How often do you get upset when someone doesn’t comply with your expectations?
How often do you get upset with yourself for not doing something better?
Look closely at your expectations of yourself and others. Think about the last time or the last person that caused you disappointment because you felt let down, hurt, angry or resentful.
Of course, we all have expectations of one another to some degree.
You expect that the waiter at a restaurant will serve you; that a dentist will work on your teeth; that your mother will love you; and that your friend will want to go to a movie with you.
But what if they don’t—what if the waiter ignores you, the dentist makes you wait an hour, your mother doesn’t make time for you one day and your friend has made other plans? Do you shrug it off, or do you get very upset?
Different situations will trigger a variety of reactions. The stronger your reaction, the more likely you are expecting too much.
Expectations, like negative emotions, are hardwired into you. They exist to signal you that you are unhappy or that something is out of balance within you or around you. Your expectations reflect a distorted representation of your deeper needs—-Your deeper needs of needing to be enough or have enough.
When you hold the fear that you are not enough or do not have enough, you will develop expectations or deep needs for others or for circumstances to help you feel better. That is why the expectations are false.
False expectations—not seeing a person or situation for who (or what) he or she really is apart from the role he or she plays—have the unwelcome side effect of putting you into your Fear Response. You are not seeing this person’s or the situation’s true qualities. Rather, you are hoping he or she (or it) will fulfill the qualities you lack in yourself. This is a setup for disillusionment and dissatisfaction and an invitation to the Fear Response to come right in.
I am not telling you that it is bad to have expectations, just to be aware of them. Your expectations and how attached you are to them is your signal of being out of balance or that your Fear Response is in active mode. Your expectations are clues that can guide you to healing your deeper needs.
Here is something you can do:
Let’s say, you find yourself getting upset over someone or something not meeting your expectations. Good. Now,
1. Slow down that active brain thinking and imagine your SHIELD or golden rays of light shining down upon you, surrounding you in unconditional love and grace, so that you can Inhale deeply and Exhale completely.
2. Listen to your needs. Ask yourself, “What is it that I really need from this situation? Is it love? Respect? Validations? Acceptance? Approval? Money?”
3. Decided to meet your own needs: Imagine the golden light is filling your body, especially your heart with whatever it is you need—love, abundance, respect, etc.
4. As you do so, repeat these words: “The support I need is here. I have all that I need.”
5. When you feel that the light has filled your heart and it is overflowing, practice The Love Circle with your breath:
Focus on the inhalation.
Breathe in deeply.
Focus on the exhalation.
Notice how much air you can take in before you feel as if
you are going to explode.
Notice how easily you let it go.
Notice how you cannot hold on to your breath even if you try.
Notice how when you exhale completely, your inhalation
Notice that there is no way to stop the cycle.
Notice how every time you let go of your breath, a new
breath of life comes in.
Focus on your chest as the breath moves in and out.
Breathe in life.
Let go, sharing it with the world.
Breathe in love.
Let go, sharing it with the world.