Tag Archives: Closure

3 Ways to Feel Loved When Your Relationship is Ending

relationship difficultiesMost of us have been trained to believe that when a relationship ends, we lose the love of the person who we once felt so loved by. This belief is an instant misery-creating lie that is simply not true. The truth is, love is impossible to lose. Yes, you feel pain because of this breakup, but not because you’ve lost your former person’s love. You hurt because endings of any kind are sad. You hurt because you have lost the dream of what could have been. You hurt because the loss stirs up your own fears and past pains. You hurt because there is an empty space in your life that wasn’t there before, a space that you’ve been told is the loss of love, but it’s not.

The space you feel is an opening for more love to come into your life – starting with the love you have for yourself, and then expanding to include all the love that the world is just salivating to give you. Love is everywhere, when you are open to receiving it, and when you know where to look. Opening to love can be hard during a breakup, but I know no better medicine than love for mending a bruised or broken heart.

If you are interested in taking yourself off the pain train and moving into a space where you can honor your sadness and at the same time feel more love, happiness and possibility, then read on and put these three Love-Generators to work for you:

1. Tell yourself the truth. You are not losing love. You are ending a relationship.

Do yourself a BIG favor and be honest about why your relationship ended, and don’t make it about love. Love is an easy excuse when you don’t want to be real about why your breakup is necessary to stay true to the most important partner in your life … you.

Love is indestructible. It may get masked or deeply buried under feelings of anger and disappointment, but even in the most gnarly circumstances, love never disappears, it just goes into hiding.

Relationships are dynamic, they are always changing form, and sometimes in order to be happy, two people have to go their separate ways – which has nothing to do with love. Relationships end not because the love dies, but because the intimacy, trust, respect or connection fades, because the contract with each other completes, or because you each want and need different things from life. Not all relationships are meant to ‘be forever,’ if they were, you’d never meet anyone new.

Make a list of all the reasons why the ending of this relationship is GOOD for you, necessary for you to live the life you were destined to live. Then, take an act of self-love and state the reasons out loud. Self-honesty is self-love.

Know this. You are loved. Always. And that love, starts and end with you. It’s ridiculous to give the power of feeling loved away to another, when you have the power to feel loved at will inside of yourself.

2. Mourn the loss of the dream, not of the person. And remember your dream didn’t die.

We often cause ourselves more pain than needed during a breakup because we misplace our mourning energy and end up grieving more than we need. We’ve already established that the love lives on, so you can take “loss of love” off your mourning list. You can also take off ‘grieving the loss of my ex-person’ – because they are not dead, they just aren’t sleeping next to you anymore. What is dying and important to grieve is the loss of the DREAM you had for this relationship. Your hopes, intentions and co-created dreams came to a crashing halt when the choice was made to end the partnership, and the loss of those dreams is where much of the pain lies. But when you aren’t clear that’s it’s the lost dream you are mourning, you get all caught up in trying to change and control things you can’t.

So be sad. Get angry. Move into acceptance and surrender that this particular dream is gone. But don’t stay stuck there. Keep your mind out of dramatic thoughts like “My relationship is over!” or “I’ll be alone forever!” or “What if he finds someone else and loves her more?” Thoughts like these create unnecessary pain – kind of like poking your tongue into fresh dental work. Ouch! It hurts. Don’t do it.

Move your focus from what you can’t control – bringing the old dream back – and dive into what you can, reconnecting with the dream you have for your life! The ending of one dream means the beginning of another, and you still have the power to dream forward the life your heart and soul want.

When you dream yourself forward, you create more love in your life because you are telling yourself that you are worth dreaming for. And you are. Yes, the dream of your former relationship may have ended, but your dreams for yourself didn’t, so why would you give up on yourself? If you aren’t dreaming yourself forward, who will? Love yourself enough to move towards your dreams.

