Tag Archives: self awareness

What’s a Body For Anyway? Four Ways To Love Your Body For The Love That It Gives

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As a repeat offender, my Weight Watcher “Lifetime” status has always felt more like a prison sentence than an achievement. Chained forever to this body of mine, staying in shape (or rather, keeping a shape) means constant awareness and self-discipline. For the first 20 years of of my marriage, days began blurry-eyed on the treadmill and ended blurry-eyed at the fridge. I’d stand there petulant, demanding to know (in that bottom-of-the-barrel-last-fraying-knot tone-of-thought): “Who cares what I eat right now or how far I ran today? Why am I killing myself like this? What’s a body for anyway?”

There is an answer, but I didn’t get it until my mother-in-law passed away.

She and I were alone that day. Minutes passed to the rhythm of the respirator. Scared and bewildered, I took her hand in mine and began analyzing it in a way that you would never do with a person were they aware. I memorized every wrinkle, every fingernail, and every blood vessel. I wondered about all the things those hands had held, all the people they had touched, all the work they had done. Most of all, I thought on how those fingers had caressed my husband, as an infant, as a little boy, as a man…and how they had been nearly the first to wrap around my babies the moment they entered this life.

Two days later, in preparation for her memorial service, my sisters-in-law and I volunteered to dress Mother’s body at the funeral home. Arranging her skirt and buttoning her blouse, we were filled with reverence. Tenderly, we painted her nails, styled her hair, and brushed pink on her still cheeks, remembering the way she rocked a baby, wiped a tear, stroked a forehead, tied a shoe, fed a family, kissed a cheek, supported an elbow, packed a bag, waved good-bye. Her loving spirit had cherished us, but it was her physical self that had actually carried out the desires of her heart.

Mother’s last lesson revolutionized me. It was clear now that I had been trying too hard to “master” my physical appearance. Better to focus on working in harmony with my body, I realized, if its real purpose is to love others. Mother, for instance–though pretty and well groomed–definitely showed wear-and-tear: but her stretch marks and dishpan hands were marks of love. In fact, they made her all the more beautiful to those who really cared and really counted.

Because of this singular experience, I began to see and treat my body very differently: the way I would treat a cashmere sweater verses a worn-out sweatshirt. I called my new perspective the “Cashmere Resolution” (because Mother preferred cashmere), but keeping that resolution through the years since has not been easy. Frequent reminders are a must. Here’s how I repeatedly convince myself that my body is—in and of itself, regardless of its present shape—luxuriously wonderful. Continue reading

Tupperware and Choosing a Guilt-Free Life

A photo by Jason Briscoe. unsplash.com/photos/sfze-8LfCXI

Oh how the mighty have fallen
Yeah, I was that guy. Black car home every night because I worked Past 10pm every night. Dinners paid for from almost anywhere I wanted; An office that overlooked the Statue of Liberty, long stints in exotic places like Japan, Hong Kong, Singapore, and the UK to fix business units that were determined to need fixing, etc. I was that guy. When I walked into your office, it wasn’t to tell you that you were doing a good job. I was the perpetual hammer in search of a nail. If I found you, it wasn’t pleasant. I fully admit that I wasn’t a nice guy. I made people miserable, but that was my job. There was no margin for error in my old business. One small mistake could literally turn into millions of dollars diverted into incorrect risk pools. A domino effect would ripple through many areas of the firm. Inaccuracies were unacceptable. After years of this, I lost myself and became this character, devoid of any compassion or empathy. I was a one man wrecking machine. That was the way it had to be in investment banking. It was the nature of the beast. I remember getting a blackberry message from my colleague Steve on that fateful September Sunday evening; “Turn on MSNBC”, it read, and I did. Our stock price had plummeted from $92 to $2 a share over the course of a few months. We had been sold to a bank, a real bank that takes depositors money. In that sale, it made my entire line of work and thousands of people’s jobs, in direct violation of the SEC Bank Holding Company act. We would have to go. After about an hour of absorbing this, my wife broke out her emergency pack of stale Parliament cigarettes, and we sat on our stoop at 11:30pm, inflicting torment on our lungs. “What are we going to do?” she asked. “I don’t know” was my reply. And that was the truth. I didn’t.

