Tag Archives: separation

One Woman’s Survival Story: Marriage Separation

woman

She didn’t know anyone whose marriage had survived separation, but here it was, staring her straight in the face. The woman, we’ll call her Wendy, had only been married a few short years but it was obvious that things were getting stale.

He wanted out. Separation. Relationship halt.

She didn’t see that coming. Aside from things being stale in their young marriage, there wasn’t anything major going on. No affairs or big fights. Nothing that would indicate that her husband was particularly unhappy with her. So when he wanted to move into another apartment, she was in shock. Now what?

When married couples contemplate such a move, it can be scary. Being separate typically means there are big problems, and big problems can lead to divorce. Separation just prolongs the questions. Will this work out? Will we find our way back to each other again?

Wendy kept their separation a secret save for a few who were closest to her. Mostly, she cried alone at her house, or at her desk at work. She cried a lot. Likely she thought about all the things she should have done while they still lived together. Regrets loomed.

Was it all too late? Continue reading

Losing Yourself in Love: 5 Steps to Get Back Home

“People will always make you feel like losing them in your life will be a lifetime regret…when losing yourself in them is suicide.” -Unknown

End of DayOne morning this week it hit me. Why this morning, in this week and why I hadn’t realized it before are questions I’m not sure I can answer. But there I was, wide-awake at 6:30am except I had nothing to do. No kids to take to school, no little feet lodged in my ribs, just me all alone and wide awake.

It’s not that this hasn’t happened many times recently. I have been separated/divorced for over two years and thought I had worked through my emotions about being away from my kids, so why this morning was I unable to roll over and sleep in?

As I laid there, alone in my California king bed running through a list of reasons as to why, this morning I was feeling like an alien in my own body, it didn’t take long to figure it out. I was an alien in my own body.

One of the greatest revelations I had after my separation was that while married I had lost myself. This isn’t an uncommon realization for people getting divorced. We wake up and find out we don’t know who we are anymore. For me, I’d forgotten what kind of music I liked, what kind of food I liked, and what kind of movies I liked. I could recite every line uttered in Gladiator and Toy Story to you if you’d like, but the last movie I indulged in simply because I wanted to see it, nope couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t remember if I liked to get up early for me or if I only did it because I have young children who seem to think sleep is tantamount to child torture and should be avoided at all costs.

But that revelation was over two years ago. I had figured it all out since then, hadn’t I? The truth is, I was awake at 6:30am when I should have slept in because I realized I hadn’t, I saw the writing on the wall, and I was doing it again. For two years while I thought I was working on me, I wasn’t. I was stabilizing. I was figuring out how to raise two kids on my own, figuring out how to support myself, my mom and my kids alone and when I had time, half-heartedly piecing together a new mosaic of myself.

As I attempted to manage all of that I accidentally met a man. I had been dabbling in the men department, keeping a good distance between anyone and my heart. But this one seems to have to stuck around, and now after almost a year I realized that I have grown to love this man. But something wasn’t right. With each passing day I began to see the signs of the take over, the alien possession of the me I had found directly after my divorce, back to the same old patterns and behaviors that led to my divorce. The loosing of myself, the letting go of the things that mattered to me just so I could keep this person in my life. So afraid that if I allowed myself to be me, I wouldn’t be loved anymore, and I would be alone.

I had been alone for a while after my divorce. Playing at being that together, single mom who has it all figured out. But I am not. The pain of being alone still lingers, the scars of being abandoned in the woods with my cubs, still very raw. I laughed at myself as I lay there; at my arrogance of thinking I had moved beyond that fear. I chuckled at the idea that I could have figured myself out that quickly. I considered that I was only in this new relationship because of that fear. Was it love I truly felt for this person or was the fear of being alone what was keeping me there? Did I know what I wanted in my life?

Finally out of bed, alone with my coffee, a cigarette and my thoughts, no kids to feed, no rushing out the door to get to school on time. Just this one question. How is it that I, of all people, one who should “know,” still gets lost down this rabbit hole? Will I ever dig myself out? Will I ever exorcise this demon, this alien who insists on living my life?

After a half hour of berating myself for not being the epitome of the wise woman who knows it all, I forgave myself and relaxed. Instead of shoving my fear back down deep into the dark hole of myself – I performed my own exorcism. Reflected back on the last two years and the progress I have made, I acknowledged that I was falling back into to old patterns, but found gratitude in being able to see those patterns emerging early and the willingness to stop myself. Then I did something I love, something I don’t get to do very often, I took a bath, at 10am and read a really good book, nothing about science or spirituality, a romance novel set in the 1700’s – chock full of chivalry and sword fights. I was in that bath for two hours (I had to refill the tub twice!).

