Tag Archives: Men

Date Like A Man: Win His Heart And Avoid Heartbreak

date

By Nancy Nichols

Be honest, do you go out with a man a couple of times and you imagine (or hope) that he is your next boyfriend or husband?

You’re daydreaming about a meaningful, long-term relationship with your new guy. He wants to date around, hang out with his buddies and drink beer. When a man senses a woman is eager for a committed relationship, he will pull away to protect his freedom.

Women, who are hard-wired to get married, look at every man they date as possibly “The One.” When they are smitten on a guy, they fantasize and romanticize of a possible relationship. They’re too nice, too accommodating and too available. They over-analyze and obsess over his intentions and when a romantic connection doesn’t happen, they feel disheartened and rejected.

Men, on the other hand, take dating in stride. They assume little about a woman, the outcome of the evening or the future of a relationship. They continue to date other women and they focus on their friends, work and hobbies.

While women irrationally fixate on one man (typically the wrong man) and they get their hearts broken, men (who are dating casually) put their needs first, they think things through and they are slow to commit.

Want to date like a man and gain a man’s respect and serious pursuit? Here’s how: Continue reading

Peace Matters: A Mother Responds to the Call for Action Against Syria

War and PeaceAs I pull my truck up to the local harbor beach, loaded with sunscreened kids, oversized striped towels and inner tubes, John Kerry’s voice breaks in over my radio, tuned into NHPR. “This crime against conscience, this crime against humanity, this crime against the most fundamental principles of international community, against the norm of the international community, this matters to us, and it matters to who we are.”

“It Matters” is an eloquently written persuasive argument in favor of punitive action in Syria for their obvious use of chemical weapons against their own people. And as Kerry pontificates on the necessity of action, I’m mothering my way through the last bits of summer vacation.

Kids tumble out of the truck, doors slam, happy screams pierce, sun shines, and I grip the wheel. How does a peace-seeking person like me feel about this?

I hate war. I hate it. I hate that women who lovingly grow tiny seeds into human beings have to watch as their sons and daughters are sent overseas because the overwhelming majority of men on this planet value power, money and ego over life, love and collaboration.

While I hate war, I do not hate the men who declare it. In fact, the opposite. I love men as much as I love anyone, and I want to see men live long, healthy and productive lives. But as the world turns, I see what men do and what men make and I’m tired of dealing with the consequences of greed, power and competition.

For thousands of years we’ve been deserted by fathers, raped by prom dates, suppressed by regimes, penetrated by uncles, underestimated by brothers, underpaid by bosses, beaten by husbands and ignored by society. For thousands of years we’ve had to stand by while men make decisions about our fate and the fate of our planet. If during these thousands of years, men have not found a way to create a peaceful planet through leadership, it makes me wonder if men truly desire peace. Or are men addicted to conflict and combat? Are they afraid that the end of war will mean the end of their manly value?

Every one of us is hard wired with drive, with the desire to be the best at something, with the need to control our environment. It’s always been this way. But just because this is the way it’s always been doesn’t mean it’s right. History is doomed to repeat itself because we human beings aren’t brave enough to choose collaboration over competition – on a personal level, on a professional level, on a local level, on a global level, on a 1st grade recess level, on a college application level, on an I-got-the-job-now-what level. We’re all at war with one another. All of us. Heck, most of us are at war with ourselves.

We are never happy the way we are, which makes it impossible to accept others the way they are. This seems so mundane, so small. But this is life. This is people. War is people, too. War is one man with a severe sociopathic condition and a powerful following. But the problem of war isn’t THEM. The problem isn’t WHY. The problem is US. You and me. US.

There is so much work to do. And the work doesn’t start in Congress. It starts with you and me. It starts in bed at night when your mind is focused on office politics and peer manipulation. It starts in the kitchen when I stare down a bag of Newman’s Ginger O’s that will only add to my increasingly unmanageable lower belly. It starts on the playground when one sad, confused, pained little boy is labeled a bully because he hasn’t mastered impulse control or feels unlovable and unworthy of kindness. This is where war begins.  With the tiny seed of you and me.

This brings me back to the front seat of my parked Ford truck, simmering in the driver’s seat, white knuckling the wheel, “It matters,” Kerry asserts, “if the world speaks out in condemnation and then nothing happens.”

