Tag Archives: limiting beliefs

Grow Beyond Your Self-Imposed Limitations and Thrive!


By Jay Forte

Walking through the neighborhood the other day, a dog came running off the front porch and ran right to the edge of the property. He stopped obviously aware of some special force field that marked his perimeter. I could see the sign for the invisible fence – that signal that is sent out to help dogs know their boundaries.

This got me thinking. We each have an “invisible fence” – we call it our limits. We know when we get close to the limits because something emotional, painful, fearful or otherwise intense and emotional surfaces. We then treat that feeling as a limit – a place we stay away from. But little do we know that if we push past that spot, we would see that it creates an entirely new area for us to be part of – larger, grander and greater than we ever knew existed because we have been limited by our invisible fence.

So what creates our fences? It is our life experiences – the events, conversations, school, traditions and beliefs that have created who we are at this exact moment. But none of these have to be true – they are just what we think are true. Like the dog with the collar that is afraid of the potential for shock, we stay away from things that we think, based on our assumptions, interpretations or limiting beliefs, will hurt or scare us.

What if instead we saw our world without fences – invisible or otherwise? What if we were to start to see that we have unlimited potential instead of being limited?

I truly believe we have the ability to be extraordinary in some things in life – things that we have previously told ourselves we shouldn’t even try, shouldn’t expect, or won’t succeed at. We are each gifted with unique talents, strengths and passions that allow us to be amazing at some things. To discover our areas of greatness, we must walk to our “fences” to see that there is no charge, no hurt – just some fear; in most cases we simply had a story about how it would be.

I was told how anxiety-provoking public speaking is. In fact, the story we tell ourselves is that we fear speaking in front of others more than death. So we perpetuate the “fence” – speaking is frightening. I truly felt that through all my years in school until I had to speak to my class. I loved it. It was easy for me. I understand that for some people it may be difficult but how do we know if we are afraid to approach our fences – our limits – and see whether they are true or imagined? Most of our fences we can move past – we just need to muster the courage to try.

A full and great life is about moving past our fences – our self-imposed limits. We start life with few if any fears; we then learn them as we move though life. Instead of trying things and pushing our limits, we learn to clearly define our limits, and once established, not challenge them. It may show as being raised in one particular faith and being afraid to quest for greater wisdom by investigating others. Or, that we are told that our tradition is to celebrate a holiday in a particular way, and we continue it year after year without ever trying something new. Or, we work in jobs that we don’t really like but are afraid to try our own business or work in roles that we are passionate about. We build fences to protect ourselves from the unknown. And the result is they limit how great our lives can be.

What a joy it is to run free in life – to be able to go in all directions – to try things out, examine life, and see what amplifies our spirits. Thirty-five percent of Americans openly admit that they never live their potential; they have built the fences that keep their lives small. They don’t run free. They worry. They fear. They think that coloring in the lines and living within the fences is the way to do life. That is actually more of a formula to miss out on life.

Just for today, challenge your fences. Most of them are imaginary. And instead of seeing fear, see your life without fences – without limitations – living your potential – changing your world. Then, with courage, inspire others to move past their fences.

7 Ways to Let Go and Watch Your Life Flourish

if it makes you fly...

By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning. -Lao Tzu

So often we think we need more to be happy, when in actuality we just need to let go of limiting beliefs and erroneous understandings. The following are 7 things you can let go of right now that are part of my continual practice, which I know yield significant results!

1. Let go of living your life for your parents.

From a very young age we seek approval and acceptance from our parents because generally we’d be rewarded if we did what they pleased. As we grow the stakes become higher. If we aren’t careful we end up living our entire lives by our parents expectations without ever understanding what it truly means to be ourselves. Performance is exhausting, and when you are performing you are out of affinity with yourself. Authentic people are happy because life becomes an effortless expression of who they are. Let go of what your parents want for you, and unapologetically be your authentic self.

2. Let go of negativity.

Every single word that leaves your lips has an energy vibration attached to it, and what you put out to the universe comes back to you. We unconsciously complain about insignificant things like the weather, traffic, a plane delay, with no understanding we humans are gigantic energy systems generating a vibration that serves as a magnet drawing things of matching frequency to us. Life is in your mind. Detox yourself from your negative talk, and watch your perspective of the world around you change.

