Tag Archives: MeLissa Gavarrette

From Intent.com: You Are Not Alone

“Maybe ever’body in the whole damn world is scared of each other.”
― John Steinbeck, Of Mice and Men

The thing they don’t tell you about getting older is how hard it is to maintain relationship. As a grade-school child, you’re in a room with 25 other kids your same age from your neighborhood and for roughly eight months, you have built in best friends. That’s how it goes for 13 years or so and then you slowly add more and more people until you realize, unless you’re intentional, you might not know anyone.

I can’t name one person I met in college. Seriously.

Screen Shot 2014-04-28 at 11.13.41 AM

 

As an adult, I’ve learned that if I want to have more than surface-level friendships, I’m going to have to put in the extra effort. I don’t know that I’ll ever find the consistency I had in grade school. I work from home. I’m a single adult. If I want friendships, I have to make them a priority. Here are some best practices I’ve collected over the past years:

1. Don’t expect your friends to be psychic. I’m not even sure the people advertising themselves to be psychics are psychics, but we expect our friends to know when we’re sad or sick or feeling left out. While you don’t want to end up in a one-sided relationship, involvement with another person is always going to require putting yourself out there in some form. If you’re feeling blue, invite a friend to dinner. Decide you aren’t going to let it ruin your night if they aren’t available. Maybe think of 3 or 4 people to ask just in case. The point is just to get some quality time!

2. Know what you love. It can be really frustrating hanging out with people who love football to watch football if you don’t love football. Who’s fault is it really? If they know they love football, they are only being authentic to what they love. What do YOU love? If it’s not football, that’s totally fine! Is it hiking? Is it crafting? Is it going to concerts? The more you know about what you love, the easier it is to find your tribe or to invite people into experiences with you versus always feeling like you’re tagging along with someone else. It’s no one else’s job to find out what you love so take the time to really think about it and then share it!

3. Reconnect. There has to be some advantage to all the social media we’re glued to these days. Maybe it’s an opportunity to reach out to family or friends you lost touch with long ago. Upon moving to LA last year, I reconnected with one of those grade school friends I mentioned after I noticed on Facebook that she’d also moved to Los Angeles after graduating from college in Texas. We sent a couple of emails back and forth and scheduled lunch. It was a little nerve-wracking walking up to the restaurant. Would it be weird? Would we even have anything in common anymore? But, from the moment we sat down at the table, it was as if we had never missed a day!

 

It’s hard to be vulnerable. It’s hard to say “I feel alone” because it means you want people around and so much of society these days says you’re weak if you need people. To that I say the world isn’t big enough for everyone to have their own islands, so community has to happen. I also think that some of our best refining comes in the context of community.

It is where we learn to be selfless and also to stand up for ourselves.
It is where we learn to love ourselves and also to put others first.
It is where we learn what hills we want to die on.
It is where we learn the value of “thank you” and “I’m sorry”.
Those seem like worthy lessons.

So, don’t forget.
You are not alone.
You’re here and I’m here and so we can go ahead and put the notion that you’re alone to sleep.
You are not hopeless.
You are not unworthy of love.
I can say that with full confidence because your heart is beating.
So get out there!
A lonely someone is waiting on your friendship.

From Intent.com: Sing it Out

I don’t sing because I’m happy; I’m happy because I sing.
-William James

Screen Shot 2014-04-23 at 11.01.30 AM

 

I’ve always been a singer.
In the shower. At school. In church. In my car.
When I’m sad. When I’m happy. When I’m bored.

Music and singing has a long tradition of communicating feelings in ways we can’t always share in direct sentence form.
I think that’s because feelings aren’t always linear or complete.
Sometimes they’re just a chorus or a low hum.
Sometimes they’re one word on repeat.
Sometimes they are trumpets and trombones and cymbals.

Today I decided to assemble some of my favorite songs to blare.
If you need to sing today, hopefully one of these might help!

 

Happy singing!

From Intent.com: Inspiration

Intent.com is some of my favorite inspirations: people who are moving and shaking, trying and risking.
They are experts at giving inspiration and receiving it.

Screen Shot 2014-04-15 at 2.06.43 PM

It’s Tuesday, you have most of the week ahead of you and maybe you’re needing a spark to make it through, so why not take a minute to share some of my favorites:

Screen Shot 2014-04-15 at 2.13.16 PM

 

Screen Shot 2014-04-15 at 2.14.17 PM

Screen Shot 2014-04-15 at 2.16.15 PM

 

Screen Shot 2014-04-15 at 2.17.43 PM

What are your words of inspiration?
Photos? Movies? Songs?
What opportunities are you needing some extra spark to push through?
What spark do you have to provide?

From Intent.com: Feeling infinite

This is one of my favorite little snippets from Garden State, a movie I first saw in college and have loved ever since. It’s about a guy who has spent his entire life medicated to the point of feeling nothingness who meets a girl who is the essence of aliveness. When she starts to feel unoriginal or silly, she doesn’t sink into sadness. She’s not overcome with depression. She reminds herself of the truth- that she is an original and at any moment there is infinite capacity for anything to happen.