Yes, it does matter, Secretary Kerry. It matters. But peace matters, too. We belong to the most creative human society to tromp the earth. We send rocket ships to Mars, we Skype with our sisters living in Hong Kong, we collect energy from the sun and turn it into electricity. We are innovators. Let’s use this innovation and creativity to inspire peace. There is a way. There is always a way. Peace matters.

No boots on the ground, yes I know. Just a drone strike. But is it ever that simple? Strikes have consequences and I don’t believe for a minute that three-four-shut-the-door will be the result of Obama’s proposed swift and concise action.

More lives, more anger, more more more. How about a little less less less? Doesn’t that sound nice? A little less breaking news? A little less testosterone? A little less shrouded children? A little less worry? A little less tossing and turning? As unlikely as it may seem, peace matters. Peace now.

Dustin Hoffman Breaks Into Tears Discussing Society’s Pressures on Women

Screen Shot 2013-07-09 at 10.22.16 AMThe notion of ‘beauty’ in our culture tends to be more limiting and shame-inducing than cathartic. What should be a soul-expanding experience of aesthetic pleasure gets confined to a manufactured pill box, forced down our throats by television, magazines, advertisements, the porn industry – you name it. We all suffer from this together as a society, but women, most of all, bear the brunt of the abuse.

In preparing to make the 1982 film Tootsie, Dustin Hoffman was determined to look as much like a woman as possible. If the audience had to suspend disbelief to follow the story, Hoffman explains in an interview with AFI, then it wasn’t going to work. It wasn’t until he looked at himself in the mirror, fully costumed as a female, that he realized the reality women live with every day. If Hoffman saw his female self at a party, he confesses, he wouldn’t give her the time of day. The realization brings him to tears. Take a look:

This might seem overly tidy. “Hey, Dustin Hoffman, try being a real woman for even a day and you’ll experience some truly gnarly things. And before you whine about not making an attractive woman, let’s think about what beauty really is.”

But his emotional response is more nuanced than that. Hoffman bemoans the socialized notions of beauty that kept him from approaching women who might have otherwise added to his life with wit, intellect, and grace. How many women, he wonders, did he miss the opportunity of knowing, just out of prejudice?

The question we would add to that is: Why do we as a society continue to let anything but our own hearts dictate what we find beautiful?

What do you think? Tell us your thoughts in the comments section below!

Trade Gender Roles and Fall In Love Again

Screen Shot 2013-06-17 at 12.18.25 PMSaving your relationship could be as simple as switching roles. Gender roles often lock us into predictable, repetitive arguments where no one makes any changes because who is listening anymore? A new sociological study from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee as published in the journal Gender & Society interviewed married couples who were affected by the recession with a gender reversal: Men who lost their full-time jobs (some continued to work part-time) stayed at home running the house and taking care of the kids while their wives brought in 80% of the income. The result was greater compassion and appreciation for each other.

Men who stayed at home could now fully empathize with what their female counterparts had been doing all along. And women who worked full-time outside the home although still psychologically involved with their households now better understood the stress of office politics and job pressure to keep production high that their men had experienced. Interesting, the economic downturn actually caused relationship recovery.

7 ways to transform your relationship by changing your perspective:

  1. Switch places for a weekend by taking over your significant other’s typical duties. You will now have the inside view of the other side.
  2. Establish a good credit rating at home. This means you don’t have to jump and do things your significant other wants you to do the second the command is uttered. However, if you promise to get to it later, make sure that you do.
  3. During a disagreement tap into your opponent’s value system and summarize his or her point of view to show respect. Then you can state your opinion.
  4. Keep on experimenting – especially as you grow older. Don’t be afraid of acting silly or awful. Take your cue from actors who often unleash their wild side on screen and get awarded for it.
  5. Create a safe haven in your home for open expression, allowing your beloved to discuss what’s bothering him or her. Don’t expect anyone to change their nature – they are not you.
  6. Connecting and showing compassion to your partner does not mean that you become a doormat or a low priority on your list. Make sure that you are in harmony with yourself and so, you can be in harmony with another person.
  7. Plan ahead for arguments and practice responding differently. Rehearse and revise the dialogue before the negative situation arises, so you don’t fall into those repetitive arguments going nowhere fast. You will now be able to address those “should have, would have said” statements.

 

Originally published September 2011.

