Tag Archives: perfect

Why You’re Perfect Just The Way You Are.

shutterstock_123704254Less than two years ago, I was lucky enough to be living in walking distance to a Barnes and Noble. Somehow I would always find myself attracted like a magnet to the often shamed and typically avoided self-improvement aisle. My friends used to joke that my walking into my then-favorite section was like an alcoholic walking into a liquor store: I would literally go through book by book for hours on end, searching for some hidden secret that I thought might help me do a little better at this whole thing called life. These were my “self-help” binges, and I would exit those aisles more utterly confused than when I walked into them. Still, upon first whiff of that delicious Barnes and Noble scent, I was unable to stop myself from going back for more.

I must be missing some kind of guidebook everyone got when they were born, I would think to myself as I scanned each book in my favorite section. If only I could find the answer somewhere in one of these books, I would have it all figured out.

I came across many-a-book that would instruct me to love myself unconditionally, and I was told that if I could just give myself unconditional love and gentleness, I would have the peace I was looking for. I would repeatedly fail to understand what that meant and assume this implied I was failing life in general, only to love myself a little less as I sadly trudged away from the self-help section.

I would search and search, and I would find nothing I didn’t already know or nothing that could really give me what I wanted. Why? Because what I wanted was to be accepted just as I was, not if only I could love myself. This could only come from me, not from “passing” the exam called “life” with flying colors because I spent my whole life in the self help section of the book store and got all the answers down.

Although I’m slightly sober of my self-help section habit (okay, I did make one trip there the other day) I’m still finding I’m walking away from many a “spiritually minded” article or magazine with the same feeling of inadequacy I used to get from reading Cosmopolitan, or hanging out in that darn aisle of the book store. No, I don’t feel like my abs are too flabby or like I don’t have enough sex appeal, but I do feel a little bit like I’m “not spiritual enough” or like my limited kale intake doesn’t grant me access to some kind of higher plane of living.

So let me just say, I’m deciding there aren’t any rules. I’m deciding I’m good enough right where I am (and I get to decide that every single day.) In a world filled with rules and instructions for how to let go of rules and instructions, I am always granted the choice to accept myself, warts and all. No matter what I might be struggling to quit, hang onto, or pick up, I can embrace myself right where I’m at, well before I get to whatever final destination I’m heading toward.

After all, I may never “arrive” there anyways. I might as well enjoy the ride.


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Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist – Top 10 Reasons to Chill Out

Not That PerfectionistIt was the end of a typical weekday at my house: a moving and shaking day at the office, home for some giggles and play with my young daughters, dinner, baths and bed. Finally, I get some time to myself – hooray! Out of the corner of my eye, I spot a massive pile of clean laundry that has been waiting to be put away for a whole week now. Momentarily, I consider putting it away, but … naah! Instead, I decide to grab my laptop, prop my feet up and work on some writing. I giggled to myself realizing that previously in my life I would have never been able to do that. That tiny bit of clutter would have gnawed away at me, making me super-uneasy and totally unable to relax in-the-moment.

You see, I am a recovering perfectionist. And, boy, I had it bad! Aside from my obsession with cleanliness and everything in its place, I would usually have multiple projects going on at any given point in time, agonizing over every detail, which, of course, needed to be executed juuuust right. Upon completion I would say in one long breath, “Woo-hoo, that was great, finally did it, okay, what’s next?” I used to pour over blog posts editing and re-editing them in the quest for perfect arrangement of the exact right words until they were finally worthy to be released (maybe). I used to work out 6 or 7 days a week and it would take an act of God for me to actually skip a workout!

For years, I would brush my neurosis off as, “I am just built that way. It’s in my DNA.” And, to some extent, this is true. I have a lot of passion and energy eager to pour out. But, what is different these days is my self-talk around this energy. The story I tell myself. I am enough, already. I still have high ambition and put tremendous amounts of love in what I do, but I give myself a break. I have loosened my grasp on expected outcomes and value peace and harmony waaaay more than flawlessness.

