Tag Archives: orgasm

In the “Hot Seat” with Nicole Daedone: How Liberated Are You?

You may think you’re an open book – free from inhibitions, liberated, and forward-thinking. But put that to the test in a game of “Hot Seats” and you may start feeling differently.

There’s a distinction, of course, between living in a free and liberated way and actually discussing your beliefs and practices with other people, especially strangers. But Nicole Daedone, sexual health pioneer and founder of the OM (Orgasmic Meditation) method, is out to break down these barriers and inhibitions. In this episode of “30 Days of Intent” on The Chopra Well, Natalie Spilger and Iman Crosson (Alphacat) sit down with Nicole and several other guests for an intimate and at times uncomfortable game. Who seems the most/least willing to share?

Granted, there’s no need to go around discussing your sexuality with everyone you come in contact with. But there’s something to be said for creating a bit of flexibility in the topics we deem appropriate for conversation, especially with something so close to our health and happiness. And becoming fluent in expressing these habits, preferences, needs, and desires could do wonders for your relationships, and for your own self-esteem. Just saying…

Subscribe to The Chopra Well – don’t worry, we won’t put you on the hot seat!

Is Monogamy Killing Women’s Sex Drive? The New Drug That Might Help.

Blue Moment Pt. 1“Women are programmed for monogamy” goes the conventional understanding we’ve clung to since Victorian times. After all, they have a finite number of eggs, which means the pressure to secure a viable mate and reproduce is more pressing for them than for men, who produce limitless sperm over the course of a lifetime. It’s a tidy package that, ostensibly, helps maintain societal order and respectability. Let men do a bit of wandering and experimenting – because “boys will be boys,” after all – but women will always maintain the hearth and the family unit. Well, hold on to your wives because new research is painting a very different picture of women’s sexuality.

The story begins with a young, broken-hearted Dutch university student, Adriaan Tuiten. Adriaan had been in love with the same girl since he was 13-years-old, and then in their mid-20’s she unexpectedly broke up with him. Fast-forward thirty-plus years, Tuiten is now the primary inventor and researcher behind the new female sex drugs Librido and Libridos. That experience of losing the woman he loved sparked a lifetime fascination – dare we say obsession? – with women’s sexuality and romantic inclinations. “I was shocked. I was suffering,” Tuiten told the New York Times reporter. “I’m a little bit — not insane. But. There became a need for me to understand my personal life in this way.”

And what has he come to understand? For one, women are no more “programmed” for monogamy than men are. If anything, research suggests that sexual desire drops over the course of a long-term relationship more often for women than it does for men. Menopause and other hormonal changes may be the culprit, as well as the effects of antidepressant medication (which millions of American women are on), but as we all know, sexual desire entails more than just physiology. What’s at the heart of sexual desire and intimacy is still a mystery.

The extended New York Times article addresses many facets of this new perspective on women’s sexuality: Maybe women are just bored. Maybe love, intimacy, and desire are all separate categories that become threatened when mixed. Maybe society teaches men to be unbridled sexually, whereas women are encouraged to contain their desire – the effects of which create real neural responses to mirror these learned beliefs.

Either way, Librido – which is designed to address both the physiological and emotional/psychological issues of desire – is up for F.D.A. approval. Research trials have shown significant rates of success, and for some this may seem like the answer to a lifelong struggle with sex drive. Ultimately, though, we don’t really know what causes desire, what makes people fall in love, what sustains long-term intimacy, or any of the other nuances of romantic love. It still seems fairly archaic to assume something inherently different between women’s and men’s sexuality – but hey, everyone has to figure that out for themselves.

What do you think of this new research on women’s sex drive? Let us know in the comments section below!


Image credit: Dennis Brekke

Orgasmic Meditation: An Interview with Sexpert Nicole Daedone

The latest episode of 30 DAYS OF INTENT on The Chopra Well YouTube channel may be the most “radical” of all. You are in for a treat! As part of their 30-day transformation journey, Natalie and Iman meet with author and speaker Nicole Daedone for an introduction to Orgasmic Meditation.

This wellness practice brings two people together for a 15-minute session of clitoral stimulation. (Do we have your attention?) We interviewed Nicole on the meaning and importance of orgasmic meditation. Hear why she thinks believe OM will be the next yoga or meditation in the wellness toolkit!

The Chopra Well: What is OM and where does it fit in a holistic wellness program for personal development?

