Tag Archives: moving on

From Intent.com: Packing Bags and Cleaning House

shutterstock_28942081

Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go;
they merely determine where you start.
-Nido Qubein

I have live in 4 houses in 2 years. One of those moves included condensing a 3-bedroom, 2-car garage home into one trailer and moving it from Nashville, Tennessee to Hollywood, California. Is it too dramatic to say the experience was traumatizing? Because, if not, I’d like to say it was traumatizing.

When you move, you have to touch literally everything you own at least twice and that was enough to make me really think about what I was bringing along. Does this item serve a purpose? Does this item even function properly? Do I like this item? When space is limited and you have to physically move each and every choice, you are forced to think about questions like that. More times than not, you realize you’ve been holding on to things that don’t matter or don’t work for way too long.

Why is it that we refuse to take inventories of our emotional, mental and spiritual lives in the same way?
Does this feeling serve a purpose?
Does this feeling function properly?
Do I even like this feeling?

We will hang on to relationships, onto bad situations, onto unhealthy habits, dragging them all over the country with us and never take the time to consider whether or not we need to just toss it.

How long do you have to keep beating yourself up for past mistakes?
How long do you have to live with something that is slowing your down?
How long do you have to be sad?

This week, we’re inviting you to take a different sort of inventory.
We’re inviting you to open up all the baggage you’ve been hanging onto. Maybe just open one bag at a time? Open whatever you’re ready. Ask yourself what things need to be tossed in the trash. Ask yourself where you’re wasting your time because the truth is you are moving. The truth is you have limited space to carry everything if you’re going to move forward with any sort of momentum. We’re inviting you to clean house. And it doesn’t matter how far down the road you end up, only that you get started.

There are brave folks on Intent.com who are doing the same. Support, adopt, post an intent of your own.

Screen shot 2014-01-13 at 3.26.36 PMScreen shot 2014-01-13 at 3.28.43 PMScreen shot 2014-01-13 at 3.29.37 PM

3 Ways to Feel Loved When Your Relationship is Ending

relationship difficultiesMost of us have been trained to believe that when a relationship ends, we lose the love of the person who we once felt so loved by. This belief is an instant misery-creating lie that is simply not true. The truth is, love is impossible to lose. Yes, you feel pain because of this breakup, but not because you’ve lost your former person’s love. You hurt because endings of any kind are sad. You hurt because you have lost the dream of what could have been. You hurt because the loss stirs up your own fears and past pains. You hurt because there is an empty space in your life that wasn’t there before, a space that you’ve been told is the loss of love, but it’s not.

The space you feel is an opening for more love to come into your life – starting with the love you have for yourself, and then expanding to include all the love that the world is just salivating to give you. Love is everywhere, when you are open to receiving it, and when you know where to look. Opening to love can be hard during a breakup, but I know no better medicine than love for mending a bruised or broken heart.

If you are interested in taking yourself off the pain train and moving into a space where you can honor your sadness and at the same time feel more love, happiness and possibility, then read on and put these three Love-Generators to work for you:

1. Tell yourself the truth. You are not losing love. You are ending a relationship.

Do yourself a BIG favor and be honest about why your relationship ended, and don’t make it about love. Love is an easy excuse when you don’t want to be real about why your breakup is necessary to stay true to the most important partner in your life … you.

Love is indestructible. It may get masked or deeply buried under feelings of anger and disappointment, but even in the most gnarly circumstances, love never disappears, it just goes into hiding.

Relationships are dynamic, they are always changing form, and sometimes in order to be happy, two people have to go their separate ways – which has nothing to do with love. Relationships end not because the love dies, but because the intimacy, trust, respect or connection fades, because the contract with each other completes, or because you each want and need different things from life. Not all relationships are meant to ‘be forever,’ if they were, you’d never meet anyone new.

Make a list of all the reasons why the ending of this relationship is GOOD for you, necessary for you to live the life you were destined to live. Then, take an act of self-love and state the reasons out loud. Self-honesty is self-love.

Know this. You are loved. Always. And that love, starts and end with you. It’s ridiculous to give the power of feeling loved away to another, when you have the power to feel loved at will inside of yourself.