3. Find proof that love exists everywhere. Fill your life with love.

While you might not be receiving the oodles of physical love you once did from your former mate, he/she is not the only love source on the planet. The worst thing you can do during a breakup is starve yourself from love… that is the surest way to get your Inner Mean Girl all riled up with rants like, “You’ll never be loved again.” Which of course, is a straight up lie.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to find proof of love and fill your life with it. You live on a planet that is abundantly full of love – it’s everywhere – and it’s your job to see it, ask for it, and let it in. The more love you surround yourself with, the more love you will feel, and the easier this transition will be for you.

Here is your shopping list of love generators. Put the list up somewhere you can see it, and make sure each week you are getting your fill.

  • Connection. Connection creates love. Be with people who love you. Not to talk about ‘the relationship’ or fix you but just to be with. Walk. Snuggle. Play. Let them love on you.
  • Smiles. Show those pearly whites to anyone you can – baristas, strangers, the person sitting next to you on the bus – and when they smile back, let the love in. When they don’t – and some won’t – smile anyway and send them love. A great way to feel love is to give it.
  • Music. No sappy love songs, only inspiring, uplifting music for you. Turn it on, dance it out. This is an instant way to turn your obsessive mind off and open your heart to love. India Arie is my fave.
  • Animals and Children. Like instant shots of love, hug a puppy, look into the eyes of a baby, pet a kitty, and just feel their innocence and love permeate your cells.
  • Self-Love. Do nice things for yourself. Take yourself on dates. Do the things you love. Take a risk. Remind yourself of why you love you. Make an I-Love-ME list – 108 reasons why you love you. Keep it in your purse, and on hard days, read it to yourself. Instant love.

Orignally posted in April, 2011.

 

The Survivors of Suicide

NaseknanThis week is National Suicide Prevention Week. It is heartbreaking to think that suicide is that pervasive of a problem in our society to warrant such a week. And yet it is. Suicide takes the lives of over 30,000 Americans every year. There are twice as many deaths from suicide as there are from HIV/AIDS. It is the third leading cause of death for 15-24 year old Americans. And there are more than 800,000 attempted suicides every year.

Those are the statistics.

And then there are the stories.

Perhaps the worst thing about suicide is the pain it causes to those left behind. These people are known as the survivors. And telling our stories can help us to heal from the trauma of this experience.

When Gia Allemand, the reality television star, took her own life last month, the topic of suicide became a part of a national discussion. Gia’s distraught mother spoke with Dr. Phil about her feelings, which echo those of many survivors.

Sometimes there are warning signs. And then sometimes the incident seems to come from out of nowhere. That’s how it was when I found out that my friend Ophir had died. I remember getting a phone call from our mutual friend Curt. He was in a state of disbelief as he had just gotten the news. It took a few phone calls to figure out exactly what had happened. Ophir had committed suicide.

I knew Ophir as an extremely talented and creative composer. We worked together on several music projects. We had a close friendship and a great respect for each other. Ophir helped me bring my songs to life. When Ophir had a hernia operation, I had him stay at my home while he recovered.

I was aware that Ophir used drugs. I spoke with him about it many times, offering him alternatives, and suggestions for a more healthy way of life. But he did not want to hear it. He did not want to talk about it. He always functioned perfectly well when we were working, and he assured me that he did not have a problem. When I heard that Ophir had died, I assumed it was an accidental overdose. But there was no accident about Ophir’s death. He planned it. He put a rifle in his mouth and shot himself.

Like most people do in this situation, I started asking myself all kinds of questions. What could I have done to prevent this? Why didn’t I see this was coming? What was so terrible that he had to do this? I felt awful, not only for myself, but for his family, everyone who loved him. Suicide is such a violent act. It is terribly hurtful to everyone left behind with so many unanswerable questions. I don’t know what brought Ophir to his decision. I do know and recognize that although our relationship has changed, he is still very much a part of my life. I have the songs we wrote together on my websites. He taught me so much about music and the creative process. When certain songs come on the radio I am reminded of him, and his amazing energy, sweet smile, and sly sense of humor. His words still influence me. His music still moves me.

I know the agreement Ophir and I had was complete even before his death. There was no unfinished business between us. We learned from each other, both creatively and personally. At his funeral I met many others who felt the same way.