Dylan had it right “For the times, they are a ‘changin…”
I spent the next eight months trying to reconcile the loss of most of my life savings and career, sleeping until noon, staying up until 2am scouring job boards and applying for positions that I was grossly overqualified for, or just watching YouTube videos on anything from car engine repair to doctors removing infected pus filled boils. The meltdown of 2008, and the related pain, was not just reserved to “Main Street” as the politicians spewed. It hit many ex-Wall Street’ers just as hard. I eventually held several high level positions at smaller firms, and was absolutely miserable. At my lowest point, I lost my desire to eat, lost a ton of weight, and frequently vomited up blood before leaving for work. The negativity of my work environment was literally eating me alive. One day in a brief moment of clarity, I realized that none of this really mattered. I calmly typed an eight paragraph resignation letter to my CEO, left my ID card, Amex card, and office keys on my desk, pushed my chair back, stood up and left. And that was it. I got into my car and hit the NJ Turnpike with the windows open and the radio blasting “Badlands” by Bruce Springsteen; “Talk about a dream, try to make it real, you wake up in the night with a fear so real. You spend your life waiting for a moment that just won’t come. Well don’t waste your life waiting.” Those lyrics hit me hard. I kept repeating that line, “Well don’t waste your life waiting”. That was the answer. You need to make it happen. YOU need to make CHANGE happen. I felt good about myself for the first time in almost three years. I originally thought the smell in the car was the methane belched out of the Linden Co-Generation Plant on the Turnpike, but it became sweeter the longer I drove. It was the smell of freedom. It was the smell of change. It was intoxicating.

From a small seed, a mighty oak grows
While I’m far from comparing myself to a mighty Oak, even the smallest effort to foster a positive change in your life should be lauded as a Herculean effort. Quite honestly, the only difference between leaders of industry, innovators, and economic titans like Jobs, Forbes, Gates, Edison and the rest of the world is that these few had the spine (or the stupidity) to take that first small step. Continue reading

The Find Your Voice Process

It has taken me years to make this process simple, quick, and effective.

Here’s how to deal successfully with any physical or emotional challenge.  Spend just a few minutes a day, and as often as needed, taking yourself through the following three steps:

Step 1: Experience Your Challenge
First, stop trying to get rid of your challenge; that never works and is even counter-productive – – the harder you try to fix yourself, the stronger your challenge becomes. Instead, begin to focus deliberately on the experience of your pain, craving, fear, sadness, and so forth. Let yourself become fully aware of all your difficult thoughts, feelings, and sensations – – everything that’s part of your challenge. Then flow right into accepting your experience just as it is. And last, find some private way to express everything you’re thinking and feeling – – go ahead and say it all to yourself, write it down, act it out in your imagination. When you go deep inside and experience your challenge thoroughly and wholeheartedly, you learn what it feels like to be in touch with your true, authentic self, and this begins to empower the voice of your inner wisdom.

Step 2: Judge Your Challenge
Next, you need to deal constructively with your Inner Judge, that self-critical voice in your head that’s quick to blame you and punish you for your mistakes and imperfections- – even for being challenged at all. Poised in opposition to your true healing voice, your Inner Judge is the tireless voice of your social/family programming, and it’s been drilled into you for so long that there’s no getting rid of it. In fact, if you try to fight your Inner Judge, you only end up being more judgmental- – you are, in effect, judging  your Judge- – and this only gives it energy.  As in Step 1, the better way is to become aware of, to accept  and to express your Inner Judge. Only by embracing your Inner Judge and working with it can you relax this controlling, overanalyzing, never-satisfied, endlessly adversarial part of your mind.

