Tag Archives: sarah mckinney

Wordplay Wednesday: Broken Open

treasurechest
I want to fall in love so that
I can write a love song
Gain access to the words
Explaining feelings
Lost inside
I want to be broken open
Like a treasure chest
At the bottom of the ocean
Releasing all my fears so that
All that’s left is light

I just wrote this the other day, and liked it so thought I’d share with you all:)

 

Past Wordplay Wednesdays:

Change

Please

Leaving

More

Wordplay Wednesday: Good

good_2
I always gravitated
To the girl
With purple hair
Eccentric style
And an attitude
Like she didn’t care
I acted like I wish I felt
So strong
And self-assured
To cover insecurities
Skin too thin
For this world
But now
I just want to be good

I never liked to listen
Or be told what to do
Parents
Coaches
Teachers
Boyfriends
It didn’t matter who
You were or what you said
I’d still do it my own way
Always stating my opinion
Never short for things to say
But now
I  just want to be good

I always gravitated
To the boy who sat alone
With darkness and intensity
That seemed to match my own
We’d stay up for hours talking
About our passions and dreams
Play our favorite songs
And get lost by any means
But now
I  just want to be good

Written in November of 2011:)

Wordplay Wednesday: Inspired

erica rock climbing
Overwhelmed
But open-minded
Moving through
Expansion
Tired
Purposeful action
With restraint
Tuning in
Faith
Inspired

I wrote this one in June of 2010, shortly after making the decision to stop drinking.

Wordplay Wednesday: Glass Like Me

bubble
My mother said to me once
When I was a little girl
“It’s a blessing and a curse
The way you think”
Because I’m glass
I’m the crystal
From which you drink champagne
And I know that you’re using me
But I’ll aid you just the same
I’m glass
I’ll be your windshield
To protect you from the storm
Rocks fly at me
But I don’t break
I’ll take the hit
So you stay warm
I’m glass
Sometimes transparent
If you care to look inside
And see past your reflection
I know it’s hard
But you should try
To see
I’m glass
And I’ve been stained
By good and bad things
In my past
I’ll never claim to be an angel
I hope you
Can deal with that
I’m glass
Like a chandelier
That shatters when it falls
Into a thousand pieces
And you’ll never find them all
I’m glass
Unlike so many girls
Who just turn out to be
Plastic imitations
Cause they’re too scared to be
Glass like me

I wrote this poem in 2001, when I was 25 years old …and trying to find the silver lining in being so sensitive:)

Wordplay Wednesday: The First Time

The first time that we took a road trip
Daddy organizing bags in the car
Mommy promising roller coaster rides
To make up for the times that were hard
And then the first time that I broke my curfew
I can still see that look on your face
I was kind of scared
But I liked how much you cared
I just thought the rules were meant to break

Well I’m looking back at memories
With a smile on my face
Like dandelion blossoms in the wind
They fly away

And so we gotta hold on and keep telling our stories
It’s not the same looking at pictures online
We’re wasting time
We gotta give love and soak up every moment
Because life is a train and the days roll by

The first time that I left for college
My hair was blowing with the windows down
Singing along to my favorite songs
Had the music turned up so loud
And then the first time we met it was raining
You said that we should warm up over tea
Opened the cafe door with one hand
So your umbrella was still covering me

We gotta hold on and keep telling our stories
It’s not the same looking at pictures online
We’re wasting time
We gotta give love and soak up every moment
Because life is a train and the days roll by

American flags were waving
At the time it was all we could do
Praying for the people risking lives
I slept a little closer to you
I held onto you

And the first time I looked in her eyes
I swear it felt like my heart would explode
And in that moment I knew
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do
To keep her safe and happy as she grows

We gotta hold on and keep telling our stories
It’s not the same looking at pictures online
We’re wasting time
We gotta give love and soak up every moment
Because life is a train and the days roll by
Yeah life is a train and the days roll by

* * *

dandelionHi everyone! I’m running a bit low on fresh poetry to share with you all so thought it would be fun to share a new song I wrote this week! It’s about a woman growing up in America, starting as a child and then having a child of her own, and the desire to connect in-person more and share our stories. Sorry for the poor video quality, and hope you enjoy:)

Wordplay Wednesday: Perfect

p2
Look over here
I’ve walked in the room
Turn all your eyes onto me
You may need to squint
I know that I shine
So brightly
That you cannot see
That I’m here for the show
And I’ve made my appearance
The lights flash
As you all scream my name
I’ll smile and try to prove
To you that everything
Is perfect
It’s the only reason I came

Note: I wrote this in 1996 when I was 20-years old, heavily invested in the bar scene and trying to control the outsides to feel better inside. So grateful that I know now that doesn’t work:)

 

Past Wordplay Wednesdays:

Change

One in the Same

Competition

Please

Wordplay Wednesday: One In The Same

braided rop
Maybe it was naïve
Of me to assume
It would be safe
To express myself
What I’ve experienced
And felt
Maybe my enthusiasm
Took me too far
The energy and relief
I got
From breaking
The silence
From letting go
Of my desire
To control
What you and you
Knew about me
I was just trying to be
Fully integrated
To hold my head high
And not care
What you think
I didn’t mean to make
Anyone uncomfortable
I was just trying to
Be
And now
To my disappointment
I’m realizing
It’s not quite
That easy
That I need to set
Boundaries
For my creativity
And I wish so badly
That I didn’t have to
Compartmentalize
And filter
What I say and do
I know I’m not perfect
But how boring
That would be
And honestly
Who is?
I’ve demonstrated
That I find solutions
No matter what
The challenge is
And
I was just trying to be like
The women I admire
So courageous in their
Commitment
To speak the truth
But now I feel
Split in two
And
Maybe it was naive
To think
That people in business
Would understand
What I’m doing
Are one in the same
Pursuing my passion
And trying to help
Now I’m scared
To have my poetry
Attached to my name
And I’m scared
I’ll be punished
For what
I’ve already said
That I’ll shut down
Out of fear
And be silent
Again

I wrote this in September of 2012, after it was suggested that sharing my poetry publicly was a risk to my business pursuits. Obviously, I haven’t gone silent:)

Wordplay Wednesday: Please

Snapshot 2011-05-13 06-19-56
I used to want you to know me
Right away
Everything shoved in your face
As if limited time
Would prevent you from seeing
All I have to offer
Motivated by fear
I tried
To force a connection
To make you laugh
To get your attention
I’d boast and I’d prance
Tell you what I know
I’d sing
Play
Recite
Gripped by the desperation
To be liked
Now I try to pause
To have faith in the flow
To let things evolve
And naturally unfold
To wait to be asked
And loosen my grasp
Not always have to control
To see when I’m hooked
And start trying to please
To stop
Reflect
And breathe

I wrote this in January of 2011, as I was becoming more aware of my people-pleasing ways:)

Wordplay Wednesday: More

s7
Hello
My name is Sarah
And I’m grateful to have
Your attention
But I’m certain
That when these words end
I’ll be left
Wanting more
I’m thirty-four
And I’m just now seeing
And understanding
This disease
They call alcoholism
I just call it addiction
No need for discrimination
Give me something
And the chances are
Pretty likely
That I’ll want more
Yes I’m a pleasure seeking
Detective
Always on the hunt
For something new
To hook my interest
And begin obsessing on
Music
Food
Work
Booze
I don’t really care
So long as it feels good
And takes me far away
From here
I’ll toy with the idea
Of moderation
But fairly quickly
It’s dismissed
As I’m sucked into the vortex
Of over-indulgence
And secrets
Always planning the next time
I’ll get my fix
Afraid there won’t be enough
I’ll turn on the charm
Or become vengeful
To make sure
I get what I want
Sounds like a lovely person
Right?
Well that might be
The craziest part
Most people seem to like me
It’s liking myself
That’s always been hard
But being able
To get all this out
And be completely honest
Feels like my cure
I hate to admit it
But the cynic
Is quitting
I’m taking suggestions
Because it fucking works
More meetings
More service
More step work
More purpose
It’s making me high like before
My heart pounds out of my chest
Now with feeling
I’m free from my thinking
I’m becoming one of those
Annoying optimists
That I used to avoid!
But the disease stays with me
Always
Like a dormant beast
Reminding me
Who’s in control
And the second
That I lose connection
With myself
And God
I want more

I wrote this poem in November of 2010, shortly after coming home from a yoga retreat at Esalen that was focused on recovery from all forms of addiction. What became clear to me there was that it really is a dis-ease caused by the desire for MORE – this poem has a little fun with that:) I’ve gone back to the same retreat for 3 years now and it’s amazing!! Such a cool group of people from all around the world. Check out this year’s retreat here.

Wordplay Wednesday: Leaving

TBD
It must have been my body’s way
Of protecting myself
I became so numb
And only now
That I’m starting to feel
Can I look back and
Understand what I’ve done
I was desperate for
Any kind of distraction
I just wanted a better place
To take my mind
I told myself I
Was just being social
Going out with my friends
And having such a great time
But there was a nervousness
Underlying my behavior
I didn’t feel comfortable
In my skin
I talked all the time
To fill up the space
So no one could ask me
How I was doing
I didn’t want to have
That kind of conversation
I wanted to look forward
Not back
My primary focus
Was on being strong
I really didn’t realize that
I couldn’t keep going
On like that forever
Eventually I’d
Have to slow down
And let all the feelings
I pushed away
Resurface
And work through them
The way I am now
Some days I struggle
Other days I feel fine
But I’m learning a lot
And I’ve realized
That it was easier for me
To love myself
When he was there
Loving me
And I need to learn
To feel good on my own
And take full
Responsibility
For the choices that I make
For the way that I behave
I can’t look to someone else
To keep me
From making mistakes
And I know it’s going to
Take some time
But I feel so much better
Just knowing I’m trying
To be the person
That I want to be
And now I can clearly see
That everything happens
For a reason
And that he did me a favor
By leaving

Note: I wrote this one in December of 2005, about 6 months after a break-up. Rejection is protection! 🙂

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