3. Let go of the need be right.

It seems like “being right” has a dynamo PR team spinning the virtues of being right, with promises of love, riches and security in heaping measures to the extent that the idea of being wrong has become so horribly unacceptable. The reality is the need to constantly be right is an external sign that something is very not right on the inside. The need to be stubbornly right is an attempt to control things, which stems from deep fear and non-trust of you. The next time you find yourself going toe-to-toe with someone ask yourself, do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?

4. Let go of judgments.

Judgments are the killer of creativity, and consciousness, yet we judge all the time. We have a very finite understanding of what is right or wrong and we criticize and judge people for being different, and ourselves for not being good enough. If we can take a step back and recognize that 99%of people simply operating off the information they’ve been given, we grow into greater compassion and acceptance. It doesn’t mean we have to agree with them, it just means we see the bigger picture. After all, with all the diverse displays of creation, destruction, action and reaction on planet – as messed up as it seems sometimes – we’re all just trying to be OK. Let go of your judgments, and discover how much happier you’ll be.

5. Let go of your excuses.

I wasted years of my life with excuses! “It’s not the right time, I need some training, I’m not sure…blah, blah, blah.”

Excuses are nothing more than fear of failure. The most effective way I know to neutralize these fears is to simply be the beginner. The moment is NOW. Set a photo directive and start before you’re ready! You and your trusty pal, Google, can figure it out together. There is boldness in action, and when you take action it’s like sending a flare signal to the universe attracting all that you need right to you! Get going!

6. Let go of the past.

The past. Everyone’s got one. Sometimes we run from it and other times we glorify it, but either way it’s like dead weight shackled to our leg. It happened; it hurt, but now what are you going to do about it? You have a choice. When we stay resentful and focused to the past, we carry a victim (poor me) vibration that makes it very difficult to create what we want. When we let go of it and recognize that every single past event led us to here, where we are gaining consciousness to create a life of our dreams, we vibrate in gratitude – which is a spiritual superpower. Let go and claim your power!

7. Let go of externalizing your love.

This is tricky business, my friends, and one I can’t claim to have completely figured out yet. However I know from the spiritual teachers with whom I personally work that it is possible, and they are exponentially happier because of it. To externalize our love means we’ve made something outside of ourselves the reason for our happiness, and therefore we’ve become dependent on it. This dependency on externals is bound to create unhappiness, because nothing in life is constant and things – whether we want them to or not – will change. To let go of this means if our love, dog, home, money, etc. were to disappear, we would still be OK. It means understanding the true source of love and security comes from within, and is not dependent on that which is external to us. This is the unshakable belief to which I am inching closer, but let’s face it…still have quite a ways to go!

Tara Brach: Loosening the Grip of Core and Limiting Beliefs

I’ve gotten free of that ignorant fist that was pinching and twisting my secret self.
The universe and the light of the stars come through me.
— Rumi

Our core beliefs are often based on our earliest and most potent fears—we construct our strongest assumptions and conclusions about life from them. This conditioning is in service of survival. Our brains are designed to anticipate the future based on the past; if something bad happened once, it can happen again.

Our brains are also biased to encode most strongly the memories of experiences that are accompanied by feelings of endangerment. This is why even a few failures can instill feelings of helplessness and deficiency, which many later successes may not be able to undo. As the saying goes, “Our memories are Velcro for painful experiences and Teflon for pleasant ones!” We are very inclined toward building our core beliefs out of experiences of hurt and fear, and holding on to them (and the underlying fears) for dear life.

Imagine that you are a child trying to get your mother’s attention: You want her to look at your drawing, to get you a drink, to play a game with you. While she sometimes responds to your needs, at other times she explodes in anger at being disturbed. She yells at you to leave her alone and threatens to spank you.

Years later, you may not remember most of these incidents, but your brain registered her anger and rejection, and your hurt and fear. Over time, these encoded memories may constellate into negative beliefs about yourself and what you can expect from others: “I’m too needy . . . people won’t love me”; “If I bother someone, I’ll get punished”; or “Nobody really wants to spend time with me.”