Step 3: Resolve Your Challenge
Finally, as you experience and engage positively with all your pain and negativity- – as you embrace all the thoughts, feelings, and self-criticisms that are driving your challenge- – you find yourself spontaneously developing a new and more loving relationship with yourself. This new perspective on yourself naturally quiets the many strident voices of your challenge clashing in your mind, and almost immediately you begin to hear your true, authentic voice, your deep intuition, your TruSage. This voice is the real source of your healing power- – it’s where all your own best answers come from. And once you’re able to listen to your voice, you quickly and effortlessly imagine creative ways to resolving your challenge. It’s as if new ideas for health and happiness simply bubble up from your unconscious. And the more you listen, the more the craving, the pain, the fear- – whatever your challenge- – just dissolves away. It’s really quite a miracle. And I don’t use the world "miracle" very often.

That’s all there is to it: 1-2-3. In no time at all, you’ll be moving quickly through the process, feeling confident that you can manage your challenge, instead of having it manage you.   

The above is an excerpt from the book The Voice: Overcome Negative Self-Talk and Discover Your Inner Wisdom by Dr. Brian Alman and Stephen Montgomery. The above excerpt is a digitally scanned reproduction of text from print. Although this excerpt has been proofread, occasional errors may appear due to the scanning process. Please refer to the finished book for accuracy.

 

Copyright © 2010 Dr. Brian Alman and Stephen Montgomery, author of The Voice: Overcome Negative Self-Talk and Discover Your Inner Wisdom.


Author Bio

Dr. Brian Alman, author of The Voice: Overcome Negative Self-Talk and Discover Your Inner Wisdom, is on of the world’s leading authorities on mental fitness and mind/body wellness. During his thirty years of private practice, he has coached and trained more than ten thousand people on quality-of-life issues such as weight loss, stress reduction, pain control, problem-solving, relief from addictions, and disease management. Through his company, TruSage International, Dr. Alman reaches many hundred thousand more. TruSage International i mind-body wellness company that helps clinics, hospitals, and specialists deliver high-quality, personalized follow-up through wireless technology.

Dr. Alman has worked with dozens of world-class organizations – – including Apple, Harvard Medical School, Kaiser Permanente, Kraft, Procter & Gamble, Sony Pictures, the University of California, and the University of Paris. He is the author of five books, including Six Steps to Freedom  and Keep it Off: Your Keys to Weight Loss for Life,  which was favorable reviewed by Deepak Chopra in the New York Times. Dr. Alman studied at Suffolk University in Boston and received a PhD in clinical psychology at the California School of Professional Psychology in San Diego. 

 

Stephen Montgomery, co-author of The Voice: Overcome Negative Self-Talk and Discover Your Inner Wisdom,is the editor-in-chief of Prometheus Nemesis Book Company, the publishers of Dr. David Keirsey’s works on personality types and temperament styles. Montgomery has worked with Alman for twenty years and is the co-author of his most recent book, Keep It Off.

 

For more information please visit TruSage International or follow the author on Facebook and Twitter

PHOTO (cc): Flickr / John Steven Fernandez

Awareness; The Place in Time; The Time in Place; Respectfully

Awareness; The Place in Time; The Time in Place; Respectfully


Self Awareness; The Incredible Legacy of Self Recognition; Our True Self; Our True Nature; Respectfully


Awareness; The Place in Time; The Time in Place; Respectfully

Awareness encompasses a world of amazing possibilities; it is the place; the space in time and truly so very much more

Inspiration; Respectfully

Awareness seeks to inspire us to practice righteousness in all of our thoughts, actions and expressions

Reflection; Respectfully

While retrospectively reminiscing and recapitulating each and every one of life’s moments, we are profoundly lead to acknowledge the intrinsic importance of awareness; awhereness; we are able to realize that by being aware brings us within the realm of the magnificence in the moments; the incredible moments in the magnificence of life

