Tag Archives: codependency

Action Plan

action-plan    Today I want to do a little something together.  You’re going to need a pen and paper, because we are going to write our action plans for the day (if you’re reading this at night, go ahead and do tomorrow’s).

As a codependent, one of the things I tend to do is procrastinate.  Some things don’t seem as important, and they go to the bottom of my list.  Something as simple as doing the dishes will be left for days, because I live alone and it doesn’t bother me, so why do them?  Beyond that, I forget to do things I had planned, or I plan to do too much, and then berate myself for not getting it all accomplished.  Making an action plan has helped me remain accountable to myself for the things I want to do, and it helps me adjust my goals if I find that something stays on my plan for more than a few days.  When this happens, I look at the task, and see if I can break it into smaller, more completable goals that won’t discourage me. Continue reading


codep     When I first realized I was a codependent, one of the things that I began to understand was that I lived my life playing the victim.  Everything was always happening TO me, people were always doing harm to me, and I was completely innocent, and the list could go on forever.  I victimized myself, and I wallowed in every bad emotion I had.  Doing this made me lose sight of the good things in life.

Today, I’d like everyone to grab a pen and paper so that we can make gratitude lists.  This is one of the tools that helps me feel good about myself and my life, and it helped reframe the misery I was putting myself in. Continue reading

Being Supportive

When we are choosing the people in our lives, we like to pick ones that comfort us and support us in our times of need. Part of our relationships with these people means supporting them as well. Some of us don’t really know what it means to be supportive, and we do the best we can.

So, what does it mean to be supportive? What can we do to connect with our loved ones better, and help lift them up without any burden to ourselves? Luckily, the answer is quite simple.

Many of us are fixers – we like to solve other people’s problems, lend a hand, and make sure everyone else’s lives are running smoothly. As a fixer myself, I know that more than enough time is spent on these tasks. Living as an adult child of an alcoholic means that I am well versed in the art of fixing, whether it is cleaning up after someone, fixing their mistakes, or bailing them out of trouble when that might not be the best thing for them. Being a fixer is not a bad thing; many of us are caregivers by nature, and we genuinely do love to help out. Being a fixer just means we spend a little too much time focused on fixing others.

Unfortunately, the best intentions can sometimes go astray. We know that we are coming from a loving place or wanting to help and connect with the other person. Constantly telling them how to fix their problems, however, is not what someone wants out of a supportive friend, and we often get pushed away. Continue reading

from codependency to freedom

Are you recovering from codependency? Do you have traits of the codependent emotional system?

Recovery from co-dependency happens with Awareness, inner healing and learning to own and have your feelings.Learning what your true emotions are and how to express them is equally important.

Codependency is a trauma coping behavior system and happens when we are raised in environments that did not feel safe or emotionally nurturing. Sometimes you have to dig deep to find threads of codependency in your own life.

Here are some of the characteristics of having grown up in dysfunctional homes:

Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence

These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. Persons may experience some, most or all of these traits. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers.

Denial Patterns:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.

Low Self Esteem Patterns:
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings or behavior over
my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable person.

Compliance Patterns:
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or
others’ anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same (high level empath).
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long (may apply to contact with family of origin).
I value others’ opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid
to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others

Control Patterns:
I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of
I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how
they "truly" feel.
I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others

I am passionate about my own recovery from codependency. The earned rewards (gifts) from codependency recovery are many, and include acceptance, self-love, empowerment and becoming Whole again.

I never thought of myself as codependent. In fact, I was a very independent and adventurous young adult. But when I "stumbled upon" codependency recovery along my own healing journey, the truth and wisdom I felt in those classes brought me to a new level of understanding and healing myself. I realized that although I could stand on my own, I sometimes struggled emotionally. I had a terrible anxiety, especially in new groups of people, and in fact had great difficulty identifying my own feelings and inner boundaries within my family and beyond. A sensitive, it was easy for me to get lost in the energy and emotions of another. I was highly empathic, yes, but I found out this was also b/c there were not strong boundaries in my own dysfunctional family. What a relief! I found people who "got it", and me! And people who were working consciously on their own return to Wholeness. I finally felt a peace I cannot explain. Because it all, and by "it" I mean "I"… started to make sense.

Today: Knowing myself feels good. So does having well-established boundaries. I am more free, present and awake than ever before. I love meeting new people. And I love to share the gift with others.

I’ll sign-off today with this proverb: 

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was going to end, it became a butterfly.

Fly freely. It’s time.


It’s official – I’m published!

Break/Through is now available as an ebook on Amazon Kindle !!!

What is Break/Through?
It is my first book: A memoir introducing the human Chakra System, surviving trauma, ending my own obesity, and energy healing.

At least for the moment, if you visit Amazon.com and search for "Katie Custer" (with or w/out quotes), the first result is my book, published via Kindle. 

Not sure what Kindle is?
Kindle is an electronic device sold by Amazon – an mp3 player specifically designed for books, newspapers, magazines, etc.  If you have one, you are invited to click that link and purchase your very own copy of my first book!

Please forward this announcement to anyone you know who has a Kindle…and a three-chapter excerpt is available for free if you let me know where to email it.  🙂

Thanks for sharing in my celebratory moment!

To blessings and healing,


To learn more about the Chakra System (part of the human energy field), energy healing, and finding your purpose…

blogging about energy:  

talking about energy:

writing about energy (book #1 – memoir):

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