Tag Archives: self confidence

Disapproving Faces: Not Everybody Will Like You

When someone doesn’t like you, rather than taking it personally we can release the need for approval and move on.

It is not necessarily a pleasant experience, but there will be times in our lives when we come across people who do not like us. As we know, like attracts like, so usually when they don’t like us it is because they are not like us. Rather than taking it personally, we can let them be who they are, accepting that each of us is allowed to have different perspectives and opinions. When we give others that freedom, we claim it for ourselves as well, releasing ourselves from the need for their approval so we can devote our energy toward more rewarding pursuits.

While approval from others is a nice feeling, when we come to depend on it we may lose our way on our own path. There are those who will not like us no matter what we do, but that doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with us. Each of us has our own filters built from our experiences over time. They may see in us something that is merely a projection of their understanding, but we have no control over the interpretations of others. The best we can do is to hope that the role we play in the script of their lives is helpful to them, and follow our own inner guidance with integrity.

As we reap the benefits of walking our perfect paths, we grow to appreciate the feeling of fully being ourselves. The need to have everyone like us will be replaced by the exhilaration of discovering that we are attracting like-minded individuals into our lives—people who like us because they understand and appreciate the truth of who we are. We free ourselves from trying to twist into shapes that will fit the spaces provided by others’ limited understanding and gain a new sense of freedom, allowing us to expand into becoming exactly who we’re meant to be. And in doing what we know to be right for us, we show others that they can do it too. Cocreating our lives with the universe and its energy of pure potential, we transcend limitations and empower ourselves to shine our unique light, fully and freely.

Are You Ready For More Self-Respect, Self-Love And Success?

Last week I sent out the most-read message in the history of my newsletter. The title — Are You A Self-Violator? — called forth over 80,000 people from around the world to read it and pass it on. This tells us something we must take a very good look at. Too many of us are participating in the behavior of self-violation. It’s not a behavior that just some of us do. It’s a behavior that the majority of people do. It’s like a bad habit that we don’t even know we are doing, hidden out of shame and embarrassment, a habit we keep thinking and wishing will go away but yet continues to show up year after year. Self-violation perpetuates itself through our resignation and our inability to stop the negative internal dialogue that rants, criticizes, blames and assaults the very self we are designed to love.

If you’re serious about breaking through, I ask that you read this newsletter at least at least twice and take this message seriously because this behavior must stop, not just for one of us but for all of us. Until it stops inside of our own selves, those around us — our children, our nieces, our nephews, our siblings, our partners, our friends, our families, our co-workers — will only ever get to feel and know a small part of our ever-loving hearts. Instead, they get to know the unconscious abuse that comes out in our communications. They get to know our lack of self-love, self-care, and self-respect. They get to know our bad choices or the habits and behaviors that we’ve been stuck in for years. They get to witness our lost dreams, our heartache and our unused potential that will never be fulfilled because we can’t puncture the layer of self-abuse that keeps us limited and stuck in our stories.

So now I continue the conversation I promised you about how we stop this self-violation. Take a deep breath and a slow exhale and give yourself permission to take this in. Listen beyond the words in order to really grok, understand and take to heart what I’m saying. Listen like you don’t know, like you don’t understand, and like the words that I’m using have a deeper meaning.

To stop self-violation, you need true, 100 percent, open-hearted compassion. For most people, compassion is just a word with a definition instead of a feeling with a deep inherent meaning. The kind of compassion that I’m talking about is a spiritual feeling, a vibration, a connection to all that there is. Compassion is a feeling that can only exist when you are present to the whole of your life, to the joy and the difficulties, the wins and the losses, the tough, hard truths. You must be present to all that you’ve gone through, both the good times and the bad, the love and the fear, the joy and the misery. You must be present to those times when you were treated like a queen or a king, when you were honored or someone looked at you with loving eyes. And you must remember the times when you were treated like crap, the times when you were teased, left out, rejected and hurt.