Awareness; The Space In Time That Places The Time In Its Place; Respectfully

Awareness, The Place In Its Time; The Space; The Paces;The Places; The Times; It is Awareness; It is A Whereness; Respectfully

Self Awareness; The Incredible Legacy of Self Recognition; Our True Self; Our True Nature; Respectfully

This is the infinite discovery which seeks to evoke our Self Awareness; our Self Recognition, the eternal quest; search; discovery, recognition and experience of our True Nature; our True Selves, whereby we discover the Truth; In search for the Truth, we discover Love; In search of Love, we discover God; God is Love; God is the divine essence; God Bless

Keep Discovering Your True Nature Your True Self Love & Light God Bless, Vashi Ram Chandi

Intuition; Respectfully

Let us seek to awaken our inner wisdom – our higher consciousness- Let us seek to develop our intuition- Intuition is our inner guidance and compass of life- Intuition is the wisdom of the Soul- God Bless

God Bless; Respectfully

May One and All be Blessed with a Vision of Good Health, Awareness, Happiness, Joy, Prosperity, Progress and Wisdom always- God Bless

Love, Light and Wisdom,

God Bless,

Vashi

Copyright ©2010 Vashi Ram Chandi

All Rights Reserved

Disclaimer

This article is being expressed in good faith- with sincere and meaningful intentions- but devoid of any kind – type of responsibilities- representation or warranties regarding the accuracy, completeness, reliability of any of the details featured herewith

Any and all liabilities are hereby disclaimed regarding any omissions- errors or consequences that may arise as a result of preview- dissemination or propagation in any format whatsoever

 

The Illusion of Free Will and Control

Lance left this comment on my previous post:

“ … I like to think that we are healing beings, even if we’re not always seeing that, just being open to it, and even if we don’t see that healing is taking place, perhaps it’s still happening, just not as we had pictured it.”

I think it’s fair to surmise that everyone has experienced disappointment, and these moments can, if we let them, erode self-confidence and self-worth. The outcome is often never what we imagined it to be. Why?

I believe it’s because we can’t control the universe, the infinite presence of known objects and phenomena. The key here is known, or the perception of knowing. The outcome of an event is created, not forced. We can become the flow of synchronicity, the force, that creates, but we should never be the enforcer.

(continue reading here)

www.simonhay.com/

“Why Can’t I Ever Get What I Want?” Revisiting the Importance of Self Acceptance

I have been getting a fair amount of questions lately that concern the issue of self worth. Actually, the main questions I’ve been getting are such things as: Why can’t I get what I want?  Why do I only get parts of what I want?  For many, the source issue is a lack of perfect self acceptance, and that is why I think of these as self worth problems. It is such an important issue, and such a difficult one to deal with, that it is worth a re-visit from time to time.

How you feel about you, at a very deep level, has the power to affect everything in your life: relationships, work, money, health. Low self esteem is an obvious problem in some people, but even fairly emotionally balanced people can be affected by feelings of not being good enough that still occur at their most inner level. I meet with many people who cannot understand why they can’t bring into their life the love they want, or the success they want, or the body they want, despite following whatever psychological, educational or New Age program they have been rigorously following (“But, Margaret Ruth, I am following the Law of Attraction! Why isn’t it working?”).

The metaphysical problem with these residual self-invalidating beliefs is that it is not possible to accept any more love, trust, understanding, appreciation and acceptance than we are willing to give ourselves. It is actually not possible for our human psyche to accept anything more than the self-given level. I know I repeat myself there, but this is one of those immutable Laws of the Universe, so I like to repeat those for the slow learners like myself. So, if you still have an active critical part of you that refuses to acknowledge, at every level, that you are lovable, valuable and fine – just as you are today — you will continue to only get parts of what you want in your life.