Nicole Daedone: OM stands for Orgasmic Meditation. It’s a practice that is a gateway to more vitality, connection and Turn On. It’s deliberate and structured with repeatable results.  It’s a meditation, equally powerful for both partners — only the object of focus is the clitoris. OM is a source of power — a well from which to draw energy. It’s profound, yet simple and you can have it whether you are single or coupled.

OM fits into a holistic wellness program as a body-based tool that allows the individual to access all parts of their body. OM ignites the body and when used in conjunction with movement and reflection, can open up many new channels within.

CW: What is one thing you would like everyone to take away from the episode and from learning about OM?

ND: OM is a 15 minute practice (think yoga, meditation, running, etc). It is vital for every woman and man on the planet. It roots our fundamental need for visceral, human to human connection. Orgasm, as experienced through OM, is a renewable, sustainable, regenerative resource creating a more complex, attentive and connected world.

CW: What is your vision for OM and OneTaste? Does it fit into a larger philosophy on sex/sexuality?

ND: OM is the newest practice to mindful living. Soon, you will hear Yoga, Meditation and OM in the same sentence, and OM will be practiced regularly by millions of people. In regards to the larger philosophy on sex, OM is a practice that enables people to feel more.

People who OM feel more subtle sensations, more of their innate desire and more of what they really want. When this new-found, felt sense is added to sex, the possibilities in the realm of sex and sexuality dramatically shift.

“Your sex becomes what it was meant to be.”

Subscribe to The Chopra Well for more amazing episodes of 30 DAYS OF INTENT, every Tuesday and Thursday!

Orgasm Your Way to Enlightenment?

By Bristol Baughan

In today’s episode of 30 DAYS OF INTENT, Natalie and Iman learn about Orgasmic Meditation, an intimate sensual practice from author and speaker Nicole Daedone. I thought Iman was going to lose his mind when the demonstrator’s pants came off!

I’ll never forget my first experience hearing about Orgasmic Meditation. It felt like someone was punching my comfort zone in the face. Below is an excerpt of a scene from a one-woman show I wrote featuring my first time hearing of Orgasmic Meditation:

NICOLE’S VOICE: So it’s really simple you see. Orgasmic Meditation is a 15 minute timed practice where your partner strokes the upper left hand quadrant of your clitoris while you focus solely on sensation. Your job, as the man is to create a space for your partner to fully surrender, and you women, your job is to melt into the floor, just melt and let everything go. There is no goal. Nowhere to get to. Focus on the sensation of his finger on your clitoris and silence your mind. Sink deeply into that floor.

BRISTOL: Um, excuse me? I’m just here working so I have no right to say anything. I didn’t pay like the rest of you pathetic people looking for a way to jump start your sex lives. I just got off a 7am flight from LA and we’re just here to shoot a video for TIME. But what you are saying is making me sick. I can literally feel my stomach twisting. So your saying, we just lay there and surrender and don’t give anything back to him? What about him? This sounds completely selfish. Surrendering, allowing, receiving, all getting and no giving. Don’t I have a responsibility or something to DO something? I know it is call Orgasmic Meditation but can it really be a meditation, silence the mind and let sensation take over? Whoa. I’m not feeling so well. You guys don’t look so comfortable either. This woman is crossing her legs a little tighter and this guy is on the edge of his seat, of course. Perv.

In walks a pretty brunette wearing black stretchy yoga pants and with her is a nice Mormon-looking guy. They look comfortable. She lies down on a pink yoga mat with her head on a pillow; he sits beside her, one leg over her torso. What are they…Oh they are going to do a demo. Oh no! No they wouldn’t… ok she is taking her pants off. I should really go. We are in a conference room at the Ramada for Christ’s sake. It smells like cheap coffee and Windex. The last group in here was probably the Rotary Club or AA. I mean, does management know what is going in here? Don’t you need a permit or something? I’m not really breathing so well. My chest is tight. I mean, this is private right? The Mormon-looking guy reaches for his black iPhone and sets the timer for 15 minutes.

Ok, now she is opening her pale, white legs, like the widest they can go open and he is just staring between them, right between her legs and the lights are on. Mercilessly on and bright and fluorescent and he is just staring at her. He then…oh no he isn’t, oh my God. He is describing it. You know, her parts. Out loud. Round, pinkish, brown oval. Did he just say that? Can that be right? Pink, brown, oval? Whoa! Ok now he is putting his index finger in something…oh lube, organic lube! Of course it’s organic! We should all go and let these two consenting adults do whatever it is they are going to do now…or…not.

