There Will Be A Time . . .
Or
Healing Emotional Pain Without Trauma
Abraham teaches us that our emotions, our feelings, are indications of our alignment with, or lack of alignment with our Inner Being. Our Inner Being intimately knows the absolute truth of Who We Really Are, although we frequently do not know that truth – in fact, we believe many things about ourselves that are immensely and profoundly less than that truth. When we are fully in alignment with what our Inner Being knows, we are in a state of peace, contentment, absolute bliss. To the extent that we do not feel those things, we can know that at those moments we are out of alignment, or outside of the truth of our beingness.
I have spent many years in “traditional therapy” – plus a good number of years in “not-so-traditional” therapy – of wading hip deep, and sometimes nearly drowning nose deep – in all the “muck” of old memories and traumas, replete with intense emotional pain. Through those years (decades actually) I was able to heal much of the pain and agony of my early years, albeit with extreme distress. During all that time I was acutely aware that there had to be another way; a way that would be faster, easier and could result in the same healing. It just did not make sense to me that I would spend the first third of my life experiencing such intense contrast and pain, only to then need to spend the next third of my life re-living and undoing all of that. While I had heard of “miraculous instant healing” I had no idea how to create that, and had never seen anyone who had personally experienced it, so my only practical “model” for healing was therapy (traditional and non-traditional.) But still, it seemed ludicrous that two-thirds of my life would be over before I was able to begin moving forward without being so consumed by the past and all of its pain. It was not just for me that I had these thoughts, I was also watching so many others in pain. While the therapy method did work for those of us that stayed with it long enough, there were so many more hurting people that simply would not go that route – they seemed to prefer the “disease” to the “cure.” Can’t say as I blame them, had I not been in so very much pain I might have opted for that as well. I even went so far as to feel sorry for those who were only “lightly” or “minimally” abused, because while they were in pain, they were not in a pain that was so intense that they would endure the path I was on. Consequently, they lived their lives with the pain inside, never to be released from it. I recall one such woman, who was in her late 50’s when I met her. She said it best when she said: “Sure I’m in pain, who wouldn’t be after being raped by their father? But I am not in enough pain to go through all that!” This lovely woman died about 15 years later, never having healed the ache in her heart or finding the happiness she desired and so richly deserved, but was not in “enough pain” to reach. The memory of her stayed with me. Was THAT what life was intended to be about? Certainly that could not be.
As I pondered this, prayed about it, meditated on it and contemplated it, I began to see some things that I could not see while I was embroiled in my agonizing work in the “therapy world.” But after healing so much of my pain, and achieving some distance from all of that, I began to think about what it was that actually changed! Certainly the circumstances of my life were unaltered. I had still experienced all of the abuse, indeed, I still carried the scars to prove some of it. The people involved certainly hadn’t changed! In many instances they were still acting out some of their violent and abusive behavior even now, just with different people. So what had changed? The answer became obvious, the only thing that changed was me – more specifically, my mind!
So the next logical step (to me) was to connect more fully with my guidance, with Source/God, to see if there was another way – an easier, less painful way – to achieve the same end. The first reply was a simple statement that the “road” to changing feelings is to change the meaning I had assigned to the circumstances in the first place. I was not clear on what that meant, or more pointedly, I was not clear on just how to do that, without the traditional therapy route. Feeling more baffled than clear, I began a series of communication times with my guides, asking for clarity and specifics, and then I waited for more to come. Over the course of about a week I “received” several pieces that, when put together, created a 3-Step process to healing, that is incredibly effective. As I had always suspected, it was an easier, faster, and efficient way to heal – old pain, new pain, intense pain, moderate pain — and it requires no rehashing of whatever the event was that created the pain in the first place. I have worked with many people using this method, and it has worked every time so far, not one exception. And the beauty is that there is no need to “muck” around in all the historical pain and re-live all the trauma to get to the healing. In fact, I have used it with several people who had repressed most or nearly all of their memories, and still it was successful. There is a way (probably many ways) to “change our mind” without re-living all the trauma to get there.
So, here are the 3-Steps, each with an explanation.
Feel the feelings that are wanting to come up – feel them all, as deep as they want to go.