It is only when you are present to all that you been through that a deep compassion develops inside of you — a well of kindness, gentleness, warmth and understanding — that allows you the freedom to stop picking on yourself, to stop abusing yourself, to stop limiting yourself and instead to become a compassionate warrior of love for the little girl, the little boy, the self that has been through so so much on its journey to become an emotionally whole, happy and loving human being. This is the self that only came here to love and be loved and found out that life is more than that, the self that discovered that challenges are something we all go through, that imperfections are something we all have, and that heartache and loss are just part of life’s journey. When your heart is fully present to the 7,000 times you were disappointed, hurt, betrayed, abandoned, scared, lost, confused, stuck, helpless, and powerless, your internal abuser — your self-violator — will cease to have to war against itself and your compassionate self can pick up the child that you are with a warm, loving embrace and treat them as they deserve to be treated — with kindness, gentleness, self-respect and love. This is your God-given right!!!

Transformational Action Step

1. Start a Compassion List. Write down 10 reasons why you deserve to be compassionate with yourself.

2. Identify 5 experiences, incidents or ____ that you still beat yourself up about or have a hard time letting go of.

3. Write them down and then, for each one, write the one-sentence reason why you think you don’t deserve to let them go.

4. Next to each one, write down why you deserve to forgive yourself and be kind to yourself.

5. Close your eyes and infuse these experiences with compassion.

With love and blessings

Debbie Ford

A Bad Habit: Being Hard On Ourselves

When we are hard on ourselves for any reason, we send our bodies the message that we are not good enough.

One of the key components of human consciousness that most of us need to address and change is our tendency to be hard on ourselves. We do this in ways that are both overt and subtle, and half the work sometimes is recognizing that we are doing it at all. For example, if we find it difficult to graciously accept compliments, this is probably a sign that we tend to be hard on ourselves. Other ways in which we express this tendency include never feeling satisfied with a job well done, always wanting to be and do better, and getting mad at ourselves for getting sick. Getting mad at ourselves at all indicates that we need to rescue ourselves from our learned ability to be unkind to ourselves.

In essence, when we are hard on ourselves, we send our bodies the message that we are not good enough. Whenever we do this, we do damage that will need to be addressed later, and we sap our systems of much-needed energy. Being hard on ourselves is a waste of precious time and energy that we could use in positive ways. To begin to understand how this works, we can think about times when someone made us feel that we weren’t good enough. Even just thinking about it will create an effect in our bodies that doesn’t feel good. We may be used to the feeling, but when we really tune into it, we instinctively know that it is not good for us on any level.

Like any bad habit, being hard on ourselves can be a challenging one to release, but the more we feel the burden it places on us, the more motivated we will be to change. At first, just noticing when we are doing it and how it makes us feel is enough. As our awareness increases, our innate impulse toward health and well-being will be activated, moving us out of danger and into a more positive and more natural relationship with ourselves.

Valentine’s Day… Everyone Deserves To Be Happy

What better way to help a child find happiness than to start within… being her own best friend. When your child has a best friend inside, she can be happy no matter what storms of life are outside. With a strong foundation of self-love and self-acceptance, kids learn to value their own company and integrity over just fitting in.They realize they can nurture and depend on themselves.

Like six-year-old Chloe who ran from the playground because she felt excluded and believed she had no friends. She imagined encountering a young wizard, Sparkle. who gifted her with a heart-shaped crystal to love herself even if her friends snubbed her, and a star crystal to feel like a star no matter what. Or 11-year-old Luke who had such a low opinion of himself he thought he didn’t deserve anything good and felt responsible to make everyone else except himself happy. He visited The Great Wisdom Library and received a perfect book, "How to Love Yourself." The first chapter? "Believe in yourself!"

Here are six imagination tips to develop self-love, meet that best friend within, and invite happiness to your side:

Practice Forgiveness: Encourage your child to forgive himself as well as others. Have him imagine what forgiveness looks like, or sounds like. Is it a color, a feeling, a character, music? He can ask,"What do I need to do or understand before I can forgive… my parents, my friend, myself?" Have him bring whatever he imagines into his Heart and notice what happens.

Harness Paper Power: Suggest he put his negative views – his dark feelings and thoughts – on paper. Drawing and writing can be cathartic, a release of your child’s angst. Or perhaps he’d prefer to move out his feelings – hip hop or ballet – whatever appeals to him. Once he can let go of his negativity, it will be easier to create the positive.

Use Gifts Wisely: Allow your child or teen to ask for help and use whatever Gifts he receives from his inner guides (animal friend, wizard, wise person). Some kids have been given special glasses to see the bright side, precious stones to remind them how special they are, and magic mirrors to show them their real beauty.