(Watch and listen)

NICOLE: Now light as a feather, you stroke the upper right hand quadrant of her clitoris, very, very, very lightly. Yes, that’s it. Now reach your clitoris toward his finger. Reach. Reach. Good.

BRISTOL: The woman’s breath begins to get deeper, slower. One hand is gently resting on his shin, and the other palm open on the yoga mat beneath her. The only one breathing in this room is the woman on the floor and oh is she breathing! All 12 of us in a conference room at the Ramada, all different sizes, shapes, colors, and ages, couples and singles, all watching and feeling the heat build. My brain has left the building. My stomach is burning and something is definitely happening… down there.


Wait a minute. What is wrong with me? Why does it feel like someone is punching me in the stomach? What is it inside of me that is being assaulted? He is just touching her, on the outside of her body. I’m pretty sure these people aren’t even dating and he is touching her so softly, so lovingly, so willingly. Like there is something in it for him. I’m so confused. She is moaning ever so slightly and I feel, well I feel…jealous. I want that. I want to be seen. I want to be touched. I want to surrender and allow and receive. I want to quiet my mind and just experience sensation in my body. I’m not even totally sure I have ever had an orgasm. I am a 30-year-old woman with a decent amount of experience, and I’m not even sure I’ve ever had one. No, I’m lying. I’m pretty sure I’ve never had one. I have never felt a “climax” like something was exploding or like I was going off a cliff of some kind. I just seem to keep climbing. I’ve always thought maybe I was broken. This seems perfect for me.

No! Wait, I can’t do that. I don’t have a partner, I have to find someone I trust, like for realz trust, who will see my you-know-what in the light, the direct light. I could never do this with a stranger, oh God, how dirty I would be. How insane that would be. A stranger. Wow. I always thought meditation was boring but this is totally…fucking…crazy…awesome! I’m in. Where do I sign up?

~ Excerpt from “Judge-A-Holic a One-Woman Show” written and performed by Bristol Baughan

Does orgasm actually lead to enlightenment? Who the hell really knows? What I do know is that it has helped me take another small step toward more personal freedom. Either way, this topic seems to be a really clear indicator of where fear, insecurity, and limiting beliefs exist in consciousness. I hope it serves you as it did me. Needless to say, it has been 2 years since Orgasmic Meditation entered my life and I am definitely better off for it. MUCH better off.

Subscribe to The Chopra Well and don’t miss tomorrow’s episode with Natalie and Iman’s first Orgasmic Meditation demonstration!

Women-Friendly Porn? Yes, It’s Possible

Looking for some online smut to watch with your partner-in-crime–or just by yourself? Certainly, there’s no shortage of porn, nudity and other X-rated material when you are surfing the web. But what if you are getting bored of seeing the same bleached blond sorority-type with the pierced nipples and boob job getting gang-banged by five douchey-looking bros in some guy’s apartment? 

Not all porn sites are created equal. And contrary to popular belief, not all porn has to be just about some dude getting off on dominating some chick with a spray-on tan. Is it possible that porn can be about celebrating female pleasure, too? 

And contrary to another popular belief, not all males enjoy watching Barbie-doll lookalikes– and actually would prefer to see very real-looking women achieve orgasm on their own without the help of any studly male "professors" or "gynecologists."

I asked one male acquaintance for his recommendations of non-mainstream, women-friendly porn sites that fit his erotic cup of tea. Coupled with my own internet research, I have found other additional resources for women-friendly porn and other erotic websites that challenge the traditional notions of porn for the heterosexual male gaze–or are still for dudes, but at least look way more interesting. 

Enjoy your smut and celebrate some non-fake human sexuality. And let’s GET IT ON.

BeautifulAgony.Com. Feel completely dirty from head to toe without seeing a single naked body. The premise of Beautiful Agony is very simple: it is an ongoing archive of videos submitted from men and women all over the world, with one format: a single person on camera, shot from the neck up, masturbating himself or herself to complete orgasm. Audio included. No matter what gender, ethnicity, nationality, age, sexuality, body type you like to fantasize about, there’s gotta be something for everyody. Plus, everyone loves a good orgasm! 

IFeelMyself.Com. Just like what the URL says: videos of real women touching themselves. Sexy and inspirational for both men and women, for different reasons.

