Tag Archives: questions

The World Is Not Against You: 3 Tips for Battling Depression

depressionA coaching client of mine lost her job – for the second time this year. Downsizing. Company problems. None of it had to do with her performance – which was exceptional. She received a glowing letter of recommendation from her CEO to help her land her next job. She asked, “Why is the world so against me? Why do bad things always happen to me?”

We all think this from time to time. We have great plans. They don’t work out. Someone we care about leaves. The person we want to spend time with can’t or won’t spend time with us. A storm damages our house, car or something that we value. Our company fails. We go bankrupt. We think the world has it out for us.

Then we look to see if we have been good – because, you know, it isn’t right or fair that bad things happen to good people. We feel that if we change, and become better, our lives will improve. Then another difficult life event happens and we are back to being depressed, challenged and upset. We, like my client, think the world has it out for us.

I used to think this when things until I heard something that changed my perspective. I was listening to a podcast about earthquakes. (Bear with me, this will make sense in a minute.) In the podcast, they were explaining why earthquakes happen – the movement of the tectonic plates deep within the earth. The earth is alive – the plates within the Earth are always moving. In short, the Earth does what is true to its nature – it brings the materials deep from the earth to the surface to regenerate and recharge itself. It isn’t spiteful or against us. It isn’t personal. Though we may be affected by an earthquake, it isn’t against us.

This helped me better understand life – it is as it is. We can choose to be disappointed, depressed, upset, bitter and hateful for what “happens to us” or we can see that life happens – it isn’t spiteful and the world isn’t against us. When we realize this, we can now focus our energy not to fight with it, feel victimized or be upset.

How can we remember to see that the world isn’t against us? Consider these:

    1. Remember: The only thing I can control is my response. We are small players in a big universe. We can’t control many of the things that affect our planet, country, state, neighborhood, house, family, work and health. We can, however, choose to show up present to each moment to see and understand what life is sharing with us – then choose the best response in the next moment, using all that we know. We can only control our response to the events of our lives – our thoughts, feelings and actions from the events; we can’t control the events.
    2. Ask: What are two opportunities that can come from this? Getting out of victim thinking and into an opportunity mindset is the key to thriving in our big wild world. By changing our focus from what is not right to seeing opportunities, we shift our energy from negative/victim (catabolic) to optimistic/opportunistic (anabolic). In this way, we can shift our energy from lack to one of power that can invent, create, solve, anticipate and appreciate.
    3. Ask: How will this help me show up bigger, truer, stronger, or more capable?  Developing the ability to see opportunities, regardless of what life sends us, enables us to handle the tough events in life with grace, optimism and courage; we see them as the opportunity to be better. I think we are hardwired to struggle – meaning we have the built-in capacity to be resilient and tenacious. This enables us to go head-to-head with the tough times to use them to become more aware of how capable we truly are.

Life is as it is. It doesn’t pick a fight with us; it isn’t against us. It delivers what it delivers. Our days would be happier if we could learn to see life as a friend and a teacher. It is a friend when it sends us beautiful days, success and opportunity; it is a teacher when it sends us pain, challenge and struggle. Both are for us. Both benefit us. We can use both to show the world how strong, capable, courageous and amazing we can be.

Join Caroline Myss for a “Help Desk” Shoot on March 13 in San Francisco!

(Click to enlarge photo)

Carolyn Myss

“HELP DESK” with

CAROLINE MYSS

 *** A NEW SHOW TO AIR ON THE OWN NETWORK ***

WHEN: March 13, 2014

LOCATION: Justin Herman Plaza, 1 Market St., San Francisco, CA (scheduled)

10:30 AM-12:30 PM –     Help Desk Open to Public

2:30 OM – 1:00 PM –       Group Exercise Led by Caroline Myss

What is Help Desk?

Help Desk is a television show on OWN that features renowned teachers, authors, and experts making themselves available in public spaces to provide advice to anyone who needs it. Help Desk is a deeply substantive series that grounds some of the great wisdom provided by today’s top experts and helps people live better and more fulfilling lives.

Who is Caroline Myss?

Caroline Myss is a five-time New York Times bestselling author and internationally renowned speaker in the fields of human consciousness, spirituality and mysticism, health, energy medicine, and the science of medical intuition.  In addition to her most recent book, Archetypes: Who Are You? (2013), Caroline’s best-sellers include Anatomy of the Spirit (1996), Why People Don’t Heal and How They Can (1998), Sacred Contracts (2002), Invisible Acts of Power (2004), Entering The Castle (2007), and Defy Gravity (2009).

