Tag Archives: non-judgement

Why Real Life Will Always Be Better Than Social Media

CBR003159A recent study by the Public Library of Science shows that the more somebody uses Facebook, the more their satisfaction of life decreases. Apparently, many frequent Facebookers are scrolling through their newsfeeds feeling bad because they don’t think their own lives stack up to the fabulous accomplishments, vacations, and photo-shopped and filtered images they see plastered on their computer screens.

I love social media just as much as the next person, with the ability to easily stay in touch with long distance friends and family and to reach a broader audience with my blog posts. However, the dark side is it can cause some to experience negative feelings which can morph into criticism, judgement and competition with others or even depression and lowered feelings of self.

The deeper concern here is looking inward, not outward, for peace and adopting an “I am enough” mentality. We will never be happy when comparing ourselves to others. But, before taking that deep dive, it is important to scratch the surface and for people need to realize that social media is not even the real deal. It is simply a snapshot of a life — the very best moments that we all choose to share with our audience.

If I take a closer look at my own life and the lives of those in my social circle, there are many of us modern day ‘super-women’ types out there. We use our powers to do cool things like create beautiful babies, build a kick-ass career, leap tall hobbies and ambitions in a single bound, make the world a better place, and look darn good doing it all! Some run their households like a tight ship carting the kids to school and various extracurricular activities with ease, whipping up healthy & Pinterest-worthy meals without breaking a sweat, and a keeping spotless house.

While juggling such full plates with style and grace and making a difference in the world is certainly commendable, don’t you often wonder what is really going on behind the scenes?

Here’s a peek into my own life. Just last week, I was thanking my lucky stars for a busy day at the office as my tech company was finally picking up a little steam, after a very lackluster 2012. I was happily bouncing from customer call to PO processing to, oh crap! I was running late (again) in leaving to get my 5 year old daughter to dance class. Little twang of mommy-guilt ensues. Later, I was playing outside with my girls, when I realized “oh crap” (again), as it just dawned on me that I forgot to reply to an important client email that I had promised to deliver. Ugggh. Time to whip out the iPhone and sneak in a quickie one-handed email while bouncing the baby on one hip and pushing the five year old in the swing. People seem to get the impression that I totally have my sh*t together, but honestly it’s a never-ending quest for balance! I have to work really hard on it and often come up short.

And, sure, if I invite you over for dinner, my house is going to be squeaky clean, smelling divine, and I will be fresh-faced and greet you with a big smile, ready to be your hostess with the mostest. But, if you show up at my house unannounced, expect to find me in yoga pants, no makeup, possibly un-showered, frazzled, with kids and animals running around, toys strewn all about, and a possibly a mystery smell in the air. It could be the cat box, dirty diapers, garbage that needs to go out, or a smelly dog. Hopefully, it’s not me!

What is my point with all this? I’m just keeping it real. It gets messy behind the scenes. People usually post the happy and photogenic moments to share with their virtual followings, and I’m not going to judge that. I mostly do the same. Frankly, nobody wants to see photos of me un-showered, in my yoga pants and with regurgitated baby food stains on my shirt. Nor do I want to share every gut-wrenching decision I have to make or twang of mommy guilt that comes my way. And, I cringe anytime I see people post all their dirty laundry on social media. (I’m so not going there!) But, that doesn’t mean there is not a deeper story going on. The same applies to everyone online.

Think about an iceberg and how the majority of it is underwater and out of site to the naked eye. What people choose to share on social is just the tip of their iceberg. While social media can be a great way to keep in touch, it is no substitute for in-person interaction and you have to realize that you are only getting a small glimpse into people’s lives – usually the highlights reel.

To have your social media and your happiness too, the lessons to take from this are:

  1. Limit your social media browsing. Study after study continues to bring its dark side to light. Like all good things, moderation is key. If you are slightly obsessed (and, yes, it can be highly addicting), try setting time limits or even take a little time off. Enjoy your new-found happiness!

  2. Spend time doing what you love. What are you super passionate about? What works in your life for you and your family? If you invest all of your time and energy diving deeply into whatever passion burns inside of you, then you will simply not have the time or energy to aimlessly peruse the internet all day. Fall in love with you and chase your dreams. You are amazing and have much to offer the world.

  3. Remember all that glitters is not gold. Behind every shiny and polished exterior, there is most definitely a deeper story sure to include some struggle and sacrifice that has gone on behind-the-scenes. Remind yourself that what you are seeing is only one snapshot of reality. Don’t do the comparison thing! Just don’t. You are enough.

  4. Take notice & log off. If you notice yourself feeling a little down or upset when browsing Facebook, then that is a major sign its time to log off for a bit. There was life before social media – remember? Sometimes less is more. Get yourself out into the real world and live it up! And no need to post all about it, either. Spend that time actually enjoying and savoring each moment.

  5. Spend more time face-to-face. This same study associated spending more time interacting with real people with an increase in life satisfaction. Go figure. You get much more of the real enchilada in-the-flesh than on the computer screen, anyway. Spending more time being “real” social makes for both healthier relationships and better self-image. Get some friends together and leave your iPhone off. (Just for an hour or two. The world won’t end – I promise!)