Play with Color: Have him experiment with the wonder of color. See how breathing different colors in and out alters his gloomly feelings – from red anger to blue calm, black frustration to lavender love, from a closed heart to an open one.

Talk to Yourself Inside – Nicely: Sometimes we have to practice talking positively about ourselves and others. Have your child think of one or two nice things to say about himself, family members, and friends. Make an ongoing list and stick it on your fridge as a reminder.

Praise Progress, Not Perfection: Kids can mistakenly berate themselves for anything less than perfecdt. Help your child recognize small victories and how far he’s come on his road to happiness. By focusing on his efforts and improvements, success follows success.

                                                                    * * * * *

Imagination offers one path to help kids connect with their inner best friend, step into their personal power, and take responsibility to bring happiness into their lives. I’d love to hear your stories and what works best for yours.

 

*Adapted from The Power of Your Child’s Imagination: How to TransformStress and Anxiety into Joy and Success (Perigee/Penguin).

PHOTO (cc): Flickr / Esther17

Unintentional Disempowering

A friend of mine, Kim, is a single mother with two grown daughters, Lisa and Molly. Each of these women—two in their thirties and one in her fifties—spends a goodly portion of every day trying to make the others happy. Kim calls Lisa to tell her Molly’s having man trouble and needs to move in with her. Molly calls Kim to tell her Lisa is having trouble with money and needs a loan. Lisa and Molly call each other to figure out what to do about Mom’s flitting from job to job. They all love one another, but each feels unhappy and unsupported by the other two. In watching the interplay, I’ve been struck most by the fact that they each believe that love means trying to help one another in this over-involved way. Without realizing it, they disempower one another every day in a misguided attempt at caring.

 No one taught Kim, Lisa, and Molly that when we “truly love someone,” as Don Miguel Ruiz writes in The Mastery of Love, “you trust their ability to take care of themselves.” From this place, we can say, “`I love you; I know you can make it. I know you are strong enough, intelligent enough, good enough that you can make your own choices.’”

 So if it’s impossible to create happiness for another person, why do we try? Lissa Coffey, author of Getting There with Grace, believes it’s because we’d rather try that than work on ourselves. “We tend to focus things outside of us, because it is difficult to take a close look at ourselves and change what is going on inside.  So making others happy is basically a distraction, we fool ourselves into thinking we are doing good work, and we get a temporary `fix’ thinking that we are making some kind of a difference when the reality is, if we could just be happy ourselves, then others would see that and do the same.”

 Life coach Ray Dodd says it’s because we’re motivated out of fear and have unconscious pacts with one another including that “love is a commodity that lives outside of me and I have to be the right thing, say the right thing and do the right thing to get it. If I make you happy then you will love me.”

 Others, such Patricia Farrell, Ph.D. see it particularly as a women’s issue. “Women are socialized to think first of others and then of themselves. This `other orientation’ can lead to feelings of self-disapproval or blame when a woman feels that she hasn’t adequately met the needs of another.  While men may see themselves in terms of their own accomplishments, women see themselves in terms of others.”

 If this sounds like you, come back next time for my three step approach to stopping this self destructive behavior.

 

Don’t Wait For A Soul Mate To Complete You: 10 Steps to Greater Self-Mastery

Many people spend years waiting for a soulmate to make them complete. Others settle for unfulfilling relationships out of fear of being alone. Instead of expecting someone else to complete you, mastering the art of aloneness gives you mastery over your own life. It involves developing the self-awareness and life skills needed to live a full, happy, successful, and financially secure life—whether you’re living it alone or with someone else.

Mastering the art of aloneness not only enhances your relationship with yourself, it changes your relationships with others. Self-sufficiency builds self-esteem and confidence, allowing you to participate in relationships out of conscious choice instead of desperate need. Below are ten steps you can take to strengthen your relationship with yourself, and develop greater self-esteem, personal fulfillment, and financial security whether you’re on your own or in a relationship.

Ten Steps to Greater Self-Mastery

1.      Learn about and develop who you are. Coaching, workshops, and therapy can help you uncover your strengths and passions, and liberate the person you were born to be.

2.      Manage fear so it doesn’t manage you. Most fears are rooted in old beliefs adopted in childhood. When fear arises, identify and “update” self-defeating beliefs with ones that support you.