That night I did something I had feared before in past relationships, I spoke up, I was willing to walk away from my relationship if I couldn’t be heard. I was honest with myself and with him. I understood that this was more to do with me, my behavior than his. I admitted for once, that I have needs that were important to me and I wasn’t going to let them go out of fear of loosing love anymore. I was loosing myself and I could not, would not do that again. He listened, he understood. I decided to move forward with the relationship, with a more conscious awareness of my self. Because there is much I love about this person, but there is much I love about myself. The practice is finding the balance.

So often we wonder how we end up loosing ourselves, how we end up in relationships that don’t serve us, but serve the underlying issues we often don’t want to face. Lucky for me I have a great therapist, someone who has walked a mile in my shoes and who has come out the other side. We talked a lot about why this occurs and how by acknowledging, understanding, and facing those hidden little secrets we want to hide about ourselves can bring us the courage and strength to change the patterns that sneak up on us, ready to snatch the real us and replace us with an alien we no longer know.

Here are 5 signs you’ve lost yourself in love:

  • You are in a relationship with a narcissist. People with NPD are notoriously attracted to people who will become who they need them to be. The right personality for this is someone who is easy-going and accommodating. Over time the person in the relationship with the NPD loses sight of who they are, and what they want. It may eventually break down with an affair, and the NPD partner getting bored and moving on.
  • You have low self-esteem and lack self value. People with a fragile sense of self easily lose themselves in a relationship. They lack the confidence and courage to stand up for themselves, and to ask for what they need. Instead they stay passively quiet until they are so unhappy they are forced to give up trying or leave the relationship.
  • You feel more comfortable in a merged relationship than an intrapersonal one. Some people are terrified of being independent and separate from their lover. It either stems from separation anxiety or a fear of loss of the partner. This is usually a mutual experience so both partners give up their independent selves and become “one”. It manifests in doing everything together and not having their own lives, friends and interests.
  • You lose site of who they are. Many couples forget to work on themselves by taking time out to nurture their interests and relationships outside of their love relationship. They only focus on each other, the marriage/relationship or kids neglecting their own needs and desires. Suddenly they realize they don’t know who they are anymore. This often turns into a mid-life crisis or some other potentially destructive behavior.
  • You have false beliefs about what it means to be in a relationship. Many people learn and believe that being in a relationship equates with sacrifice. They believe they have to give up things for the other, and slowly but surely they have nothing left. They feel guilty or selfish for even wanting more for themselves, so they settle in and stop working on their own lives.

And 5 steps to get you back home (to yourself):

  • Acknowledgement – Okay, I fit one or more of those descriptions.
  • Forgive – We are human after all, and we can change anything we choose about ourselves in any moment. The past is the past and the future is ours.
  • Awareness – Observe how you are being in your relationships, journal your behaviors and patterns.
  • Practice – As you begin to observe your patterns practice interrupting them, practice a new behavior in it’s place.
  • Most importantly – DO! Get up, get out and do what you love, it may feel uncomfortable at first, but with time you will begin to feel safe on your own, and you will find joy and peace in being yourself.

 

Special thanks to Dr. Andra Brosh for contributing to this blog.

photo by: dbnunley

Coloring Your Fifty Shades of Love

As Valentine’s Day approaches hearts turn to notions of romantic love. But, as shown in Fifty Shades of Gray, love doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone, and there are at least as many shades of love as there are people in the world. In the Middle Ages the art of courtly love became popular. Knights became infatuated with maidens and went off to battle with their beloved in mind. That love often remained Platonic and never breached the doors of any bedroom. Today, as society seems obsessed with relationships and falling in love, it seems our identity is defined by whether we’re in love or not, with whom, for how long and if we plan to marry, separate, divorce or have an affair.  But more and more people who are on a spiritual path are seeking also that their relationships hold a spiritual essence. Relationships can become a way of consciously growing and expanding. Hearts for Valentines

In partnership we often find that the person in front of us mirrors some aspect of ourselves back to us. If it’s an aspect we love then we’re happy. On the other hand if it’s an aspect that we dislike, we turn on our partner and berate him or her, grow angry, frustrated and try to kill the demon by attaching our loved one. If we’re lucky our partner works with us to help us face our weaknesses and gently support us to grow into a better person.