  6. Don’t hate, elevate! Remember, the life you are currently living is a by-product of the thoughts and choices you have made along the way. If you are feeling a little down or even a little envious, don’t beat yourself up about it. It is just a gentle nudge for you to look deeper inside and figure out what direction you want or need to go with your own life. So, choose wisely how you react. Don’t let those feelings turn toxic. Instead, bless and congratulate others. Then take that positive energy and use it towards working on elevating your own existence. You have infinite potential!

Hopefully we can all learn to take social media for what it is and not allow it to become a negative component in our lives. In the meantime, maybe we can all start a ‘keep it real’ movement where we start posting “real life “pictures, like  when we first roll out of bed, pre-coffee (or green juice) and make-up. And, no editing or filters! Go ahead … you go first. 😉

What about you? Are you addicted to social? Are you one to “put it all out there” or just the highlights like most people? Have you witnessed or experienced a correlation with too much social and a decline in happiness? Sound off in the comments below!

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For more from Dawn Gluskin, join her inspiring Facebook community & sign up for her weekly love letters and receive a complimentary digital copy of her new ebook, “Make it Happen! Guide to Manifesting”.

It’s only as bad as you think it is!

So much is going on in the world and much of it not what we would classify as "good." In my attempt to not judget… I understand that there is no such thing as good or bad. These are labels we put on things to try to clasify things in the world around us.  It is only our perception of a situation that determines what we would deem "good" or "bad".  In reality everything is all good all the time.  Yet, these are trying times we are living in with real challenges that are not only impacting us individually but also nationally and even globally.

I’d like to encourage us all to NOT give into the negativity that is swirling around us.  I know, you’re saying but  you don’t know what happened to me?  And boy, is your story a whopper… so is mine.  Trust me, I’ve had and continue to have challenges that are often unbearable.  But, what will getting angry or upset do?  Negativity creates disease or "dis-ease", if you will, in our mind, body and spirit.

Now, I’ll be the first to tell you that the rising unemployment rate and the tanking economy make for a bleak outlook.  But, if you want to change your reality one suggestion is to change your attitude about what is happening to you.  Whatever is going on, no matter how difficult, no matter how painful it is only an experience you are having.  It does not and will not define the true essence of who you are.  It is something happening to you but it (the experience) is not you.   

I love the quote by American TV Host, Brian Tracy "You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”

So, in these trying times when your world may be spinning out of control, center yourself, get still, take very good care of yourself, surround yourself with people who will see you in only the best of light and remember the quote "this too shall pass".

Accept With Love!

 


Today be willing to put down all judgement–judgement of right or wrong, good or bad, all of it.  All of judgement is based on past ideas and past experiences.  Judgement is one of the reasons many people continue to experience the same problems over and over again.  They live their lives through past patterns, and never break out. Incessant judgement of situations, people, and things is the mind’s favorite pass-time, as it tries to label and understand everything.  True understanding comes from the heart, in a state of openness and listening.  Judgement is based in fear, and non-judgement (or forgiveness) is based in love.  Let forgiveness infiltrate your being.  Accept everything that is brought into your life-experience and bless it with love.
 

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Why I choose compassion over judgement

I’ve been struggling with the act of "not judging" for several years.  Most spiritual and metaphysical teachings tell us when we judge others we are actually judging ourselves.  Yet you may be surprised how many times a day we past judgement on someone.  Without even knowing it, the moment we look at someone we pass judgement.  

As soon as someone comes into our presence our mind starts to classify them: they are male or female, big or small, tall or short, fat or thin, black, white or some other ethnic group.  Once we classify them, often times whatever belief system we have about "that kind of person" comes into play.  There are: lazy, hard working, rich, poor, educated, ignorant, on and on and on.  This is neither a good thing nor a bad thing… it just is.

These labels are fine to a point.  But when we cannot see past these labels we cannot see an individual as simply as a human being, a child of God, one with us.  We can’t see their true essence we miss out on the best part of the individual. If the person acts in a way we find unbecoming, well, then we are quick to label them.  They are mean, uncaring, undeserving, hateful, etc.  This is when we get into trouble because I think everyone is doing the best they can, with what they have even when they are seemingly messes up.  This is where and when we should skip the judgment and show compassion.  

As I mentioned I struggle with practicing non-judgement.  I really do try my best to walk in someone’s shoes before I make an opinion about them.  I’m not always successful but I do try.  I try to show compassion and love because I know that love can heal all.

I found some great quotes on compassion I’d like to share with you.  They help me when I want to start the sentence with  "you won’t believe what they did to me" instead of "they must really be going through something very challenging to have reacted that way towards me".  Maybe it will help you make the shift also.

"The act of compassion begins with full attention, just as rapport does. You have to really see the person. If you see the person, then naturally, empathy arises. If you tune into the other person, you feel with them. If empathy arises, and if that person is in dire need, then empathic concern can come. You want to help them, and then that begins a compassionate act. So I’d say that compassion begins with attention." ~Daniel Goleman

 
"The major block to compassion is the judgment in our minds. Judgment is the mind’s primary tool of separation." ~Diane Berke
 
“Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.” ~Sara Paddison
 
If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.~ HH the Dalai Lama:
 
“Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel, believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, look, experience, examine, and for once; just once, understand.” Author Unknown
 
Final thought… before you judge show some compassion. 
 
 
 
 
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