How do you know if you still hold questions about your own validity (other than not feeling like you get the love, health, wealth, whatever, you would like)?  Start noticing how you react to situations and people. Do you feel like you have to justify yourself? Do you get defensive? Do you get attached to whether you get praise (or love or appreciation or gold stars)? Do you feel easily slighted or hurt by other people’s actions or words? Are you afraid, even just a little bit, that other people can hurt you? These are just a few ways to notice if what other people opinions of you have become more important than your opinion of you.

If you still carry lingering doubts about your own validity and worth, this is the best possible place to start if you want to feel happier with how your life is turning out. The first step in clearing out your more critical or defensive parts is to become perfectly self aware. You can start noticing the entire dialog that goes in your inner landscape. This means being aware of not only your thoughts, but the underlying chatter, your emotions, your assumptions, your beliefs and your reactions.

When starting down the road of improved self awareness, we Mystics always recommend doing it without judging yourself, or labeling what you are feeling and thinking as bad or good. This evaluative labeling will stop you cold and also adds to self criticism while you’re at it (not productive).  Nonjudgmental awareness of the entire symphony that is being played  throughout the complexity of your inner psyche will get you halfway there; I promise. It isn’t easy, but it is important

That is the first step and the best step. Once you notice the parts of you that undermine you with defensiveness or criticism, you can start re-tuning those parts to sing a different song. I’ll write on that later.

Questions, comments and ideas are welcome and encouraged. Contact Psychic Margaret Ruth on her Facebook page, email mr@margaretruth.com or call 801-575-7103. You can also get details on private readings, Margaret’s classes and blog at www.margaretruth.com. Margaret Ruth has been on radio, television, published in newspapers and magazines and major websites. She is the author of Superconscious Connections: The Simple Psychic Truths of Perfectly Satisfying Relationships (Sept 2010)

 

Too Much of Anything is Not a Good Thing: Material Obsession Versus the Internal War.

I thought I would share this with you all written by my partner, David Raine:

 -"Too much of anything is not a good thing"-

This was a phrase I grew up hearing many times. At first I took it to mean that nothing is ever completely good for you. To my child mind, this was a horrifying thing to have to consider. When was the wheat bread going to do me in? When were my favorite M&Ms going to morph into straight poison? With the phrase being repeated with no explanation, I formed the very loose logic that if good eventually goes bad, then why not cut to the chase and do the bad things first.(?)

After many adventures in my Life… be them exciting, inspiring, or dangerous…and dangerous…and dangerous… My adult mind formed a much tighter logic to explain this age old phrase. I have proudly come to understand its meaning as such… Too much of anything would imply that this "thing" has taken precedence within your Life priorities.

As human beings, whether we want it or not, a large part of our existence is Spiritual. The cultivation, sharing and learning of this IS our main priority. So the very nature of obsessing over material things, from a food to a drug, to hair color, is a declaration of War within ourselves.

We all know that War brings deceit, confusion, heartbreak, murder, and emotional debt.

So lets review, shall we?

"Too much of anything (material obsession) is not a good thing (internal War)".

Of course those who are suffering in the shadows of addiction know that it just doesn’t seem this simple. The truth is that its not at all easy, but once you remember your Spirit, you can simplify any challenge in front of you.
Why attempt to slay a three headed Dragon when you can find a common source of your weakness and pain to make it a one (very fat) headed Dragon?

May you prosper with a Knight’s Honor…

Growing in Wisdom and Love

If there is a through line in my life, both personally and as a writer, it is to identify and develop those qualities that help us grow individually and collectively in wisdom and love. That’s ultimately why I’m so interested in self trust. “Wisdom,” Buddhist monk Khandro Rinpoche says, “is innate in us; it is not something that can be bought, heard or received from the outside.”

In other words, we must look within to find it. It can’t come from anyone but us. Without self trust, we can never become wisebecause we will continue to look outside ourselves for the answer. As for love, it is only when we are grounded in our own beingness, comfortable with who and what we are, that we can enter into a truly loving encounter with another human being. Otherwise we are using the other person to meet our needs for security or approval rather than entering fully into the soul-growing encounter that a real loving relationship promises.

