Tag Archives: Fear

From Intent.com: Time to follow through


You buy a brand new television and keep it in the box in your garage.
You buy plane tickets for a vacation to Bali and then never pack or go to the airport.
You get engaged and then married to a person you don’t even really like.

If you did any of those things, my hope is that the people in your life would say “hey, what’s up?” They’re trite examples, I get it, but we do it all the time with our own lives.

Everyday people are posting their intentions on Intent.com.
People are wanting support as they embark on new business ventures, lifestyle choices, or general adventures.
You can intend to change your eating habits.
You can intend to ignore fear.
You can intend to make a fresh start.
But what happens the moment after you make an intention?

Don’t ignore the other half of setting an intention which is seeing it come to fruition. What is the point of spending money on plane tickets to Bali if you never plan on getting on a plane to begin with? What is the point of wanting to conquer fear if the moment you voice that desire, you immediately forget it? Our hope is to see people empowered to live the lives they dream of. If you want to conquer fear, then our hope is that you absolutely will.

So, check this out.

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Mallika posted an intention about committing to her health.
But now what?

Does she go back to ordering fast food? Does she stay up late and wake up early?
Instead, she came back and affirmed her choice. She reminded herself of her goal.
She found support and advice from other users left as comments.
She updated us on her progress. Now, I say it was for us, but honestly, it’s just as much for her. It’s written on the stones of time (or just the internet) and she can keep moving forward while being able to see how far she’s come.

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So if you haven’t been yet, it’s time to be serious about taking the TV out of the box.
You’re breathing, so you have everything you need to get the process started.

There’s no promise it won’t be hard work.
There’s no promise it won’t mean going against your instincts for self preservation or that you won’t have to cut things out of your life, a pruning of sorts. But what is more worthwhile?

My mom always says “the time is going to pass no matter what.”
Sometimes we don’t take on challenges because it’ll take forever.
We don’t want to go back to school. We don’t want to get back in the gym.
Purely because the results will be a long way off, we don’t start.
But the time is going to pass no matter what.
Whether it’s 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years, wouldn’t you rather be on the other side of it a little (if not a lot) closer to where you dreamed?

It’s Monday, to day is a good day to follow through.

Stop Being Afraid of Change and Go with the Flow

Screen shot 2013-11-19 at 12.38.35 PMWhy is it that change gets some of us so worked up?

My mantra to my son is “change is good for me.”

I guess it’s the fear of the unknown that creates fear in us, the what if’s, I don’t know how to, what if they don’t like it/me, what if I’m not good enough?

Whether we are changing jobs, countries, homes, new schools or simply a new brand of pasta, it is still change. Some of us face it head on and others take the longest route via procrastination to get there because change can be a scary thing!

Even though I have moved countries a few times, I am still faced with that familiar pang in the inner recesses of my solar plexus! How will I find my way along that new road, what if I get lost, I don’t know how to speak that language, I feel exhausted just thinking about how my brain picks and re-picks at the same saga. At these times I try to remember Louise L Hay’s words; “It is only a thought and a thought can be changed”.

I have had to learn to face it more truthfully since having children. If I tell them “change is good for me, well then I better demonstrate it myself! Children in themselves bring remarkable change to us and in doing so teach us to observe ourselves more authentically and with more awareness. I have come to understand that it is just my fear that holds me back. One of my most well etched memories of “practicing what I preach” was at a library where they had a conservationist bring harmless snakes for the kids to see and touch. I told my son who was afraid of the snakes, “the snake won’t bite it’s a harmless brown house snake”. I then had to put my fears aside and hold the snake so that he could see that it wouldn’t bite me. So I did, and overcame my fear of them too. I have to say that some fears are easier to overcome than others and it differs from person to person.

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.” Paulo Coelho, The Devil and Miss Prym.

