Tag Archives: gratitiude

5 Tips to Deepen Intimacy in Your Relationships

innersexyDeep connections, quality relationships – the experience of feeling seen, heard and understood brings us the greatest joy in life. Here are 5 tips to deepen intimacy in any relationship – a friendship, family or love relationship.

1. Ask for Help (sooner than you want)

Our attachments and intimacy with others are bred through our vulnerabilities.

The meeting of our vulnerabilities is the sweet spot. This is where we have the ability to truly see one another. The experience of being seen and seeing is called mirroring. Psychologically, it is the bridge of intimacy and forges a strong bond (attachment) – knowing someone else will accept and be there for you, even (especially) in your weakest moments.

Take a risk of to be vulnerable and open yourself up to share from the heart. What is happening under the surface of your life and the veneer of your persona? Tell your partner if you’re sad, afraid, hurt or emotional. Practice staying authentic and articulate about your emotional state and ask for understanding, tenderness or help.

2. Let Your Partner Take the Lead

In relationships we tend focus on ourselves and assume that our needs are more important than our partners.

Flip it. Just for this month, practice allowing your partner’s needs to take priority. What if their needs are just as (or more) important than your own?

Self-abandonment is not what I am suggesting. Assuming you have healthy boundaries, attune to what your partner wants or needs. Ask them. Let your partner take the lead. Where do they want to go to dinner? Where do they want to go on vacation? What do they want to do this weekend?

This is a Buddhist/yogic concept of expanding the definition of who you are to include the ‘other’. Widening our perception of Self to include another breeds understanding and union. Instead of using a relationship or looking at our partners as a means to meet our needs – we elevate into a selfless, giving, generous approach. Much like building a successful business or any join venture, ask:

  • “How can I help you?” 
  • “How can I give more?” 
  • “What do you need and how can I serve?”

3. Set a Daily Check in with Your Partner

Set aside 10-20 min. a day to tune in to each other in full presence (no cell phones or TV, please). A great time to do this is at night. Take 10 minutes each to reflect on the day. Listen athletically to each other and offer support or feedback. When you can manage, try to go to bed at the same time, cuddle and reflect out loud – What went well? What was disappointing or frustrating? What do you intend to create for the next day?

Practice gratitude together. Get in the habit of reflecting the positive and holding each other in positive regard so you mirror back to your partner their positive attributes. Encouragement and support changes our biochemistry. Consistency in authentic connection is the glue that keeps a relationship together. Commit to a daily check in.

4. Show Up with Fresh Eyes

See your partner anew. We evolve and change constantly. Our hopes, dreams and skills shift. When we’re in relationship, it’s tempting to view our partner through an old, outdated perspective – who they were, how they acted or what they wanted before. Give your man (or woman) the space, just like a child, to shape shift, change, learn and grow. Tune into them – ask them “Where are you at today?”  “What are you feeling/wanting/dreaming of?”

Try silently observing and allowing them to show you who they are. Open your eyes and your mind. This creates more spaciousness to feel held and supported in who we are authentically – today. Let yourself be surprised. Seek to learn something NEW about your partner everyday.

5. Breed Affection

Bring more affection into your relationship. After years of listening to couples in therapy, I can tell you – it’s often (if not, usually) the smallest things that end up fracturing and eroding a relationship. Know the little things that your partner needs, wants or delights in.

  • How can you show random acts of kindness?
  • How can you be more affectionate?
  • How can you sweetly surprise them and bring a smile to their face?

Gentle touches, thinking what they might want from the grocery store or reaching out sending them a text or a note at work in support go a long way in building a foundation and reservoir of love.

Leave a comment and share – how do you deepen intimacy in relationships with those around you?

healing for my sister, exploring the journey within (a personal testimony)

My dad’s passing last year on November 10, 2009 had a monumental impact on me.  What do you do when the only person in this world who "sees" you is gone?  I felt lost, abandoned, and scared.  Despite being  blessed to have so many loving people around me, during those moments, I felt like my life had lost its purpose.  I realized that many of the things that I did and wanted to do were connected to my dad. 

 

While there was definitely a part of me that wanted to run, hide, and even die, the other part of me knew this thinking wouldn’t serve me or his memory.

 

One night, last December when I found myself screaming out my grief, a thought entered my mind, "Rosangel, you are very lucky for the 34 years, beautiful years, you shared with your father". 

 

That’s when a little voice inside my head whispered, "Be grateful."

 

This is how 1blessingaday was born (my gratitude practice on FB/Twitter).

 

When I visited Haiti after the earthquake in February and witnessed how people were living, it did something to me as well.  Seeing their extreme living conditions, all the destruction, witnessing people fight for a bag of rice, or standing in line on a very hot day for a bucket of water was a very humbling experience.  I witnessed a resilience I rarely see back home.

 

During that time, I was Line Producing MTV’s Teen Cribs Series Season 1 & 2 which consisted of 60 episodes that were produced within an 8 month period.  I was also in PTP training at the Institute of Integrative Nutrition.  Talk about trying to "do it all".  It didn’t work. The result was a fatigued Rosangel.  All the years of living life running, multi-tasking, worrying about others, money, relationships, going on very little rest, not focusing on my body, my mind, or my spirit, with grief as the cherry on top, lead me to a very scary moment.  It happened one Saturday night this past May.

 

That night I found myself looking death right in the eye.  My chest was bothering me.  My mind and my spirit felt weak. My body was screaming it couldn’t take anymore.  I felt like my light was about to dim for good.  As I stood in the middle of my kitchen with my right hand on my heart, I asked myself, "If these are my final moments, how should I spend them?"  The answer was simple, I would spend it with me, being silent and being grateful for all of those people and experiences, good or bad life has shared with me.  I wrote a letter to a loved one, took a slow hot shower. I prepared myself to rest. Took a deep breath, said my prayers, and met my sleep with peace. 

 

Thankfully, I am not dead, or else I wouldn’t be writing this. 😉 

 

But it took this profound experience for me to understand the meaning of my life and its purpose.

 

My favorite quote these days encapsulates it all, "Having spent the better part of my life trying either to relive the past or experience the future before it arrives, I have come to believe that in between these two extremes is peace." ~Author Unknown

 

Experiences like these have life changing effects and this has helped shaped my vision for my business called "healing for my sister", exploring the journey within… Holistic Health Coaching.  My intention is to guide people towards creating a life of balance using a holistic approach, such services include Gratitude Coaching, Life Coaching, Spiritual Coaching, and Nutritional Wellness. 

 

I am really excited and look forward to walking side by side on this journey with you.

 

 

peace, love, light & bendiciones,

 

 

"Slowing down has changed my life, living in gratitude has set me free".

Rosangel

(angels angel)

 

Constant Transition From Young to Old

Oh wait…this is supposed to be an inspiring blog. Oh well! Today is another day closer to the end of my life but that doesn’t mean I have to ponder my eventual doom, does it?Coffin

Lately, every time I look in the mirror I am met with the reminder that my body is in constant transition from young to old. What is the reminder you ask? Well, my curious midlifer, I’ll tell ya! It’s the unbelievable explosion of gray hair in my 5 o’clock shadow and on my chest that seems to have been unleashed by the gods all within the past few months.

Is this a reminder that I’m getting older? Sure.  But it can also be a reminder that I am HERE NOW! It can be a reminder to be grateful for the body that has been gifted to me. I say…"thank you, whoever, for this body that allows me to experience this life perfectly."

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