Instructions:

1. Remove any hats with logos

1.  Sit down, introduce yourself!

2.  Give some basic background (age and profession).

3.  Explain your issue/problem and ask your question!

4. After you’re question is answered get up and allow the next person to step forward

5. Share any final thoughts and reactions in our “testimonial area”

What we are looking for: Caroline Myss is looking for people seeking advice to help them with a specific life issue or circumstance.  Below are a few examples, but we are open to hearing about any particular issues you would like to discuss:

-Dissatisfaction with career/feeling trapped

-Questioning faith or belief in higher power

-Overcoming addiction

-Difficulties with weight loss

-Overcoming specific anxieties or fears

-Divorce or breakup

-Coping with job-loss

-Issues revolving around sexual identity

-Financial hardship

-Sex and relationship issues

-Loss of a family member or friend

Stumped?  Here are some sample questions:

(Keep in mind you must briefly describe a life story or circumstance that relates to the question).

I have a deep fear of “…..” .  How do I overcome this fear?

How do I deal with a family who doesn’t approve of me leaving the faith I was raised with?

How do I get over my breakup with my boyfriend/girlfriend?

How do find balance between my family life and my work life?

How do I cope with loss in my life (divorce, financial loss, job loss)?

Can I be truly happy – and what does it mean to be truly happy?

What steps can I take to discover my purpose and find meaning in life?

How do I forgive someone who hurt me?

I keep repeating the same mistakes – how do I get out of an unhealthy pattern?

How do I find passion for life?

How do I reduce my stress level at work?

How to Live with Questions Instead of Hunting for Answers

questionsI am a child of the West. More specifically, I am a child of the United States and the mentality of answering a question is deeply-ingrained in me. I often think back to when I was in school, third or fourth grade and the teacher asked a question. I can still see the class, all boys, in sport coats, dress shirts and ties as we collectively raised our hands, we knew the answer. We wanted our teacher to know that we knew.

Someone was picked and the answer was given and then, it was on to the next question. When I worked on presidential campaigns, John Kerry in 2004 and Bill Richardson in 2008, I would sit at the edges of the rooms as the press asked questions. Q&A sessions are the core of journalism. You couldn’t possibly just have a “question” session where a question was left to float and linger; nor have there been many great ‘answer’ sessions where everyone gathers around and shares an answer to a question that was never asked.

We grow up and we want the answers. Why does she love? Why did she stop? Why did this happen or that? We hire therapists and read the books. We seek answers in the stars, our friends, and our family members. Today, in the world of electronic connection, there has to be an answer to every text; there has to be a response to every post and every email.

Not only that, we often read the simplest of pieces of communication over and over for an answer. We want to know why the person sent it; what’s the logic for the use of wink and not a smile. We pull layers off of layers and try and see what lies underneath. We need to find the answer.

Almost two years ago, I set out on my own journey to find out what happened to my father who had died in Southeast Asia in 1984. This was also less than a year after my mother had died in my arms in a hospice in Arizona. I set out with a mission. The impetus for my leaving was  a dinner I had with two close friends in Cape Town, South Africa while on a business trip there. “Go” they each told me, “go find out. It’s what you need to do.” I remember sitting at restaurant, as the waiters bustled about. I remember the feeling of the crowd and the room. I remember thinking, ‘yes I will go.’ So I went.

I learned an enormous amount on my journey. The journey concluded with me being back in that same restaurant last week while back in Cape Town on another business trip. I sat there and thought about what I had learned and what I hadn’t.

I left on my journey with my Western sense of “I need to find the answers” fully intact and front and center. I thought if I worked a bit harder, if I went to one more place that my father had gone to back then, if I stood on one more street corner where I knew that he had stood, I could find the answer. Any answer. An answer to how he felt when he was there. An answer to how he felt when he died. Something.

What I learned is that you should always go on your journey. We each have something that we have either always wanted to do. A place that we went to when we were young that we have wanted to go back to. Or perhaps we want to see where our parents were from, or where they met. We could want to see where someone near and dear to us lived, or died. It can be as far reaching as traveling Southeast Asia as I did, or as simple as wandering an old neighborhood where you grew up at night.

Go on the journey.

But go, not as I did as Westerner looking for the answer, though I suspect that you will leave that way. Go as the Burmese and African friends that I met along the way would go. Go knowing that the answers are elusive and not only are they elusive, the questions travel with you.