This was the second time that I had been affected by suicide. When I was around eleven years old, shortly after my parents’ divorce, my mother’s brother took his own life. He was a Vietnam veteran, and he became hooked on drugs while he was in the war. When he got home, he couldn’t handle normal life after seeing everything he saw in combat. His drug problem got worse, he would have hallucinations, and he overdosed to escape the pain.

I saw how this shattered my mother and grandmother. He also left behind a wife and baby daughter. It was tragic. As a child I could sense how awful this was for everyone. And now as an adult I can see how my uncle’s life mattered. Even in the short time he was with us, he brought joy to his mother and love to his family. He struggled with life, and he chose to die. But while he was here he lived, and he had the opportunities and experiences that allowed him to learn and grow. He may not have made the best choices, but they were his choices. In situations like this you have to get past the blame, and the guilt, and know that there is nothing you could have done to change the outcome. For whatever reason, this person took his own life. It is not rational, or logical, or right. But it is irreversible. And we learned by going through all of this together as a family.

Chaim Nissel, PsyD is the Director of Yeshiva University’s Counseling Center in New York City, and an expert with the American Association of Suicidology. He has this to say about coping with the loss of a loved one from suicide:

The death of a loved one by suicide has all the trappings of conventional grief plus a host of other intense, difficult, and confusing emotions. These include feelings of guilt and responsibility, anger and blame and often a disconnect with the individual who killed himself. When we lose a loved one to cancer or AIDS, we accept the reality, feel the loss, grieve, yet we don’t blame ourselves. Following a suicide, it is hard to accept the reality that the individual chose death. We feel responsible and wonder “if I had only…..” he’d be alive today. We would rather blame ourselves because it is difficult to place the responsibility where it belongs, on the individual who killed himself.

One who experiences the death of a loved one to suicide is fittingly called a “survivor.” They must now learn to cope and survive their loss. Most survivors experience anger, guilt and emotional turmoil. There is often anger at the deceased for taking their own life, it is seen as selfish, because their pain ends, but the survivor’s pain begins. Guilt over what they could have and should have done to prevent it (although if the loved one wanted to die, they would have despite your interventions). We like to think that we can control events, but when another person is in such emotional pain that they want to die, the choice to kill themselves remains their choice, despite everything that you can and did offer them.

There is still tremendous stigma and shame associated with suicide and when the fact that one died by suicide is hidden or denied, it becomes so much more difficult to come to terms with it. When we try to “cover” or pretend the death was accidental, it takes its toll on the survivors and will impact them the rest of their lives.

To help us find closure, Dr. Nissel has this advice:

  • Talk about it! Find supportive people in your life who you can share your feelings with.
  • Focus on the person’s life, and the good memories you have of the person. Know that you will never truly know why he killed himself.
  • Recognize that the person’s pain is over, now it’s time to start healing your own pain.
  • Have answers prepared for when people ask questions. This will help reduce your anxiety and emotional reactions. You can say “He took his own life” or “died by suicide” or even “he suffered a long illness.” If someone is persistent, blaming or insensitive, you can say “it is too difficult to talk about right now” and end the conversation.
  • Know that you are not responsible for your loved one’s death, in any way. Only the individual who killed himself is responsible.
  • Know that the likelihood is that the person was in such pain, for so long and now the suffering is over. 90% of those who die by suicide suffered from some form of mental illness, most commonly an affective disorder such as depression or bipolar disorder.
  • Seek resources such as professional counseling, support groups, and books.
  • Being exposed to a suicide makes you somewhat more susceptible to suicidal thinking. If you are having thoughts of killing yourself, get help immediately by contacting a local psychologist or psychiatrist. If you feel you may act on these suicidal impulses, call 911 or go to your local emergency room.

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (afsp.org) helps survivors of suicide. Actress Michelle Ray Smith, who played “Ava” on the daytime drama “Guiding Light,” talked about her father’s suicide in an interview with Soap Opera Digest magazine a few years back. She said that participating in AFSP’s “Out of the Darkness” event, an overnight 20 mile walk, helped her connect with people who had been through the same thing. “For the first time since he died – it’s been three years in September – I feel at peace.”

Talking with people, sharing our stories, is one way that we can help each other to heal.