These inner qualities of self awareness and self reliance are crucial to go through hard times and make it out on the other side. We learn we can survive difficult feelings—depression, sorrow, a sense of meaninglessness—and we learn what helped us make it so when hard times come again, we’re better prepared. Our feelings are no longer so threatening to us, and we are able to serve as guides and mentors to others who suffer.

Ultimately, the greatest rewards of trusting ourselves are to be found at the soul level, the place where we are called to discover and express the wholeness of who we are for the benefit of all. “A self is made, not given,” says author Barbara Myerhoff. “It is a creative and active process of attending a life that must be heard, shaped, seen, said aloud into the world, finally enacted and woven into the lives of others.” We can’t do that if we are looking outside ourselves for the answers. As that wise man, Carl Jung once said, “He who looks outside dreams. He who looks inside wakes.”

About MJ Ryan

A member of Professional Thinking Partners who is recognized as a leading expert in change, M.J. Ryan specializes in coaching high performance executives, entrepreneurs, individuals, and leadership teams around the world to maximize performance and fulfillment. Her clients include Microsoft, Royal Dutch Shell, Chevron, Hewitt Associates, and Frito Lay. Her work is based on a combination of positive psychology, strengths-based coaching, the wisdom traditions, and cutting edge brain research. Her new book, titled “AdaptAbility: How to Survive Change You Didn’t Ask For” was recently released published by Random House’s Broadway Books.  She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband and daughter.

www.MJ-Ryan.com

 

It Takes Two Healthy Joyful Whole People to Make One Healthy Joyful Whole Relationship

 There is an American myth that two halves can come together in a loving relationship and become whole. However, contrary to cultural myths, close intimate relationships are not additive, where one half plus one half equals one. Close relationships are actually multiplicative. It is the whole Jerry McQuire myth problem: “You Complete Me!” This is all utter nonsense. The rule is that it takes Two Happy Healthy Whole People to make One Happy Healthy Whole relationship – and there are No Exceptions to this rule.

When two not-emotionally-whole people — roughly meaning people who still have emotional scars, insecurities, baggage and such – come together, whatever personal holes exist get magnified in intimate relationships. What happens is intensified holes, not wholes (Sorry Could. Not. Resist. that one and I really, really tried…).hands

 It turns out that that instead of one half-person plus another half-person making one whole wonderful relationship, everybody involved is at risk of feeling even worse by the time it is done. In intimate relationships especially, what happens is that one half is multiplied by one half and the result is one fourth. People feel reduced. What this means is that many times, by the time the relationship is done, everybody feels worse than before.

 We can extend this. If I am only about ¾ healthy, joyful, whole person, and I join into a close relationship with another 3/4, we are going to get about one half of a “whole” relationship out of it, due to the multiplicative properties.

The only way out of this is to realize that it takes two healthy, joyful, whole people to make one healthy, joyful, whole relationship. Try to imagine two very emotionally unhealthy people enjoying a healthy close relationship. It is hard, no? Another way to put this that the least healthy person in a relationship will dictate the overall health of the relationship.

So, your job then is to become an entirely whole, self loving, self assured, self trusting, emotionally healthy, authentic person first. Your future relationships will be all the better for your efforts here.

 

Listen to Your Symphony: An Exercise for Exploring Your Self at Deeper Levels (LONG)

 Margaret,

I was just reading your blog about self-awareness and communication. Are there some more specific “homework” type things I can do? I need a lot of work. I have been in counseling for awhile and feel stuck. I am hoping to come get a couples reading sometime! I love reading your posts. You have an excellent way of explaining things! Thanks for your info!