2. Mourn the loss of the dream, not of the person. And remember your dream didn’t die.

We often cause ourselves more pain than needed during a breakup because we misplace our mourning energy and end up grieving more than we need. We’ve already established that the love lives on, so you can take “loss of love” off your mourning list. You can also take off ‘grieving the loss of my ex-person’ – because they are not dead, they just aren’t sleeping next to you anymore. What is dying and important to grieve is the loss of the DREAM you had for this relationship. Your hopes, intentions and co-created dreams came to a crashing halt when the choice was made to end the partnership, and the loss of those dreams is where much of the pain lies. But when you aren’t clear that’s it’s the lost dream you are mourning, you get all caught up in trying to change and control things you can’t.

So be sad. Get angry. Move into acceptance and surrender that this particular dream is gone. But don’t stay stuck there. Keep your mind out of dramatic thoughts like “My relationship is over!” or “I’ll be alone forever!” or “What if he finds someone else and loves her more?” Thoughts like these create unnecessary pain – kind of like poking your tongue into fresh dental work. Ouch! It hurts. Don’t do it.

Move your focus from what you can’t control – bringing the old dream back – and dive into what you can, reconnecting with the dream you have for your life! The ending of one dream means the beginning of another, and you still have the power to dream forward the life your heart and soul want.

When you dream yourself forward, you create more love in your life because you are telling yourself that you are worth dreaming for. And you are. Yes, the dream of your former relationship may have ended, but your dreams for yourself didn’t, so why would you give up on yourself? If you aren’t dreaming yourself forward, who will? Love yourself enough to move towards your dreams.

3. Find proof that love exists everywhere. Fill your life with love.

While you might not be receiving the oodles of physical love you once did from your former mate, he/she is not the only love source on the planet. The worst thing you can do during a breakup is starve yourself from love… that is the surest way to get your Inner Mean Girl all riled up with rants like, “You’ll never be loved again.” Which of course, is a straight up lie.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to find proof of love and fill your life with it. You live on a planet that is abundantly full of love – it’s everywhere – and it’s your job to see it, ask for it, and let it in. The more love you surround yourself with, the more love you will feel, and the easier this transition will be for you.

Here is your shopping list of love generators. Put the list up somewhere you can see it, and make sure each week you are getting your fill.

  • Connection. Connection creates love. Be with people who love you. Not to talk about ‘the relationship’ or fix you but just to be with. Walk. Snuggle. Play. Let them love on you.
  • Smiles. Show those pearly whites to anyone you can – baristas, strangers, the person sitting next to you on the bus – and when they smile back, let the love in. When they don’t – and some won’t – smile anyway and send them love. A great way to feel love is to give it.
  • Music. No sappy love songs, only inspiring, uplifting music for you. Turn it on, dance it out. This is an instant way to turn your obsessive mind off and open your heart to love. India Arie is my fave.
  • Animals and Children. Like instant shots of love, hug a puppy, look into the eyes of a baby, pet a kitty, and just feel their innocence and love permeate your cells.
  • Self-Love. Do nice things for yourself. Take yourself on dates. Do the things you love. Take a risk. Remind yourself of why you love you. Make an I-Love-ME list – 108 reasons why you love you. Keep it in your purse, and on hard days, read it to yourself. Instant love.

Orignally posted in April, 2011.

 

7 Ways to Let Go and Watch Your Life Flourish

if it makes you fly...

By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning. -Lao Tzu

So often we think we need more to be happy, when in actuality we just need to let go of limiting beliefs and erroneous understandings. The following are 7 things you can let go of right now that are part of my continual practice, which I know yield significant results!

1. Let go of living your life for your parents.

From a very young age we seek approval and acceptance from our parents because generally we’d be rewarded if we did what they pleased. As we grow the stakes become higher. If we aren’t careful we end up living our entire lives by our parents expectations without ever understanding what it truly means to be ourselves. Performance is exhausting, and when you are performing you are out of affinity with yourself. Authentic people are happy because life becomes an effortless expression of who they are. Let go of what your parents want for you, and unapologetically be your authentic self.

