Tag Archives: shame

The President’s Tweets and the Future of Shame


Last week the new Twitter account @POTUS of President Obama became a lightning rod for the worst in social media behavior. Within minutes of its setup, as reported in the New York Times, the account was flooded with vitriolic racist tweets, complete with hideous images, including one of Mr. Obama with his neck in a noose.  Many troubling issues arise from this shameful behavior, but at the center is shame itself.

Behavior on the Internet, Twitter, and other social media outlets has become shameless, and at the same time, these outlets are being used to publicly shame people, especially innocent high school students being electronically bullied by cruel classmates. Shameless behavior has no consequences, and social media and the Internet afford easy anonymity. Put these two elements together, and you’ve got the perfect recipe for anti-social trends that keep building and building. Continue reading

You Matter


 “Don’t think about me. Don’t think about how I will respond or what I want you to be. Just be what you are. You have to find yourself.”

This is what my husband told me today and I must tell you, I squirmed. For a few reasons.

First and foremost — because he was right, damn him! He said it when it should have been me. Me, the terribly wise and present person who thought herself oh so … whatever … ah, in short – I was ashamed of myself. My pride smarted because I could not deny the fact that he was right and I was thoroughly messed up.

Which was another reason for squirming? I am not supposed to be getting messed up anymore. I am supposed to have outgrown it.

And then there was the fact that I knew he was right because I saw it before we had this conversation, and my seeing it made no difference at all. I collapsed nonetheless. Back into my messiness, back into the uncertainty and fear, back into the endless “what am I going to do with myself” questions, the “why am I here?”, the “what is being done to me?” questions.

Questions, questions, questions that plagued me and worried me and hurt me. Questions that made me scared of life, scared of the world, scared of myself.

I’ve been lost in them for a very long time, and then I looked up for just a moment and then I was myself again. Myself. Here. I could feel myself and there were no more questions. Instead there were my choices. Nothing was being done to me anymore – I was doing. I was choosing. I was creating. What? Oh, that mattered not at all. Answers mattered not at all because I was back and I did not need to look for answers anymore.

What mattered was that I was back, me — the creator of answers. And I was safe.

Dustin Hoffman Breaks Into Tears Discussing Society’s Pressures on Women

Screen Shot 2013-07-09 at 10.22.16 AMThe notion of ‘beauty’ in our culture tends to be more limiting and shame-inducing than cathartic. What should be a soul-expanding experience of aesthetic pleasure gets confined to a manufactured pill box, forced down our throats by television, magazines, advertisements, the porn industry – you name it. We all suffer from this together as a society, but women, most of all, bear the brunt of the abuse.

In preparing to make the 1982 film Tootsie, Dustin Hoffman was determined to look as much like a woman as possible. If the audience had to suspend disbelief to follow the story, Hoffman explains in an interview with AFI, then it wasn’t going to work. It wasn’t until he looked at himself in the mirror, fully costumed as a female, that he realized the reality women live with every day. If Hoffman saw his female self at a party, he confesses, he wouldn’t give her the time of day. The realization brings him to tears. Take a look:

This might seem overly tidy. “Hey, Dustin Hoffman, try being a real woman for even a day and you’ll experience some truly gnarly things. And before you whine about not making an attractive woman, let’s think about what beauty really is.”

But his emotional response is more nuanced than that. Hoffman bemoans the socialized notions of beauty that kept him from approaching women who might have otherwise added to his life with wit, intellect, and grace. How many women, he wonders, did he miss the opportunity of knowing, just out of prejudice?

The question we would add to that is: Why do we as a society continue to let anything but our own hearts dictate what we find beautiful?

What do you think? Tell us your thoughts in the comments section below!

Why Vulnerability Will Help You Access the Life You’ve Always Dreamed Of

We get it. Vulnerability is probably the last thing you want to be feeling when you go in for that interview, or start writing that novel, or hold your baby for the first time. Most likely you want to feel strong, competent, and powerful. Every word must be direct, every action swift, every feeling resolute. But guess what? Those hard edges may be keeping you from experiencing the fullness of a life worthy of such strength and potency. Case in point: What’s the first rule of love? Open, soften, let love in.

