Tag Archives: love

Why Real-Life Love is Worth the Struggle

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It has been said that you craft a relationship by practice, practice, practice. It does not just happen. In fact, 80% of couples choose to stay together after adultery in marriage. Monogamy is a conscious decision.  Divorce is not an option or exit for those who have reached real-life love. Their mindset is different. Their mindset is we will make it work! It takes discipline to be married happily.

Adultery is now higher for women than it is for men. Career women may see life without a spouse as palatable because of the burnout they feel from carrying most of the responsibilities alone. Social networking after work pulls apart the intimacy and connection between a couple. People can look up old sweethearts and eulogize those memories. This makes them feel younger and fancy free.

There is no conflict or conflict resolution needed. Polite marriages are higher in adultery because they lack conflict which gives us passion. The bored are looking for the pizazz of first love, but are searching for it in the wrong place. No one knows that with better imagination and ingenuity you can have an affair with your own partner.

For those who claim monogamy is not natural to humans, studies suggest that married people have better health, sex, wealth, and happiness. Women in relationships feel more sexually satisfied after 15 years together. The longer a couple is together the more sense of kindness returns later in life—similar to the way the relationship was in the courting period. 

This is real-life love and if you’ve got there you’ve traversed the power struggle it took to get there. After you conquer the power struggle stage you have more respect for each other. When you reach real-life love, you accept each other as you are and you are better for it. You have grown together as improved individuals.

Here are some tips for reaching real-life love: Continue reading

What’s a Body For Anyway? Four Ways To Love Your Body For The Love That It Gives

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As a repeat offender, my Weight Watcher “Lifetime” status has always felt more like a prison sentence than an achievement. Chained forever to this body of mine, staying in shape (or rather, keeping a shape) means constant awareness and self-discipline. For the first 20 years of of my marriage, days began blurry-eyed on the treadmill and ended blurry-eyed at the fridge. I’d stand there petulant, demanding to know (in that bottom-of-the-barrel-last-fraying-knot tone-of-thought): “Who cares what I eat right now or how far I ran today? Why am I killing myself like this? What’s a body for anyway?”

There is an answer, but I didn’t get it until my mother-in-law passed away.

She and I were alone that day. Minutes passed to the rhythm of the respirator. Scared and bewildered, I took her hand in mine and began analyzing it in a way that you would never do with a person were they aware. I memorized every wrinkle, every fingernail, and every blood vessel. I wondered about all the things those hands had held, all the people they had touched, all the work they had done. Most of all, I thought on how those fingers had caressed my husband, as an infant, as a little boy, as a man…and how they had been nearly the first to wrap around my babies the moment they entered this life.

Two days later, in preparation for her memorial service, my sisters-in-law and I volunteered to dress Mother’s body at the funeral home. Arranging her skirt and buttoning her blouse, we were filled with reverence. Tenderly, we painted her nails, styled her hair, and brushed pink on her still cheeks, remembering the way she rocked a baby, wiped a tear, stroked a forehead, tied a shoe, fed a family, kissed a cheek, supported an elbow, packed a bag, waved good-bye. Her loving spirit had cherished us, but it was her physical self that had actually carried out the desires of her heart.

Mother’s last lesson revolutionized me. It was clear now that I had been trying too hard to “master” my physical appearance. Better to focus on working in harmony with my body, I realized, if its real purpose is to love others. Mother, for instance–though pretty and well groomed–definitely showed wear-and-tear: but her stretch marks and dishpan hands were marks of love. In fact, they made her all the more beautiful to those who really cared and really counted.

Because of this singular experience, I began to see and treat my body very differently: the way I would treat a cashmere sweater verses a worn-out sweatshirt. I called my new perspective the “Cashmere Resolution” (because Mother preferred cashmere), but keeping that resolution through the years since has not been easy. Frequent reminders are a must. Here’s how I repeatedly convince myself that my body is—in and of itself, regardless of its present shape—luxuriously wonderful. Continue reading

Turn On Your Love Light

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What happens when you turn your light on? No, not the light switch in your bedroom, living room or kitchen, but the light within. Are you aware that you have a light to turn on? Well, you do and it is time to wake up to your luminescent self!

Perhaps the most shared characteristic among all of us walking on the planet is fear. Imagine for a moment, 7 billion human beings walking around, heads down, eyes averting the direct stare of those we encounter, hiding behind our insecurities and past pain points, staying under the radar and just trying to blend. And you may actually believe that you are the only one, the exclusive human being caught up in the fear of being seen. Well, think again, for most people live their lives with their lights dimmed or in so many cases, turned off completely. Why do we live this way?

Fear with it’s ugly tentacles of resentment, anger, jealousy, self-righteousness, greed, vengeance, and pride prevents us from realizing our illuminated and loving selves. On the continuum of life our choices come in two distinct flavors: fear and love. It is said that fear and love cannot live in the same space. This fact is true. So why do we choose fear over love? The answer leads us to the realization that we are simply living our lives unconscious to the reality that we can shift our focus to become awake and conscious to the power we each possess.

Here are the steps to follow in turning on your love light: Continue reading

3 Ways to Get Your Best Guy Friend OUT of the Friend Zone

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All us gals have a guy friend or brother who we know is just such an awesome and nice guy. We know he’s deserving of a really great woman and we want to see him hooked up, yet for some reason he seems to have little luck with attracting or keeping the ladies.