When you learn to live with the questions all day and all night, you realize that the answers don’t matter nearly as much as you once thought. When I was in Burma, I would get emails from my friends from the States, ‘did you find out what happened to your father?’ But no one there ever asked me that. They knew that it wasn’t the answers that mattered so much, but the journey itself. And living with the questions.

I wish I could go back to the classroom of my youth and when the teacher asked a question, instead of shooting my arm up and seeking to be the one with the answer, I would be the boy who sat there and just thought about the question.

 

photo by: paul bica

Join the Shoot of “Help Desk” With Michael Beckwith on Feb. 15 in LA!

(Click image to Enlarge)

helpdesk_michael_orientation_v01

“HELP DESK” with

MICHAEL BECKWITH

 *** A NEW SHOW TO AIR ON THE OWN NETWORK ***

WHEN: February 15, 2014

LOCATION: Pine Avenue Pier, Long Beach, CA

               8:30 am –10:30am :     Closed set

  10:30am – 12:30pm :     Help Desk open to public

      12:30pm – 1:00pm      Group Activity

                     

Description:Help Desk is a television show on OWN that features renowned teachers, authors, and experts making themselves available in public spaces to provide advice to anyone who needs it. Help Desk is a deeply substantive series that grounds some of the great wisdom provided by today’s top experts and helps people live better and more fulfilling lives.

Dr. Beckwith is a sought after meditation teacher, conference speaker, and seminar leader. He is the founder of the Agape International Spiritual Center, a trans-denominational community headquartered in Los Angeles. Three of his most recent books are recipients of the prestigious Nautilus Award.

Instructions:

1. Remove any hats with logos

1.  Sit down, introduce yourself!

2.  Give some basic background (Age and profession).

3.  Explain your issue/problem and ask your question!

4. After you’re question is answered get up and allow the next person to step forward

5. Share any final thoughts and reactions in our “testimonial area”

What we are looking for: Michael Beckwith is looking for people seeking advice to help them with a specific life issue or circumstance.  Below are a few examples but we are open to hearing about any particular issues you would like to discuss:

-Dissatisfaction with career/feeling trapped

-Questioning faith or belief in higher power

-Overcoming addiction

-Difficulties with weight loss

-Overcoming specific anxieties or fears

-Divorce or breakup

-Coping with job-loss

-Issues revolving around sexual identity

-Financial hardship

-Sex and relationship issues

-Loss of a family member or friend

Stumped?  Here are some sample questions:

(Keep in mind you must briefly describe a life story or circumstance that relates to the question).

I have a deep fear of “…..” .  How do I overcome this fear?

How do I deal with a family who doesn’t approve of me leaving the faith I was raised with?

How do I get over my breakup with my boyfriend/girlfriend?

How do find balance between my family life and my work life?

How do I cope with loss in my life (divorce, financial loss, job loss)?

Can I be truly happy – and what does it mean to be truly happy?

What steps can I take to discover my purpose and find meaning in life?

How do I forgive someone who hurt me?

I keep repeating the same mistakes – how do I get out of an unhealthy pattern?

How do I find passion for life?

How do I reduce my stress level at work?

Be Part of the Filming for “Help Desk” with Devon Franklin in LA on Feb. 16!

(Click to englarge image)

helpdesk_devon_orientation_v01

“HELP DESK” with

DEVON FRANKLIN

 *** A NEW SHOW TO AIR ON THE OWN NETWORK ***

 WHEN: February 16, 2014

LOCATION: Grand Park (fountain between Grand Ave and Hill St.)

             9:30AM-11:30AM –     Help Desk open to public

11:30AM-12PM –       Group Activity

Description: Help Desk is a television show on OWN that features renowned teachers, authors, and experts making themselves available in public spaces to provide advice to anyone who needs it. Help Desk is a deeply substantive series that grounds some of the great wisdom provided by today’s top experts and helps people live better and more fulfilling lives.

DeVon Franklin is a rarity: an African-American studio executive at the forefront of Hollywood’s hit machine. The 34-year-old is also the author of “Produced By Faith,” a how-to-guide about pursuing your career without compromising your faith. He currently serves as Senior Vice President of Production for Columbia Tristar Pictures. In addition to his entertainment industry pursuits, DeVon is also a preacher and motivational speaker.

