Tag Archives: Desire

The Power of Desire – What Do You Want?

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Desire is inescapable, and one could spend years trying to discover if human desire is a blessing of a curse. But right this minute a more practical question demands attention. How can you get what you want? Beyond the basic necessities for food, water, and shelter, which are enough to satisfy the desire to survive, human beings invent countless other desires. What we all experience is that some of our desires come true while others don’t. That seems clear enough, but in fact people approach this simple fact from very different angles. If asked, “How do you get what you want?” or an even bigger issue, “How do you make a dream come true?” people will offer answers that aren’t at all compatible: Continue reading

Set Intents Not Resolutions For 2014

Elevator2Every December, like millions of others, I set new years resolutions.

Lose 15 pounds.  Keep in touch with friends.  Exercise 5 times a week.  Start yoga. Write a book.

Jan 2nd or 3rd I usually make it to a yoga class, cramming the studio with the other newbies who have made a similar commitments.  I visit the gym, having to wait for the elliptical machine, in our normally not so crowded gym.  I shop at the local farmers market, inspired by the freshness of the fruits and vegetables and think how could I shop anywhere else?  I call a friend, feeling so happy to reconnect.  I commit to writing and am excited by the possibilities!

But, by week 3, perhaps by early February, my gym visits are down to 2, my excuses for missing the yoga class seem totally justified, and I realize the book project may just have to wait a few more months.  Alas, new years resolutions end up making me feel a bit more guilty about all the things I didn’t do, but wanted to, by mid February.

This is why I believe people should make intents, not resolutions.  I do believe there is a difference between intents and goals/resolutions.

Intents come from our soul – they are who and what we aspire for in our life.  Intentions reflect ones purpose, what gives us meaning or significance.  Intentions come from a place of mindfulness, of knowing what will give us happiness and peace.

So, an intent may be to lead a healthier, more energetic life.  To do that, we may set goals to exercise or eat better.  The intent may be to feel more connected, and one way to do that may be to reconnect with friends.  While it may be a technicality, I think when we thing about our intents, instead of just the goals, we will be more conscious and committed to taking action.

And to achieve our intentions, we need to set up an ecosystem to achieve them – giving ourselves time to be thoughtful and know what we want, creating networks of support from others, recognizing that we need to forgive ourselves for faltering, and taking deliberate action.  When we set an intent, we naturally pay attention to the situations, people and circumstances that help realize them.  In my own life, I have seen that sometimes the way I realize my intent manifests in a way that I never could have imagined.

So, for 2014 (and beyond), I’d like to invite you to set your intents now!  Spend the next week thinking about what you want in your life – what will make you feel emotionally, physically, spiritually connected next year.  Share your intents on www.intent.com and lets support one another.

I’d also like to shout out to Sports Club/LA who has been supporting this idea of intent!  As a sports club, I love the fact that they are sending this message of deeper fulfillment to their members.  Check out the photos featuring Intention on their elevator doors and they have inspiring quotes on intention inside.  Truly an honor to work with a group that is leading the way!

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Do You Fall Prey to These 4 Types of Impulse Purchases?

impulse-purchase

When we’re trying to change our buying  habits, one challenge is that marketers are so clever at enticing us into making impulse purchases.

In David Lewis’s book Impulse: Why We Do What We Do Without Knowing Why We Do It, he provides a list of the four main types of impulse buys, developed by industrial economist Hawkins Stern in 1962.

Do you recognize any of these categories in your own purchasing patterns?

1. Pure impulse buying — you make a true novelty purchase, or escape purchase, that’s very different from your typical purchasing pattern

2. Reminder impulse buying — you see an item or remember something that reminds you that you need an item

3. Suggestion impulse buying– you see a product for the first time and imagine a need for it

4. Planned impulse buying — (isn’t this label an oxymoron? oh well) you make a purchase based on price specials, coupons, etc.

Now, I know that some folks out there are my fellow under-buyers, and we have to force ourselves to make impulse purchases of the #2 sort. Even when I know I need something, I hate to buy it!

Interestingly, Lewis notes that people generally don’t consider it a mistake to make impulse purchases. Research suggests that only about 1 in 5 people regret it, and 2 out of 5 say they feel good about it. (If you don’t feel good about it, here are 5 tips to resist impulse shopping.)