As a Dating & Relationship Coach helping men and women over the last decade, it isn’t actually much of a mystery why this happens to great guys, as there are patterns that all of them repeat. So be a good wing-girl and share these 3 secrets with him to assist him in permanently getting out of the Friend Zone with women. Make sure his 2017 rocks! Continue reading

Ready, Aim, Bullseye: Seven Sentences That Will Go Straight to Her Heart (and why they work)

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I know that when my husband married me, he took on hefty responsibilities—not just for himself anymore—but for me and our future children, including promises to…

  • Please (always),
  • Provide (as much as possible),
  • Protect (when necessary),
  • Problem solve (as called upon), and
  • Procreate (as agreed upon)

But it wasn’t enough.

Because my appetite for attention was insatiable and his execution was never up to feminine standards, my subtle calls for transformation (“hints”) began to sound more like commands. Of course, when that approach didn’t work either, I resorted to ultimatums. It nearly broke us. What I didn’t understand at the time of course was how insecurity—common feminine anxiety—was the actual saboteur. Misdirected and misunderstood, my fear-inspired attempts to connect with my husband actually threatened to disconnect us—permanently.

You’ve probably jousted like that with your own wife and know what it feels like to be knocked off your horse. Chances are her heart remains a moving target, and your efforts to play Cupid continually fall short. As frustrating and demoralizing as that may feel, I’m here to ask you not to give up on her, or yourself. There is a way to aim those well-intentioned arrows with pinpoint accuracy.

In this archery lesson, we’ll identify seven relational values women prize most (beyond the above five “P’s”). Honoring these seven feminine needs or desires, practically universal to women, will work wonders in allaying her fears; minimizing behaviors that hurt you both.

Note the first letter in each value: their alphabetical order will help summon up the right one at the right moment. Champion archers, in the heat of a tournament, have to know their stuff by heart. Continue reading

Intent of the Day: All the Love

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Happy Valentines Day!
May you find that you have so much love to give.
May you find that you are showered in all the love you hope to find.
May you find that there is never a shortage on love in your life, only that it is multiplied over and over.

In case you’re needing any help getting the declarations of love going, here is some inspiration from some of our favorite stories to help you: Continue reading

Intent of the Day: Love All Year

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On the eve of Valentines Day, it’s entirely possible that you’re sweating the big day tomorrow. There’s a lot of pressure to prove just how MUCH you love someone one day a year which means you’re having to do a check-in on where you’re at, where you should be at, how you compare to other couples in your same place… oh look at that. More sweat.

We here at Intent.com are of the camp that believes that proving your love isn’t a once-a-year kind of thing. Instead we hope to communicate love and commitment all year. Truthfully, a grand gesture can do wonders, but they will never measure up if they aren’t met with consistently showing up. The little things add up and it doesn’t mean you have to be a well of little things. Perhaps finding your few little things that you do on a regular basis is the difference between needing one all-out extravaganza in early spring.

How to do that? Here are 3 small ways you can consistently say ‘I love you’ all year long: Continue reading

Intent of the Day: Healthy Relationships

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Stuck in a cycle of unhealthy or unfulfilling relationships? You’re not alone. As you seek to express the feelings and ideas in your mind, an important next step will be connecting with people who help you feel heard and empowered. When we feel safe and loved, we are so much more likely to be active and impactful in our intentions. So we’re starting with step one. Our intent is to seek healthy relationships. These are people who are patient and listening, people who are kind and honest, people who are encouraging and also ready to share their hopes and inspiration. Do you know the names of those people? If so, maybe this is a good time to invest in those relationships. If not, maybe this is an important time to find people who are ready to rise to the occasion along side you!

On the hunt? Here are 3 things to help you find and develop healthy relationships:

Continue reading

The Power of Genuine Connection

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It can feel sometimes like the world has gone mad. Public discourse is filled with anger and confusion; people sit together in crowded spaces staring at their own flickering screens, isolated by the technology intended to connect them. And throughout the world, parents look for answers: How do I raise healthy, happy children in this complex world? How can I guide their behavior without punishing or spoiling them? Is it possible to build strong relationships in a fractured world?

The answer is yes—but it takes thoughtfulness and commitment. And the foundation is both simpler and more complicated than you might think. When parents are asked what they believe is most essential to raising capable, healthy children, most of them offer the obvious answer: love. But as it turns out, some of the things parents do in the name of loving their children are not helpful or effective. Children need more than love alone.

Imagine an infant lying contentedly in her crib. She may be watching her hands or gazing with fascination at her own feet when she suddenly becomes aware of a need. She may be hungry, or wet, or lonely, or tired. Whatever the cause, she cries to let her caregivers know that she needs them. And those caregivers usually rush to pick her up and soothe her. Especially when parents are new to the job, it may take several bumbling efforts before the cause of the baby’s distress is discovered and resolved. Eventually, however, the baby goes back to resting contentedly and her parents breathe a sigh of relief—until next time.

How many times in a day do you think this little scenario unfolds? Dozens, even hundreds of times—and each time, a baby learns more about trust and about the family she is now part of. If this cycle continues consistently throughout her childhood, she will develop what researchers refer to as “secure attachment”, what Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs called a “sense of belonging and significance” more than 100 years ago, and what in Positive Discipline is simply called “connection” (www.positivediscipline.org). This sense of being wanted and cared for unconditionally sets the stage for everything children will learn in life. Continue reading

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