The greater the degree of early life stress or trauma, the greater the conditioning, and the greater the likelihood of deeply entrenched fear-based beliefs. If you grew up in a war zone, your survival fears would ensure that you automatically distinguish between “us” and “them,” and you would easily classify “them” as bad and dangerous. If you were sexually abused as a child, any intimacy might seem dangerous, a setup for abuse. Alternately, you might be drawn to aggressive and domineering people, because the connection feels so familiar or even “safe.”

If you are an African American male, you might believe that you will be seen as inferior, held back no matter how hard you try, or unfairly targeted as a criminal. If you were poor and went hungry, you might believe that there will never be enough, that you will never be secure, no matter how rich you become.

Although they’re rooted in the past, our core beliefs feel current and true. The thoughts and feelings associated with them filter our experience of what is happening right now, and they prime us to respond in a certain way.

The Buddha taught that if your mind is captured by the fear and misunderstanding of limiting beliefs, “trouble will follow you as the wheel follows the ox that draws the cart.” Traditional translations of Buddhist texts speak of the mind as “impure,” but this can be understood as “distorted,” “colored,” or “tainted.” As the Buddha put it, “With our thoughts we make the world.”

If we pay close attention, we can see how our beliefs about ourselves and the world give rise to the very behaviors and events that confirm them. If you believe that nobody will like you, you’ll behave in ways that broadcast your insecurities. When people pull away, your sense of rejection will confirm your belief. If you believe that others are waiting to attack or criticize you, you’ll probably act defensive or aggressive. Then when people push back, your fears will be justified.

We loosen the grip of these beliefs by training ourselves to recognize the fear-thinking in our minds.  In the moments of mindfully noting fear thoughts (you can mentally whisper “fear-thinking”) there is a little space between us and our beliefs. This space gives us the opportunity to discover that the thoughts and underlying beliefs are “real but not true.”  They are real- they are appearing, they come with a very real and painful experience of fear or hurt or shame in our bodies.  But they are interpretations of reality, mental images and sound-bites we have produced that represent the world and entrap us in a confining trance. They are not truth itself.

If, rather than subscribing to beliefs as truth we can connect with the actuality of our present moment experience, we directly weaken this trance. We take refuge in presence by moving our attention from thoughts to the felt sense of our body’s experience. As we rest our attention in our moment to moment experience, our aliveness, intelligence and innate compassion naturally shine through.  Each time we move in this way from fear thoughts to our embodied experience, we are increasingly able to see past the confining stories we tell ourselves about our own unworthiness, badness, unlovableness.  They are real but not true.  With practice, the veil of beliefs that has confined our lives dissolves and our trust in our true nature guides us in living and loving fully.

Adapted from True Refuge (on sale January 2013)

For more information: www.tarabrach.com

You Have the Power To Change Your Life

 “You have the power to change your life. You have the power to change the world. 


You can take action, you can make a difference, and you can respond in a positive, creative way to any situation. You can do whatever must be done to live the life of your dreams.


Yet in order to do so you must first believe that you can.


In order to do so you must let go of the limiting beliefs you use to hold yourself back.


Each limiting belief you have is nothing more than a thought that lives in your mind. It is a thought that has power only as long as you continue to hold on to it.


What do you believe you cannot do? Though it may be a comfortable and familiar part of your life, that belief is constantly working against you.


Just as you have chosen to hold that limiting belief, you can choose to let it go. One by one, let go of your limiting beliefs, and free yourself to make the very most of every moment.”


Steve Farrell

Humanity’s Team World Wide Coordinating Director



The importance of the whole

 I have not written in quite some time. Even when I wrote consecutively I never perfected the art form. I never gained style and perfect grammar, my literary prowess is limited to the fantasy stories I wrote as a preteen wishing for adventures of his own. 

   My father explained to me when I was younger the importance of understanding things as a whole and the futility of taking things apart to understand them. He used the example of an a man who wished to understand architecture, this man had no teacher but books and a will to do so. This is often enough, the only problem was that he chose a path of deconstruction to understand. He saw a building and noticed that it was made of brick. So he studied bricks in all the wonder and glory and then broke it down even farther. Sand, this self made scholar understood sand quite well by the end of his studies, yet he was no closer to understanding architecture. 

   As we know it’s kind of a foolish example but it does the job. There is merit to understanding the building blocks, the only problem is that we often forget about the whole as we search farther and farther down. In my studies of hypnotism and meditation, qi (chi) and qi kung, kung fu and a variety of other things I’ve realized that you can learn things and understand them much faster if you can put things together. 