In relationships, more than most any other realm, we are tested to discover who we really our. The ways we choose to love and accept others tells a lot about how we love and accept ourselves. Love, at its best, encompasses many more tones and hues beyond the romantic shade that’s so touted at the beginning of a relationship. It extends to include compassion, acceptance, tolerance. If we’re lucky and very conscious it can even grow into unconditional love. The many shades of love we discover are as vast and as varied as the human race. By waking up and relating with awareness our love can become like a rainbow and include a broad palette of tones to enrich our lives. As you go through the days consider the kinds of love you experience. There’s love for things like chocolate (one of my favs). There are many kinds of love for people — friends, family, colleagues, children. There’s love for pets and nature. Pay attention to how you love and if you feel inspired to play, create a drawing or painting to express your love through colors.

Debra Moffitt is the award winning author of Awake in the World: 108 Practices to Live a Divinely Inspired Life and “Garden of Bliss: Cultivating the Inner Landscape for Self-Discovery” (Llewellyn Worldwide, May 2013). A visionary, dreamer and teacher, she’s devoted to nurturing the spiritual in everyday life. She leads workshops on spiritual practices, writing and creativity in the U.S. and Europe. More at Awakeintheworld.com and on Facebook

Yoga lessons from my 5-year-old student

For many of us the concept of seva or “selfless service” involves helping others, often those that we perceive as disadvantaged or underserved. But at what point does this very desire to help others in-need further create the idea of separation?

During my time as Director of Yoga Gangsters, a non-profit that brings yoga to youth in inner city areas, I have been blessed to teach yoga to various populations: from homeless youth and victims of abuse to children with various medical conditions. I have approached all of these experiences with the purest of intentions: to simply share the practice of yoga with an enthusiastic spirit. And it is that which I have humbly done. But still, I couldn’t help but to enter each situation with these very labels floating around in my mind… homeless, abused, ill. You see, I know that yoga can release the tension and trauma my students have accumulated thru their life experiences, so it only seemed natural that I be aware of their backgrounds as I prepare to facilitate any moments of healing through the yoga practice, even if only for a few breaths.

All of that changed when I began teaching at Jackson Memorial Hospital’s Pediatric Extended Care Center, a half-day program that serves many children from low-income families. Here I would meet so many little angels ages 3-5 with a broad range of medical conditions including: Autism, Downs Syndrome, Sickle Cell Anemia, Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, Organ Transplants, and more. I quickly learned that this work would require a resilient heart, compassionate, yet still somehow detached.

On my first day visiting the center I was flooded with a sea of happy children, playing and screaming as all kids do. Yes they were sick, many with breathing tubes and catheters, but they carried themselves with pure joy, almost as if the concepts of “sick, disadvantaged, and underserved” were still foreign to them. It would probably be many years until they would fully understand their medical conditions and how it affected those who love them. In fact, some of them may never fully grasp the labels us well-intentioned caregivers use to describe the very unique qualities that make them all so special.

There was one 5 year-old girl in particular named Sophia who reminded me never to impose my own perceptions of “lack” or “need” upon those I serve. During our very first introduction, she proudly lifted up her shirt to reveal a deep surgery scar straight up and down the center of her entire torso. As I stood there witnessing how carefree and nonchalant she was about this scar that would make anyone’s heart break open, I had no choice but to celebrate with her. Why wouldn’t I? Because of what I as a healthy individual could perceive as “suffering”? It was in this moment that I realized how important it is for me as a teacher to view all of the kids I work with as just that…. Kids. Not “sick kids”, not “at-risk kids,” not “kids with behavioral issues”… just KIDS.

Same goes for Naji, a 5 year-old student with high blood pressure who lives on medication in dosage amounts equal to that of an adult. The radiance in his eyes as he proudly declares, “I am Strong!” every time he shows off his Warrior stance reminds me that in this case there is no need for empathy because there is no pain. What if the pain comes from us — the adult teachers, caregivers and volunteers — who, loving these children, feel a pain for that may not always even be there within them?

You see, children such as Sophia and Naji haven’t yet fully discovered the concepts of different or separate. They serve as beautiful mini teachers reminding me to be more child-like every time I practice seva. For just like its literal translation, “string”, seva connects us all, making us one-in-the-same: whole, healthy, full of life and unlimited potential.