For more information about how to find closure go to http://www.closurebook.com

Where it all started…

26 Comments Oct 18th What are the RIGHT reasons to love someone?
By Moniesa Scott
I received a very insightful message this morning.  It came on the heels of my decision to end my relationship and make a clean break from my now ex in order for me to rebuild a stronger foundation at my soul level.  In essence the writer stated that people these days love for the wrong reasons. Hmmm, what does that mean for ME, -everything always goes back to my practical application and questioning myself on my own reasons for loving another (highly analytical mind).

Surely loving another is somewhat selfishly motivated, rather we’d like to admit it or not.  Most of us would admit to having an inbuilt desire to share love, companionship and intimate moments with another woman-as in our cases. We want that because it will make us feel good.  Some of us subscribe to being incomplete with out our "better half" or  we may have been taught that we are successful to the world around us if we have a companion. We want to be able to know with all certainty there is another woman on the face of this planet that truly cares for us, and will stand by us lovingly, supportively, and willingly to walk by our side until your journey ends in death.  Or, until we make another choice-as seems to be the more popular way to go today.  Bottom line we all want someone to love and to be loved in return. Many of us are willing to go through great lengths to "find" "fall" or "be swept away" by love.

Societal, Social, and Cultural Influences:

Being single is not something that is widely supported or encouraged by our society for the most part.  I feel it’s safe to say that no matter where you are in the world this is the predominant attitude.  A constant pressure seems to loom about for love, marriage, children and if you haven’t made it to that point especially past the age of 35 many people begin to assume something is "wrong".  So in many ways I feel we are domesticated to believe that if we don’t have it, there must be something inherently wrong with ourselves, after all most of want to be considered "normal" to a certain degree- this continues to fuel our drive for love as well. Well meaning loved one admonish "Girl when are you going to have a baby" Or my personal favorite: "Don’t you think it’s about time you settle down and get married?".  The pressure can at times be intense. 

It  does seem perfectly reasonable and logical to commit and have a family.
 Again I ask though, what is the RIGHT reason to love another person. Surely, there is nothing "wrong" with any of the above reasons if that’s what you feel in your heart. What I’m afraid is happening though is that we are not as supported in SELF love and discovery as we are in loving another.  Maybe that’s what was meant.  Maybe loving another is not supposed to "fill you or complete you" maybe we are already whole.  I feel this puts loving someone else in a completely different vibration naturally. Instead of a desperate race against time, a need to please mom, grandma, dad or any other important loved one or be viewed as "successful"  in society- maybe the RIGHT reason to love someone is out of the sheer desire to share your world with another, as a full expression of self love, complete, confident, well mind and able bodied, full souled individual FIRST. Why do we subscribe to being VOID of anything? Why aren’t we taught that we ARE the love that we need and then encouraged to love from that awareness?

For myself, I decided I needed to go back to the drawling board. De-root every lie, half-truth and insidious belief of unworthiness, teaching of shame, feeling of guilt, and pitfall of fear I have at my foundation; that has repeatedly caused me to go temporarily in sane  shut down, block off, and depress my very life force energy.  I finally realized the need to commit to myself and own personal journey to self love.  Find out what’s important to me. Who/what  I am, who/what I love, becoming self-aware and eliminating the need to give energy/focus to anything other then my own self fulfillment. Yes, I’m a mother- but I’m Moniesa first.  Yes,  I wear many hats, and am responsible for much but at the end of the day when I crawl in the bed-alone- I am still ME. I am all I have. I was born alone, as when I expire it will be me alone.  I am solely responsible for my own happiness,  joy and inner peace, not my partner, kids, employer, employee’s friends or family. Certainly, they can add those things to my life, but in order to experience anything more then temporary or transitory it has to come from within. Why have I constantly expected myself to treat another better then the way I treat myself? Do I speak kind words to myself, do I think kind loving thoughts when I feel I’ve made a mistake- to error is human.  How loving am I to my own body temple? Do I honor myself with proper rest patterns? Am I making myself a priority? Do I feel proud of myself when I’ve done well or am I always seeking more, or outside validation? Am I focused on things that I desire, and grateful for the many blessing I currently have. Do I trust my own intuition?  If not I, then who?