20 Photos of Iranian Men Dressed in Drag to Support Gender Equality (Slideshow!)

Earlier in April, police in the Kurdish province of Marivan, Iran paraded a convicted criminal around the streets dressed in women’s clothing as a form of public humiliation. The episode outraged men and women throughout the area – not over the gender reversal in itself, but rather because femininity was being equated to shame and punishment.

Thus launched the “Kurd Men for Equality” campaign on Facebook, in which men began posting photos of themselves dressed in women’s garb with the caption, “Being a woman is not a way for humiliation or punishment.” Seventeen members of Iran’s parliament also signed a petition against this form of punishment, saying it was “humiliating to Muslim women.”

This comes from a part of the world where dress codes are strictly enforced according to conventional gender norms, which makes the campaign all the more impressive. Here are some of the quotes the men have posted on Facebook along with their photos:

Hoping for the day that sexuality, gender will not be a way of evaluating humanity.

“Woman” means “life”.

We should gather together and condemn this stupidity, brutality and inhumanity against women. This is the least I can do to support women.

Disgracing Kurdish women is disgracing an international community. Women are mothers, sisters, and life partners.

There lies such sanctity in woman’s clothing that not every man deserves to wear one.

Support the “Kurd Men for Equality” campaign by liking them on Facebook and sharing their story!

Elephant in the Room: How to Love Yourself Again After a Breakup

Screen Shot 2013-04-25 at 9.45.16 PMDear Cora,

I’m 23 and I’ve only had one “romantic” relationship. We met through a mutual friend after I moved to a new city for a job, and we hit it off really well. He called me pretty, brought me flowers, and I was excited that I may finally have a boyfriend. However, it took us 6 months to get beyond the “flirty friends” stage and get our feelings out in the open. Then it all went down hill. He would cancel on me because he was sick, tired or busy. When he did want to hang out, it was only last minute, usually late at night. When I asked him what we were doing he said I was a great girl and he liked me a lot but he was busy and didn’t know if he had time for a relationship.

We stopped talking after that; until I went for my annual physical and found out I had HPV. Due to the strong link between HPV and ovarian cancer I needed a biopsy and several other cancer screenings. Knowing there was only one person it could have come from, and wanting to do the right thing and protect other women he might sleep with, I called the guy and told him. He was upset and felt bad for me, but was even more worried about himself. So for the next 3 months, I went through a series of cancer screenings and tests, and held his hand while he freaked out that the HPV might have gotten to his brain because he’d been having a lot of headaches. Everything turned out fine. My bad cells were benign and it turns out HPV doesn’t usually cause brain infections which manifest as headaches. I never saw him again, and our texts got fewer and farther in between until they stopped all together.

Cora, this is the only relationship I’ve ever had and it ended with the guy going crazy and me feeling like that I was never much more than a “booty call” to him anyway. After such a bad ending how do I get back out and try to do this again?

Love,
Left and Lonely
~
Dear Left and Lonely,

The first and most important thing you need to know is that by acknowledging that you even want to go back out there after this experience you’ve already conquered the hardest step. It takes a lot of courage to get back on that horse and you’re braver than most of us for even trying. For that, I am so proud of you.

The heart of most romantic tragedies is based on the pain we experience when we love someone more than they love us in return. It’s one of the most horrible feelings, yet one of the most universal. A little while ago, I found myself in the middle of one of those lightheaded-palm-sweaty-all-consuming crushes. Every time he said I looked nice or complimented me I wanted to melt into the floor. I gathered up all my courage to tell him how I felt, ready to take the plunge and so excited for all of the potential wonderfulness… I landed face-first on the hard cement floor of failure. He felt the same, just about someone else.

I called my mother to relay the story between heartbroken sobs. After telling me that I was a smart, funny, amazing girl she added, “Maybe you could use this as motivation to lose some weight.” I know she meant it to be encouraging, and technically she wasn’t wrong. His someone else was indeed a smaller elephant and maybe if I were slimmer my other attributes would have been easier for him to see. In reality, my mother was just answering a question that so many of us have after such a palpable rejection – why don’t they love me?

But it’s the wrong question, Left. He chose someone else. Your “boyfriend” refused to make you a priority in his life. Why should we care about their opinion? Your trepidation about getting back out there comes from feeling like you weren’t good enough for this one particular person, and you’re worried that means you won’t be good enough for anyone else either. Don’t give his opinion that much weight. By the sounds of how he treated you after your diagnosis he was doing enough thinking about himself for everyone involved – don’t add to the clutter. Why he doesn’t love you doesn’t matter, because he doesn’t matter.