The easiest way to embrace the mantra “change is good for me” is to let go of your fears and your inhibitions and go with the flow of where life takes you. We have to start trusting ourselves, although it might seem difficult, trust is all about surrendering. You might find that when we are not trying to control every aspect of our lives, we invite opportunity, interesting experiences and change happens almost seamlessly, it’s as though we begin to see things more clearly, differently with less trepidation. I have come to understand that when I coined the mantra to help my son it not only served him, but it taught me to go with the flow too.

Why Sleep is Vital to Your Overall Health

sleeping-kittenBy: Ali Jan Qadir

The embrace of sleep can be one of the most coveted things a person can ask for after a long day. While the reason we need sleep as yet eludes medical science, it is inarguably necessary. Most of us have experienced the feeling of being tired and spent and then gone to sleep only to wake up completely refreshed—so where does the stress and tiredness go? Well obviously something happens while a person sleeps which alleviates the physical, emotional and mental exhaustions of a day. Even doctors sometimes recommend sleep as a remedy to slight fevers and stress induced headaches etc.

The virtues of sleep are far and wide and affect us in critical ways. How we generally function; our physical and mental productivity, well-being, and activity are all related to the hours of sleep we put ourselves through. Even Psychological health has been found to be effected by our sleeping habits.

Sleep has a restorative quality. While we sleep our body calms down to very low metabolism rate (basal metabolism rate) and general tiredness falls off us as we are weaned off a tiring agent (adenosine) produced by our brain while we are awake. Repairs also take place as muscle growth, protein synthesis etc. are speeded up. So when we wake up we feel refreshed as both our cognitive and physical function have completely recovered and we are again full of energy.

Uninterrupted sleep also hugely impacts the capacity to learn and our memories. When we sleep the new information we have acquisitioned in the hours we were awake is stabilized and consolidated and is stored as memory from which it is easy to recall when we’re awake; so sleep helps retain knowledge and hence enhances our learning process and memory: It makes us more productive—why this is, is a matter of conjecture but studies have found this to be the case, the more hours of sleep the better memory recall and learning a person can have and therefore the more productive a person can be.

Sleep also affects the cognitive brain functions, for right handed people, the right side controlled functions of the brain like reflexes expressive and receptive speech, complex verbal and mathematical skill are all profoundly affected by sleep—the more one sleeps the sharper all these functions will become, being able to perceive and express things better will definitely improve the on our social lives so that is a plus most will welcome.

Nowadays, in the internet age: with everything happening at super speeds and connectivity at an all-time high people care less about sleeping habits and a healthy sleeping routine, they caffeine up and take life late into the night while making room for only patches of sleep. Lack of sleep can cause irritability, moodiness, stress, and even depression–which basically translateto a nose dive in the quality of life. Motivation levels start to tank and this can lead to even worse problems. And all this can turn into a vicious cycle as stress and depression are known to cause insomnia, so one can get caught in a very bad place if one isn’t careful about sleeping habits: A person’s peace of mind will completely be ruined by such a turn of events.

To overcome sleeping disorders a very basic and simple answer is to start exerting yourself physically. Physical exertion causes fatigue in the muscles and increases body temperature so in turn is compensated by the brain by adding hours to deep sleep by cooling down and allowing muscles to relax, and it also helps in making one sleep faster and easier. Mental activities also help as one can try their hands at things like Sudoku or simpler still trying to use your unfavorable hand( left hand for someone who is right handed) etc.  This improves sleep regulation by the brain as its activity rate is improved. Distractions are also a source of lack of sleep which needs to be removed. But that doesn’t mean that one should tax the brain, because it needs to calm down for sleep to come. So the brain should be allowed to be in a relaxed state when a person is about to go to sleep—about a couple hours before bedtime that is. Caffeine drinks like Tea and Coffee or soft drinks, Alcohol and other such beverages should be avoided because both adversely affect sleep; caffeine is a well-known brain stimulant while Alcohol although it makes one drowsy at first ruins sleep after a couple of hours as it has slow acting stimulants. Another important thing is to correct one’s biological clock by making a steady routine for bedtime and getting up in the morning.