2. Let go of negativity.

Every single word that leaves your lips has an energy vibration attached to it, and what you put out to the universe comes back to you. We unconsciously complain about insignificant things like the weather, traffic, a plane delay, with no understanding we humans are gigantic energy systems generating a vibration that serves as a magnet drawing things of matching frequency to us. Life is in your mind. Detox yourself from your negative talk, and watch your perspective of the world around you change.

3. Let go of the need be right.

It seems like “being right” has a dynamo PR team spinning the virtues of being right, with promises of love, riches and security in heaping measures to the extent that the idea of being wrong has become so horribly unacceptable. The reality is the need to constantly be right is an external sign that something is very not right on the inside. The need to be stubbornly right is an attempt to control things, which stems from deep fear and non-trust of you. The next time you find yourself going toe-to-toe with someone ask yourself, do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?

4. Let go of judgments.

Judgments are the killer of creativity, and consciousness, yet we judge all the time. We have a very finite understanding of what is right or wrong and we criticize and judge people for being different, and ourselves for not being good enough. If we can take a step back and recognize that 99%of people simply operating off the information they’ve been given, we grow into greater compassion and acceptance. It doesn’t mean we have to agree with them, it just means we see the bigger picture. After all, with all the diverse displays of creation, destruction, action and reaction on planet – as messed up as it seems sometimes – we’re all just trying to be OK. Let go of your judgments, and discover how much happier you’ll be.

5. Let go of your excuses.

I wasted years of my life with excuses! “It’s not the right time, I need some training, I’m not sure…blah, blah, blah.”

Excuses are nothing more than fear of failure. The most effective way I know to neutralize these fears is to simply be the beginner. The moment is NOW. Set a photo directive and start before you’re ready! You and your trusty pal, Google, can figure it out together. There is boldness in action, and when you take action it’s like sending a flare signal to the universe attracting all that you need right to you! Get going!

6. Let go of the past.

The past. Everyone’s got one. Sometimes we run from it and other times we glorify it, but either way it’s like dead weight shackled to our leg. It happened; it hurt, but now what are you going to do about it? You have a choice. When we stay resentful and focused to the past, we carry a victim (poor me) vibration that makes it very difficult to create what we want. When we let go of it and recognize that every single past event led us to here, where we are gaining consciousness to create a life of our dreams, we vibrate in gratitude – which is a spiritual superpower. Let go and claim your power!

7. Let go of externalizing your love.

This is tricky business, my friends, and one I can’t claim to have completely figured out yet. However I know from the spiritual teachers with whom I personally work that it is possible, and they are exponentially happier because of it. To externalize our love means we’ve made something outside of ourselves the reason for our happiness, and therefore we’ve become dependent on it. This dependency on externals is bound to create unhappiness, because nothing in life is constant and things – whether we want them to or not – will change. To let go of this means if our love, dog, home, money, etc. were to disappear, we would still be OK. It means understanding the true source of love and security comes from within, and is not dependent on that which is external to us. This is the unshakable belief to which I am inching closer, but let’s face it…still have quite a ways to go!

The Joy of Letting Go

Have you ever kept doing something even though you weren’t getting the results you wanted? Perhaps you keep enabling a negative behavior in yourself or someone else. This is natural because we tend to be most comfortable with what we know. Next time you find yourself hanging on to this negative energy try something new and let it go.

The act of consciously letting go and moving on helps you heal and consider new perspectives.  When you let go of the monkey on your back you suddenly find you can walk taller and more comfortably.  You can take a breath and see your issues for what they really are; things that you can actually deal with. When you give negative behaviors less importance they have a way of going away.

Try it sometime. You deserve to feel unburdened.

Take care,

Guy

Life Coaching

Resolving A Past Romantic Relationship In Peace

 Dear Arielle & Brian,

During the past year I have done many of your suggested soulmate manifestation exercises, however, I still haven’t been able to emotionally pull the cord from my past relationship with Doug. We dated for a few months and then transitioned to just “good friends” because I’m not physically attracted to him and no longer wanted to be physically intimate with him. I care deeply for him and truly enjoy our time together as friends. I feel my heart is very connected to his but I can’t seem to resolve this past relationship and move on in peace. If you have any advice I would appreciate it!

