Tag Archives: fight

When to Know if Conflict Is Toxic

gloves

By Doug Noll

Unless you are living in an isolated cave, social conflict is inevitable. Our needs, interests, and desires collide with each other, getting in the way of our happiness. Conflict is not inherently bad, however. We need conflict to teach us, entertain us, and help us grow. We can probably do without Jerry Springer’s craziness, but a certain amount of conflict is healthy. On the other hand, we have also experience unhealthy conflict. When the conflict becomes chronic and repetitive, it is toxic.

Worse, emerging research shows that toxic conflict kills just as surely as cancer, heart disease, or diabetes. Recent studies reveal that frequent arguments with partners, relatives, friends or neighbors are associated with a doubling to tripling in the risk of death from any cause. We are social beings and toxic conflict apparently creates stressors that shorten our lives.

Knowing the difference between healthy, good conflict and unhealthy, toxic conflict is important information.

Here are some signs that indicate toxic conflict: Continue reading

From Intent.com: The Love of Family

Intent Anne Theresa

You’d be hard-pressed to find the perfect family if you had all the time in the world to look. Single parent, both parents, no parents.
Siblings, no siblings.
Extended family is another can of worms altogether.

As humans, we’re all in process. We’re sorting through the experiences, habits, memories of our existence and deciding what to hang on to and what to let go. Some of us are very intentional about it. You’ve seen others be destructive in their choices. At the same time, every single human you’ve ever met has a genealogy. They belong to a family whether or not they know it or choose to participate in it. Maybe your family has those people. It can be easier or harder to love someone depending on what part of the process they are presently living.

Our encouragements for living and loving amidst a tough family situation? Continue reading

Find Out What You Want – Step #7

dont-lie

 “God damn me!” I thought to myself today.

We had such a splendid fight today, Chris and I, and I was so right! Oh, I was so sure of it, too, sitting in my studio, mulling over what he said and what his problem was and how he screwed up and how he really needs to grow up!

Oh I was angry. That should have been a tip, it should have been a sign. But it was not. Because I was right.

I was right when we were having dinner, too. Not angry anymore, but still full of confidence in my judgements and assertions and, as we talked, Chris and I, the anger begun to creep back in and … and this time I noticed. I noticed that something was off. This time, when Chris asked: “why are you getting so angry?” I stopped.

I stopped. The anger rolled in my belly. It hurt. It hurt and I wanted to throw it out, to scream it, to act it. Held, contained, it clawed at my stomach, it pounded at my head, inside. But I held it, I contained it.

I did not want to, oh God I did not want to! It would have been so much easier, so infinitely easier to shield myself with righteousness, with denial, with blame and accusations.

But I held it. I contained it. And I looked.

I looked to see where it came from, why it happened, what it was.

Why? Why did I go through this pain, why did I deny myself the relief of unconsciousness? The bliss of ignorance? Honestly I don’t know.

There is no “why”. I simply must see. I simply must be aware. What is in me, what arises must be seen clearly. It must be acknowledged for what it is. It cannot be hidden. It cannot be pushed aside. It cannot be left unattended.

Why?

Because this is what I am.

Presence.

A few thoughts on what I am

Identity

            Adolescence has never been described as an easy time. Whether in the times where you were a man and a warrior or present day, when you are simply a bigger child. My adolescence was a continuous battle, looking for somewhere to fit. I watched my friends find niches, fit themselves into boxes of all shapes and sizes and they appeared happy. They would become the jock, or the artist, often taking on the assumed personality traits of that role. People swapped the act of just being for the imagined security that came with a title or classification. This is what caused me to continuously rebel throughout my high school career. People confused and blurred the process of finding oneself with the concept of cool.

Unfortunately the systems through which we all moved didn’t help either. A school of fish does not only eliminate the overly slow, the overly fast are killed off as well. This leaves a happy medium pace of mediocrity. I found that all the boxes and all the expectations being pushed in on me from all sides did not fit. I was a stubborn child. Yes, I was named an artist. Yes I was named a historian, and many other things. While I fit into the role of graphic artist or comic book artist, that held no adventure or continued personal growth. All of the traditional ways of deciding who you were fit, yet left hole.

 Defining yourself through these things didn’t make sense to me. Many great philosophers from my father to Tyler Durden have been trying to tell people for years that, “You are not your job, you are not your car, you are not your khakis…” I did not have a hard time finding who I was, now I know that I always knew.  The problem which I faced was that I did not fit any of the boxes available and even worse, I found no reason to be boxed. Society is not always pleasant when you don’t want or need their boxes. Because of my wish for community, I found myself continuing to find new boxes and try them on. Every time I found comfort in my own skin it was shattered by the continuing press of outside influence. This was often media or authority based. Whether they told me that I should be secure, or cooler, or I should move in this direction or that, it never felt right and caused me a lot of anguish. In turn I caused anguish.

