see what happens in him or her when you shift the way you see them inside yourself. Instead of thinking of ways to change them, see if you can discover who they are beyond your stories about them, as if you’ve just met them for the first time in this very moment. See if you can stay in a space of discovery, of wonder.

What is it like to fully and intimately be with them as they are now? See if you can notice what opens up…

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” -Carl Rogers

Enjoy the discovery.

* * *

 Alyssa is offering intent readers:
50% Off Couples Counseling Consultation (California only) as well as
$100 Off her upcoming Bali Wellness Retreat
Please email Connect@AlyssaNobriga.com to learn more

You Are The Love You Are Looking For

Self-love“What you are looking for, is what is looking.”  – St. Francis of Assisi

You will never get the love you truly yearn for from your partner. They may evoke a sense of love within you but that evoking happens within YOU. They never gave it to you; it was there prior to them and it is here when they are not present. It has nothing to do with another; it is simply a projection of yourself.

Let’s try something for a moment, bring into your awareness the person you have felt the most loved and cared by, really allow yourself to feel that for a moment. Notice that even though they aren’t here you can still feel this love. That’s because it is contained within you. It is you. It’s not separate.

Thoughts like, “I want them to love me” keep you from the awareness of the love that is here already, the love that you are.  So many of us get blinded by believing thoughts about who we think we are, and then we loose sight of our true essence. When these thoughts like “I need more love” are believed, we feel incomplete, and then the mind starts searching for this completion in the world.

Some people search in relationships, others in food, money, drugs but regardless, they all boil down to the same misunderstanding, that who you are is not whole already. This core misunderstanding creates our suffering, a sense of incompleteness, and then the mind believes its fulfillment is gained in life.

If you are looking for this love to be filled by another it will never be enough. As soon as the search is outside yourself you move away from the awareness that love is what you are already. Even if you were to “find love” it could only be temporarily satisfying and could never deeply offer you what you yearn for because you are still moving from this core misunderstanding.

We often avoid being with this sense of incompleteness; fear of not being enough, and the search for it to be filled keeps us away from truly arriving where we are. This fear seems so much bigger than it is. In reality it’s only a thought in the mind that tricks you into believing that you need love and results as dense energy in the body.

The ironic thing is if there is a willingness to stop and suspend the search for more, even if it’s just for a moment and truly be with what is, you can discover that even this sense of incompletion is an invitation calling us back home to ourselves.

You never needed anyone or thing to complete you. It was simply a misunderstanding, a mis-identification. Who you are IS love – just as you are now.

We become blind to this realization when we believe the thoughts that keep us on a continuous search for more.

Nothing needs to change in order for you to realize this. That’s the thing about realization, it only happens NOW. It is always a moment-to-moment invitation to discover for yourself what is true…to discover who you are beyond all the beliefs.

Notice that this love is within you. It is actually who and what you are.

There is only one…and you are it!

I welcome you home to your deepest Self.

* * *

 Alyssa is offering intent readers:
50% Off Couples Counseling Consultation (California only) as well as
$100 Off her upcoming Bali Wellness Retreat
Please email Connect@AlyssaNobriga.com to learn more

Photo credit: Loving Earth

Self-Forgiveness on the Path to Freedom

Imagine the person you love most in your life, the person you pour your time and affection into. Think about all the energy and care you put into your relationship with this person, the mistakes you’ve forgiven, the flaws you’ve come to cherish. What a gift it is to love. And what a gift for that person to be loved by you.

Now consider this… Do you love yourself as completely and effortlessly as you love this other person? Imagine having that immense reservoir of attention and care on hand at all times, available to dip into whenever you need it. In the latest episode of 30 DAYS OF INTENT on The Chopra Well, Natalie and Iman meet with counselor Alyssa Nobriga for a lesson in self-forgiveness, perhaps one of the most powerful tools of self-care.

Many think self-love is just a form of narcissism, but the purest love knows no conceit. From a spiritual perspective, loving the self communicates humility and gratitude to whatever force gives us life. From a pragmatic perspective, studies show that self-forgiveness reduces procrastination, helps us break negative habits, and promotes personal growth.