3.      Live life by deliberation versus by default. Instead of living on autopilot, align your behaviors and actions with the results you want to achieve.

4.      Become the partner you seek. Instead of waiting for someone else to transform your life, develop the personal qualities and life circumstances you’d want in an ideal partner.

5.      Develop effective communication skills. Learn to express your feelings and needs in ways that diffuse conflict, won’t invoke others’ defensive reactions, and strengthens versus erodes relationships.

6.      Build an inner support system. Strengthen your inner resources through adequate sleep and exercise, scheduling leisure time, and maintaining a healthy diet.

7.      Develop an outer support system. Build friendships with people who are supportive, and utilize professional resources to help you reach your potential.

8.      Take financial control. Make a list of your monthly expenses and income. If you live beyond your means, you need to alter your lifestyle or develop an action plan for earning the money to support it.

9.      Do work you love, in which you can excel. The smaller the gap between who you are in your personal life and who you are at work, the happier you will be.

10. Create and live your ideal life. Write the book you long to write, buy your dream home, open your own business, instead of waiting for Prince or Princess Charming to provide the life you seek.

Higher-Self Confidence

One way to boost self confidence is to first select which self you are going to identify with.  There are many levels to who we are, but I am talking from my own personal experience about the basic difference between the higher-self and the personality-self.

Your higher-self is a powerful spiritual being outside of time and space that knows it is part of a larger reality and knows it is a part of God and thus a part of all things.  It does not see itself as separate from other beings because it knows that the source for all beings is the same essence.  Self confidence is not an issue for this level of you because once you know you are part of God what more do you need? 

Your personality-self is the person that your higher-self is being in physical reality.  It sees you as separate from everything else and that causes fear, anxiety and uncertainty.  This is the level of you that sometimes needs self confidence to get through a life challenge or accomplish some task.

Over lifetimes of incarnations your higher-self has been many personality-selves.  In this life I am Lisa, before this I was a WWII pilot and before that I was Anne from Alabama.  When I can transcend viewing life from the point of view of Lisa and go up to the level of the Being who is being Lisa, I can then tap into the feelings of unity at the level of my higher-self and infuse Lisa with the confidence that she too, through my higher-self, is a part of God and all things.  Then the fears and anxieties fall away for Lisa because I know I am held in my higher-self. 

This higher-self of you existed before you are born and will exist after you die.  It holds the secret to who you are being in this lifetime and what you are here to do and experience.  If you need help and want to boost your self confidence, who best to turn to than the higher-self of you which is connected to higher dimensions of reality and knows a lot better than your personality-self what you need and how to support you.  The personality-self gets bogged down in ego issues, fears and insecurities and needs to boost self confidence.  The higher-self is what you can tap into at any time and any place to re-shift your awareness and reconnect to the deeper essence of you that is a part of all things. Your personality-self is the one who needs the self confidence and it’s your higher-self that can give it to you.

You can try all sorts of practices to elevate your self confidence, but if you don’t make the connection to where the confidence really comes from you won’t be able to tap into the true source of your greatness and ultimately the true source of your confidence.  A shallow sense of self confidence comes through the personality-self and can take you only so far.  But abiding self confidence from really knowing you are a powerful spiritual being comes from your higher-self and is there for you anytime you need it.  So get to know your higher-self and self confidence will take care of itself. 

 

 

Self-Confidence from the Self

Self Confidence Shows!In my experience, there is only one real way to increase your self-confidence, and that is through Self-confidence.

Self-confidence, with a capital “S”, comes from focusing on the Self, your true Self, your actual Self.  Self confidence with a small “s” comes from looking for stability, safety, and security, in that which is inherently unstable, transitory, and fleeting, which is is never ultimately effective.  Let me explain…

A lack of self-confidence, or low self-esteem, comes from the ideas, beliefs, attitudes, etc. that say you are not quite enough the way you are, that something is lacking.  Perhaps you think your body is not thin enough, strong, enough, or healthy enough.  Maybe you think you are not smart enough, not fast enough, not loving enough.  Maybe you think you are too selfish, or too giving.  No matter what your particular story line, no matter what your particular perspective, you think and believe that something is wrong with you, that you are somehow flawed and lacking in some way.  This belief-system, this set of assumptions, is the result of your conditioning and is simply not true. 