Carla

music

Hi Carla,

You are not the only one to write me about this recently. I am working on a last draft for a book due out in September 2010, having just signed my first book contract (!!), that will address your questions rather exactly. The working title for the book is Superconscious Connections: The Simple Psychic Truths of Great Relationships. It turns out that relationships are very simple and the problem that takes so much effort is You. You are complex and you take all the time and the attention when reaching for healthy, joyful, whole relationships. So, never get mad at yourself that you aren’t able to handle all your stuff in a short while. One of the first best things you can do for yourself is acknowledge your multidimensional self and understand that there are many Yous chattering along at any given time. Let this be ok.

For instance, in your case, I am reading that you hold some conflicting ideas there in Carla. It is as if you are aware of what is healthy for Carla, what is good for her, and what makes her happy. Then, these ideas seem to crash into some very old ideas of self worth and personal security – ideas you got from your family and culture. As long as there are different ideas roaming about in there, you will have mixed feelings and get mixed results in your endeavors.

 I am pasting here an excerpt from my current working draft for my book. It is only an exercise for listening to your self, but it is a good place to start. Try it and give me feedback as to whether I have done a good enough job writing it up and whether there was any value.

 Here it is and let me know,

MR

 Exercise: Tune In — Listening to Your Symphony

Here is an effective exercise that helps you more fully understand the ongoing stream of the many parts of you.  Aiming for 100% self awareness is one of the goals of knowing what is going on with you at any one time. Doing this exercise also helps you start discriminating between what each of these self parts sounds like. This assists you in knowing which part of you is playing the loudest at any one time.

These parts of you are however, not You with a capital y. If you have read much spiritual or metaphysical material, you might already be aware that there is a notion of a core you, an essential You, the most inner You.  This can be thought of as your core consciousness, your essence, the part of you that makes you the unique person that you are. There are many words to describe it and you may choose the notion you like best.

Set Up

If you are a symphony orchestra, one that might be (if you are like most of us) playing many different tunes that don’t always harmonize with the others, a good first step is to get a sense of what exactly is being broadcast, what tunes are being played in there.

Pick a time when you feel fairly confused and when there seems to be a jumble of ideas, feelings and thoughts going on.  To do this exercise, it is best to pick a time when you are feeling very confused, upset, or afraid. The reason is that these are the times when it is easiest to get a hold of what is going on inside of you as there is a lot going on.

You will need to write the results down. Some people use paper and pencil/pen and some use a blank word processing page. You will also need a large amount of alone time to do this, especially at first. And, be somewhere when interruptions will be minimal. Back porches, private bathrooms and walk in closets are all good.

The steps.

Open a blank page and get ready to record in writing what comes up. Your job is to picture yourself as a psychologist or journalist, as you will just simply record what you get without editing, changing or arguing.

Close you eyes and focus on your inner self. Tell the jumble of ideas, thoughts and voices you will be going through them one at a time. Ask now: Who is first?

Listen to the first voice or stream of thought that comes through. Start writing down everything it is saying. The first voice through is often a very loud, fearful, critical or mean sort of voice, especially if you pick a confused, upsetting time to do all this. Let it talk. Agree that you will record everything it wants to say, without editing or arguing until it is done.

For the first few paragraphs, you might find yourself agreeing or disagreeing or wanting to edit what you are hearing. Don’t do it. Just keep saying, ok, ok, what next?  It might pause. You always say to it: Anything else? What next? Keep going until it is completely done.

This first voice can often take pages to get through its litany of criticisms, fears and angers. Keep saying: Ok, ok, what next? It will finally come down to Your car is dirty and your socks don’t match. You ask, Anything else? And it is done.

Now, focus inward and say: Who is Next?

This second voice is often quite difficult. Often it is our most vulnerable self, a very raw, soft, tender part of ourselves. Think of the Inner Child concept. This one will get you. People sometime block this part of themselves as it is very hard one to hear. However, do not do this. You will see why.