Thank you,

Katie

Dear Katie,

It sounds like you have strongly bonded to Doug, most likely a result of both your close heart connection and the release of oxytocin in your brain during the times you two made love.  Oxytocin is the “bonding hormone” and in your case it sounds like you have formed a deeper connection than you meant to.  According to Dr. Helen Fisher, one of the world’s leading biological anthropologists studying love and sex, this can be seen as a type of addiction and very difficult to overcome.  You may want to take a “break” from your friendship with Doug for a while to unplug from the connection. Sometimes the daily exposure continues to reinforce the connection making it harder and harder for you to make room in your life for someone new.  Whenever we are intimate with another, we leave energetic cords in and on each other. Cutting these cords will be an important next step.  You can do this several ways including working with a professional energy healer or by taking a salt bath:  fill your tub with warm water and an entire container of table salt (not Epsom salt). Soak for 15-20 minutes and then as the water is draining out of the tub continue to sit there and with your imagination see all the energetic cords from your past lovers going down the drain.  Then stand up and take a long, hot, sudsy shower and shampoo your hair.

If you continue to find yourself thinking about him obsessively, you might consider finding a therapist or a coach to work with.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle & Brian

 

Arielle Ford, author of The Soulmate Secret:  Manifest The Love of Your Life With The Law of Attraction and her husband Brian Hilliard, a business consultant, answer your questions about life, love and relationships. They believe that whether you are eighteen or eighty years old finding Big Love is always possible. Email your questions to:  soulmatesecret@yahoo.com

Arielle Ford has spent the past 25 years living and promoting consciousness through all forms of media. She is one of the founding partners of the Spiritual Cinema Circle, a DVD club dedicated to providing movies about love and compassion.  She is the author of seven books including the HOT CHOCOLATE FOR THE MYSTICAL SOUL series and her newest book THE SOULMATE SECRET: Manifest The Love of Your Life With The Law of Attraction. Her husband and soulmate Brian Hilliard is a business consultant with a life-long interest in spirituality and the practice of compassion.  They live in La Jolla, CA  www.soulmatesecret.com  and www.soulmatekit.com

 Disclaimer: Arielle Ford, Brian Hilliard, the Big Love column and its publishers assume no responsibility for any consequence relating directly or indirectly to any action or inaction you take based on the information, services or other material related to this column.

PHOTO (cc): Flickr / plearbear

Trouble Moving On

Question:

I am having a lot of trouble moving on from the last man I’ve dated.  I find myself with a heavy heart and grief filled, often becoming overly emotional and weeping over this loss even though a significant amount of time has passed since our last meeting (over 6 months). We didn’t spend too much physical time together, but were often in communication over the course of a year.  I believe I am an HSP and become very emotionally attached to "significant others" even if we only date a few times.  I dwell on "what could have been"  and try to stay positive but find it increasingly difficult to learn a positive lesson from this relationship instead of dwelling on the loss.  Staying open to meeting other men and delving into new relationships becomes increasingly daunting as I am afraid of getting hurt or being rejected. What is your advice for moving on, remaining open to love, and clearing myself of this negative energy?  Many thanks.

Answer:

What strikes me in your letter is that there wasn’t a fully developed relationship for you to grieve over. Your attachment to the past is not founded upon memories, but rather expectations. So it is not a case of healing your past as much as it a matter of you learning to stay in the present. Don’t think about learning a lesson from the relationship. Focus on learning a lesson about remaining in the present moment. Whenever you think of what could have been, or feel the loss, you are in the past. When you worry about rejection, you are in the future.  If you keep your attention in the present, there is no grief of the past and no fear of pain in the future. That is how to remain open to love.

Love,

Deepak

For more information go to deepakchopra.com

Follow Deepak on Twitter

 

War Buddies





One of my clients is haunted by the memory of a former lover. She wonders how she allowed such a "bad" relationship to go on for so long. Of course she did the best she could with the awareness she had at the time. But now she has 20/20 hindsight.

We’ve all been in her shoes. We wish we could’ve been more conscious, more able to act on the signs that things were not going well, and avoided the "bad" thing that happened. But when we focus on the past, we ignore the clarity that is available to us right now, and the insight that can help guide us to an even better place.