So by getting an ample amount of sleep on a regular basis one can avoid all the issues that may pop up from sleep deprivation and restore ones peace of mind, sleep is also a stress relieving exercise and additionally on top of it powers of rejuvenation it also increases productivity so it not only maintains one’s quality of life it actually improves on it. So while ‘early to bed, and early to rise, makes you healthy, wealthy and wise’ may be a clichéd and hackneyed phrase it is in fact a wise motto to believe in.


Ali Jan Qadir is passionate about sharing what he learns. His articles always aims to give useful advice to his readers. His writing ranges from productivity to art. He also runs a blog about sleep and beds where his questions answers like what’s the best bed for back sleepers.

6 Ways to Develop Courage

shutterstock_60280756By Dr. Sherrie Campbell

Life is challenging for us all. We are in the constant flux of change and rearranging ourselves around life to be able to go with its flow. Life is challenging us all to grow each and every day, as there is always some obstacle that will present itself to us which will create fear and anxiety. If we run away from our challenges life will continue to get harder, not necessarily because the lessons get harder, but because we are not developing the skills we need to deal with the challenges. Each challenge we face gives us the opportunity to run from it or we can choose to get deliberate about it, take it seriously and look it in the face. This is a great way to develop courage.

6 Ways to Develop Courage:

1) Set your standards:  No one can set your standards in life for you but you. Your standards reflect you state of self-love. If you love yourself you will encourage yourself to face your fears and get deliberate about growing in this life. You will not take the easy way out but rather you will choose to do the path of hard work, knowing your hard work is where the rewards of life come from.

2) Evaluate where you get lost: It is easy to get lost in life when we are feeling vulnerable, without love or are dealing with rejection. This is not a time to shrink, nor is it a time to get puffed up in your ego and behave as if you are certain when you are not. It is simply a time to get deliberate on examining the path that has led you to this current state of pain and become thoughtful about improving yourself and your skills.

3) Stand your ground: There is something deeply self-loving about standing your ground. This isn’t about being stubborn, it is about standing in truth of who you are and in what you will or will not tolerate. When you stand your ground you are making a statement of your value. You let the world know you have limits to what you are willing to accept in your life.

4) Enliven Your Worth:  Your inner world, your self-love is your place of worth. Each time you are courageous and you surpass a challenge you once feared you enliven and expand your sense of worth. Your worth has no limits as long as you are facing your fears. Each fear you face aids in you developing more trust in yourself and you become more centered and confident as a person.

5) Stay away from drama: The healthier you become the more pointed you become about staying away from drama. Drama, as you grow, will no longer fit into your standards. There simply is no room for it. You recognize that peace is much more powerful than noise.

6) Letting go:  You must learn to let go of having the need to be everything to everyone. You must get serious about loving yourself and creating a life that comes from a quiet confidence. You must let go of what you have no control over and refocus on what you can control. As you let go you learn to let each soul walk their path. When you let go you learn to have the courage to face life on your own knowing that whatever leaves your life will soon be replaced by something better and more fulfilling.

By facing challenges in life head on you will become courageous and resilient. You learn that you can take the hard road, you can succeed in the climb through your fears and vulnerabilities and you can reach the top. You see that it takes a lot of effort to climb up the mountain of fear but it takes no effort at all to fall down it and quit. If you quit or if you do not try you cannot develop courage.  To develop courage you must be deliberate.

Little Life Message:  You cannot expect anyone to take responsibility for your welfare. You must be deliberate and courageous in taking care of yourself first.


Dr. Sherrie Campbell is the author of Loving Yourself and is a licensed Psychologist with more than nineteen years of clinical training and experience. She provides practical tools to help people overcome obstacles to self-love and truly achieve an empowered life. Click here to get her free article on “Five Ways to Make Love the Common Ground in Your Communication.”   She is a featured expert on a variety of national websites and has a successful practice in Southern California. Receive free insights from Sherrie and to be involved in her Facebook community of others looking to improve their relationship. For more information visit http://www.sherriecampbellphd.com.