So, what was the wake-up call that helped me make the switch from high-strung to mellowed-out? These are the top 10 realizations that I made about perfectionism that helped me along in my journey to become easy like Sunday morning:

  1. “Perfect” is an illusion. It’s striving for the impossible. Even if this high-level of excellence can be met in a particular moment, don’t blink because it is a fleeting ideal. Perfection has an insatiable appetite, and the constant expectation of it sets you up for a whole lot of disappointment, stress, and unhappiness. All the while, the fun of life whizzes right by.

  2. Perfectionism stifles creativity and blocks the birth of fresh ideas. Sometimes we just need to throw the paint on the canvas, allow the notes to be strummed, or let the words pour out. When you mix intense worry into the equation, self-confidence erodes and the artistic flow becomes suppressed. Is everything just right? How it will be perceived by others? This type of thinking takes us out of alignment with our creative source and smothers the flames of imagination into submission.

  3. The ever-present quest for perfection is merely a shield from vulnerability. When we do everything perfectly, then we cannot be judged or criticized. It’s an excuse not to be vulnerable. Just as staying busy in the process of constantly trying to achieve the unachievable is a good way to avoid having to look at and deal with our “stuff.” (And we all have “stuff”). Unfortunately, the only way to heal is to deal (as in facing things head on). The shielding of perfectionism is merely a coping mechanism, which works temporarily, but meanwhile, whatever we’re suppressing only continues to gain more power over us.

  4. Vulnerability shielding inhibits connection. For me, I realized that if I really wanted to be a great writer, coach, mother, and friend who really connects with others then I’d have no other choice but to let down my shield and allow my authentic self to be fully exposed. This means being perfectly imperfect at times, owning it, and granting others permission to do the same.

  5. There is a big difference between striving for excellence and perfectionism. It’s called actually enjoying what you are doing! It’s okay (great, even) to have high aspirations. Shoot for the stars. Go nuts! But, go easy on yourself along the way. Enjoy the journey. Don’t get so tripped up in the outcome that it sucks every ounce of joy out of the process

  6. Perfection is to life what those plastic covers are too a really nice sofa.  Sure, it keeps the dirt off, but what’s the point?? The guitar whose notes are strum slightly off at times is better than the untouched guitar collecting dust on the wall. The laughed in, played in, loved in, house is better than the spotlessly clean one where you can eat off the kitchen floor. The published, yet slightly imperfect, blog or book that allows somebody else to have an “a-ha” moment or inspiration is way better than the “almost perfect” one that is still hiding away, never to be experienced by another soul. Don’t miss the point of life in pursuit of way-too-high standards.

  7. Self-worth is not determined by any outward measurement. This goes for any number on a scale, how clean the house is, how many feathers are in our cap, etc. It’s what’s on the inside that matters most. And, it starts with loving self-talk, not the “I’m not good enough’s” associated with striving for perfect.

  8. It’s even scarier. Yes, it can be scary sharing your passion with the world (whatever the medium). But, what’s even scarier is not sharing your passion with the world because you felt it didn’t meet your own ridiculously high standards. The reality is that nobody’s opinion of your work is going to be quite as critical as your own, anyway. And, even if it is. So what? It’s just somebody else’s opinion. Be passionate, create, love, share — this is living!

  9. Because what perfectionism really is: Throwing an amazing party and forgetting to have a good time because you are worried about some silly little details that nobody else even noticed or actually cares about! (Yes, I might have actually done this before *whistles*).

  10. Perfectionist parents create perfectionist kids. And, I want my girls to grow up knowing unconditional self-love, acceptance of what it is, and enjoyment of life. ‘Nuff said.

Perfectionism is a way of closing off and controlling things. It may look pretty on the outside but in reality it’s cold, isolated and dark. It’s the cracks that let the light in, anyway. So, go on and ease up a bit. Let some light in and shine on!

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Deepak Chopra: If the Universe is Perfect, Why Aren’t We?

If nature and the Universe work together in perfect synchronicity, and we humans are part of nature, then why are we not perfect?