You can spend your whole life working to build your self-confidence by changing certain things about yourself.  And it can feel like it is working, like you have improved your self-confidence.  The problem is that anything, absolutely anything, that you perceive of as an object is transitory and fleeting.  So you can improve your health, increase your income, experience beautiful relationships, but all of this is subject to change, and when it does, it can undermine the sense of confidence that you worked so hard to achieve.  So consider instead shifting your focus entirely.  Shift your focus from the ever-changing person of your imagination, to the Self which is immutable and never-changing.  This is the Source of true Self-confidence.

The fact of the matter is that who you are, or rather what you are, is already, has always been, and will always be perfect.  Who you are is the eternal Self, the Source of all reality.  You cannot not be perfect.  Yet in order to see this, you need to continuously shift your reference point.  You need to fastidiously shift your focus away from the fleeting and temporary “person” that you think yourself to be and shift it toward that which is eternally perfect.

Instead of constantly looking for ways to improve yourself, give up the idea that you need improvement.  Instead of spending your whole life attempting to perfect your “person”, discover that you not a person in need of perfection.  Who you are is already perfect. 

Life then becomes a practice of letting go of all the false ideas and beliefs that you carry around with you.  Just like an overweight suitcase, these false assumptions drain you of your energy, vitality, and beauty.  They eclipse the experience of your perfection. 

So if you are interested in true Self-confidence, consider this as a practice:

  1. Accept the premise that who you are, exactly as you are, is already perfect.
     
  2. Become aware of every thought, idea, belief, behavior, feeling, and perception that runs contrary, that tells you somehow you are not quite good enough.
     
  3. Practice letting go of those perceptions.  Let them go, one-by-one, staying focused always on that which is eternal and unchanging.  When you realize that what you are is already perfect, all questions of self-confidence disappear of their own accord and you are left with the ultimate Self-confidence. 

How to Shoot a Gun and Other Lessons about Life

I was always afraid of guns, because I didn’t understand them.  So I decided to learn to shoot.  I didn’t realize I was going to learn about a lot more than just firing a weapon. 

My instructors were two old Texans, one who had served in the United States Calvary and the other a German American veteran of World War II.  I was practicing at an open range one day when the old German walked up to talk to me.  He owned the range where I was shooting.  He complimented my shooting and asked why I didn’t come more often.  I stood there, with my gun pointed at the target in my outstretched arm and replied that I preferred to come when there were fewer people there.  I found other shooters to be too distracting and intimidating.  "NO!", he shouted with his thick German accent.  "When you are shooting a gun your mind should be HERE (he slapped my gun hand) and HERE (he slapped my forehead)!  You should not be worrying about what other people are doing!"  And he walked off. 

While that was sinking in two young men walked up next to me and began to shoot.  I carefully took aim and fired off a round into the respectable pattern I was making on the target.  The guys next to me were shooting rapidly, "Pop, Pop, Pop!" Red hot shells flew out of their gun and rained down on me.  "HERE and HERE", I repeated to myself and refused to look at what they were doing.  HERE and HERE.  Keeping my focus by sheer mental determination I continued to shoot.  I felt like a dumb girl slowly taking aim and firing a single round, aim, shoot, aim, shoot, while they fired off rounds in rapid succession next to me.  I was sure they were professionals and felt like a foolish amateur, but I was determined to finish shooting the box of bullets I had brought.  HERE and HERE.  Aim, shoot.  "Pop, Pop, Pop!"  A flaming shell bounced off my head and fell down my shirt.  I quickly shook it out, then refocused, HERE and HERE.  Aim, fire, aim, fire.  I was making a nice, tight pattern on the target, but it was so slow as I practiced good form and proper technique.  Aim, fire.  A shell bounced off my shoulder.  Aim, fire.    "Pop, Pop, Pop!"  A shell bounced off my head.   Aim, fire.  HERE and HERE. 

I finished the box of bullets, unloaded my gun and moved back to break it down and clean up.  For the first time I looked up to see what the guys next to me were shooting.  I studied their target – and studied it again.  It was blank!  Puzzled I watched more intently.  The targets were placed in front of a bank of dirt and as I watched, "Pop, Pop, Pop", their bullets did not hit the targets but everything around them.  Clumps of dirt flew up in front of and above the targets as the bullets hit with wild abandon.  I almost fell over laughing – at myself!  Why did I naturally assume they were better than me?  That they were the experts and I was the amateur? 