Let us  remember there is DIVINE order in all things. I’m so grateful for this thought provoking statement! I know that my personal revelation will spiral out and serve to remind, help, heal, and encourage someone today! For this I am so grateful! So be it!

I’ll end with a quote the Universe supported me with shortly after this thought provoking exchange:  "Courage allows the successful woman to fail- and learn powerful lessons from the failure- so that in the end, she didn’t fail at all."
~Maya Angelou

 

As always, just my 2 cents! Thanks for your time- Be well 🙂
 

Got Closure? How to Move Forward Powerfully and Positively

Each of us experiences some kind of loss in this lifetime. People come and go from our lives, whether by choice or circumstance. How we cope with these events affects how we move forward, how we see the world, and how we feel about our lives.

I’m not the only person to have been through a divorce. When my first marriage ended after 17 years, I thought I handled it well. It was an amicable parting, and we maintained a friendly relationship. But then a few years later my sister’s husband died unexpectedly. My grief brought up new emotions, and I felt sad and angry and hurt as I relived the divorce in my mind. I realized through this experience that although I had moved on, I hadn’t really gotten over it; I didn’t have closure. I saw the parallels between my sister’s loss and my own, and I actively sought to come up with a formula through which we could both alleviate our pain.

Relationships take many forms: marriage, friendships, family, co-workers, classmates, lovers. Whenever two people have some kind of a connection, a relationship is established. Our energy goes into these connections, our emotions, our hopes, our human vulnerabilities. A relationship is an organism itself, and it can have a life cycle. But since relationship is a spiritual organism, it doesn’t die. It merely changes shape. The relationships we build with the people we encounter continue in spirit, in memories, and in lessons learned.

We are invested in our relationships with other people. We spend our time, and emotions, developing a kind of bond with a person. We give of ourselves, through our love, our friendship, our concern, and our efforts.

When we are faced with what seems to be the “end” of a relationship, we may feel loss, grief, anger or pain. We might even feel relief, or freedom. We may question the purpose for this change, whether it is abrupt or expected, and the necessity of it. The change may or may not be our choice, or our desire, but something we must learn to live with. The uneasiness may nag at us for years as we struggle to understand. How do we get that “closure” that our hearts and minds so desperately seek so that we can move forward with our lives?

We need to shift our perspective a little bit when it comes to relationships. In our human form, we see the illusion of death, and the ending of relationships. But what really takes place is a transformation. As we learn and grow through our relationships, our relationships evolve. We can use this evolution as an opportunity for continued growth, and for personal transformation. The pains that we feel are growing pains. However a relationship changes, whether it is a loss from physical death, a divorce, a move away, a growing up, or a falling out, we can not only survive, but thrive, knowing that everything, always, is exactly the way it is meant to be.

A Natural Law works whether we are aware of it or not. It is a principle of nature that is in effect at all times, without favoritism. Gravity is a natural law. It works the same for everyone, at all times. By being aware of gravity, we can move about more freely, with less risk of pain from falling down.

The Law of Relationship is two-fold. It says:

1) We are all connected.

2) We are here to help each other.

We are all connected in one way or another. We feel the same emotions; we share the same experiences. We are brothers and sisters on this planet. This connection bonds us, and gives us a relationship with each other. A mother in any part the world, can relate to another mother she has never seen because she knows what it means, and how it feels, to be a mother. We are all born the same way, and have to learn how to walk and talk and find our way in the world. We face challenges and heartache, no matter where we live, or how we live. Our connection cannot be broken.

With our challenges and experiences we learn and grow. Our relationships bring us many challenges and experiences, and through our relationships we learn and grow. This is how we help each other. We may not even know that we are doing it, but just by being in a person’s life, in some small way, we are contributing to the learning process, as they are contributing to ours. Our actions affect other people in ways we can’t even imagine. Even in times when we feel hurt by someone, that is an opportunity for us to learn and grow. We might not realize it in the moment, but in some strange and miraculous way, we are helping each other by going through this experience together.

