”Oh you know what you want!” I thought to a friend who, not being in my head, could not hear a thing. You know exactly what you want, you are aware of it distinctly, you can hear yourself telling yourself just what is, only… Only there are other things you are telling yourself as well, like: [...]
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Find Out What You Want – Step #9
”Why does God allow children to suffer and die?” read the question. To which I answered: “Because God sees death as a beautiful transition, not a horrific disaster.” And he responded: “Every torturer sees someone else’s torture and death as beautiful.” And what did I say to that? I said this: “What if death is [...]
Find Out What You Want – Step #8
See, this is my fear. The only one that is real. It is not that I will die, it is not that I might get sick, it is not pain. It is not a ruin that scares me. A bankruptcy, a homelessness. I feel no fear at the thought of losing Christopher and, if you [...]
Find Out What You Want – Step #7
“God damn me!” I thought to myself today. We had such a splendid fight today, Chris and I, and I was so right! Oh, I was so sure of it, too, sitting in my studio, mulling over what he said and what his problem was and how he screwed up and how he really needs [...]
Wordplay Wednesday: One In The Same
Maybe it was naïve Of me to assume It would be safe To express myself What I’ve experienced And felt Maybe my enthusiasm Took me too far The energy and relief I got From breaking The silence From letting go Of my desire To control What you and you Knew about me I was just [...]
Wordplay Wednesday: Competition
Competition Lingers in the air A thickness That separates Me now from you Defenses elevated Skepticism awakened Observations acute Afraid of past repeating In present Indicating progress Not made Unclear if perceptions Are real or imagined Proceeding with caution I wait Written in January of 2011, when I was worried that a friend of mine [...]
What The Buddha Might Say To Bill Gates
“The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows.” – Buddha Bill Gates is a rare breed. He defies what most billionaires appear to be: trapped in the hoarding of money with a large dose of poverty mind. While most people are obsessed with getting money, Gates wants [...]
Find Out What You Want – Step #6
Yeah, screw that! Really! I know that I should be writing an inspiring story here about how wonderful it is to change, and see, and discover … blah, blah blah! It isn’t wonderful. It sucks. It’s hard and makes you unsettled, uprooted and homesick. I am homesick, big time. Tonight. I want to go home, [...]
Find Out What You Want – Step #5
“Oh, but this doesn’t happen anymore” he said dismissively, for all the world as though he was speaking to a silly child, “yes, Zen becomes more like a psychotherapy because this is what people want. No one can get enlightened anymore.” “No one can get enlightened anymore,” said a man who practiced Zen for decades. Who [...]
Wordplay Wednesday: Please
I used to want you to know me Right away Everything shoved in your face As if limited time Would prevent you from seeing All I have to offer Motivated by fear I tried To force a connection To make you laugh To get your attention I’d boast and I’d prance Tell you what I [...]
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