IShotMyself.Com. With a digital camera, that is. Whether you want to play with your inner naughty exhibitionist, get over your own stupid body image issues, or do an anonymous eff-you to an ex-boyfriend who didn’t like your body, you are invited to post your own anonymous nudie photos of yourself with scores of other women of all ages, shapes and backgrounds who have dared to do the same. Simply fascinating to see the diversity of women from all over the world sharing their naked body with the internet.

Le Chagrin. If only this Tumblr still updated! Beautiful erotic photos of men, women, men and women that look more cinematic than anything else. If "classy porn" existed as an actual genre, this would be it.

A FUCK A DAY. Okay, this Tumblr is totally for guys. But also sensual visual pleasure of classy and artsy erotic photos for girls who like checking out other girls.  indie porn is another Tumblr that fits in this category.

Here are other great online resources for women-friendly porn: 

The Women’s Guide To Good Porn from Babeland.com. How not surprising that the most women-friendly sex shop has its own porn guide. Check it out. And also check out Babeland’s highly informative resources and sex products! 

 The Smart Girl’s Guide To Porn. A comprehensive guide of porn, for the female perspective, in book form.

PHOTO (cc): Flickr / alexdram

Orgasms 101

Orgasms 101


So you want to bring something new and exciting into your life but are not sure if it should be a personal investment class, a comfy sofa, a kitchen remodel or orgasms?  This, my friends, is no dilemma.  Orgasms don’t cost anything.  They fit into every room of the house, require no new electrical outlets, never need to be cleaned and require no heavy lifting when you have finally had enough of your grungy little kitchen.  They are, by far, the best investment you can make


Consciously decide to bring more orgasms into your life.  While they slip in every once in a while without prior scheduling, the best way to insure their spontaneity is to plan time for them.

 The harder you work at having orgasms the more likely you are to hear your neighbors enjoying them while your efforts prove fruitless. Hold open the door and invite them in by conscientiously receiving the caring in your beloved’s touch.  Force ketchup bottle open, not orgasms. 

 Your body is a machine.  It effectively makes orgasms if touched the right way.  Get informed by talking to friends (heaven forbid), buying books and videos or taking classes to learn how to get the results you want.  I encourage you to join me for an intimate teleseminar series all about sexual skill and technique at www.sexualitysalon.com/coaching. It takes skill. Not magic or luck. 

Both men and women are capable of multiple-orgasmic experiences.  This means you are among the lucky ones.  Developing these skills takes time and continuous effort and guarantees that your best orgasms are yet to come.


Side 1: Middle Aged Sexuality

Do you think it’s possible to not trust someone and not even be consciously aware? A month ago I’d have been certain it wasn’t possible. Today, my mind is shifting and wondrous feelings are coming at me so fast I don’t know if I recognize them all. It’s energizing and humbling at the same time. I thought I was broken. As in, certain biological functions were lost to me, that I had missed the boat per se.

Back in the day, I was so needy and insecure that faking it was second nature because I didn’t want to give anyone reason to leave me. Pathetic I know. But true none the less. When my firstborn’s father threw the switch and I had my first real ‘event’ I became his slave for life. My body and mind screamed “MORE” and I guess more was too much. My last real ‘fireworks show’ was in 1986. No that is NOT a typo. 24 years ago, wow – I better move on (I’m starting to get depressed). I realize now that needy and insecure coupled with desperate and green were a devastating repellant for what I then thought I needed most. Love. Inexorably confused in my immature heart and brain, so cliche in retrospect; love equalled sex. It doesn’t, but back then it did.

After fireworks guy left me and my son was born, I was disappointed to learn that just because someone flipped my switch, it wasn’t automatically “on” with everyone. I know, I know – many of you are reading this thinking “Is she for real?”, “How naive can one person be?”. The answers are yes and very, respectively. In another post I’ll have to explain a little more of my background but for now you’ll just have to take my word for it. Anyway, not only wasn’t it “on” – I started wondering if it disappeared entirely! Women weren’t supposed to peak until their 30’s, so at 19 I was wondering if I could be a freak of nature? Ho hum, ho hum – it was back to faking it for me.

No one has since come close to manifesting the big O for me. I might start to get there, but evidently it was a very elusive, ummm, creative, um circumstance… You get the idea. Regretfully, I had no support system, no one I could ask and feeling broken at such a young age is very isolating. A couple years later my almost-ex husband found me and I continued to fake it for the majority of our 20 years together. I say majority not because he was able to take me to the top but because toward the end I just didn’t care enough to fake it anymore.