That shift in focus from the past to the present to the future takes some effort. Blaming the other person is much easier, of course. And we can also pretend that we were duped or unconscious the whole time. But we are much more likely to find peace—as well as some benefit from the experience—if we withhold this kind of judgment.

So if you’re looking back on a bad experience or relationship and blaming yourself or someone else, try this instead. Rather than looking at the person with whom you had the conflict as the enemy, try to look at him as an old war buddy. You shared a tough time, but you got through it. You did your best under hazardous conditions, and now you can recount your "war stories" without any remorse that things should have been different. Just accept that they happened and simply move on.

Do you feel some resistance to letting this person—a partner, friend, family member, or even a past you—off so easily? Then perhaps consider that when you choose to forgive someone whose behavior hurt you, you do yourself a huge favor. Someone once said that holding on to resentment is like eating rat poison and hoping the rat will die. You could release the hurt, anger and sense of betrayal not because the person "deserves" it, but because you will feel better when you do. If forgiveness is out of reach right now, then just don’t think about it. Refuse to think or talk about what happened until you can look at the topic with some equanimity. The less you return to the painful memories, the sooner that time will come.

I’m not saying you should condone the behavior that hurt you. And I’m certainly not saying you should jump back in the foxhole with your old war buddy. I’m just saying that when you can accept what happened—which means, more than anything else, that you understand that what happened truly did happen in a past you can’t change—then you’ll start to move on.

And where are you going? You are moving forward on the path in front of you, right here, right now. Just start moving. And forget about figuring out what happened in the past "so as not to repeat it." You don’t even have to feel like you "learned a lesson" or you got a "gift" from a relationship, or even any new skills or tools. You just have to start paying attention right now.

But how can you be sure that history won’t repeat itself? Again, the answer is simple, and lays the past to rest by keeping you in the present. Just learn to notice when things are out of balance in your life. And how will you know? There’s a built in signal that will always let you know when things are out of balance. It’s called stress. You want to take your awareness of the stressful feeling and try to find the stressful thought that is creating it. From there try to identify a thought that feels better. It may take some practice, but you will get better at it.

And when you consistently engage in the practice of identifying your stressful, negative thoughts and find alternative, better-feeling thoughts, research shows that you are creating new neural pathways that will lead to long lasting benefits, like decreased anxiety and depression, and increased satisfaction and happiness. Bottom line: you will change, and as a consequence your world will change for the better, too.

Not everyone gets to make a new world. But people who want to put their past behind them have a golden opportunity to do so. And that is a gift. You can thank your old war buddy for it the next time you see him.

A Friendship Ends

"I need to step away from my very good friend as she has hurt my feelings once too often.  Our friendship can never be the same after what she said to me recently."

Ending a long time friendship is a very painful experience, but an experience that one must cope with if a friend is not acting like a friend any longer.

When a friendship ends and you look back over the years,  you realize that the recent event that was SO upsetting, has simply become the straw that breaks the camels back, or the drop of water that finally makes the water spill.  You realize that over the years there have been little hurts that you simply let go because after all "this is my good friend."  You have made excuses for your friend, and have continued to carry the weight of the relationship, often feeling as if you are chasing after your friend.

Finally the day comes when you have grown and matured to the point where you can no longer let these hurts that are inflicted on you….go.  You have reached the end of your rope and suddenly all of the little hurts that have accumulated over the years, join together with the recent incident, and you HAVE HAD IT!!!!!   You may ask yourself why you are getting so upset, but when you realize that this recent incident is one of  many you have not dealt with before, then you understand your anger has built up over a long period of time.

"I should have told my friend years ago how she was upsetting me, but I didn’t. Now it is too late to mend this friendship" you cry inside. And it is too late.

Perhaps it is not a tragedy. Perhaps the friendship served both you and your friend for many years, and now the relationship simply does not serve either one of you.  It is okay to let go and move on. Life will take you down different paths now, and perhaps you will meet again and perhaps you will not. Life is like that: we do not know what will happen.

But there are tears and it does hurt.  But you know deep inside it is time to move on.