Eventually I learned that they were wrong. Finding yourself does not mean a career. Nor does it mean that you must be an artist even if you have the skill, or any of their categories. I figured out what I was through knowing what I was not defined by. I am not defined by my skills, not through my interests, my style. These things are outside of me and completely based on geography and pop culture. After all, would I not be a different person if I was born in Nairobi? There is something more, something behind these superficial things. I may teach one day but I am not a teacher. I paint, yet I am not an artist. I am simply me and I can move in any direction I wish and if I wish it I may move in all directions. I am what I am, and I am without need for definition or box. I am everything, for I am capable of everything. This standpoint is very powerful. The day when everybody else realizes this as well will be a glorious day for our species.    

 

Leo’s “Fight Religion” Blog #2 – Why destroy someones faith?

Please do not get turned off by the length of this blog entry, if you are a spiritual person or just care about our society I think you will be interested in reading this.

I want to start this post by saying that I believe there is a high risk that organized religion will be the end of human existence.

I’ve been a part of this site for about a week now and I’ve already gotten into some good discussions. There are a couple of repeating questions which people ask me now and then when it comes to discussions about religion and my quest to clear the world from it. Why do I want to take peoples faith away?

-I don’t. I do not get motivation from dissing believers. My intent is to attack religion, not faith directly. It is important to seperate the two. To me, religion is the same as intellectual rape, it makes you less curious and makes it harder for you to distinguish facts from fiction. The harder you blindly believe the more you get deluded and less open for new ideas, but hang on, I will give a more detailed answer in a bit.

Another question I often get is this: Why is it a bad thing to believe in something if it can make your life better?

-First of all I don’t think its religion in itself that make religious people feel better, I think its the feeling of being part of something bigger than yourself and all the social things that come with it, we are after all social beings. I think It also is due to a false feeling of security and comfort, especially if you are experiencing rough periods in your life or having a hard time coping with the fear of death and all the uncertainties around it.

Religion is a system with certain rules you have to follow to be a part of it. It would for instance be hard to call yourself a Christian without believing in Jesus, even if you still believed in God or vice versa. If you experience things which makes you rethink certain aspects of your religion you still cannot actually change anything about it without an exhausting amount of energy spent, there are just so many obstacles in your way because of the way religion is organized. What would your religious leaders say? What would your co-believers, friends and family say? Disputing anything the holy scriptures say would most likely turn you into a victim of ridicule, at the very least they would not be very positive about it. This often results in a fear of new\different ideas and you may start to give up on critical thinking, just buying into whatever the Bible or your religious comrades are telling you. Which brings me over to another problem, preaching. When you hear something enough times it will eventually become true to you, even without anything else than the preachers word for it.

To me, faith is something quite different. Faith is the belief in something which cannot or have not yet been physically proven, like reincarnation or God. Faith, which partly consist of your imagination, has no rules, it is not organized and it does not hinder your mind in any way, on the contrary. Faith is something personal, atleast I believe it should be, based on your own perception of existence and faith is something which changes naturally with it. This is exactly why I think faith is a good thing opposed to religion, since it complements your personality instead of working against it.

 I want to continue by showing you some disturbing facts regarding our two biggest religions, Christianity and Islam:

-About 50% of all Americans believe in Creationism and that it is based on science.

-Practically all creationists think that gay individuals choose their sexuality and that it has nothing to do with biology.

-Quote from the Bible: God says all gays must die: Leviticus 20:13 "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads."

-Quote from the Qu’ran: 5:49-51 "O YOU WHO BELIEVE! DO NOT TAKE THE JEWS AND THE CHRISTIANS FOR FRIENDS; THEY ARE FRIENDS OF EACH OTHER; AND WHOEVER AMONGST YOU TAKES THEM FOR A FRIEND, THEN SURELY HE IS ONE OF THEM; SURELY ALLAH DOES NOT GUIDE THE UNJUST PEOPLE."

-The final words from the 9-11 highjackers were: "Allah is the greatest, Allah is the greatest"

 

We have come to a technological point now where our survival as a race depends on how able we are to understand the world and the people in it. I think we have overwhelming evidence that religion works against knowledge and facts. With understanding comes empathy, with empathy comes tollerance, with tollerance comes peace. This is why fighting AGAINST religion equals fighting FOR peace.