Instructions:

1. Remove any hats with logos

1.  Sit down, introduce yourself!

2.  Give some basic background (age and profession).

3.  Explain your issue/problem and ask your question!

4. After you’re question is answered get up and allow the next person to step forward

5. Share any final thoughts and reactions in our “testimonial area”

What we are looking for: DeVon Franklin is looking for people seeking advice to help them with a specific life issue or circumstance.  Below are a few examples, but we are open to hearing about any particular issues you would like to discuss:

-Dissatisfaction with career/feeling trapped

-Questioning faith or belief in higher power

-Overcoming addiction

-Difficulties with weight loss

-Overcoming specific anxieties or fears

-Divorce or breakup

-Coping with job-loss

-Issues revolving around sexual identity

-Financial hardship

-Sex and relationship issues

-Loss of a family member or friend

Stumped?  Here are some sample questions:

(Keep in mind you must briefly describe a life story or circumstance that relates to the question).

I have a deep fear of “…..” .  How do I overcome this fear?

How do I deal with a family who doesn’t approve of me leaving the faith I was raised with?

How do I get over my breakup with my boyfriend/girlfriend?

How do find balance between my family life and my work life?

How do I cope with loss in my life (divorce, financial loss, job loss)?

Can I be truly happy – and what does it mean to be truly happy?

What steps can I take to discover my purpose and find meaning in life?

How do I forgive someone who hurt me?

I keep repeating the same mistakes – how do I get out of an unhealthy pattern?

How do I find passion for life?

How do I reduce my stress level at work?

The Connection Between Prayer and Meditation

meditationBy Linda Lauren

In my practice, many people seek my guidance on their spiritual progress.  They want to live more positively and many incorporate prayer into their daily routine. 

A client came in the other day to discuss meditation.  Like many novice to the practice, she kept telling me that she simply didn’t have time for it.  She also told me that there had to be a quick, easy way to have God answer her prayers.  I studied her for a moment and then asked:

“Praying is asking a question and meditation is listening for the answer. Do you often ask questions and run off?” 

“Well, no!”

“Then how do you know you are being heard?”

Meditation is a rewarding way of connecting prayer with a higher power.  It doesn’t matter whether you label that higher power your Higher Self, God, Source, or anything else, you will still need to hear beyond the experience of listening with the ear in order to truly hear the energy within. When we are in a prayerful state our spirit is communicating with that higher power and it is something greater than what we perceive in everyday life. Prayer then becomes a spiritual dialogue, (the intention) and if you do not incorporate the act of mindful listening (meditation), you will most likely lose the essence of the complete message and miss out on the answer on a deeper level.

So, when you are praying, remember to also give pause to hear beyond your surroundings to deep within the nature of the you within your spirit.  I have found incredible insight comes to me when prayer and meditation are understood as companions: Prayer indulges the question (the intention) and meditation (the answer) is provided through silence.

Our present world is one that moves at an incredibly high-stress, fast pace. Many of us are used to working fast, typing fast, and living fast. We focus on social media streams rather than streams of consciousness. Switch that up and give yourself the time to reward your intentions by allowing the connection of meditation to accompany your prayers and you will shine your light brighter.

 

Like Linda’s post? Check out these similar intents on Intent.com

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intnet - listen for guidance

***

Linda Lauren is a fourth-generation psychic medium, Color & Energy Consultant, Author and Reiki Practitioner, who connects with people who come to her for guidance through the color and energy she senses around them.  Linda, known as the ‘Travel Psychic™’, also uses that energy to guide her clients with their travel plans.

5 Tips to Deepen Intimacy in Your Relationships

innersexyDeep connections, quality relationships – the experience of feeling seen, heard and understood brings us the greatest joy in life. Here are 5 tips to deepen intimacy in any relationship – a friendship, family or love relationship.

1. Ask for Help (sooner than you want)

Our attachments and intimacy with others are bred through our vulnerabilities.

The meeting of our vulnerabilities is the sweet spot. This is where we have the ability to truly see one another. The experience of being seen and seeing is called mirroring. Psychologically, it is the bridge of intimacy and forges a strong bond (attachment) – knowing someone else will accept and be there for you, even (especially) in your weakest moments.

Take a risk of to be vulnerable and open yourself up to share from the heart. What is happening under the surface of your life and the veneer of your persona? Tell your partner if you’re sad, afraid, hurt or emotional. Practice staying authentic and articulate about your emotional state and ask for understanding, tenderness or help.

2. Let Your Partner Take the Lead

In relationships we tend focus on ourselves and assume that our needs are more important than our partners.

Flip it. Just for this month, practice allowing your partner’s needs to take priority. What if their needs are just as (or more) important than your own?

Self-abandonment is not what I am suggesting. Assuming you have healthy boundaries, attune to what your partner wants or needs. Ask them. Let your partner take the lead. Where do they want to go to dinner? Where do they want to go on vacation? What do they want to do this weekend?