Celebrate Halloween to De-Stress From Your Scary Reality

fearstairsIt’s a scary world out there. For example, it’s the first year anniversary of the Nor-Easter Hurricane Sandy. Let’s count some of our collective fears: Terrorism, illness and mortality, alien invaders, zombies, vampires, ghosts, science and technology horrors, and any adult or child with a gun who has an ax to grind. Appearing counter-intuitive, Halloween can help you face your true individual fear by wearing a disguise, a mask and costume. Essentially, you can wear your biggest fear inside-out, revealing it to the world without any shame attached in order to help you confront and so, reduce its powerful hold.

In the imagination fear conjures up frightening catastrophic situations. Did you know that when imagining a terrible tragedy from which you believe you will never recover, you will be surprised how much better you can actually face it in reality and truly recover?  Adversity can make you stronger and more resilient. Turn stress into strength.

Here are 10 costumes and how they can help you to transcend your fears. When you dress up for Halloween, you tap into your sense of humor and fun which will reframe what you dread through role playing. Go ahead and get it out of your system.

* If you are afraid that you are merely surviving at work or just going through the motions in your activities of daily living, wear a zombie costume.
* Afraid of people dominating you or draining your energy? Dress up as a vampire.
* If you are worried about global terrorism, dress up as a scary political figure.
* If you believe that you are unattractive and do not like your body, dress up as Frankenstein.
* If you feel inhibited, wear a sexy outfit or dress up like a character in Fifty Shades.
* Afraid of people deceiving you and pretending to be your friends, dress up like a Stephen King clown.
* Feeling like you have lost your inner child, wear a baby costume.
* If you feel powerless, wear a law enforcement outfit.
* Scared of doctors or surgeons?  Wear a white coat with a stethoscope.
* Are you afraid of your dark side, wear a Breaking Bad costume.

And keep in mind all those Halloween goodies like candy bars and candy corn which herald the winter weight gain holiday season – how scary is this candy fest which fuels the sugar lust! Face the sweet treats and indulge a little! All you have to do is limit your allotment and exercise away the excess calories. Try dressing up in exercise clothes.

“Kill Your Darlings” and Confront Your Demons


SPOILER ALERT for those not familiar with the history of the Beat Poets (Allen Ginsberg, Jack Kerouac & William Burroughs) and the story of the Lucien Carr murder of David Kammerer. 

To be honest, the main reason I went to see Kill Your Darlings this weekend is because Arclight Hollywood was hosting a Q&A with actor Dane DeHaan (Chronicle, The Place Beyond the Pines) afterwards, and being in the same room with him would officially put me one degree away from the Hollywood love of my life – Andrew Garfield (The Social Network, The Amazing Spider-Man). 

I had seen a few of Dane’s previous movies and was always impressed by his powerful and dark performances. However, at the end of Darlings I was spellbound. The movie follows poet Allen Ginsberg (played by Daniel Radcliffe) during his freshman year at Columbia University – where he meets the rest of the beat poet generation, including the charismatic and troubled Lucien Carr (Dehaan). Together they set forth to ignite a literary revolution, but instead find themselves tangled in the web of Lucien’s identity crisis which leads to the murder of their friend and Lucien’s ex lover David Kammerer.

I had Googled the story before I went and I knew the details were horrible. The real Lucien Carr only spent two years in prison for the murder, though he stabbed David and weighed the body down with rocks before drowning him in the Hudson River. He was able to get less time because he convinced the court it was an honor killing. In 1944, if a heterosexual man kills a homosexual man making “unwanted advances” you serve a lesser time in prison. It’s disgusting and disturbing and in print there’s no sympathy for Lucien to be found.

As disturbed as I was by the circumstances of the story, Dehaan gave a performance that was haunting. I’ve been talking about the movie non-stop since I saw it. Starting with the title sequence (which you can see below) and the first time he says Allen, with his voice breaking like that, it chills to the bone. It’s only two syllables but you can hear the absolute terror in them. His life is over if Allen hands in that statement. Lucien will be forced not only to spend the rest of his life in prison but he’ll have to come to terms with who he really is – and the idea of that is so paralyzingly petrifying that he killed a man to stop it from happening.