I have a different question for you Left – why do you love yourself? That’s what I want you to think about instead. Write down three things you love about yourself and then I want you to think of activities that bring out those qualities.

Do you think you’re smart and love debating or trading opinions with others? Join a book club. Are you an animal lover? Volunteer at an animal shelter or get a pet and start hanging out in dog parks. Do you think you have a great sense of humor? Take an improv class or go to comedy shows. Sites like meetup.com or even Craigslist (but please be careful here) are great ways to find groups who share your interests.

Remember you’re not doing something like taking up yoga because you want to look like that girl in the Lululemon pants you see at Starbucks every morning – do it because you love the practice. This isn’t about self-improvement but self-fulfillment. Indulge in activities that make you feel better about you, not that make you think you’re more appealing for someone else.

Fall in love with yourself again Left and Lonely, and you won’t believe how quickly and easy someone else falls in love with you, too.

Best wishes,
Cora

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avatar-NO-BKCGRNDSubmit your questions, troubles, and predicaments to Cora via editor [at] intent [dot] com or in the comments section below. The Elephant in the Room advice column will be published every Friday – a blend of humor, compassion, and wisdom specially tailored for our Intent audience.

“Dove” Parody: Men Think They’re Better Looking Than They Really Are

There has been an outpouring of supportive messages surrounding Dove’s recent body-positivity ad. When it comes to body image and beauty, our community readily comes together to band behind women and promote self-love. Men, on the other hand, often get left out of these discussions, though they are by no means free of self-esteem issues and body dysmorphia.

Perhaps to ironically point out a lack of men in Dove’s messaging, or perhaps just as a lighthearted jab at men, New Feelings Time released a parody to the original ad. In this video it’s clear that there’s a whole other issue, which has been overlooked: Men apparently think they’re better looking than they are! Oh, the irony of self-esteem. Can you have too much of it?Take a look and tell us what you think:

I Refuse to Accept That “Boys Will Be Boys”

Fight!By Vanessa Gobes

Men completely baffle me. No offense, guys. As a gender, you’re real go-getters – strong, handsome, and a very necessary component in procreation. But honestly, between the insatiable need for power (be it in the form of money, attention, strength, or remote control handling) and the twisted inclination towards professional wrestling, porn and realistically bloody video games, I can’t decide if I should run away from you screaming in terror or just move into a lesbian commune and wash my hands of you entirely.

I’ve spent quite a bit of time lately thinking about men. Young men. Well, boys really. I’m rearing one currently. He’s four, the caboose on a train of three older girls. Generally, he’s very sensitive and sweet. He cares about people and animals. He articulates his feelings and is well-behaved. At least I think he’s all of those things…  until he finds a stick on our post-winter lawn and immediately begins whacking the dog with it. Then imagines that stick as weapon and fires it dramatically at his sisters who are chalking quietly in the driveway.

There are more boyish antics, of course. The tasmanian-devil-style thrashing he displays for what seems to be no reason at all. The make-pretend enactments of a werewolf mauling a honey badger in the forbidden forest. The wet sponge ambushes on his sisters at bedtime as they brush their teeth.

I never taught him these things. I’m pretty sure my husband didn’t either. We don’t initiate or encourage this type of play. But he’s a boy. And he seems naturally wired for bursts of destruction.

This is no excuse. Absolutely not. I refuse to lie down and say, “Boys will be boys.” I’m fighting this overused saying, not with my sharp claws or stick weapons, but with kindness, discipline and love.

I’ve also enlisted my daughters to teach our wild little wolf cub how to become a respectable human being since girls seem to enter life with more compassionate tendencies. It’s not a hard lesson, really, this lesson in compassion. But it needs to be taught daily. Daily. Daily. Daily.

This past weekend I had 7 kids here for a sleepover. We watched Indiana Jones. During the blood and guts portions, they watched unfazed. But when Indy started making out with his leading lady, the kids all belted out, “Eeeeewwww!!! Disgusting! Hide your eyes!”

I was appalled, “You little turkeys mean to say you’ll watch happily as bloody monkey brains are served for dinner but Doctor Jones planting a kiss on his girlfriend makes you want to throw up? Come on! Love is beautiful and natural. Hurting people is ‘eeeeewwwww.’ Get your priorities straight, small people!”