This is a Buddhist/yogic concept of expanding the definition of who you are to include the ‘other’. Widening our perception of Self to include another breeds understanding and union. Instead of using a relationship or looking at our partners as a means to meet our needs – we elevate into a selfless, giving, generous approach. Much like building a successful business or any join venture, ask:

  • “How can I help you?” 
  • “How can I give more?” 
  • “What do you need and how can I serve?”

3. Set a Daily Check in with Your Partner

Set aside 10-20 min. a day to tune in to each other in full presence (no cell phones or TV, please). A great time to do this is at night. Take 10 minutes each to reflect on the day. Listen athletically to each other and offer support or feedback. When you can manage, try to go to bed at the same time, cuddle and reflect out loud – What went well? What was disappointing or frustrating? What do you intend to create for the next day?

Practice gratitude together. Get in the habit of reflecting the positive and holding each other in positive regard so you mirror back to your partner their positive attributes. Encouragement and support changes our biochemistry. Consistency in authentic connection is the glue that keeps a relationship together. Commit to a daily check in.

4. Show Up with Fresh Eyes

See your partner anew. We evolve and change constantly. Our hopes, dreams and skills shift. When we’re in relationship, it’s tempting to view our partner through an old, outdated perspective – who they were, how they acted or what they wanted before. Give your man (or woman) the space, just like a child, to shape shift, change, learn and grow. Tune into them – ask them “Where are you at today?”  “What are you feeling/wanting/dreaming of?”

Try silently observing and allowing them to show you who they are. Open your eyes and your mind. This creates more spaciousness to feel held and supported in who we are authentically – today. Let yourself be surprised. Seek to learn something NEW about your partner everyday.

5. Breed Affection

Bring more affection into your relationship. After years of listening to couples in therapy, I can tell you – it’s often (if not, usually) the smallest things that end up fracturing and eroding a relationship. Know the little things that your partner needs, wants or delights in.

  • How can you show random acts of kindness?
  • How can you be more affectionate?
  • How can you sweetly surprise them and bring a smile to their face?

Gentle touches, thinking what they might want from the grocery store or reaching out sending them a text or a note at work in support go a long way in building a foundation and reservoir of love.

Leave a comment and share – how do you deepen intimacy in relationships with those around you?

Participate in an “OWN” Television Series in NYC with Author Gabrielle Bernstein!

helpdesk

READ APPLICATION PROCESS BELOW AND APPLY ASAP TO: gabbyhelpdesk@gmail.com

WHAT:            The Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN), is seeking participants for the “Help Desk” series featuring spirit junkie, New York Times best-selling author & International Lecturer Gabrielle Bernstein!

WHEN:             Saturday January 11th, 2014 (specific time TBA)

WHERE:           NYC area (specific location TBA).

WHO:               Gabrielle Bernstein is a New York Times best-selling author who appears regularly as an expert on NBC’s Today Show, has been featured on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday as a next-generation thought leader, and was named “a new role model” by the New York Times. She is the author of the books  “Add More ~ing to Your Life”, “Spirit Junkie”, “May Cause Miracles” and the forthcoming book “Miracles Now” (to be published in April 2014 by Hay House).

Description:

Help Desk is a television show on OWN that features renowned self-help experts making themselves available in public spaces to provide advice to anyone who needs it. Help Desk is a deeply substantive series that grounds some of the great wisdom provided by today’s top experts and helps people live better and more fulfilling lives. Although the event is public, we are looking to secure a select group of participants who will be given priority to gain a spot to sit down with Gabrielle.

What we are looking for:

We need people who are seeking advice to help them with a specific life issue or circumstance. Below are a few examples but we are open to hearing about any particular issues you would like to discuss:

-Dissatisfaction with career/feeling trapped.
-Overcoming addiction
-Difficulties with weight loss
-Overcoming specific anxieties or fears
-Divorce or breakup
-Coping with job-loss
-Issues revolving around sexual identity
-Financial hardship
-Sex and relationship issues
-Loss of a family member or friend

Requirements:

1. We need applicants to be available during the day on Saturday January 11,  2014 in the NYC area.  Specific time and location TBA.
2. Provide simple description of yourself (age, profession, relationships status) and contact information (email and phone number).
3.  Photo of yourself
4.  Single paragraph description of the specific life circumstance that you need advice to overcome.
5.  Specific question(s) you would like to ask Gabrielle.
6. If selected, applicants will need to sign an Appearance Release.

Send email with answers to the above questions to: gabbyhelpdesk@gmail.com

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