This second voice has the power to make us cry because it is so frightened, lonely, raw. You are not allowed to interfere in this particular exercise with any of your inner voices, except this one. You might have to talk directly to it when it tells you how afraid it is for its happiness, safety. One good thing to do is to picture this part of you as a kitten or baby hedgehog or something. Visualize taking it out of yourself and then wrap it up in a blanket, cuddle it on your shoulder and such. Tell it that you will not let those things happen. You won’t let it be harmed.  This will help you deal with this very vulnerable part. Below, I also discuss a secondary benefit for doing this.

This second voice can be quite hard to hear and to write down what it is saying. Go ahead and coddle it and reassure it. But, keep asking it what else it has to say. Eventually it will be done and the good news is that it doesn’t talk nearly as long as the first loud mean voice.

After these tougher parts are done, it is an easy road to the finish now. Ask again: Who is next? Let the next voice come through. Then next group is usually more medium in volume. What does it want to say? Record it all and keep asking, Anything else? When that one is done, ask, “Who is next?”

These more medium toned voices can be hard to distinguish. They tend to say things like: “You really should be doing the laundry right now.” “I sure am bored.” “Why don’t you travel more?” Things like that. If you do not know which part of you is speaking, you can always ask it, “Who are you?” The voice will tell you. “I am the adventure part of you!” “I am the business part of you and I am telling you that you are wasting your time with all this inner stuff.”

Keep going.  Who is Next? Anything Else?

Eventually, if you let it, you will get to part of you that might seem to have softer tones, higher vibrations. You might feel buzzier. You might sense a lightness about them Ask them also who they are. These parts of you could be your higher self, your inner guidance and if you keep going to could come to a part of you that says “We are your guides.” If you get this far, you will see the messages discussed have such a different flavor than the first voices. They will often say things like: “You are doing very well.” “I am enjoying so much of your experience.” “We know you to be a special spirit.” Now you cannot argue with these guys either. You will want to say, Oh no, I’m not. But, again, you are just recording everything.

Keep going.

If you let yourself, you can come to a point where when you ask, “Who is next?”, there isn’t any sound. At this point, take a moment and completely soak in the feelings, sensations, visuals, sounds, tastes and smells of when the entire orchestra, all the parts of you are quiet. For all long as this silent moment lasts, try to absorb every bit of it as you can, so much so that you can readily recall all of it. You know, until they start up again with “You really should be balancing your checkbook.” “I’m hungry.” And all of that.

There’s more.

Mentally step aside and ponder these questions for some moments. Which part of you was doing all the writing? And, then, what part of you was the space at the end, the space where you could not hear all the internal voices?

Spoiler: The answer is You with a capital Y, the core of you, your essential self. That space at end, the one that you couldn’t hear, is then You.  In the picture I drew of a healthy person with the clear, light center, this core is the core self that you find when all the chatter and stuff goes away. Go as often as you can to that space, especially when feeling confused, upset, down. The more you can recall who You really are, and discriminate between your essential self and sounds of your fears, desires, ideas and the other, the more self aware you will be.

To recap:

” Pick a time when your feeling and/or thoughts seem very jumbled and you have some time to yourself.
” Start with paper/pen or computer word processing page.
” You will let each one of your inner parts, or voices, talk to you one at time.
” You will write down what you are hearing inside there without editing or arguing.
” You will say: “Who is next?” And keep asking “Anything else?” until each one is finished.
” Keep going until there is no answer to “Who is next?
” Absorb and remember the sensations when all the inner talk is quiet.

UPDATE

Carla writes back to me: “I just read your answer and the thought of writing down all of those thoughts make me very nervous. I will give it a good try. Thank you for your thoughts.”

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Questions, comments and ideas are welcome and encouraged. Contact Psychic Margaret Ruth on her Facebook page, email mr@margaretruth.com or call 801-575-7103. You can also get details on private readings, Margaret’s classes and blog at www.margaretruth.com. Margaret Ruth has been on radio, television, published in newspapers and magazines and major websites. She is the author of Superconscious Connections: The Simple Psychic Truths of Great Relationships ( O Books, Sept 2010)

 

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