If you battle impulse purchasing, what category gives you the most trouble? How do you combat it? Of course, we’re always told to shop with a list–and seeing these four categories makes it clear why that’s helpful in fighting impulsive spending.

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  • If you’re a fan of good order, you’ll be so satisfied by a visit to Things Organized Neatly on Tumblr.  Beautiful, beautiful order. One thing that has surprised me about happiness: the extent to which, for most people, outer order contributes to inner calm.
  •  I’ve heard from many real-estate agents who are giving Happier at Home to their clients. If you’d like personalized, signed “Tips for Happiness in Your New Home” cards to go with the books, or signed, personalized bookplates, request them here. But you don’t have to be a real-estate agent to ask! Ask one for yourself or for friends. (I can mail to U.S. and Canada only, alas).

Watching My Intents Come to Fruition

ColoradoBy Russell Richard

“I am reflecting upon the past year sourcing the wisdom it continues to bring, even in this late hour. I move toward the New Year with ambitious intentions for what I wish to manifest and how I wish to evolve. I am always amazed by all that happens in a year’s time and the growth that comes. Equally significant is the awareness of areas of growth requiring continued attention in the days ahead. I leave behind all that must be of 2012 and take with me all that will serve me. I welcome 2013 ready to work, grow, play, laugh, create, expand, serve, and most important of all, love genuinely and authentically.”

Those words were written in the quiet, reflective solitude of New Year’s Eve shortly before the stroke of midnight. Seven months later I find myself in awe of what can occur within a few months.

This story about intention actually begins in June of last year. I reached a point in life where I was not where I wanted to be and not sure where I wanted to go. From that place I set a very simple intention for clarity.

The first step in this process was reconnecting with a group of friends actively involved in deep psycho-spiritual work. As the saying goes, “long story short”, I ended the year not only with clarity but momentum. In the initial days of the New Year I created a list of clear goals and intentions for 2013.

An important distinction exists between the two. I view intentions as desires one seeks to manifest without evidence or knowledge of how it will or can occur; a want with no identifiable means of achieving it. Goals, in contrast, are desires we pursue with the knowledge and means to achieve them. Having experienced the power of intention in years past and having moved from confusion to clarity within a relatively short period of time, I entered this year with many desires and few identifiable means of achieving them.

With new-found clarity and direction I began writing my first book and co-created another circle of support with a specific focus on professional endeavors. I am nearly half way through writing the initial draft of the book and have an outline for a second. Educational opportunities requiring travel and significant time and expense became possible. I built a spaceship and created this blog. The spaceship I refer to is my website. Not being very tech savvy and building the site myself, I imagine building a spaceship to be comparable; perhaps easier.

I welcomed 2013 ready to work, grow, play, laugh, create, expand, serve, and love. Not even half way through the year each of these intentions have manifested in profound ways.

It is quite amazing all that occurs in a year’s time. Even more amazing is what can occur when choosing to live with intention. After completing the third chapter of my book I had something of an epiphany. I began with a simple desire for clarity and arrived at a profound realization…

Live with intention, act with humility and genuine love, surrender self will to the will of the Highest Source and experience the miraculous.

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88215dab73dc55af10dec1d4ae3f9123Russell Richard has over 15 years of clinical experience facilitating individual, couples and group therapy. His areas of expertise include recurring emotional and behavioral patterns, major life transitions, relationship and couples distress, grief and loss, anger management and resolution, men’s issues, emotional intelligence and psycho-spiritual functioning. It is Russell’s belief that we are psychological and spiritual beings, and his approach is informed by the teachings and wisdom of the worlds great spiritual traditions. His ultimate goal is to assist clients in transforming personal awareness into success-oriented action.

Is It Love or Is It Projection?

RequiebroBy Rebeca Eigen

There is something magical about the experience of “falling in love.” Psychologically it is their feeling function that gets activated when two lovers first meet. Emotions burst forth and sparks fly that ignite a passion and an unmistakable bliss. When you are with that person, you are “in heaven,” so to speak. And when you are away from them, you are longing for the next encounter. As the song says, “Suddenly life has new meaning to me,” and they are transported into the realms of the Gods (the archetypes). In our Western culture, our movies provide us plenty of examples of this experience — so much so that we all yearn for it.