Or maybe I started caring about me more. Finally… Hmmmm, that will require further analysys. But, again, I digress. We separated 18 months ago and in the past two weeks, simply by intercepting a call for my son, I’ve experienced such sexually charged emotion through phone conversation that it has been amazing. My first instinct when it started was to run from it. Instead I took a deep breath and allowed it to wash through me. Not fighting it, not encouraging it, simply experiencing it with intent was amazing.

The rationalizing started the next day. Again, facing each moment with intent – no expectations, no judgement, no need for permission – was and is empowering. In my more somber moments recently, it ran through my mind that I trust my caller more than I would have thought possible. The anonymity may play into that (another thing to think about…) but I trust him. I feel comfortable enough to just be me. I knew that in the last several years I no longer trusted my husband. In experiencing new trust however, I look back and realize that I stopped trusting my husband very close to the beginning of our relationship and I didn’t even recognize it for what it was.

I can say with absolute certainty that I will be all of me, no faking allowed, from here on out. I will wake up each day with the intent of being the best and most of me that I know how to be. I intend to face each day with integrity and banish the sense of failure and shame I’ve wrapped around me like a shield. I intend to build a life full of the promise of intent and the wonderment of following through. I am so glad I stumbled upon this website. Intent.com – who knew?

I can be silly again too. Me – silly. Not the comedic relief I’ve developed over the years but actually silly! Anyway, I had to look it up on Wikipedia to be sure but since he’s 12 years younger than me, if I allow the next phase to evolve, I’ll be a ‘cougar”. RaWR… or maybe PuRR… We’ll have to see which suits me – maybe both or neither.

Well, after a short break on Intent.com, I’m refreshed and ready to finish my workday with focus and mindfulness.

I’m so glad you could join me. This is KrisSalys – still emerging, still becoming…

The Big ‘O’ In Search of the Ultimate Orgasm

According to author, media therapist, and renowned loveologist Dr. Ava Cadell, "As humans we are always in search of the ultimate orgasm whether it’s with our soul mate, a one night stand, a bottle of booze, or mind altering drugs.  It is our second basic instinct after self-preservation.  So why are we seeking that euphoric, mind-blowing, earth shattering, energy melting orgasm?"

Read the rest of the article here — https://www.loveologyuniversity.com/LUPages/TheBigO.aspx>, and learn about different kinds of orgasms and different ways to achieve them. Dr. Ava talks openly about all aspects of love and sexuality in her radio show, Sex Drive — http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erm7m-_Zx-4 — which airs four days a week. Visit Loveology University — http://www.loveologyuniversity.com?a_aid=sward — for more information.

How to Create Multiple Orgasms in Women


How to create multiple orgasms in women
1.                  If you are a woman, decide that no matter how inept you feel in every other area of life, you are capable of responding similarly to women who are multi-orgasmic if you or your partner know what to do.
2.                  Talk to your gynecologist. What does he or she know that will help make your sex life more pleasurable. 
3.                  Buy books that will teach you more about the full extent of female sexual potential. Read them. 
4.                  If you are married with kids, take two hours on a Sunday morning and send the youngsters to a friends house or the zoo or give them  some money and send them to an arcade. You want them so absorbed they forget all about you. Now you have to let yourself get so absorbed that you forget all about them too.
5.                   If you are a single woman go to a sex toy store or find a catalogue of sexual paraphernalia and buy yourself a few different g spot stimulators. This tool is designed to get where your fingers and household pliers cant. They come in slightly different shapes, angles and sizes. That is why you should try a few. They are also different firmnesses. The harder the tool, the easier it may be to initially find your G spot. Beyond that, personal preference reigns. Can I list a few sex toy catalogues?
6.                  Ready, set, go! Use all the time, toys and educational tools you have collected. Allow yourself several opportunities to grow from clumsy and awkward to surprised and delighted. There is no rush and unlimited joy awaits you. 

G Spot and Female Ejaculation

In this article, G Spot and Female Ejaculation — https://www.loveologyuniversity.com/LUPages/GSpotandFemaleEjaculation.aspx?a_aid=sward">, author, media therapist, and loveologist Dr. Ava Cadell talks about female erogenous zones and the various ways a woman can experience an orgasm.

Dr. Ava talks openly about all aspects of love and sexuality in her radio show, Sex Drive — http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erm7m-_Zx-4, which airs four days a week. Visit Loveology University — http://www.loveologyuniversity.com?a_aid=sward — for more information.

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