Tag Archives: relationship

Why Real-Life Love is Worth the Struggle

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It has been said that you craft a relationship by practice, practice, practice. It does not just happen. In fact, 80% of couples choose to stay together after adultery in marriage. Monogamy is a conscious decision.  Divorce is not an option or exit for those who have reached real-life love. Their mindset is different. Their mindset is we will make it work! It takes discipline to be married happily.

Adultery is now higher for women than it is for men. Career women may see life without a spouse as palatable because of the burnout they feel from carrying most of the responsibilities alone. Social networking after work pulls apart the intimacy and connection between a couple. People can look up old sweethearts and eulogize those memories. This makes them feel younger and fancy free.

There is no conflict or conflict resolution needed. Polite marriages are higher in adultery because they lack conflict which gives us passion. The bored are looking for the pizazz of first love, but are searching for it in the wrong place. No one knows that with better imagination and ingenuity you can have an affair with your own partner.

For those who claim monogamy is not natural to humans, studies suggest that married people have better health, sex, wealth, and happiness. Women in relationships feel more sexually satisfied after 15 years together. The longer a couple is together the more sense of kindness returns later in life—similar to the way the relationship was in the courting period. 

This is real-life love and if you’ve got there you’ve traversed the power struggle it took to get there. After you conquer the power struggle stage you have more respect for each other. When you reach real-life love, you accept each other as you are and you are better for it. You have grown together as improved individuals.

Here are some tips for reaching real-life love: Continue reading

3 Ways to Get Your Best Guy Friend OUT of the Friend Zone

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All us gals have a guy friend or brother who we know is just such an awesome and nice guy. We know he’s deserving of a really great woman and we want to see him hooked up, yet for some reason he seems to have little luck with attracting or keeping the ladies.

As a Dating & Relationship Coach helping men and women over the last decade, it isn’t actually much of a mystery why this happens to great guys, as there are patterns that all of them repeat. So be a good wing-girl and share these 3 secrets with him to assist him in permanently getting out of the Friend Zone with women. Make sure his 2017 rocks! Continue reading

How to Keep Your Relationship Financially Safe

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One of the leading causes of divorce in the United States is finances. It’s easy for a couple to find themselves bitter, angry, and resentful toward the person they once loved more than anyone when finances are a problem. Whether it’s one person spending too much, one not being generous enough with their income, or ample debt, many couples find it difficult to overcome these issues when they don’t prevent them in the first place. Keeping a healthy financial relationship with your partner is the one of the most important aspects of any good marriage, and there are several ways to keep finances healthy. Continue reading

DearJames: There’s No Spark

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DearJames

I am over 50 & have been married for over 26 years. We have one child – early 20’s, independent but still at home. I have fallen out of love with my husband. I love him but there is NO spark. I have come to this realization within the last couple of years since becoming an (almost) ’empty nester’. I was too busy to realize this sooner. I have tried talking to him and we have tried counseling; counseling failed due to poor counselor. There is no intimacy between us. I know this is something I can’t live without. I have never cheated on him but I have had some recent temptations. He is (too) agreeable with any thing I suggest but it never accomplishes anything. He ‘listens’ to me and agrees but everything seems to go in one ear and out the other. He is not abusive or addicted to anything (drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc.). He can’t possibly be happy with the way things are. I asked him if he was gay and he said no. He has difficulty with physical intimacy due to his being overweight & some medications he takes. He gives little effort to lose weight and get off his meds. I don’t know if I should stay or not.

-NO Spark

Dear NO Spark

Asking someone for directions is easy: understanding them so you arrive at your intended destination requires a whole other set of skills. Continue reading

Ready, Aim, Bullseye: Seven Sentences That Will Go Straight to Her Heart (and why they work)

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I know that when my husband married me, he took on hefty responsibilities—not just for himself anymore—but for me and our future children, including promises to…

  • Please (always),
  • Provide (as much as possible),
  • Protect (when necessary),
  • Problem solve (as called upon), and
  • Procreate (as agreed upon)

But it wasn’t enough.

Because my appetite for attention was insatiable and his execution was never up to feminine standards, my subtle calls for transformation (“hints”) began to sound more like commands. Of course, when that approach didn’t work either, I resorted to ultimatums. It nearly broke us. What I didn’t understand at the time of course was how insecurity—common feminine anxiety—was the actual saboteur. Misdirected and misunderstood, my fear-inspired attempts to connect with my husband actually threatened to disconnect us—permanently.