If you would like to support Yoga Gangsters, please take part in our February fundraising campaign with Beauty for Real. 25% of all online sales of their Illuminating Light up Lip Gloss in the shade SPARK will benefit Yoga Gangsters! Watch the video below and visit YogaGangsters.org for more info on how your lips can make a difference!

Marisol Tamez is a yoga teacher, writer, video producer, and Executive Director of Yoga Gangsters, a non-profit organization bringing free yoga programs to at-risk youth in S. Florida.  She currently teaches at Terri Cooper’s 305 Yoga and is the head of the yoga program at Fontainebleau Miami Beach. In her previous career, Marisol produced video content for international channels such as MTV Networks, Telemundo and HTV. She now has her own production company, The TV Writer’s VOICE (an acronym for “Vision of Inspiring Communities to Evolve”), in which she focuses on creating innovative projects and documenting the efforts of change-makers across the world.

“Speak Father, Speak…”

 “Speak, father, speak to your little boy. Or I shall be lost forever.”

This is the poem 9 year old Tommy Donahue (now 37), wrote to his father, who had been killed. It is a story dominating Boston recently. And my heart and thoughts this morning.

It is the voice of a child to his father, and could equally be the voice of a mother to her deceased child, a wife to her husband, the child of the Divine to her Parent, or of the prodigal son. Tommy is supplying the words for many of our own private tragedies and epic love stories.

There is a long history of lovers gifting their words and stories to the world, to be employed for expression of profound love, longing and grief.

In India there are many ancient stories and poems of lovers; some very similar our Romeo and Juliet. Laila and Majnu is one such story. Heer and Ranja another. Lovers, separated by fate, joined in longing. Such stories have traditionally been used to illustrate the relationship of the lover to the Beloved, not only between man and woman, but between the drop and the Ocean, the child soul and the Parent Oversoul, the disciple and the Master.

My teacher used to say that it is the birthright of each Soul to be reunited with Her Home. He used to say that the very longing of the Soul to go Home is purifying and sacred in and of itself, and brings Her closer.

So, in India, epic love stories were devised to explore and reflect this sacred relationship of longing.

By and by, along came Bollywood.

Stories of lovers are Bollywood’s bread and butter.

“Laila and Majnu”: The Musical was inevitable. And I suppose it was inevitable that it would become one of my favorites. Something that has struck me since I became aware of it in my late teens or early twenties, is that there are exact phrases and metaphors in the songs of Laila and Majnu (The Musical)–and other Bollywood love stories — that are regularly employed in the poetry of the mystics in India (including my teachers). For example, there is the image or the word “jholi.” Jholi is a bag used by beggars. When they go begging, they hold out this bag for the donor to fill. In the beautiful Laila/Majnu song, Mei Tere Dar Pe Aaya Hun, there is a chorus that translates:

I have come to your door.

There is something I will do before leaving.

I will fill my jholi and leave

Or I shall leave by dying.

The lover is comparing himself to a beggar. He will come to her door and if she does not quench his love, he will die.

If you think this is a little dramatic, perhaps you have not been long acquainted with Bollywood. Or with Indian culture. Or with the angst of the Lover?

Anyway, my teacher, among many, has employed this very jholi metaphor in their own poetry. Consider this line:

Whoever has meditated or remembered You, with a true heart, even for once — with both Your Hands full You filled his jholi with Your Love.

Thus, it is not uncommon to be walking in India and have some heart-wrenching (sometimes ear-splitting) Bollywood song pierce through the hot streets and dusty air and penetrate the heart.

But, lest we think soul, love, separation, longing, divinity and pop culture only mix in the gullies of Delhi, consider  Mr. Tambourine Man. Or Peter Gabriel’s Solsbury Hill, or In Your Eyes. 

In your eyes

the light. the heat

in your eyes

I am complete

in your eyes

I see the doorway to a thousand churches

in your eyes

the resolution of all the fruitless searches

in your eyes

I see the light and the heat

in your eyes

oh, I want to be that complete

I want to touch the light

the heat I see in your eyes

Thank you, Tommy. May your Father rest in peace.

 

Finding Peace

 Question:

How do I overcome my mind ….. To stop my fear of death and find purpose and peace in the present moment with out worrying why I am even on this earth… ? I feel like an alien… For this issue makes me bitter, angry, lonely, and afraid to be a part of. Please Help Me!

Answer:

I’m afraid my answer for you is simple but doesn’t happen instantly. You have built up your   identity around the idea of being separate from others, separate from your body and separate from your surroundings. That separation is the root of your fear and loneliness.

