Children should grow up knowing that sexual activity is healthy parts of a normal committed relationship, so I’m always saying to parents, “For goodness sake, celebrate the fact that you’re still attracted to each other!" I joke with them and say, "The biggest secret in the whole world is that Saturday morning cartoons
were invented so parents can have sex." We don’t celebrate healthy sexuality nearly enough in our society, we’re so hung up on the horror we grew up with about our parents being sexual. If we had people talking to us when we were preschoolers, telling us “This is what normal, healthy loving people enjoy,” then we wouldn’t have been grossed out when we found out that our parents were having sex.
- Talking is difficult but important. It may be confusing and difficult to explain your concerns. You may feel embarrassed. What a great opportunity this is to role model for your teen about healthy communication. You are the greatest role model your teen has.
- Keep in mind, your teen may not want to talk about it. Show that you are interested without demanding intimate details. Teens want their privacy and have most of the facts about sex and pregnancy, but they also want their parents to be involved in their lives. Take advantage of natural opportunities to talk. The next time you pass by a clinic, bring up the topic again. There are a dozen reasons why parents want their children to use condoms “when the right time comes.”
- Discussing with your teen whether or not it is the right time may be incredibly important. Teens need to know that sex won’t heal a troubled relationship. Sex is not proof of adulthood. Sex carries with it major responsibilities and is he or she ready for them? If these are your concerns, explain that it’s for these reasons that as a parent you struggle with taking him to get free condoms. While you want him to be safe, you also hope he’s having sex for positive reasons.
- Stress that except for not having sex, latex condoms are the only method that offers reliable protection from sexually transmitted diseases. Don’t forget that he can also buy his own condoms. We need to empower teens and remind them that sex carries responsibilities. If he is too embarrassed to buy condoms or to get free condoms, maybe that’s a sign that he’s not really ready for the responsibilities of sex. Remind your teen as well, “If you can’t talk about it, you shouldn’t be doing it.”
This is an excerpt from Dr. Ava Cadell’s e-book on parental concerns about sexuality. Visit The Loveology University Bookstore to find a wealth of resources, including e-books and audiobooks, to help you have a richer and more fulfilling sex life.
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