   In this I mean being able to discern the kernels of truth in every system, separating them from their respective whole and combining them with all the other kernels of truth you have found in your life.  Take for example life. Life is a crap shoot sometimes. Even when you are on the right road, life will throw the unexpected at you. For this you have to be flexible and flow. After all water very rarely loses a battle. It flows and molds to the situation, it always finds the path of least resistance. If you live your life like water, you will most likely be extremely adaptable and very few things will be able to throw you. This is true for life, love, work, play, combat, everything that I’ve ever experienced has had this truth to it.  This would be one of the afore mentioned kernels of truth. 


   The ability to adapt is beneficial. Truth. These kernels are like laws of the universe, and are ever changing like all truths. Many religions or belief systems have been built off of these kernels. Unfortunately for man, man is predisposed to settling on a truth. 

   It’s the same thing as a child looking at an addition puzzle, 2+2=4. A child figures this out, is told that it’s true and moves on. This child will always know that 2+2=4, now lets say this child started a belief system based on this equation which is a kernel of truth. A little while later another child figures out that 2+3=5, this child goes to the religion of 2+2=4 and says, " look friends, I have another truth." By this point 4 (2+2=4) has grown comfortable in knowing that his is true, accepting something else as true as well seems far too complicated and threatening so he turns 5 (2+3=5) away. 

   Now 5 knows that he has a truth and he also believed in 4’s truth as well. He starts his own religion of 5 and 4. After years and years of battle between 4 and 5.4 a sect breaks off of 5.4 saying that only 5 is true and nobel and that anything to do with 4 is just plain wrong. This now says that the truth that 4 has to offer is not true at all. 


   You can see how we’ve gone and messed everything up. The trick is treating life a little like physics I believe. If you find as many kernels of truth as possible and much raw information and put it all together. In physics this is an equation that will tell you the location of an object. If you have all the numbers, rotation, angle, speed, acceleration etc. you can tell where something will be any time in history, forwards or backwards, if you knew where it was at one point in time. Yet if you discount some of those numbers or if you’re missing one than you will never know.

   For example, to flip a coin and predict what it’s going to be mathematically you need to know many details. The force with which it was flicked, how fast it accelerates up, how fast it moves when it starts moving down, how gravity affects it, the rate of rotation etc.  Even if you have all of these numbers and more, if you discount something like factoring in that you had a strong east wind of _km/hr, you will never determine it exactly. 

 This is why I believe that if you find a kernel of truth, that is only a small part of your job. The kernel is useless unless you have the ability to take it, hold it and make it part of yourself, while still searching for more and being able to combine them with that first one.

No truth is the singular nor is it ever stationary. 



This morning, while letting the dogs play at the dog park, I stopped to sit and enjoy the fantastic weather and watch the dogs play.  Across the grass from me was a trash can, and it was so interesting to watch people come to the can, gingerly holding a bag, throw it in and walk away with a visible sign of relief!


At one point I started smiling, and then it turned into laughter.  I don’t like carrying around a bag of fresh dog poo either.  I know that feeling of relief when I finally get around the course to a trash can and can let go of it.   But that’s not why I was laughing.  


I was remembering a workshop I attended in the early ‘80’s led by the actress, Gloria Manon, called “Break Through Drama.”  It was the first workshop I’d ever taken of its type, so it had extra impact.   At one point I was sort of embarrassed/amused by a term Gloria used – she called our old beliefs, (the ones we were hanging on to regardless of how they were working in our lives) “precious turds.”


As I sat on that bench in the park, I could see how gingerly each person held their bag of precious turds.  They did anything to prevent from dropping them, all the while, trying not to touch them! They stopped to talk to people along the path, and tried to ignore that they even had them.


You see where I’m going with this?  Isn’t this what we do with our lives?  We have all sorts of interesting crap we’ve picked up over the years, and mostly we try to ignore it.  Occasionally we remember, and then do everything we can to avoid it.  Once we allow ourselves to let go of it, however, Wow – what a relief!!


Here’s something else I noticed – if a person doesn’t see that their dog has pooed – everyone around tells them and then watches them to make sure they clean it up!   This seems to be what’s happening in the collective consciousness at the moment.   The success of Debbie Ford’s Shadow Work, and the work of others, shows us that we might as well consciously participate!!  Enrolling in Science of Mind courses is a good way to examine your beliefs as well.  We can all use a good consciousness cleanse!!