Psychic Medium and Inspirational Author Carole Lynne

www.carolelynne.com

www.carolelynnecosmicconnection.com

Marriage is Temporary, Divorce is Forever

My friend Sandy and I had had yet another one of our philosophical discussions this weekend.  She said, “I have a great title for your next blog – Marriage is Temporary, Divorce is Forever.”  Having been divorced myself I can understand her sentiments.  Yes, divorce is forever.  But now, truly happily married, I’m in the state where I once again feel that marriage is forever, too.  Maybe there really is no delineation – maybe it’s that these relationships we get ourselves into go on and on, and it’s just the definition of the relationship that changes.  Whether married or divorced, there is this person in our lives that we love – or loved – and through whom we are tied with children, or finances, or history. 

As celebrities give us this great illustration with which we can all better understand, let’s explore this theory with a few examples.  Bruce Willis and Demi Moore: married, seemingly happily, for enough years to produce three beautiful daughters.  They divorce amicably, and no bad blood shows up in the press.  She later marries Ashton Kutcher, and Bruce shows his support as the three attend many family occasions and holidays together.  One big happy family!  And when Bruce remarries, of course they’re all there, too.  Very civilized, very mature.  So Bruce and Demi, although married to different people now, are still tied to each other through their children, and have managed to maintain a functional relationship.   

Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt do not share any children, although they shared years of their lives together as husband and wife.  Will the press ever let them forget that?  I think not!  Even as Brad welcomed his 5th and 6th child, twins, with his current partner, Angelina Jolie, tabloids speculated about an Aniston-Pitt reunion.  What gives?  These people have all clearly moved on, but why can’t we?  Is it because Brad and Angie have yet to tie the knot?  They are clearly committed – and they certainly are looking to the future as they raise these children together.  I think it’s because we want to see that Jennifer is okay.  We want her to be happy, and in love, like Brad is.  That way it seems more “fair.”  But life is not always fair.  Life gives us lessons, and sometimes they’re tough ones.  We just have to trust that somehow, someway, through some power greater than our own, that it all balances out in the end.  Karma?  Destiny?  Maybe that’s it. 

From Sandy’s point of view, her marriage was temporary.  She didn’t plan for it to be that way.  She went in with the best of intentions, until death do us part.  But as it goes, things happen, people change, and plans go awry.  So now she’s divorced, which she considers to be permanent.  This is the new definition of her relationship with her ex.  Can she “wash that man right out of her hair?”  No.  They have kids together.  They had a life together.  And now all of that has to be shifted to fit this new paradigm.  It can be painful, and certainly stressful.  There are unfulfilled expectations.  There is grief, fear, and uncertainty.  And what can we do about it?  Somehow we have to manage.  We have to redefine the relationship in such a way that it makes sense to us, and that we are okay with it, taking the good with the bad, however we choose to see that.  We have to let go of any anger or resentment because there comes a time when we realize that we are only hurting ourselves with it. 

So yes, my first marriage is over.  But am I over it?  Probably not.  I’ve still got these two kids as constant reminders of the years we shared in it.  Those years don’t disappear.  They are a part of my memory, and my psyche.  They helped to shape who I am today.  But I still wouldn’t change a thing about it.  I know mistakes were made, but those mistakes helped both me and my ex to learn and to grow.  I know we are both better off where we are today.  I love my life, I love my husband, and I know that I wouldn’t have what I have right now had the divorce not happened.  So it’s all good.  And I am sure that my ex feels the same way.

Life is full of challenges and full of risks.  Marriage is a big risk.  Divorce is another.  Both take a commitment.  It’s a commitment to living life to its fullest, to being true to yourself, to doing what you feel is best, and to honoring the wisdom that you have gained through your experiences.

 

Waited and I forgot

Waited and I forgot

 

I knew someone long time ago
As a friend they would love to have my show
Time and time again they would be there
But the being there would seem to have a care
It was good to entertain and have fun as well
One would only know if time would tell
So as they desired the more they suffered and loved alot
Until one day they waited and I forgot.

 Dominic Colucci

Copyright ©2009  Dominic Colucci
 
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...