Whether or not my words hit home, I’m unsure. My intent, however, is always deeper than a 30 second lecture at a sleepover party, or even a 500 word essay on mothering a typical boy.

Mothers of boys have a precious opportunity to co-create and inspire young boys who become compassionate and mindful men. There are no other more important qualities for a man to possess. When all actions, all intentions, all thoughts are created with mindful compassion, humans will be on our way to world peace. And we mothers are 100% responsible for instilling this quality in our sons.

The end of sex-trafficking? The solution to corporate greed? The dissolution of hate crimes? The pacification of violence? This can all happen through compassion.

We spend so much time trying to fix the problems we have. Counsel the women who have been exploited. Mend the planet that has been ravaged. Heal the people who have been pained. Why not skip the pain and spend that time nurturing boys who value love over destruction?

No four-year-old boy thinks, “When I grow up, I want to pimp out 14 year old girls… Or maybe I’ll be a bigot… Or a banker who invests in companies that rape our planet of resources… Or maybe a dictator who stockpiles nuclear weapons.” I know mine doesn’t anyway. So while they’re young, and while we mommies have control, let’s teach our boys how to love a woman, how to love a planet, how to love their enemies. The world will thank us for it in 30 years or so.

Originally published on Vanessa’s personal blog, Bringing Up Buddhas.

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vanessaheadshot-3Vanessa Gobes is a full time house frau and jane of all trades. She’s currently blogging her way to awakening through a steady diet of kindness, compassion and mindfulness – considering herself not quite Buddhist, but Bu-curious. Her current intent is to work on infusing a daily morning meditation routine into each public school in her town. Vanessa is a community activista, philanthropista and newspaper columnista in Winchester, Massachusetts. Read her stories at www.bringingupbuddhas.com

photo by: Aislinn Ritchie

Males with Eating Disorders? It’s Worse Than You Think

url-1 You’ve seen the telltale signs of anorexia: the emaciated frame, the hollow eyes, the social withdrawal. You’ve seen more pictures of skeletal celebrities and supermodels than you can count. You may even have friends or relatives whom you’ve watched spiral into self-starvation or bingeing and purging as you looked on helplessly. In fact, considering that some eight million Americans suffer from eating disorders, it’s hard to find anyone in this country who hasn’t witnessed or been a victim of one of these devastating illnesses.

Too often, however, we assume that eating disorders are a female problem, largely the domain of insecure adolescent girls and aspiring starlets. Our society has become so focused on protecting this vulnerable demographic from anorexia, bulimia, and other unhealthy relationships with food that we often fail to notice a phenomenon that’s happening right before our eyes: boys across the United States—as many as 25 percent of all people with eating disorders, according to some estimates—are falling prey to these very same diseases. If you or someone you love is part of this group, learn how to begin the healing process.

Recognizing a Silent Killer
Until the turn of the millennium, the general consensus within the medical community was that only 10 percent of disordered eaters were male, although researchers did concede that males were more reluctant than females were to report their abnormal behavior to a mental-health professional. However, a 2007 Harvard study found that this statistic might be misrepresenting the extent of the problem: of three thousand adults surveyed, a full 25 percent of the respondents with eating disorders and 40 percent of binge eaters were male.

Within the male population, specific groups are at greater risk of developing eating disorders than others—namely, athletes (especially those expected to display their bodies prominently as part of their sport, such as bodybuilders, wrestlers, swimmers, and skaters); men who make regular public appearances (models, actors, musicians, and so on); homosexuals; men who were teased as children for being overweight; men who endure extreme parental pressure; and men attempting to avoid weight- and nutrition-related medical conditions to which they are genetically predisposed.

The roots of boys’ eating disorders are wide-ranging; some are similar to the possible reasons girls become anorexic or bulimic (such as depression, control issues, and emerging sexuality), but the primary cause is male-specific: while girls are inundated with media images of the waiflike bodies of female “role models,” archetypes of which include Kate Moss and Nicole Richie, and put undue pressure on themselves to look like those women, boys are receiving their own set of societal signals about what constitutes an “ideal” male body—and those criteria are becoming harder and harder for the average guy to meet.

