I am trying to find my footing and go with the flow. I am very much in love with a man who came to me 2 1/2 years ago. He’s been spending most of the work week by me, then flies home for the end of the week and weekend. Initially, he told me he was separated, but in a very short while I found he still lives with his wife and children when he’s there. Having been in a bad marriage, I understand keeping things going for the children. I also learned through my experience that you do your children no favors by living in a loveless relationship as they are modeling their future relationships on what they see at home.
This man is a good guy, racked with guilt and the weight of the world. His wife does not work, their marriage has been a lie for many, many years and he stays with her for the teenage children. He will not go to counseling with her as he does not in his heart want to fix it.. The level of connection this man and I feel is very deep to the point it feels like a spiritual relationship that is "meant to be". His Catholic upbringing fills him with guilt and confusion and thoughts of death being the only way out for him.
I’ve been kind and patient, but I want more from a committed relationship. I feel stagnated, since he’s now living full time 400 miles away. We communicate all day via email, etc. The bond is always there. I try to focus on my own spiritual growth and he is attracted by my positive outlook. I vacillate between thinking he is the one, it is meant to be and to be patient. The other thought process is – what the heck am I doing?
How do I break out of this cycle? I know I can’t control him, but I am not interested in meeting other people either. I am so lonely and stuck. I am trying to meditate. I ask for road signs to guide my actions, and I am not getting anything. My desire to be with him is overwhelming. How is this affecting my Karma? Any advice would be helpful.
From what you have said in your letter, it doesn’t sound likely that the man you love is going to join you anytime soon. More to the point, he is not with you right now, and it is the present moment that you need to live in. Start living your life the way you want to with your current single status. It’s one thing to know you love him, it’s another thing to hope he leaves his marriage and family so he can move and live with you. The former is your feelings and life, the latter is his business and his life.
I suggest you take you investigate and honor your feelings and find out what this love is inspiring you to be. In other words, when you envision yourself as a partner for your love, what qualities and characteristics do you aspire towards? Do you want to be a wiser, more compassionate person? Do you see yourself as a masterful healer, herbalist or cook? Do you want to be seen as a source of beauty, delight and comfort to your partner? Think to yourself what it is that you want to develop in yourself, and then use the power of this love you have for him to bring all these qualities forth in yourself.
This way you are not stagnating, and are working to actualize those potentialities in you that are important to you regardless of whom you are with or not. And you are honoring the importance of this powerful love that you are feeling.