To get beyond the fears and worry of your mind you need to transcend the mind altogether. That means practice meditation so that you experience your true self as  unlimited awareness, pure being. When you know yourself as the stillness of consciousness, you know peace, your know your purpose, and you belong to the earth because the universe belongs to you. This won’t necessarily happen all at once, but this is the direction you need to travel, and as you establish more and more of your real self, more peace and happiness will emerge in your life.

Love,

Deepak

 deepakchopra.com

Follow Deepak on Twitter

Illusion and Saving the Planet

Question:

If this life / experience is just an illusion, why are we so busy in saving the planet? Also i know of people storing up food for the coming disasters planed by the so called illuminati. By doing this I sense that I am feeding the illusion? I would really like to know.

Answer:

I don’t agree that life is an illusion. It is the perception of separation that is an illusion. The misperception that my body is separate from my mind; that my consciousness is independent from others’ consciousness; that I am isolated from the existence and intelligence of the universe. It is these errors that constitute the illusion the sages speak of. This ignorance of reality is also what lies at the root of humanity’s degradation of the planet. The reason we need to be busy saving the planet is because recognizing that our existence is tied to planetary health is part of the process of saving ourselves from ignorance and the illusion of separation.

As far as storing food goes, I don’t see any problem with the act itself. It’s just a question of the driving emotion behind that action. If it is driven by fear and insecurity, then yes, you are feeding the collective illusion of fear and separation. If it’s just a neutral act of prudence that you do with a light heart, then you are not contributing to the collective fear in society.

Love,

Deepak

deepakchopra.com

Follow Deepak on Twitter

An empowering winding road

I have been on this road for almost two years now.  The beginning of this crazy journey was blindfolded.  I had no idea my husband had taken on a lover. 

When suspicions became a reality, he denied such wrongdoings, making me feel guilty of doubting him.  I did feel bad for doubting and the winding road continued onward.  I went up hills higher than the tallest rollercoaster and flew down that hil, out of control. 

My husband professed his love to me and his family and I believe and forgave him four times.  During this forgiveness, the betrayal continued.  Paranoia became my life for the next year.

Had I had the self-empowering tools to put a halt to this unhealthy behavior, I would have been strong.  However, lacking these tools, I crashed.  Mind you, I have a child to raise during all this crazyness as well.

Having hope, I tried to forgive once more, however this time I wasn’t so forgiving as I was expecting the lies and old behaviors of going back to the lover to happen again, it was just a matter of time.  And, voila!  You guessed it.

I am so much stronger now.  Healthier physically as well.  Dropped 25 pounds and me, not having strong affirmation skills, must admit, holding my chin up, I look pretty darn good for a woman turning 43 soon.

I’m learning through program to keep my focus on me and my daughter.  I cannot control other behavoir or intentions to destroy me… however I can empower my mind and my body and realize I did the best I could, admitting I added to the suffering marriage, but knowing I did not harm anyone but myself in trying to hold on.

I’m am new to learning about addiction, even though I stem from an alcoholic familiy; I just went with the flow and thought the way I was raised was the way life worked.  Now recovering from the damage unknowingly inflicted upon me by my parents due to their disease I am empowered and am learning to realize it’s not my fault.  The gift of realization is I can now work on the issues I have so I am able to improve my being, strengthen my core and believe in myself.

The power I am giving to me has been a great gift to my child.  I see an enormous difference in her self-esteem.  I have the ability to stop the disability and to raise my child without the "ims" that I have as an Adult inflicted with so many of these "isms."  I can change my behavior patterns and learn to be positive and grow into this person with so much love and hope and acceptance and forgiveness and this in turn will reflect  on my incredibly intuitive, smart beautiful little girl.

The mind always needs to be refocused on positive decisions and thoughts.  I am able to work on my character flaws.

My growth thus far has been tremendous.  I went from drinking myself to numb the pain I was living in.  I was a lost soul wanting to cling on to a unhealthy situation.  I no longer want to abuse myself, physically and emotionally.

I am bright, loving, giving, and have a spirit, when in its full essence, radiates and empowers me and my surroundings.

I am grateful for all my experiences in life for they have shaped me.  I now know I can go through my memory filing cabinet and discard those thoughts that limit me as a person.  I can replace those cards with the new positive affirmations and thought patterns.

Gratitude.  Simply put.