One of the most poignant TED Talks out there – which you may have already seen because it’s just that darn good – is one by social work professor Brené Brown. In her research, Brown focuses on the relationships among authenticity, courage, empathy, and, you guessed it, vulnerability. These ‘virtues’, you might call them, come together in the following simple but intimidating formula:

accept imperfection + welcome vulnerability = banish shame and live authentically

Do you agree with Brown’s thesis? Are you ready to be vulnerable? Tell us your thoughts in the comments section below!

Trading Shame for Magnificence

“If you’re wondering what happens if you attach your self-worth to your art or your product and people love it, let me answer that from personal and professional experience. You’re in even deeper trouble. Everything shame needs to hijack and control your life is in place. You’ve handed over your self-worth to what people think.
… With an awareness of shame and strong shame resilience skills, this scenario is completely different. You still want folks to respect and even admire what you’ve created, but your self-worth is not on the table. You know that you are far more than a painting, an innovative idea, an effective pitch, a good sermon, or a high Amazon.com ranking. Yes, it will still be disappointing and difficult if your friends or colleagues don’t share your enthusiasm, or if things don’t go well, but this effort is about what you do, not who you are. Regardless of the outcome, you’ve already dared greatly, and that’s totally aligned with your values; who you want to be.”

~ Brene Brown, Daring Greatly

In 2012 after losing my mother, I have been living my life with a certain degree of Shame Resilience: Meaning, I am not attaching my self worth to the reception of my work. In other words, I’ve unplugged from the popularity contest. As such, I’ve been speaking to things that aren’t widely condoned (especially in my part of the country) — the need for vulnerability, unplugging from your past traumas, facing shame head on, learning to love yourself and everyone around you totally and completely without reservation. In some cases, this has brought me great accolades; in some cases, I have alienated once dear friends, clients and family members.

“All life breathes, moves, heals and suffers together.”

~ Caroline Myss

Recently, I wrote an article revealing what could be construed as a dark story in my family. I did not know why I was writing it at the time, I just couldn’t not write it. The story burned through my soul to my fingers and onto the screen. In telling this story, I inadvertently caused my remaining family (my sister and my father) great sorrow, humiliation and shame. This was not my intention — it was far from my intention. My intention was healing — for myself, for my family and for others who have suffered similarly. And because I had already forgiven my sister, this story held no charge for me. I did not realize that perhaps, she had not forgiven herself, so this story would trigger shame for her. When I was alerted to such, I removed the article. I struggled greatly with the outcome of my actions. For although I want to be a pioneer in learning self love, it is not my intention to cause others harm.

I am now moving into the realm of forgiveness, as is advised by the shamanic wisdom website ThePowerPath.com as the theme for the month of December — clean the karmic debt junk drawer, let go, surrender and sigh. My spirit echoes this cry. You see, I not only need to forgive my sister, which I have done countless times before and will likely do again, I must forgive myself. I make mistakes; I simply do.

I had a meeting with a friend and colleague last week. She stared at me through shimmering tears. “I just don’t know if I can trust you,” she said. “I need to know that you will support me when I need you,” she continued. My heart was bleeding for her. Of course you can trust me! I wanted to scream. I couldn’t believe her hesitation. I was mortally offended at the base of my soul. But all I offered was, “You can trust me. I love you. I’m here for you.”

“I’m loved unconditionally, for no other reason than simply because I exist.”

~Anita Moorjani, Dying to be Me

My friend had lost touch with this central truth of our existence. We are all loved, each and every one of us, simply because we exist. All we have to do is remember our magnificence and return to our true nature, vulnerability, to realize that which we most seek — connection. Even my sister is loved unconditionally simply because she exists. I know this. I wish she did as well. I wish everyone I know and have known were aware of this simple truth. And so, I must continually remind them.

Part of being at the forefront of becoming conscious is to accept the role of making others uncomfortable, for discomfort is often the catalyst for change. And so it is.

Complete Freedom in Gratitude!