Here’s to feeling a great relief!!






I recognize the powerful Presence of Divine Love.  It is absolutely everywhere, including within me.  It is the air I breathe, the things I touch, taste, smell, hear and see.  It is all there is.


This Presence works for me, by working through me, according to my dominant beliefs.  Knowing this Truth, I hereby declare I have released all that does not serve me.  My mind is now filled with thoughts of beauty, peace, wisdom, health, wealth and creativity.  My mind is filled with Divine Thoughts.

I focus on God, the Good, and as I do this, my life begins to reflect this Good.


What a relief this is.  I have let go of worry, doubt and fear.  I have accepted Christ Consciousness as my own.  I know the Truth, and this Truth has set me free.


With a grateful heart, I release these words, knowing that I have already embodied them, and this too is good, very good.   And so it is.

Vaporize Your Limiting Beliefs about Money

The Moneylicious Series – Perhaps now with the experience of a global shift economically and so many being present to and dealing with new realities it is time to examine where we are personally in our relationship to money. After all, it is on the minds of a lot of people. I am writing a series of articles called The Moneylicious Series. What is moneylicious? It is something I made up! We (that is you and me) can create anything we want in life. Quite often we do so without being present to our hidden intentions. Let’s be present and intentional. I’m creating the experience of money being delicious, hence moneylicious.

What would it be like for you if money was like a delicious meal? Created with intention, carefully selected ingredients, baked with love and, served with the perfect garnish to be enjoyed by family and friends? It could be with a little, or with a lot. It would actually make no difference to the quality of the enjoyment. It is the context in which it is prepared and served that makes all the difference. My mother has always been a wizard at pulling together an amazing meal out of seemingly thin air. I recall friends dropping in unannounced when I was young and mom putting together a fantastic meal. She has a knack of providing an abundant feast. I assert her creativity comes from the context in which she operates her life – being of service. What is your context around money?
Our beliefs about money are the source and context of much of our experience of life. We act on these beliefs as though they are the solid truth when in fact they are just beliefs. What are your beliefs about money? If you think back far enough you started developing your beliefs at a very young age. A few years ago I discovered something about my money beliefs that were literally running my life. I realized that when I was in my teens I decided “I will never look poor.” Where did this come from? It was my thought process around an accumulation of experiences growing up. My parents did a wonderful job of raising seven children, having us well looked after with good clothes and plenty to eat. What we didn’t have was the latest and greatest of some of the things the neighbors and children at school had. We had no television (not a bad thing), the clothes I wore weren’t in style, and my dad didn’t drive the latest model car or truck As a result I started comparing myself with other children and I decided I didn’t fit in and never would unless I had the appearance of having money or wealth. 
Very soon after leaving home I became a consumer of the “latest and greatest.” To me having money wasn’t important, but looking like I did was of paramount importance. This became a driver to succeed in my career, to spend a lot of money on appearances and maintaining appearances. It was a stressful and unsatisfying game. I would often wonder why I couldn’t get out of debt, have good investments, or even have some savings. It wasn’t until I discovered that my belief about money was centered on being accepted and fitting in that I had any freedom from it. What a release!
The beginning of freedom around money is in being authentic about it. The end of pretending provides freedom and the space for creativity. I began to create a new way of being about money and started to see it as a tool that when imbued with wholesome energy would bring something new into my life.   
Are you ready to vaporize your limiting beliefs about money? Start now by making a list of everything you believe to be true about money. Keep writing until you have nothing more to write. Now review your list and ask yourself the question “Is this the truth?” If you can see that it isn’t the truth then look at what had you believe it was. This is your first step toward freedom and experiencing moneylicious!
Watch for my next blog on the topic of scarcity and how it limits us and prevents experiencing moneylicious.

Believing in the Struggle of Life


I sometimes think that deep within myself I have a belief that life should be a struggle, that peace, joy, comfort etc are somehow secondary to hard work, toil, and grief.

I think this comes from my father who, although brought up in a loving environment, had to go out to work when he was fifteen years old to support his mother (my grandmother) who had been widowed at a young age.