Let that blow your mind for a moment.
(I can wait.)

You might be sitting at your desk at work.
Maybe you’re on your couch at home.
At any moment you could get up and go do something.
That is one set of possibilities.
You could stay where you are.
That is another set of possibilities.
You could keep breathing, you could not.
Maybe that’s deeper than we need to go.

But, seriously.
You could apply for a job.
You could quit a job.
You could make a bold profession of love.
Literally ANYTHING could happen right now.
And when your brain starts to creep around the corner of really grasping that, you can start to be excited about the possibilities. If there is a part of your life you don’t like, you are poised to change it. If there is a thing you wish could happen, now is just as good a time as any. You could move at any moment. You could stop moving at any moment. There are infinite possibilities for this moment that is always now.

Don’t be a bystander in your own story.
Know that you can be an active participant.
So what are you going to do now?

Screen Shot 2014-04-07 at 2.36.49 PM

From Intent.com: A Work of Art

My friends and I used to have an Art Club. We would get together and work on crafts and eat snacks. As I typed that last sentence, I couldn’t imagine a get-together that sounded more girly, but alas, it was. Art Club is home to some of my fondest memories, but it was also a surprisingly polarizing experience. Some people don’t consider themselves artists. If you’re not creative, what are you? If you have no imagination, what are you thinking about?

My argument (which has been added to greatly by some really great authors and speakers) is that all humans have the capacity of creativity. Whether you’re a painter or a small business owner, you know it requires imagination, even if your job involves numbers. We invent. We create. We process how we feel and where we’re going through those acts.

I wanted to take a minute to give a shout out to yet another Intent user, BeachGirl.
Along with her intents, comments and updates, she shares beautiful original artwork inspired by not only her intentions, but also her back yard and it’s inhabitants.

doact lookup peace stevejobs try

If you want to cement your intention for yourself and for others, find a way to make it tangible.

Drawing is just another way to do that!
Maybe you journal.
Maybe you decide to keep some sort of visual reminder of your commitments.
Maybe you create and stick to a schedule.

Whatever you choose, I say find a way to give life to your intentions.
So what will be your medium?
Canvas or graph paper?
It all works. Make it come alive!

From Intent.com: The Here and Now

As we sit on the heels of a global tragedy, an airplane willed with passengers who have friends and family they’ll never see again lost in the Indian Ocean, it’s hard not to face the fact that, with all the advancements of modern technology, we only have so much control over our lives. We only have so much say over what happens to us. We can only know so much.

“The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

My challenge to you today is to appreciate the here and the now.
Don’t wait for something to make it special.
It is special purely for the reason that you had no clue if the here and now was going to last this long, but it did.

So where do you start? Maybe just with a couple of questions.
What is important to you?
What is running you ragged?
What will you regret as your last moments arrive?
What will you be most proud of as your last moments arrive?
Now sounds like a good time to think about it.
In case you need some encouragement, here were some great intents from the site this week. People are getting focused on what’s important. You can too!

Screen shot 2014-03-24 at 12.58.39 PM

Screen shot 2014-03-24 at 1.04.29 PM

Screen shot 2014-03-24 at 1.06.22 PM

From Intent.com: Permission

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
-Eleanor Roosevelt, This is My Story

tunnel

You have to sign a waiver if you are going to have surgery.
You have to sign a waiver if you want to bungee jump or sky dive or get a tattoo.
You have to consent (in this country) to be married.
There are all sorts of potentially life-threatening/changing decisions we enter into that require our signature should we die/be permanently maimed/change our mind later and are mad. We sign off and say we understand the risks associated with our choice.

What if we went into emotional situations and relationships with the same mindset.
“Am I okay with the risks of this?”

I read a LOT of intents. Many of them are about reclaiming oneself from fear or doubt, blame or anger. The thing I want to drive home is that you can give or take permission from the things that drive you to those places as well.

Maybe it’s a friendship.
Or a work setting.
Maybe it’s a choice you keep making.
Don’t give permission for yourself to be torn down.
Don’t give permission to keep yourself in a negative space where you can’t trust your own decisions or worthiness.

Maybe that’s real dramatic or would require a lot of change. But what is more worth it? Is tearing down more okay than building up?

My hope is that somewhere, somehow you give yourself the permission to be amazing, to stop making excuses or to stop living under the cloud you’ve fought so long against. My hope is that you don’t waste another second feeling like you’ve handed over power to people and things that aren’t making you a better human.

Let me encourage you that you’re not alone in this.
Everyday people on Intent.com are sharing intentions of reclaiming their lives, in big and small ways. Don’t feel like you have to wait for permission to do the same.

“Dream and give yourself permission to envision a You that you choose to be.”
-Joy Page

From Intent.com: Living in the Abundance

I was going through intents this morning and stopped when I saw this one.

Screen shot 2014-03-10 at 10.51.37 AM

“I intend to give from what I am abundant in.”
I’d never asked myself what I was abundant in.
Like so many people, I think about what I DON’T have.

I don’t have a new car.
I don’t have enough time in the day.
I don’t know how to make vegan recipes.
I don’t live close enough to my family.
I don’t, I don’t, I don’t.