14 Comments Nov 4th Release me…(Good-bye to Guilt and Shame)
By Moniesa Scott
I forgive myself for continuing to try to "make" right, what my heart tells me is not.
I forgive myself for not being completely honest with you about my own strengths, weakness, and abilities.
I forgive myself for ever believing I’m not worth anything I need OR desire.
I forgive myself for choosing to believe I’ve ever done anything "wrong" for I’ve always done the best I could do with the tools I had at the time–as I know better I can choose better.
I forgive myself for trying to FORCE myself into relationships, situations, and experiences that were dishonoring to me.
I forgive myself for acting like I didn’t know the truth when I have all along.
I forgive myself for not having the courage to stand my ground.
I forgive myself for attempting to settle for less then what I deserve (as my birthright).
I forgive myself for choosing physical comfort (instant gratification) over what I know is going to be best for me in the long run.
I forgive myself  for not honoring my body with proper rest patterns so I can make clear decisions.
I forgive myself for not honoring my body temple with nourishing food, that will support my overall health and longevity, as expressed appreciation for this domain in which the most important person in my life dwells.
I forgive myself for not physically stimulating my body in appreciation of all it’s many marvels.
I forgive myself for ever believing anything that I NEED is outside of me.
I forgive myself for ever caring about what other people think of me.
I forgive myself for being afraid of my own power and DIVINITY!

I’m grateful for the LAW that states: What you resist will persist, and knowing I can make another choice at any moment.
I’m grateful for the LAW that states: What you focus on grows, and I can choose to focus on that which I desire to create.
I’m grateful for my constant evolution and spiritual awakening.
I’m grateful for my journey in it’s entirety, I know it all serves me for my highest and greatest good, and EVERY part of it was necessary for my growth, and self discovery.
I’m grateful for my strength and desire for change.
I’m grateful for the courage to share my process.
I’m grateful for the people that have been placed in my path to encourage and support me (yes, YOU!) *smile*
I’m grateful for all of my blessing that have my name on them.
I’m grateful for all my failures and mistakes.
I’m grateful for my family and friends.
I’m grateful for the knowledge that I can never be separate from the DIVINE.
I’m grateful for my healing.
I’m grateful that I never walk alone.
I’m grateful for my LIFE.
I’m grateful for LOVE.
I’m MOST grateful for my CREATOR who has brought me this far and will never forsake me!

I’m FREE TO BE ME! I ALWAYS have a CHOICE! For this I am SO grateful! The TRUTH this day, has released me…

First Aid for the Soul Healing Circle -Forgiveness-

This bi-monthly circle for nurturing the soul by healing at the cellular and Energetic Levels helps you shift from stress to calm, serenity and balance.

Join us to shift from highly stressful situations to a state of calm and serenity, enabling wise choice. This group uses guided creative visualizations to release anger, blame, guilt and fear. We apply the self-healing balm of forgiveness by employing Shamanic Work and Energy Techniques to promote transformation, empowerment and well-being.

Group meets: Tuesday, August 24 7-9pm.

Cost: $20 donation (pay at door)

Location:  The Imagine Center

18635 Ventura Blvd, Tarzana, CA. 91356

Call 818.345.1100 or register online at:  www.theimaginecenter.com 


For more Info:  www.rosalbafontanez.com  

Contact: fontanezrosa@aol.com


Forgiveness Circle

 Imagine Center First Aid for the Soul Healing Circle Events:


This bi-monthly circle for nurturing the soul by healing at the cellular and Energetic Levels helps you shift from stress to calm, serenity and balance.

Join us to shift from highly stressful situations to a state of calm and serenity, enabling wise choice. This group uses guided creative visualizations to release anger, blame, guilt and fear. We apply the self-healing balm of forgiveness by employing Shamanic Work and Energy Techniques to promote transformation, empowerment and well-being.

Group meets: Tuesday, August 24 7-9pm.

Cost: $20 donation (pay at door)


Location:  The Imagine Center

18635 Ventura Blvd, Tarzana, CA. 91356

Call 818.345.1100 or register online at:


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...