I have absolutely no idea what it is like to be a closeted gay man, especially in the 1940s. But we are exploring fear this week on Intent, and this movie has made me think a lot about the power we give fear. Lucien is the most extreme example of what can happen if we let ourselves be controlled by fear. Even before the murder Lucien has to banish the things and people he loves most from his life because he’s scared of being honest with himself and the world (granted, coming out of the closet in 1944 was virtually impossible). But that is the great thing about movies, especially ones like this. They enable us to use the cinematic drama to examine ourselves – our flaws, our weaknesses and the state of our own human condition. Are we as deeply troubled as Lucien Carr? I very sincerely hope not, but it doesn’t mean there’s nothing to learn from him and this story.

I’ve been asking myself since Saturday night what fear do I let control me? I’m afraid that as badly as I want to be a screenwriter that I don’t have the talent or the gumption to make it. I am afraid of being alone forever. I am afraid of being rejected or finding out the people I love and respect most honestly don’t like me. And these fears have a daily impact on my life. This weekend I spent more time playing Candy Crush Saga than I did working on my screenplay treatment outline. I absolutely refuse to fill out an OkCupid profile even though I’ve read a quarter of my generation now meets their significant other online. I sulked home alone eating chocolate chip cookies instead of going to a good friend’s improv show because the group didn’t invite me to join.

By themselves these seem like small meaningless choices. Confronting these fears that I harbor is the first step in making braver choices in my life. It’s the key to embracing the good things I have around me and going after the things I desire, after my passions and after dreams.

Take a moment today and think about the choices you’ve made in the past week. Which ones have you made out of fear and which ones have you made in spite of it? Pick one of the former and find a way to change it. I’ve made a pact with myself that there will be no Candy Crush Saga until I’ve outlined at least one scene or mapped a character for my movie. I’ve made a pact with myself to no longer be held back by fear.

Kill Your Darlings was released October 16.


Photo from Tumblr. 

5 Quotes to Empower Yourself and Overcome Fear

What is fear? It’s a universal inhibitor that we all cave to at one point at another. It’s a quiet voice in the back of our heads telling us we can’t do things, that we aren’t worthy, that we aren’t loveable. It holds us back from harnessing our true potential and it convinces us to live in a cloud of negativity. Why do we give it that power? More importantly, how do we get that power back? This week Intent will be going to wage war with fear – it seems appropriate given the time of year – trying to understand it so that we can overcome it. What are you afraid of? Use these quotes to be brave and face it.


“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” – So FDR said in his first inaugural speech and it’s true with this quote as well. We often become so afraid of being afraid or making a mistake that has yet to happen that we stall ourselves.


Our most traumatizing fears are not external ones. They are the feelings inside of us about our abilities, our flaws that keep us up at night or frozen from truly living our lives.



Every obstacle is taken down by making a first step. It’s always the hardest one, but you can do it.



To really overcome your fears you have to know yourself – to trust yourself over the negative voices. Listen to the equally powerful positive voice telling you that you can do it.



Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer. To overcome your fears you have to understand them, that way you can take them apart and overcome them.

Do you have any quotes or mantras that help you over come your fear? Tell us in the comments below! And if you have a fear you want to overcome – make an intent to fight it on Intent.com.

How to Release Fear

Hi Spirit Junkies! As you probably know, I got married on Saturday! It was a magical day and a really fun party. You can check out the pics here.

Weddings can bring up a lot of old fears. Throughout the process I used my spiritual tools from A Course in Miracles to release my ancient limiting beliefs and laugh at my ego’s tiny mad ideas. The spiritual approach to fear always offers the most profound solutions. In this vlog I share with you my own process for releasing fear.

Are you plagued by fear? How do you cope with it? Share in the comments below! 