To prove this point, a Good Housekeeping article about boys and eating disorders describes a Harvard Medical School psychiatry professor named Harrison Pope lining up three G.I. Joe action figures side by side—one from the mid-1960s, one from the mid-1970s, and one from 1992. With each successive iteration of the figure, G.I. Joe’s muscles have become more defined, to the point that the most recent version has six-pack abs and no visible body fat. Dr. Pope, who coauthored a book entitled The Adonis Complex: The Secret Crisis of Male Body Obsession, believes that these updates to the figure’s physique reflect a marked shift in the dominant public perception of masculine physical attractiveness. As these largely unattainable standards become more and more mainstream, is it any wonder that an increasing number of males, particularly teenage boys, are limiting themselves to five-hundred-calorie-per-day diets or losing themselves in vicious bingeing-and-purging cycles?

Reading the Warning Signs
According to the National Eating Disorders Association, a whole host of telltale signals—physical, emotional, and behavioral—can help people identify disordered eaters. These include:

Behavioral Characteristics

  • Restricted diet; excessive dieting; fasting
  • Food-related rituals; preoccupation with food
  • Compulsive exercising
  • Body dysmorphia; disgust with body size or shape
  • Difficulty eating with others; lying about consumption
  • Insomnia

Physical Characteristics

  • Low body weight (at least 15 percent below average for age, height, and activity level)
  • Lack of energy; fatigue
  • Muscular weakness
  • Thinning hair or hair loss; lanugo (downy growth of body hair)
  • Decreased balance; unsteady gait
  • Lowered body temperature, pulse, and/or blood pressure
  • Lowered testosterone levels
  • Heart arrhythmia

Emotional Characteristics

  • Intense fear of gaining weight
  • Depression; social isolation
  • Perfectionistic; strong need to be in control
  • Decreased sexual interest or increased sexual fear
  • Possible conflict over gender identity or sexual orientation
  • Difficulty expressing feelings or concentrating
  • Irritability; denial (belief that others are overreacting to low weight or restrictive eating habits)

Eating disorders are serious physical and mental afflictions that won’t simply go away on their own. The longer they’re left unchecked, the more detrimental they’ll become—and in the most extreme cases, they can even be fatal. So if you’re a male who displays some of the symptoms listed above, or if you’re a family member or friend who’s observed these red flags in someone you know, don’t delay in seeking treatment—both medical and psychological.

Getting Help
Fortunately, as societal awareness of male eating disorders grows, support groups with the express purpose of preventing these devastating illnesses are cropping up nationwide. The National Association for Males with Eating Disorders (N.A.M.E.D.) is one such organization; it offers the following preventive tips for parents striving to promote healthy eating habits and positive self-image in their sons:

  • Understand that males are as susceptible to eating disorders as females are.
  • Learn to recognize the physical, emotional, and behavioral symptoms of an eating disorder.
  • Realize that if you approach a male about his eating disorder, he’s likely to deny that he has a problem, attempt to dismiss his dietary regimen as an attempt to be “healthy” or “fit,” and have difficulty expressing his emotions.
  • Protect your child from coaches who endorse extreme athletic regimens, such as excessive weight-control tactics or bodybuilding routines, and promote the idea of healthy eating and moderate exercise as a means of achieving optimal physical performance.
  • Be aware that traumatic events or transitions can trigger an eating disorder—for instance, sexual, emotional, or physical abuse; a sexual-identity crisis; or the death of a loved one.
  • Help males recognize that they are just as vulnerable to the same physical objectification and media manipulation that females are subjected to, and that those influences have a pronounced, and often deleterious, impact on their body image.
  • Encourage boys to be themselves; affirm their special qualities, even if those characteristics fall outside the traditional realm of “masculinity”; seek to develop open avenues of communication with boys that will make them feel emotionally supported and at liberty to express their feelings.
  • Urge males of any age to view therapy as a positive addition to their lives, not as a shameful secret.

You Aren’t What You Eat
As mounting evidence underscores that eating disorders are far from being an exclusively female issue, a growing number of adolescent boys and men have begun to openly discuss their firsthand struggles with anorexia and bulimia. Even some male celebrities have come forward: Billy Bob Thornton has confessed to being anorexic, as has Dennis Quaid (who coined the term “manorexia” to describe his condition), and Sir Elton John has admitted to bouts of bulimia. As helpful as it is for male disordered eaters to know that they’re not alone in their illness, equal weight should be given to preventing eating disorders before they arise. And by doing our part to achieve this goal through public-awareness campaigns, vigilant parenting, supportive friendship, and nonjudgmental attitudes, we just might succeed.

Originally published in 2010