 

Please let me know your views on the matter and what you think needs to be done to overcome the problems that come with religion.

 

Kind Regards

-L

 

Leo’s “Fight Religion” Blog #1 – Hello World

Hello fellow earthlings and intenders!

I’m proud to say that I am currently having my bloginity taken away from me. Yup, this is my first blog ever and I’m really happy it’s on this site. I love this whole idea about intending and I’ve found lots of inspiration already.

I’ve noticed there is a lot of religious people on this site and I hope I am not offending you guys too much by my straight forward nature. I guess some of you, by looking at my main intent and profile, must think that I am the Devils offspring or something, but I am pretty sure I’m no more the Devils offspring than yourself. 😉 I just like to speak openly about my thoughts and I hope you will too. If anyone would like to discuss different views on religion and spirituality or what not, I’m more than happy to join in on a good discussion. I am not afraid of being challenged, in fact I want you to change my views as this often is a sign of personal growth. It’s easy to take a stance, but it usually takes far more energy and thought to change one.

Whenever I feel like it I’ll try and update this blog with thoughts and experiences around spirituality and my quest to free the world from "Organized blind faith" 🙂

Please check out my profile and my main intents comment replies for my views on some parts of life and leave a comment if you got anything on your mind!

 

Kind regards

Leo Ødegaard

Fear the Flu? Fight or Flee to Freedom!

When the media goes wild with its blend of terror and excitement over the “new flu”, if you feel a fearful knot in your stomach despite the brave declarations of control from leaders and organizations, I would like to invite you to use this opportunity to discover a new you.

What makes us fear the flu? What makes us fear anything at all?
We fear anything that seems dangerous to us and more powerful than we are. Fear comes from the perception that we are attacked by something out there potentially stronger than us. Please note: fear comes from the perception- not the reality- that we are being attacked, and that this attacker is stronger than us.
 
We all know how convincing fear can be and how automatic our reactions. Whenever we find ourselves in fear or panic, we have only two possible ways out: to run away or to fight back. I would like to show how a skilful use of any of these tendencies can quickly direct us toward freedom from our own conditioned perception and eventually to a realization of our nature as creators of reality.
 
Flee to Freedom
 
Let’s say that your tendency when you hear the word “pandemic” is to run away. You want to barricade your air passages with masks, lock yourself up in your home and close your country’s borders to anyone suspect, which from where you stand means just about anyone.
 
This is a perfect impulse! You can use this tendency to isolate yourself from the collective melodrama. Stay in your own country, home or mental space, until the chaos in your mind calms down and you start to see things more clearly. You might remember the little note you read on the WHO’s website saying that this virus is of the same type as any usual influenza. You might remember that you have had the flu many times before, and have done fine. You might remember how many people die in traffic every day without you being terrified of cars. You might realize that your mind can run away and build on any inflated image of danger, filling you with dramatic emotions and leading you to a nightmarish scenario of darkness, unless you turn on the lights and return to the facts of reality.
 
And reality is that right this moment, you are fine. The more you remember that you are fine, the better you feel. And the better you feel, the easier it is to realize that fear itself has been the attacker. As soon as you removed the fear, you started breathing deeply again, optimally nourishing every one of your healthy cells, allowing your immune system to do its job with its innate intelligence and precision,  and having the clarity of mind to make life-affirming choices at every step.
 
Fight to Freedom
 
If on the other hand your tendency in the face of fear is to fight, then you probably want to go out there and do something- take a pill, go to the doctor or address your politicians and demand that they fight with all their might. You want the situation to be declared an emergency and you want spectacular measures to be taken. You may ask for troops at the borders and more funds for scientists to get to work as soon as possible. You want everyone to do something, to fight as hard as you against this monster attacking us.
 
And here is the shortest way to balance and freedom: allow yourself to fight, but in a skilful way.
Take herbs that boost your immune system. Go to the doctor if it helps you realize that you are actually healthy right now. If humor is your strong side, don’t hesitate to distribute certificates of health to everyone you meet. Learn and apply ways to manage your stress. Put all your energy on enlightening those around you about the way our mental environment tears down or builds up our health. Ask politicians to prioritize programs educating people about their power to stay healthy.
 
After a while, you might observe how your energy has shifted from frantic fighting to joyous inspired activity. Enjoy this flow- enjoy your powerful, creative, healthy self!
 
 
This is how, with a skilful use of our natural tendencies, we can take the shortest road back to our natural state of power, well-being and freedom from the conditioned mind. Try it and you won’t ever fear your fear again.
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