We mistakenly call this love, and many find themselves searching for their other half, their “soul mate.” We believe that this is what will complete us and that this magic is what we feel to truly value another person. As you will see when you understand the nature of the “Anima” and “Animus,” this is only the beginning of an encounter with our unconscious.

It’s interesting that the word “soul” also means psyche. In the psychology of Dr. Carl G. Jung, he explains this phenomenon of projecting our Anima and Animus (the contrasexual soul images in our unconscious) onto each other. The psyche seeks wholeness, and a union of our inner opposites is what Jung called the process of individuation. When projection occurs, this process has begun as these contrasexual images are now out in the open. We will learn a lot about ourselves by the people we either extremely love or hate.

Often we will fall in love and get involved in some very unsuitable, destructive and soul-destroying relationships, but these, too, are showing us aspects of our shadow. In order to grow and be a whole person, we need to become aware of what is really happening. When someone is “into us”, we need to ask ourselves, “Is it love or is it just projection?” Two people won’t know until time gives them a chance to see who each other actually is — and this requires self-honesty and self-disclosure.

There is no other way to see these parts of us, so it’s inevitable that they will be projected. The intoxication and the intensity of the experience are clues that we are into a projection. Ordinary human beings do not evoke the instant passion that “love at first sight” evokes.

The Anima and Animus

A woman carries an image of her male counterpart that Jung called the “Animus.” This unconscious inner male is her God (soul) image that gets projected onto a man in the outer world. As inner and outer create a mirroring effect, she will know a lot about what shape her inner partner is in by the person upon whom the projection lands. The clue to knowing a projection has occurred is the feeling of intense fascination or obsession with a man whom she will feel is her ideal mate.

A man faces a similar dilemma. When a man projects his perfect God (soul) image onto a woman, she becomes the carrier of his “Anima.” His Anima acts as a muse to bridge the gap between his inner and outer worlds. She animates him from within.

When this happens to both people at the same time, we call this “falling in love.” They definitely fall. They fall into their own unconscious image as each projects part of himself or herself onto the other person evoking a feeling of fantasy and Eros. The erotic and sexual nature of the encounter is psychologically symbolic. It is each one wanting to merge with or penetrate into themselves.

As time goes on, it is inevitable that projections are going to fall off. They actually have to so that we can see who the other person actually is and relate to a real person instead of a God or Goddess (a symbiotic extension of oneself). When relationships reach this stage of familiarity, many people addicted to this kind of high start looking outside their primary marriage or partnership. Many relationships end and the alchemical process begins all over again with someone else. Some go on to marry the person with whom they feel they are “in love with,” and later become disillusioned when they realize that they have married a person who is not who they thought they were.

On the other hand, if they are both committed to their relationship, growing and becoming conscious, when the projections dissolve, there is an opportunity that arrives for both people. They can now discover and embrace their missing halves. This is not an easy task as it takes work and often involves a painful encounter with the Self. In Mysterium Coniunctionis, Jung says that an experience with the Self is always a defeat for the ego but that the death of the ego (the Self as you knew it) allows one to be reborn into one’s own wholeness as projections are taken back.

In taking back our projections, we can now see and accept our partners for who they are — not what we wanted them to be; not what we wish they would change into; not for what they can give us; but who they are. The love that can now grow between them is profound because it is REAL. Real love, unlike projection, is a willingness to see and support another person to be their own unique, separate self. This will untangle us from seeking in them the perfect parent-mirror image of ourselves, for as long as we are still seeking to be completed by another person, we will not allow them their own autonomy.

As love between them grows and expands to the entire cosmos, this kind of love gives each partner their freedom — the greatest gift of all. As the duet by Barbra Streisand and Celine Dion professes, LOVE will be the gift you give yourself.

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RebecaEigen-72-dpiRebeca Eigen, an astrologer for 25+ years and author of The Shadow Dance & the Astrological 7th House Workbook, specializes in relationships. Using your time, date, and place of birth, she uses the astrological birth chart to evoke the symbolic and help you become more aware of your total Self. Her study of the Shadow using Astrological tools has given her an invaluable awareness of the unconscious and the role it plays in the relationships that we attract into our lives. For more information, visit her Web site: www.shadowdance.com.