As Alyssa tells Natalie and Iman, we have at our disposal a peacefulness in our hearts that largely remains untapped day to day. It is a space of softness, free from judgement and criticism. People often describe the feeling of letting go of anger, resentment, or guilt as similar to taking a deep breath. A huge weight is lifted. In this vein, Alyssa leads them through a self-forgiveness exercise to tap into that space of peaceful self-love. Back and forth Natalie and Iman take turns saying “I forgive myself for….” And one after another layers of pain and self-anger peel away. The key is to choose healing, to choose wholeness and empathy. Feeling remorse is fine, in fact it can drive us to apologize and make amends when we’ve done wrong. But this is very different from clinging to our faults like a poison. We can decide, instead, to be our own best friend, the one whose desire and intention is perfectly aligned with our greatest good.

What would you like to forgive yourself for? With the year coming to a close, let now be the time. Try Alyssa’s exercise and let us know how it goes in the comments section below the video.

Subscribe to The Chopra Well and don’t miss the 30 DAYS OF INTENT finale next week!

 

Image courtesy of weheartit.com.

A Lesson in Love: How to Be Your Own Best Friend

In the latest episode of The Chopra Well’s 30 DAYS OF INTENT, Iman and Natalie continue their therapy sessions with counselor Alyssa Nobriga, this time focusing on the difficult path to self-love and acceptance. Iman bravely recognizes the role he played in a recent traumatic breakup, saying, “It’s hard to forgive myself.” Natalie criticizes herself for missing several key passes, which, she says, ultimately marked the end of her professional soccer career.

Both struggle with self-acceptance in the face of these regrets, a feeling to which many can probably relate. Does self-love mean loving all of it – the faults and failures, too? To echo Natalie’s words in the previous episode, “How do you love the parts of yourself that are most misbehaving?” Better just to love our friends, our family, anybody else, than to spend too much time trying to fall in love with the one person we know best… Right?

“You can’t love anyone else until you learn to love yourself.”

You have undoubtedly heard this statement or something like it before. Society is quick to dole out such pockets of wisdom, especially to young people struggling with self-esteem. But honestly, doesn’t it sound like a bit of a threat? After all, it can be easier to love outwardly rather than turn that focus inward. We know ourselves better than anyone else, will spend more time with the self than any other person in our lives. But this depth of understanding and rapport means we also have an intimate knowledge of our own faults, fears, and mistakes. Now add to that the notion that we might not be loving others as fully as we could, just for a lack of self-love, and we might start feeling guilty, too.

Reality check… Love is love. If you feel it, then it’s most likely real. So don’t worry on that front. But that doesn’t mean self-love has no place in the equation. As Deepak Chopra would probably tell you, we are all expressions of consciousness, comprised of the same possibility waves that make up the entire universe. To know the self is to know the world; and to love the self is to love all of creation. Consider the aspects of yourself you can’t stand, the ones that get in the way of total self-acceptance. Would you love your spouse or mother or child in spite of those very same faults? Might you not even love the faults, themselves, for making that special person so beautiful and unique in your eyes?

Try this exercise:

Place two chairs facing one another, and sit in one of them. Here, you are the neutral “Self,” the one you embody most of the time. Describe the difficulty you have loving yourself, as though you’re talking to a friend. Maybe there is an old wound or regret you can’t metabolize. Maybe there is some bad habit or quirk you can’t shake, or something in your physical appearance you aren’t satisfied with. Lay it all out.

Now move to the opposite chair and sit down. Here, you are the “Best Friend,” who resides within you all the time, even if you don’t always hear her voice. From the perspective as a friend, respond to what you just said in the other chair. Tell the “Self” why she is beautiful and strong and perfect in your eyes. Explain to her why these “faults” make her who she is, and why you love the whole package.

Move to the other chair again. Did you hear what the “Best Friend” said? Continue in this way back and forth between the chairs, taking on these two perspectives, until you really take in what the “Best Friend” has to say. Let us know how it goes!

Subscribe to The Chopra Well and make self-love and acceptance a daily practice.

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