Closure is different than grief. Grieving is looking back; closure is about looking ahead. We want to let go and move on. This is what closure gives us. We may have gone through the grieving process and still not have the closure we seek. The law of relationship helps us to maneuver our way through the five set process of closure: Recognition, Acceptance, Understanding, Integration, and Gratitude. When we reach a feeling of gratitude, we know we’ve come full circle to experience closure.

Closure is actually the perfect word for it. It’s more than neatly tying up loose ends. Think about life as a series of events and relationships, all linked together in some sort of artistic way, like a beautiful piece of jewelry. We can’t wear a necklace or a bracelet if the chain is just left dangling. The jewelry maker finishes off the piece by adding a clasp, one loop that kind of ties together the beginning and the end, the start and the finish, so that what we are left with is one strong continuous chain. Our closure is that clasp. Closure helps it all make sense. It turns something seemingly broken into something useful, purposeful, and lovely.

Lissa Coffey is the author of CLOSURE and the Law of Relationship: Endings as New Beginnings.  http://www.ClosureBook.com

 PHOTO: Flickr / ecstaticist

Why I Didn’t Like the Movie “It’s Complicated”

The movie “It’s Complicated” opened Christmas Day.  Given the rave reviews plastered all over full-page newspaper ads, and the fun trailer that showed promise of an actual adult comedy, I was very much looking forward to seeing it.  Meryl Streep is an amazing actress, and I have loved every movie she has ever done – until this one.

 

The biggest problem with “It’s Complicated” is the premise.  A long-married couple, divorced for ten years, has moved on with their lives.  The woman, Jane, played by Meryl Streep, runs a successful business and has good friends.  The man, Jake, played by Alec Baldwin, has remarried and is raising a child.  Their shared children are now adults, navigating the world rather successfully themselves.

And yet, one night the two get drunk and have sex.  Hilarious?  I think not.  This isn’t complicated, it’s adultery, and it’s not funny.

To make matters worse, rather than chalking up the experience to poor judgment and a bad mistake, the two continue their dalliance.  This smart businesswoman confides in her friends, who egg her on.  She seeks the advice of her therapist, and in the movie’s one truly honest moment she wonders why she has chosen to have this affair.  Jane has a long list of reasons that she has considered including revenge and loneliness.  She begs the therapist to tell her what to do, and he basically gives her permission to continue the affair, saying: “What could it hurt?”

It seems a renewed sex life has turned this once-wise woman into somewhat of an adolescent as she sneaks around, lies to her children, and convinces herself that she needs to be stoned on marijuana to have a good time.

Meanwhile, Jake is facing a kind of second mid-life crisis.  He obviously hasn’t learned from his past experiences, because he is once again the cad, the philanderer.  The child he is raising with his new wife isn’t biologically his, and he uses this as an excuse to shirk any responsibility.  He lies to both his wife and his ex-wife to get what he wants.  This man is a narcissist, and toxic to both women, although he has them blinded by his charms. 

So what could it hurt?  The woman is humiliated and almost loses a chance at real love.  The man loses the respect of his children.  The children are confused and afraid of additional pain.  The future son-in-law is put in a position where he must lie to his fiancé.  The current wife realizes she has been lied to and cheated on by the same man she is planning a family with.  The woman’s potential boyfriend gets his hopes and dreams dashed just when he’s finally opened his heart to someone.  And a little boy, who is finally bonding with his stepfather, may lose the only adult male in his life.

There may be some jokes in this movie, but it is not a comedy – it is a tragedy, a commentary about values.

What the characters in “It’s Complicated” really need, and want, is closure.  And you can’t get that by having sex with the ex.  Even after ten years of divorce there may be feelings of regret, of grievances, of sorrow and pain.  But there is a formula to get through it, and to move on in a positive and powerful way.

At the end of the movie, Jane and Jake sit and talk, inches away from each other, but miles apart.  There is a reason they were divorced in the first place.  She says it wasn’t all his fault.  He apologizes.

What these two people are really searching for from the beginning is closure.  But do they have to go through all that they go through, and hurt other people and themselves to get it?  Well, there wouldn’t be a movie if these characters didn’t mess up.  It’s the slipping on the banana peel that gets the laugh.  But in real life, the answer is no. 