My father is now retired and is healthy and happy. I never faced any of the struggles that he did when he was young as he and my mother provided very well for me and my brothers and sisters. However, I think his strong work ethic and background instilled this (perhaps limiting) belief within me.

How can I explore this further and perhaps create a new belief in it’s place?

You are not alone in holding the belief that life is a struggle. This is the nearly universal belief of the human condition reinforced by  the  experience of humanity unaware of their  true nature. You don’t need to look far to understand how you have internalized this idea—it is everywhere all around us. If we don’t know who we really are as spiritual beings, then we mistakenly identify ourselves by our actions and circumstances. By that measurement, we typically find ourselves weak and victimized by forces beyond our understanding and control. That leads to a conception of life as suffering, pain and struggle.
Instead of simply trying to replace this idea with the idea of peace and joy, apply yourself to discovering your real essence, your foundation of Being.  This is most efficiently done through meditation.
 Let the self-knowledge of that presence radiate its own truth to your mind. That understanding of who you are will  reveal itself as your new belief about life. It may display its quality as peace or joyfulness. For others it may have more of a flavor of universal love and compassion. To other types of people it may present as divine light, creativity, or  intelligence. Or that truth of the Self may be a straightforward “isness.” 
 In any case, it will lead you to a conception of life that is not externally based, but one that arises from your inner truth.


What Makes Your Heart Sing?

I have a request…think for just a moment about the last time you used any of the following phrases:

I should do or be
I need to
I ought to be
I am supposed to
I must

As you’re thinking about that last time or even just reading those phrases how are you feeling? Are you feeling empowered and ready to go? OR Are you feeling a knot in the pit of your stomach or feelings of dread? If phrases like that empower you, kudos to you! (And I truly mean that.) I have to be honest and share that those phrases make my blood run cold. They make me want to run screaming for the hills.


It’s simple really. Those phrases have always been associated with a demand or an imposed goal; something someone else said I should be, must do, supposed to, or need to, not something I want to, wish to, or desire to be. It’s phrases like that that squish my spirit, stifle who I am at my core because they are usually followed by "tasks" that just don’t fit me or make my heart sing. So let me ask you, what would your day, your world, and/or your life be like if you did what made your heart sing? What would it feel like if you never fell prey to those phrases ever again? Take a moment and imagine it.

I challenge you starting today to do things that energize you and that truly make your heart sing. If you have always wanted to take voice lessons, but didn’t because someone said you should be doing something else, then take those voice lessons. If you have always wanted to try bungee jumping, but your want was cancelled out by someone else’s limiting beliefs, then I encourage you to take a chance and do that jump. If you have always wanted to explore your creative side, but instead squashed that creative side because you were told you were supposed to be doing something else, then by all means, tap into those creative juices.

You don’t do yourself or anyone else any favors by not allowing your heart to truly sing. There is no time like the present and I can promise you, you won’t be sorry you did.

Hostage NO More

Today’s the day when we work on releasing ourselves from other people’s thoughts and perceptions. Yep, that’s right!

Let me explain by sharing a little story….

During my coach training (many moons ago) I was sitting in class with a group of my colleagues where the topic of conversation was about what other people think of us. The room was an absolute buzz, almost chaotic; it was clear that we were all very much hooked by the fear of what other people thought of us as people and as coaches. All of the sudden, the faculty leader softly said, "It’s none of your business what other people think of you." The room fell silent and then this internal dialogue began to play in my head;

"What do you mean it’s none of my business what other people think of me?"
"Ummm…I have made it my business my entire life."

:::::Enter the cosmic 2×4, whacking Pam upside the head::::

It was at that moment that I had one of the hugest "a-ha moments" of my life. I was living my life as a hostage to other people’s thoughts. I was not moving forward as quickly because I was scared to death of what other people might think of me. It then occurred to me (in DUH-Like fashion — visualize me slapping my forehead) that I have absolutely no control over what other people think. The only control I have is over me, how I show up, and how I choose to respond to other people.

End of story…

So my friends I will say this to you, if you struggle with the same fear of what other people think of you it really is none of your business… and I will add, but it is your business what you think of you!!

It is my request that you consider ways to increase your own perception of you (if you haven’t done so already). What do you need to support you in building up your own self worth and confidence in who you are?

Have a great weekend!!

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