When I first realized I was a codependent, one of the things that I began to understand was that I lived my life playing the victim. Everything was always happening TO me, people were always doing harm to me, and I was completely innocent, and the list could go on forever. I victimized myself, and I wallowed in every bad emotion I had. Doing this made me lose sight of the good things in life.
Today, I’d like everyone to grab a pen and paper so that we can make gratitude lists. This is one of the tools that helps me feel good about myself and my life, and it helped reframe the misery I was putting myself in. Continue reading
Making choices or decisions is not always as easy as it seems especially if there is more than one good choice option to choose from. What if you like a couple of things but don’t necessarily feel strongly towards any of them, does that make you indecisive? What if you feel like there are too many choices which feel like it overwhelms you and causes you to make no decision?
What if you believe that the option you choose is wrong or is there ever a wrong choice? Do we see this as an opportunity to grow and learn? Surely there are no wrong choices but always only a lesson learned? I was talking to a friend just the other day about exactly this point she was telling me how she didn’t really know what she wanted to study when she finished school and stumbled upon a degree in accounting because she had heard other people say they were doing it. She didn’t know if it was good or if she would like it but she did it anyway. She hated the course but felt obligated to do it because her parents were paying for it and she had already studied for 3 years towards this degree. At the end of her third year she decided to “come clean” and tell her parents how much she really wanted to study architecture.
“They were not happy with my decision but agreed to let me try architecture. During the first two years I felt guilty, what if I had made the wrong decision? What if I was wasting my parents’ money? The guilt ate at me so much that I often wondered why I felt so depressed after choosing what I wanted”. So, she began asking herself what was my lesson? That question brought insight into what she felt and she realized that her lesson was to be true to herself and become who she wanted to be and not what was expected of her this encouraged her to stick with her passion which was architecture! Obligation was a toxic emotion and one she didn’t want to be shackled to anymore. So she listened to the lesson learned which was to be true to herself. Steve Maraboli sums it up beautifully in his quote “We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.”
When it comes to liking more than one thing and being unsure of which to choose, well I believe that I won’t know if I like it or not until I try it. If I don’t like it I can always change my choice.
Elbert Hubbard said, “The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” Fear is the one thing that can have the power to hold me back from making choices. So I need to feel the fear, acknowledge it and do it anyway. I often ask so what’s the worst thing that can happen? Regret? At that point I need to look at the blessing in the choice I have made and be at peace with it.
What if I make the wrong choice? All choices are lessons in disguise some are more obvious and others less so but they are not wrong just lessons we need to learn to help us be stronger or more aware or more in tune with ourselves. When we are faced with choices that overwhelm us then we need to approach it practically. What are the pros, what are the cons, we need to list these and work through them and then TRUST the decision we choose. It is always a choice and we have the ability to accept or deny ourselves the choices. Louise. L. Hay says “everything I do is by choice” I also like her affirmation “ I am good enough, I am not restricted by old, limiting beliefs from my family or from society”. I often share affirmations that I make up with my clients or use some affirmations from Louise L. Hay. I find that they are powerful tools that help us believe those positive thoughts and thus make them real.
So I would like to leave you with this affirmation, “Everything I choose is part of the Divine plan to help me to know myself better”