Closure is a process, one that we can move through maturely and deliberately.  We can’t get closure from any other person, only from ourselves.  And once we have it, we can move forward with our lives in a positive and powerful way – and not look back.

Here’s my new book: "Closure and the Law of Relationship: Endings as New Beginnings"

 

Mystery of Past-Life Regression Group Journey

Mystery of Past-Life Regression
Healing Gathering
Date:     Saturday, November 14
Time :   1:00 pm to 5:00 pm              
Place:    Burbank, California. USA
 
Come and join our gathering for a unique experience!
 
Do you have any issues that you are unable to resolve?
Do you have a life-long fascination with a particular period in history?
Do you have a hunger for exploring past lives which is more than idle curiosity?
What is your Soul’s purpose in this life?
What did you do while in between lives?
What is your life mission in this incarnation?
Do you want to recall what you are here to fulfill?
What does your Divine Contract entail?
 
Past-Life Regression is a valuable, therapeutic tool.
 
Past-Life Regression work has the potential to allow healing and communication
to take place between our spiritual and logical self. Going back through time
assists people to remember past events that may have led to the symptom or
difficulties they are experiencing today.
 
Come and experience this four hour journey through time and space.
Uncover the possible root cause of some unresolved issues in this life time.
 
We invite you to come, learn and explore the mystery of a Past-Life Regression in a safe and secure environment, lead by Rosalba Fontanez, C. Ht.
 
This program is presented in three parts with time for journaling, questions and answers.
 
We will have an Indoor Fire Ceremony and will open Sacred Space to clear our energetic centers
Find out what your soul agreed to before incarnating
You are welcome to bring a favorite throw or afghan and a friend too! However, seating is limited.
 
Fee: $40.00 per person.
Register by Tuesday, November 3rd.  by email or by telephone to:
Rosalba Fontanez 818-823-8261   fontanezrosa@aol.com               www.rosalbafontanez.com
 
Address will be disclosed after you register.
 
Note: It is imperative that you eat a balanced meal before the retreat!

The Unsaid Reasons

Dear John-

The ending of a relationship is never easy. 

Both being the one left, or the one leaving, experience sadness and grief over the death of the "Happily Ever After" that was hoped for.  I was the one -this time- that left.  For me that death was a long slow painful one.  I understand for you it’s like someone stabbed you in the heart, quick and deadly.  My final decision, the leap, didn’t have a single cause.  I had been the proverbial frog in a pot — with the water heating up around me for along time.

You have ask my WHY?  I hear your anguish, and the confusion.  This comes from the you I don’t recognize,  the side I saw beginning to emerge and morph from the person I knew you once to be.  Those times you are bound in anger and unable to see or hear anything from me.  My protective bubble of calm serves to stand as a symbol of the distance between us.  I know it doesn’t serve you, but it is necessary to me, you have to accept that.

 That other- lighter you, would never need to ask.  He/you understood energy and intention and saw my soul was drying-up.  He would have taken great pleasure, and even joined me in my discoveries of better self-care and growth of wings. 

I don’t regret leaving the person you’ve become.  I somehow supported you in becoming complacent in your own growth, and spirit.  You would bring your turmoil to me to restore the calm, would seek your answers only from my observations and lips, allowing yourself to become blind and dumb.  My energy and environment became yours, feeding and nurturing you and you offered nothing I could value in return.  I became increasingly empty– and you didn’t care, as long as you were cared for.  For me, our life passed the "jacuzzi " stage ages ago.  It was beginning to take a toll on not just my soul but my health. When I tried to explain, you closed your ears.

I am saddened by the realization that I no longer serve a positive purpose in your life.  I so wish that you were the same person I saw.    I write these things to you, because to say them, even in a momment of silence would not benefit you right now.  I write these to me, to remind myself that I can love, and do love well.  I need to remember the necessity to love oneself first. 

So, the best I can do is let you go in peace, send you light and love.  We will both travel different paths and find  separate "Happily Ever Afters".

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