From Longing to Belonging

Wisdom - Seeds of LightThe great Tibetan yogi Milarepa spent many years living in isolation in a mountain cave. As part of his spiritual practice, he began to see the contents of his mind as visible projections. His inner demons of lust, passion, and aversion would appear before him as gorgeous seductive women and terrifying wrathful monsters. In face of these temptations and horrors, rather than being overwhelmed, Milarepa would sing out, “It is wonderful you came today, you should come again tomorrow … from time to time we should converse.”

Through his years of intensive training, Milarepa learns that suffering only comes from being seduced by the demons or from trying to fight them. To discover freedom in their presence, he has to experience them directly and wakefully, as they are.

In one story, Milarepa’s cave becomes filled with demons. Facing the most persistent, domineering demon in the crowd, Milarepa makes a brilliant move—he puts his head into the demon’s mouth. In that moment of full surrender, all the demons vanish. All that remains is the brilliant light of pure awareness. As Pema Chodron puts it: “When the resistance is gone, the demons are gone.”

This story of Milarepa came to mind during a retreat I was on many years ago, when I was in full resistance to what is often called a “Vipassana Romance,” or a romantic illusion or fantasy about a person that fills the mind with desires. In my eyes, these desires were like demons consuming my spiritual life, ruining my meditation retreat.

When I finally recognized the battle I was in, it occurred to me that perhaps my Vipassana Romance was not the enemy of my meditation practice after all, but a natural experience that could serve my awakening. What would it be like to greet the demon of desire, to “converse” with it as Milarepa had?

Over the next few days, each time I realized I’d been lost in one of my flights of romantic illusion, I would note it as “erotic fantasy,” and pay close attention to the sensations in my body and the emotions that were arising. No longer avoiding my immediate experience, I would find myself filled with waves of excitement, sexual arousal, fear. Now, instead of resisting these feelings as demons, I just practiced accepting them and, with some curiosity, exploring them further.

The pressing ache in my chest opened into a deep grief—grief for all the lost moments of love, moments I’d missed because I’d been too preoccupied or busy to stop and open to them. I moved back and forth between erotic passion and this profound grieving about how separate I felt from what I really longed for. When the sensations of craving or sorrow became particularly intense, I tended to become lost again, thinking about what was missing in my life, fantasizing about ways I might fulfill my longing for love.

While I didn’t judge the fantasies as “bad,” I could see how they prevented me from being in touch with my actual experience. They kept me from tender presence—the gateway to what I most deeply longed for.

Although I became less immersed in my stories, I could see I was still holding on, trying to control the charged energies moving through me. My habitual reins—tightening my body, entertaining a running commentary on what I was doing—stopped me from letting go into the intensity and hugeness of wanting.

Late one evening, as I sat meditating alone in my room, my attention moved deeper and deeper into longing until I felt as if I might explode with it’s heart-breaking urgency. Yet at the same time I knew that was exactly what I wanted—I wanted to die into longing, into communion, into love itself. At that moment I could finally let my longing be all that it was. I even invited it—“Go ahead, please. Be as full as you are.”

I was putting my head in the mouth of the demon. I was saying “Yes,” surrendering wakefully into the wilderness of sensations, surrendering into the very embrace I was longing for. Like a child finally held close in her mother’s arms, I relaxed so fully that all boundaries of body and mind dissolved.

In an instant, I felt as if my body and mind were expanding out boundlessly in all directions—a flowing, changing stream of vibration, pulsing, tingling. Nothing separated “me” from this stream. Letting go entirely into rapture, I felt as open as the universe, wildly alive and as radiant as the sun. Nothing was solid in this dazzling celebration of life energy. I knew then that this was the fullness of loving what I love.

This love is what we all long for. When we bring Radical Acceptance to the enormity of desire, allowing it to be as it is, neither resisting it nor grasping after it, the light of our awareness dissolves the wanting self into its source. We find that we are naturally and entirely in love. Nothing is apart or excluded from this living awareness.

I realized that the “one I love” was everywhere, including within me. When we don’t fixate on a single, limited object of love, we discover that the wanting self dissolves into the awareness that is love loving itself.