You’ve probably jousted like that with your own wife and know what it feels like to be knocked off your horse. Chances are her heart remains a moving target, and your efforts to play Cupid continually fall short. As frustrating and demoralizing as that may feel, I’m here to ask you not to give up on her, or yourself. There is a way to aim those well-intentioned arrows with pinpoint accuracy.

In this archery lesson, we’ll identify seven relational values women prize most (beyond the above five “P’s”). Honoring these seven feminine needs or desires, practically universal to women, will work wonders in allaying her fears; minimizing behaviors that hurt you both.

Note the first letter in each value: their alphabetical order will help summon up the right one at the right moment. Champion archers, in the heat of a tournament, have to know their stuff by heart. Continue reading

Exercise Together: 3 Exercise Techniques To Bring You And Your Spouse Together

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Many couples spend hours after work watching TV and not talking. It’s easy to fall into this routine. However, If you are hoping to figure out how to spice things up, then it is necessary to find something that both of you like to do. One of the most beneficial things that a couple can do together is exercise. Exercise will get you both in shape and loving each other’s good looks once more. Often, couples disagree on the exercise format. Which often keeps them from doing their workout together. Here are three exercise techniques that will are fun, healthy and will strengthen your relationship. Continue reading

Marriages That Last: Small Gestures Yielding Big Benefits

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It has been sixty-five years since my parents’ wedding, a ceremony celebrating their commitment to love each other forever. Many years of dedication and shared experiences after they wed, Alzheimer’s disease stole the memories of this promise. After their diagnoses, I watched in amazement as my parents newly discovered each admirable trait which brought them together decades before.

Now refined through trials and seasoned with life’s experiences, their attraction was magnetic. My parents’ shared disease made me wonder: what keeps marriages strong despite the challenges of life we all face? I believe it is more than sheer grit and determination. Experiencing my parents’ love on autopilot led me to believe the key to lasting love is in developing basic traits which become the essence of who we are. Continue reading

Dealing With Financial Income Inequality in Marriage

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The love of money may be the root of all evil, but arguing about money is the third leading reason (at 22 percent) given for divorce. Going into a marriage, two partners think they’ll “make it work.” It turns out that blending what often are two disparate views about finances isn’t quite so easy, and the issues become even more intransigent if one or both partners refuse to talk about it. Here are some ways you might be able to avoid the dreaded “D” word, and we don’t mean Dallas. Continue reading

The Second Half of Life Relationship Rules: Six Ways to Keep the Fires Burning till Death Do Us Part

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Being married for any length of time is truly an accomplishment these days.  Just last week a woman asked how long I had been married and when I said forty years this July, her eyes got huge and she said, “To the same person?  How is that possible?”

When we got married people were taking bets on how long our marriage would last.  The average bet was between two weeks and two years because of our age difference and personalities.  Let’s just say, my husband is calm, wise and conservative and I am the exact opposite.  I do remember feeling really shaky when I said my vows. … “for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and health, till death do us part.” Now that’s a huge promise!  Could I really do this?

Flash forward forty years.  We are still married, happy and love each other, although it hasn’t been an easy road and our relationship has been tested on many occasions, and I’m sure more will come as we navigate through our senior years.

Someone once said, “I married you for better or worse, but not for breakfast and lunch.”  I never really understood that until now.  Obviously, when couples first get married, it is exciting challenging, romantic and fun.  And then if children come along, the marriage gets even more interesting and challenging as people try to raise their kids, together.  But after the kids are gone, and retirement looms, people start to feel displaced as their roles in life change.  Who are we without our careers and kids?  What do we have to talk about?  And why do we keep bumping into each other in the kitchen?

So in order to keep a marriage going all the way to the end, here are six rules of engagement to keep the fires burning. Continue reading

One Woman’s Survival Story: Marriage Separation

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She didn’t know anyone whose marriage had survived separation, but here it was, staring her straight in the face. The woman, we’ll call her Wendy, had only been married a few short years but it was obvious that things were getting stale.

He wanted out. Separation. Relationship halt.

She didn’t see that coming. Aside from things being stale in their young marriage, there wasn’t anything major going on. No affairs or big fights. Nothing that would indicate that her husband was particularly unhappy with her. So when he wanted to move into another apartment, she was in shock. Now what?

When married couples contemplate such a move, it can be scary. Being separate typically means there are big problems, and big problems can lead to divorce. Separation just prolongs the questions. Will this work out? Will we find our way back to each other again?

Wendy kept their separation a secret save for a few who were closest to her. Mostly, she cried alone at her house, or at her desk at work. She cried a lot. Likely she thought about all the things she should have done while they still lived together. Regrets loomed.

Was it all too late? Continue reading

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