In this episode of “Ask Deepak” on The Chopra Well, Deepak Chopra explores the seeming imperfections in nature and in humans’ own behavior, and how this relates to the overall perfection of the Universe.

Nature and the Universe are pure synchronicity, pure expression and organization. This doesn’t mean light and dark, pain and pleasure, good and evil need not exist – paradox is as natural as order, after all. But human life, and life in general, are often unnecessarily messy, flawed, and chaotic. Instead of identifying with the soul of the Universe, we identify too often with logic, with our brains and egos. If we can return to an identification with the larger universe, we will reclaim a life of equanimity.

Subscribe to The Chopra Well and check out Deepak Chopra’s book, The Ultimate Happiness Prescription.

You are your purpose.

purposeHe asked: “Why would you do that?!” Oh, did it hurt. There was no make-wrong in his question, no accusation, no attack. Only puzzlement. “Why would you try to change others? Why would you want to force others to grow? Don’t you know that everyone is where they are, working with what they have, however they can? I thought you would know that.”

She asked: “How can we make others understand?! How can we make them see? If we could just do something, catapult them away from Earth and up up up to the moon so that they could see the world as it is and then something in them would click!”

I listened to her and I remembered his question: why would you do that? Why would you want to force others to grow?

And I felt ashamed of myself for having tried, for having tried to make others see, for it was not out of compassion that I’ve done that. It was not to serve others, and it was not to help them. It was to make them. It was to change them. It was forced. It was an attack. I was an attacker.

And so when she asked, “How can we make people see, how can we make them understand, how can we make them change?” I said:

“You know, I found the easiest and by far the fastest way to change people, to change the world: when I see, when I understand, when something in me clicks, then the world becomes a wonderland and people are lovely and delightful.”

That is all I need to do to shift the world and change everyone — see, understand, realize — myself.

A Vision For The World

 Monday, 8/29


A Vision for the World







































Mary Maskell with the Intenders for the Highest Good; Vision Alignment Project


You Are The Perfect Son Of God

 Tuesday, July 5th


“You are a perfect son of God by right of the Christ-principle by which you are created and sustained.  But this potential does not become a conscious influence and practical power until you ‘receive Him,’ or come to believe and act as if you believed that you are the limitless expression of the Infinite Life, Substance and Intelligence of God.” – Discover the Power Within You by Eric Butterfield

Steve Farrell

Humanity’s Team World Wide Coordinating Director


There Is No Such Thing As A “Victim” Or A “Villain”:

 Sunday, June 26th


Every Soul Is Perfect


“There is no such thing as a ‘victim’ or a ‘villain.’ There are no such things as the ‘good guys’ and the ‘bad guys.’ God created nothing but Perfection. Every soul is perfect, pure and beautiful. In the state of forgetfulness in which they reside here on Earth, God’s perfect beings may do imperfect things — or what we would call imperfect things — yet everything that occurs in life occurs for a perfect reason. There is no such thing as a ‘mistake’ in God’s world, and nothing happens by chance. Nor does any person come to You without a gift for You in his hands.”


Friendship with God

Neale Donald Walsch

Steve Farrell

Humanity’s Team World Wide Coordinating Director


There Is No Such Thing As A “Victim” Or A “Villain”:

 Sunday, June 26th


Every Soul Is Perfect


“There is no such thing as a ‘victim’ or a ‘villain.’ There are no such things as the ‘good guys’ and the ‘bad guys.’ God created nothing but Perfection. Every soul is perfect, pure and beautiful. In the state of forgetfulness in which they reside here on Earth, God’s perfect beings may do imperfect things — or what we would call imperfect things — yet everything that occurs in life occurs for a perfect reason. There is no such thing as a ‘mistake’ in God’s world, and nothing happens by chance. Nor does any person come to You without a gift for You in his hands.”


Friendship with God

Neale Donald Walsch

Steve Farrell

Humanity’s Team World Wide Coordinating Director


God’s Purpose for You is Simply Perfect – Author Unknown

God’s Purpose for You is Simply Perfect – Author Unknown







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