The Buddha taught that by being aware of desire, we free ourselves from identifying with it. With Radical Acceptance, we begin to shed the layers of shame and aversion we have built around our “deficient, wanting self.” We see through the stories we have created—stories about a self who is a victim of desire, about a self who is fighting desire, about a self who tumbles into unhealthy desires, about a self who has to have something more, something different from what is right here, right now. Radical Acceptance dissolves the glue that binds us as a small self and frees us to live from the vibrant fullness of our being.

Longing, felt fully, carries us to belonging. The more times we traverse this path—feeling the loneliness or craving, and inhabiting its immensity, the more the longing for love becomes a gateway into love itself. Our longings don’t disappear, nor does the need for others. But by opening into the well of desire, again and again, we come to trust the boundless love that is its source.

Enjoy this short video on Desire and Deep Longing:

For more information visit: www.tarabrach.com

photo by: h.koppdelaney

Deepak Chopra: 7 Keys to Manifesting Your Desires

The Law of Attraction, manifestation, vision boards… With everything we know about the Universe and consciousness, there must be some way of drawing into our lives the circumstances we desire most. And yet, if it were easy wouldn’t we all be living our ideal lives?

In this episode of “Ask Deepak” on The Chopra Well, Deepak relays the seven key principles to manifesting your desires, and the process may be as easy or as difficult as you choose to see it:

The seven principles are:

  1. See the universe as an extension of yourself
  2. Evolve through the mirror of relationship
  3. Understand that intention has infinite organizing power
  4. Free yourself from emotional turbulence
  5. Harness the masculine and the feminine in your own being
  6. Never ignore a coincidence
  7. Always stay grounded and centered in yourself

 

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Deepak Chopra: What Is The Soul?

Do you have a soul? Where is it? What’s it made of? We discuss the “soul” so often in the discourse on mindfulness, but many of us would be hard-pressed to really parse out its meaning. In this episode of “Ask Deepak” on The Chopra Well, Deepak discusses the soul’s relationship to consciousness, and how the two play out in our lives.

The soul is your core consciousness. It is the ground of your being. It has two components. One is called Jiva, which is the personalized soul that recycles through time on a cosmic journey. It is Karma, memory and desire. The conditioned soul is part of an unconditioned soul called Atman, which is part of the universal soul – Brahman. The purpose of the conditioned soul is to create the evolutionary journey to unity consciousness. We do this through being, love, creative expressions and through service. The soul is also the confluence of meaning, context, relationship and archetypal stories. The soul is the source of all our lives. It projects as the mind, the body and the universe of our experiences.

Subscribe to The Chopra Well and check out Deepak’s book, Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul!

10 Steps to Find Out What You Want

10steps

 

Now that you know what to do, click on the steps to find out how:

1. Find out who you are.
2. Choose.
3. Be present to what you are creating.
4. Do not think.
5. Believe what you say you believe.
6. Travel far.
7. Don’t lie.
8. Bring yourself up.
9. Include death into your life.
10. Go find out what you want.

 

Deepak Chopra: Is Sexual the Same as Spiritual Energy?

Sexuality tends to get a bad rep in spiritual practices, and vice versa. But are they all that different after all? In this episode of “Ask Deepak” on The Chopra Well, Deepak Chopra explores the connection these two energies share.

Sexual energy manifests itself as charm, attraction, love, infatuation, and intimacy. It is the merging of consciousness and the emergence of new life. Spiritual energy, the energy that comes from pure consciousness, is the creative energy of the universe. Without that energy we would not be alive and nothing would have life in it as life is the vitality of pure consciousness. But sexual energy is also the creative energy of the universe, and we would not survive without it. Therefore sexual energy and spiritual energy are the same.

Many wise traditions considers the peak moment of sexual energy the death of the ego. When somebody experiences intimacy and reaches orgasm, we feel vulnerable, intimate, we are defenseless, spontaneous, joyful, carefree and there is a sense of timelessness. These are the characteristics and true nature of our spirit. Living your life with this level of intimacy would allow to emerge the evolutionary impulse, the creative energy of the universe, which is your spirit.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments section below!

 

Subscribe to The Chopra Well and check out Deepak’s book, The Soul in Love!

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