 

An empowering winding road

I have been on this road for almost two years now.  The beginning of this crazy journey was blindfolded.  I had no idea my husband had taken on a lover. 

When suspicions became a reality, he denied such wrongdoings, making me feel guilty of doubting him.  I did feel bad for doubting and the winding road continued onward.  I went up hills higher than the tallest rollercoaster and flew down that hil, out of control. 

My husband professed his love to me and his family and I believe and forgave him four times.  During this forgiveness, the betrayal continued.  Paranoia became my life for the next year.

Had I had the self-empowering tools to put a halt to this unhealthy behavior, I would have been strong.  However, lacking these tools, I crashed.  Mind you, I have a child to raise during all this crazyness as well.

Having hope, I tried to forgive once more, however this time I wasn’t so forgiving as I was expecting the lies and old behaviors of going back to the lover to happen again, it was just a matter of time.  And, voila!  You guessed it.

I am so much stronger now.  Healthier physically as well.  Dropped 25 pounds and me, not having strong affirmation skills, must admit, holding my chin up, I look pretty darn good for a woman turning 43 soon.

I’m learning through program to keep my focus on me and my daughter.  I cannot control other behavoir or intentions to destroy me… however I can empower my mind and my body and realize I did the best I could, admitting I added to the suffering marriage, but knowing I did not harm anyone but myself in trying to hold on.

I’m am new to learning about addiction, even though I stem from an alcoholic familiy; I just went with the flow and thought the way I was raised was the way life worked.  Now recovering from the damage unknowingly inflicted upon me by my parents due to their disease I am empowered and am learning to realize it’s not my fault.  The gift of realization is I can now work on the issues I have so I am able to improve my being, strengthen my core and believe in myself.

The power I am giving to me has been a great gift to my child.  I see an enormous difference in her self-esteem.  I have the ability to stop the disability and to raise my child without the "ims" that I have as an Adult inflicted with so many of these "isms."  I can change my behavior patterns and learn to be positive and grow into this person with so much love and hope and acceptance and forgiveness and this in turn will reflect  on my incredibly intuitive, smart beautiful little girl.

The mind always needs to be refocused on positive decisions and thoughts.  I am able to work on my character flaws.

My growth thus far has been tremendous.  I went from drinking myself to numb the pain I was living in.  I was a lost soul wanting to cling on to a unhealthy situation.  I no longer want to abuse myself, physically and emotionally.

I am bright, loving, giving, and have a spirit, when in its full essence, radiates and empowers me and my surroundings.

I am grateful for all my experiences in life for they have shaped me.  I now know I can go through my memory filing cabinet and discard those thoughts that limit me as a person.  I can replace those cards with the new positive affirmations and thought patterns.

Gratitude.  Simply put.

 

How far is the distance between love and loneliness?

By Stefan Pinto – My aunt and uncle had one of those probably perfect marriages; kept together by the seams of an offspring, yet fated to unravel on my cousin’s wedding day. Years later, another aunt, an indomitable mother, was so overcome with grief, that during her son’s abrupt funeral, she crawled into his casket, refusing to let him go, wrestling with his freshly shaven face and the fruitless odds of defeating a moment that will become a mournful memory. Earlier that same year, the cacophonous wails of my estranged aunt, a once stoic spouse now howling at her dying husband’s bedside, my distant cousins, standing — surrounding their newly dead father’s presence — all shedding tears of despair mixed-in with some weeping obligation.

Distressingly unforgettable moments that creep through my mind’s eye and wrap their timeless web around the fabric that has now become my perception.  

Loneliness. How it slyly grips us, circumventing all of our attempts at escaping its shadow-like grasp. Like refugees of some natural disaster we cling to that which no longer belongs to us, carrying countless “what ifs” and untold “maybes” in a sieve-like grasp, carefully hoping to protect our hearts, the way sand quenches the thirst of a weak and tired traveler.

How far is the distance between love and loneliness? When an erudite boy becomes a prepossessing man, perceptually formidable yet privately vulnerable. Like porcelain, a physical prowess that feeds wanton jealousy and fuels outward desire, delicate and beautiful and so easily breakable.

Caught in his snare of strength, held together by the weak web of allure, suitors are left surprised, confused by this shiny armor that is only an exterior, serving to dazzle and attract but ultimately betray. Like a butterfly, fluttering from flower to flower, an essentially symbiotic relationship, feeding and pollinating, but never staying.

About the author: Stefan Pinto writes a national fitness column and a dating column. Follow him on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/stefanpinto

 

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