Reading over this intent, it was the first time I stopped to think about what I do have.

I have room on my couch for a conversation.
I have a car to get me around town to meet with friends.
I have enough room in my budget for coffee and snacks.
I have a lot.

So- where are you in abundance?
Have you even thought about it?
Maybe what you need is 2 minutes over lunch to make a quick list.
What do you have?
Take a real inventory- of time, of tangible and intangible items, of ideas, of passion, of energy.
My hope is that you’ll discover that you have more than what you realize.
And, in turn, that you will find ways that are uniquely you to turn around and bless another person’s life out of the overflow. We were made for relationship, so get in there!

Getting started, again

shutterstock_106243226

We started off the year with high hopes.

We were going to find love!
Start new jobs!
Let go of old hurts!

Now that it’s March, it’s time to do an evaluation.
Are you any closer? Are you have the sort of realistic conversations with yourself that are going to stop you from repeating the same old, same old? Or are you still back in 2013?

I hope as you’re reading this that you are thinking back on the short time since the turning of the year and you’re already proud of how far you’ve come, but in case you aren’t, here are some ideas to help you get back on track.

1. Time to affirm your intent. Remember the feeling and place you were in to make you set a big intent in the first place? Maybe you were worn out. Maybe you were on fire with the passion of a new idea. Even if you’re not in the same place you were when you originally made you’re intent, affirming it means you’re still saying “yes!” to that idea. Regardless of where you are today, you are just as committed to your dream.

2. Set visual reminders. I’m not above taking a page out of a teen girl’s book and leaving decorating my walls with reminders. Whether that’s notes on the bathroom mirror or refrigerator to remind myself of a new mindset or empty boxes in my bedroom to remind me to finally purge my closet of all the things I don’t need, a visual reminder is a tangible shift from seeing things the way they’ve always been.

3. Make an appointment with yourself. A boss I had taught me how invaluable it can be to make appointments with yourself, especially living in our fast-paced culture. You have someone asking you to get coffee (not necessarily a bad thing) and so you look down at your calendar and find an open place. If you’re like me, this might happen half a dozen times in a week and so you keep filling up the open places in your calendar with meaningful conversations and meetings. But then you arrive at the end of the week and realize you’ve left no time for your own plans or progress. Before you make it to Monday, sit down and find a block of time that can be added to your calendar that is reserved for the tasks that are hanging over your head. Writing? Organizing? Going to the gym? Sometimes it feels selfish to save time for you, but you would never tell a friend that making their own positive progress was selfish, so why is it for you?

So where are you getting started?
It’s possible you don’t feel progress being made because you never set an intention to begin with.
Check out this Year of Intent intention made my Mallika Chopra:

Screen shot 2014-03-03 at 2.02.44 PM(click the image to see the entire intention)

Since originally posting about her new book, Mallika has been updating, affirming and responding to the comments left by other users. It keeps her motivated and, most importantly, focused on accomplishing a satisfying task- her newest book.

If it’s March and you lasted a good week on your resolutions and intentions, that’s fine. We’re here to get you started again.
So, again, I’ll ask where are you getting started?
What’s it going to take to get going?

Interested in checking out other Year of Intent goals? Check them out here.
Then set your own at Intent.com!

From Intent.com: Get Happy!

I love that the sun is starting to stay a little longer every day.
Is there still a polar vortex? Is that still happening?
I think it’s safe to say everyone is over the polar vortex.
We’re ready for the sun.

It’s such a joy hanging out with the folks on Intent.com because no matter the weather- rain, clouds, Los Angeles- they are always so focused and driven to live whole-hearted, healthy lives.

Right now, in the wake of Spring and the Olympics, we’re hearing a lot of buzz about happiness. Some of my favorite words about happiness?

“Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.”
-Marthe Troly-Curtin

“If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.”
-J.R.R. Tolkien

“I’ve got nothing to do today but smile.”
-Paul Simon

What makes you happy?
What places in your life could use a little happiness?
Here are a couple of things you could do to help you find it:

1. Keep a gratitude journal. Some people keep track of happy moments or things via journal or awesome jar or some other method for recording and saving.

2. Meditation. Take a few moments in your morning to focus on what you’re looking for. “Today I intend to find happiness in even the smallest moments.” Keeping that at the forefront of your mind all day has this way of making those bight spots of happy all the brighter when they happen because you’re not bussing right by. You’re training your eyes to see them.

3. Set an intent. I’d be remiss if I did not encourage you to create your own Intent.com profile. You can share your intentions (the one about happiness seems like a good place to start!), get feedback and encouragement, keep track of how you’re doing, whatever you need it to be. You have the opportunity to combine the perks of a journal with real humans who are walking alongside with you. So why not? Check out these intentions:

Screen shot 2014-02-24 at 3.27.29 PM

Screen shot 2014-02-24 at 3.29.46 PM

Screen shot 2014-02-24 at 3.33.45 PM

Screen shot 2014-02-24 at 3.36.24 PM

So, as the Patridge family so famously sang, “come on, get happy!”
We’re with you!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...