The old guy was right, about shooting a gun and about life.  HERE and HERE.  Focus on your own performance.  That’s all that matters. 

For other articles on mental health please see my blog:  www.kellevision.com.

 

If the Clothes Don’t Fit…

Ever heard the phrase, "The clothes make the man"?  Well, they do…they make the man and the woman.  You may remember awhile ago I told you about my friend Kellie, who has been revamping her physical wellbeing through diet and exercise.  She continues to do wonderfully…so much so that she has had to buy new clothes.  A year ago, Kellie wore clothes that tended to be on the tight side and in many ways, uncomfortable.  However, these days, she is wearing beautiful outfits that fit her well, are really flattering and show off all of her assets.  What’s more is that she feels good in them…not just from a physical perspective, but from a mental perspective as well: she feels good about herself and how she looks.

This made me realize just how important it is to wear clothes that really fit.  And when I say really fit…I mean fit properly.  Here are some good rules of thumb to ensure you are looking your best and wearing what will make you feel your best too:

1. Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny: If your clothes are too small, requiring you to squeeze into them; and when you do, bulges show everwhere…there is a good chance the clothes are too tight (and probably look that way too).  Believe it or not, looser cuts are more flattering and can actually make you look more thin than really tight cuts.  Unless you have extremely low body fat and washboard abs, extremely tight clothing isn’t usually good on anyone.

2. The Breathe and Movement Test: We are not in the corset era.  So why should you be packed into a piece of clothing like a sausage?  Seriously, if you can’t breathe, or for that matter, move, it is a clear sign you shouldn’t be wearing the clothing.

3. The Burlap Sac: Remember in the 80s when we wore overly baggy clothes?  That look has been over for over twenty years.  It is time to streamline.  Just like clothing that is too tight can make you look heavier, so can extremely baggy clothing that is way too big. 

4. Give it Away: If something doesn’t fit anymore, and hasn’t fit for over three years, stop promising yourself that one day it will.  For one, the style will change and even if you do end up fitting into the clothes, you may not really like the style.  Second, there is a person out there who could benefit from your charity.  Take your old, unfitting clothing to the nearest Salvation Army or Clothing Charity and let someone who can fit into your clothing benefit. 

5. Compulsive Shopping: We’ve all been there.  Whether it was out of desperation or delusion, we have all bought things that we shouldn’t have.  Take the extra time to really examine what something looks like when you try it on.  Are you seeing bulges?  Is it comfortable?  Do you feel good?  Make an informed decision about what you buy…and try not to be compulsive!

6. Don’t Make Promises you Can’t Keep: If you try something on in the dressing room and it doesn’t fit, don’t negotiate with yourself that if you buy it, you will lose the weight.  First, lose the weight, and then buy it.  Why? Because if you buy it first you will either force yourself into something that is too small just so you can wear it, or the garment will sit in your closet, never worn.  Neither of which are very good.

7. Second-hand Rose: Hand me downs and thrift stores can be a great way to save money and get a great retro-styled garment.  That said, if the garment isn’t really something you would buy at full price, by all means don’t feel compelled to buy it on sale…or even better yet…for free.  Once again, make sure you feel good in what you wear. 

8. Know your Body and Work with it: Each of us is unique…with unique body shapes and unique ways of fitting into things.  Know what works on your body and what doesn’t.  For instance, if you are a pear shape, and tend to carry extra weight in your legs, don’t buy skinny jeans.  Instead, look for jeans or pants that have a roomier cut in the leg.  You will feel more comfortable and you will look 100 times better than in the skinny jeans. 

9. Looking through Rose Colored Glasses: It is wonderful to have a healthy body image, but don’t be delusional about what looks good and what doesn’t.  If you aren’t sure about what looks good on you, bring an honest friend with you the next time you go shopping. 

10. But I’m a Size 8: Each manufacturer is different in how they design and cut their styles.  Unfortunately, this also extends to sizes.  Just because you are a size 8 at Banana Republic does not necessarily mean that you are a size 8 at Ann Taylor.  Get over the number.  What is most important is choosing the size that fits you, regardless if it is an 8, a 10 or a 6.

Most importantly, wear what you feel good in.  If you feel good in something, there is a good chance you will look good too!

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