Tag Archives: Poland

Find Out What You Want – Step #3


 What a remarkably appropriate stick this is, how well fitted for today. How interesting that I pulled it out of my bunch now, of all times. Now that I sit in a hotel room in Poland, in Katowice, in the city I grew up in. The city I escaped from. The city that still haunts me in nightmares.

Here I am, shocked like a deer in the headlights, because I feel the past closing in around me. I feel a life that is over and done with, that is gone, long gone, coming back from its dark hole. Here I am. Not Pausha Foley anymore but Patrycja Gawronska. Again.

Clinging to Christopher with all my might – he is my shield against Polishness. My link to Pausha. My link to Pausha Foley. To the American life. To the French life. To the lives I created for myself.

But then this – this dark, hard, painful existence in this dirty, dark, crumbling city – have I created this too? Have I created my childhood full of fear and pain? Have I created the trauma that sent me for long years into apathy and obliviousness?

I would hesitate to answer this … maybe … has it not been for one night, long ago, in Los Angeles. I worked with the wizard that night. I went deep, deep into the source of me, into dark places and scary blanknesses filled with a terrifying father, with masculine abuse and feminine neglect, with collapse of my power, my autonomy, my soul. And then, when the time came to return to my body, I resurfaced accompanied by a thought:

interesting how I organized all those experiences for myself…

Click here to read Find Out What You Want – Step #1 and Find Out What You Want – Step # 2

A Prayer For Poland

 Dear God,

The souls of Poland’s leaders have now returned to you. We offer our deepest prayers for their safekeeping and our heartfelt gratitude to them for the noble ways in which they served their country and humanity.

We all know that life includes death and that tragedies may be serving purposes beyond our knowing. And yet we still ask for your grace to pour onto the hearts of Polish people everywhere to ease them in this time of loss, confusion, and devastation. It is a bitter thing to lose so many cherished leaders in a single moment. We are with the Polish people in this grief over their fallen comrades and we ask you to bless them with healing.

May Poles be able to grieve the loss so completely that their tears cleanse even more ancient wounds born of centuries of warfare. And may the rest of us honor the memory of these leaders by ourselves striving to open our hearts and more fully embrace the Polish people, to understand both their history and their unique gifts.

I cannot help but feel that this was a heroic choice of these souls at a higher level, that they chose the time and place of their deaths in order to mend an ancient wound between two nations. And still deeper, to dissolve a pattern that has kept humanity at odds with itself for far too long.

They sacrificed themselves, I sense, to help heal the wounds of war, which fester in humanity after millennia of invasions, militarism and fear. These leaders went to Russia to memorialize a long-past massacre and in offering their deaths, their souls are giving us all a chance to heal the lingering rifts between nations and between hearts.

Poland has taken more than its share of blows in the long story of humankind’s brutality. And as I pray for her to heal from this current tragedy, I also sense that there is a spiritual gift in it, that in some mysterious way it is helping to propel Poland to a destiny as a teacher and leader among nations, showing us all how to cleanse the traumas of the past and create something of beauty from them.

Holy Father, let us honor this sad moment by redoubling our commitment to be people of peace, to be healers of ancient rifts, and to be menders of broken relationships. Let us come together in this moment as one world, offering solidarity of heart and soul with the Polish people.

I pray that we each have the courage to reach out with solace and support to our Polish friends. And in that reaching out, that we help turn the tears into a triumph of the human spirit, transcending the past to forge a more peaceful future.



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