Navigate Beyond Fear by Finding Safety in the Moment

amazing-sky-amazing-sky-moon-clouds-1400x1050If you’re above the age of – let’s say six – then chances are you are well versed in life’s ability to throw a swift curve ball at the worst possible moment. Perhaps you’ve discovered what I have: at times those curve balls oddly resemble cruise missiles. When something blows up in your life and compromises your work, your love, and your beautiful plans, it’s common to want to immediately go into disaster control. And while what I’m about to share may feel counter-intuitive, in many cases, it’s the best thing you can do.


Doing nothing allows you time to process whatever emotions are coming up for you, and get clear on how you feel about your situation. If this means watching 17 episodes of Nashville in a row, eating ice cream for dinner and sobbing yourself to sleep, that’s what it means. Eventually, when you emerge from the wreckage- maybe after a day, maybe a week, or longer, you will need a plan. But often times things aren’t clear yet, and even the best options available seem terrifying or bleak at best.

In times like these, I’ve found the most effective thing to do is remind myself: I am safe in this moment.

Opposed to the gravity of whatever you may be going through, this mantra may seem ridiculously simple, but I assure you it’s your most powerful ally against fear, because 99.9% of the time it’s true.

Fear can feel very real, paralyze us, debilitate us and rob us of our happiness. To get beyond it, you may need to say this mantra ten, fifty, or one hundred times a day. But the more you say it, the more you will remember that you are actually OK, and things will begin to shift. Recognizing you are safe in the moment allows you to be the eye of the hurricane, and actually ensures your safety and well being for the future. Your vibration today dictates your tomorrows.


Focus On Love And Let Go Of The Rest

shutterstock_34411321I have friends who have been mad at their ex-spouses for more than 15 years. I have coaching clients who are still fighting with their siblings about something said when they were kids. I see people lose their cool when someone ahead of them in line takes too long. I see people cut each other off in parking lots and in line at the grocery store. It doesn’t have to be this way. Focus on love and let go of the rest.

I want to be really practical about this. I know that we should all just focus on love but in our world, how do we do this, and if we do, will we get pushed to the side?

The reason to focus on a loving response is that it is critical to developing a great and happy life. Though a great life can also mean finding our fit and living our passions and purpose, it really refers to how we show up to each of the moments of our lives. In each moment we have the choice to love, fear or fight.

To choose love, opens our hearts, which amplifies our internal energy. We see more, feel more and connect more. We bring in greater events and people into our lives. We are intrinsically happy which inspires greater happiness and opportunities. It is an upward cycle.

To choose fear or anger means we close our hearts. We find fault, complain, fight, feel like a victim and invite suffering. Closing our heart shuts down our internal energy. Life feels like a struggle; events take more effort and few seem satisfying.

The amazing thing about love, fear or anger is that we choose which emotion shows up. The events in our lives are neutral – we assign them a love or fear emotion. Good and bad things happen – we choose how we respond. We can celebrate the good and learn from the bad – both in a state of an open and loving heart. We can get stuck in a line and find a way to be happy. We can go through a painful divorce or break up and still have an open and loving heart.

We make mistakes as humans – it comes with the territory. These mistakes are for us to learn from and we learn more and faster when our heart is open and loving than when it is closed, afraid and angry. We get though our pain faster, rebuild faster and move on faster when we stay open and loving. And the opposite is true. The process is more painful and longer when we close our hearts and focus on fear or anger.

To live a great and happy life requires we see the joy and love in all of life – not just the good times. Learn from those who are intrinsically happy. Talk to them about what their lives are like and you will see that they have not been spared from hurt, tragedy, pain and disappointment. The only difference is they don’t stop loving when it happens. They open up and commit to all that comes with life.

Do I do this? I really try. Some days I do well, others not so well. And there are still some people in my life that bring up painful memories and living with an open heart and loving is more difficult. But I see it. I am present to it. And in that moment I can limit the closed heart by intentionally changing it. Like everything it takes practice. But the benefits are amazing. To be in a space of loving life instead of fighting with it creates opportunities and possibilities we never imagined.

Who and what events in your life need you to focus on love and let the rest go? How will your life be better by loving instead of fearing, fighting or suffering? It’s always a choice. Choose wisely.

Are you choosing love in your life? Share your stories in the comments below!

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