This is the first and most important step to beginning this process, as we can only heal what we can feel – so if the feelings are, say, an 8 on a 10 point scale, and we only allow ourselves to feel it down to, say, a 6, then the healing can only go as far as we are willing to feel it – a 6. It is important to note; however, that just because something is at an 8 does not mean we need to tackle the whole thing at one time. It might take a few times to reach “all the way” to where ever the pain “ends.” And again, only you will know when you are “done” with this portion, and even THAT information may not be immediately available to you. But that is not a problem because if you are not fully complete with it, then the emotions will be triggered again at some point and it will become apparent that there is more to feel. So we just need to go as deep as we can into the emotion until it FEELS like that is all there is. Sometimes we truly are “done” for that time period, and yet there might be something deeper that we just aren’t ready to deal with at that time. Maybe there is some other healing that needs to be completed first. So go as deep as it feels like it goes at this time, do the other two steps and if it does come up again we will know that we are ready to delve a little deeper. The feeling of “done for now” is what I reach for. It is important to note that we do not need to remember WHY we are feeling the way we are feeling, nor do we need to revisit and rehash all the possible “reasons” for that feeling, we just need to FEEL the energy of the emotion itself.
Find the lie and change it into the truth as your Inner Being sees it.
As I stated above, our Inner Being (Soul) knows the infinite truth of the magnificence of Who We Really Are, and will never, ever, join us in our false beliefs that we are anything less. Our Inner Being is ever vigilant and guiding us to change any “lie” we are believing into the truth of Who We Really Are. This is the step where we realize that we have assigned a meaning to an event – the event itself is always neutral – and, if we are feeling anything less than bliss, we can know that the meaning we have assigned to it is not in alignment with what our Inner Being knows is true about us. That is why we are feeling “bad” – feeling pain. That very feeling is communication from our Inner Being that we are not in alignment. So what we do here is find the lie, then begin to see the truth, and eventually replace that lie with the truth of Who We Really Are, hence, a step towards changing the meaning we have assigned to the event.
EXAMPLE: Say, at some level of my consciousness I am believing that I am not “enough” regarding some topic (like not smart enough, not tall enough, etc.) or “too something” (like too loud, too fat, too emotional, etc.) This can be quite hidden from me, as I may be thinking quite otherwise on the surface, but, if this belief is in me at any level then my Inner Being is wanting me to see the truth of Who I Really Am – that I am not “too” anything nor “not enough of” anything – consequently, I will create situations (not always consciously) to illustrate the lie that I am believing. Let’s say that someone states that I am “WAY too tall.” If this hurts – if I feel any emotional pain at all regarding this comment – then I know that some part of me does believe that I am too tall. Now in my case (being less than 5 feet tall) there is absolutely NO TRUTH in that (it’s actually a bit ridiculous) so I would have no emotional reaction to that particular comment. But if I DID have an emotional reaction then I could know that some part of me is believing a lie about me, and I could begin to talk my way around that until I could see the truth. So what is the truth? My Inner Being knows that no matter WHAT height I actually am it is perfect for me, I am not “too tall” nor “too short” nor “too” anything. Seeing that I have assigned the meaning of being “too tall” to myself, which is a lie, and feeling the discordance with my Inner Being’s knowing, I can realize my ”mistake” and change the belief.
This is where most “traditional” therapies” stop, and it does have some validity since there is a relief in seeing, knowing and believing a new “meaning” that is in alignment with our Inner Being. But there is another step that is so often left out, and to me, this is where the true, deeper “healing” takes place. This is the step that allows us to truly let go of the pain, to stop judging and blaming or feeling guilty. And that is:
Find the VALUE in the event, experience, or situation.
We are the creators of our own life, we are at the helm, telling the Universe every step of the way (through our energy, or vibrational output) what it is that we desire. We even came into this physical life experience with intentions and desires, for the life we were choosing for ourselves. We set up the ”parameters” of our life and its co-creators based on the probabilities of what those fellow travelers were most likely to do. This is a hard concept for many, as it was for me, because I could not for the life of me figure out why I would put myself into a situation of such intense contrast and abuse. But I have found, in many areas of my life, that denying and refusing to acknowledge a truth does not make it any less true, it just blinds me to that truth. I have come to see that I was not being a masochist when I entered this life, setting up a situation that was “intended” to bring me pain – quite the opposite, I was setting up a situation that would bring me growth and expansion of an unprecedented level!
As I look back now, knowing what I know, being who I am, I am so very appreciative and grateful for the people in my life that have co-created this with me and brought me here. I love my life, I love who I am now as well as who I am becoming. I could not have achieved this without the life I have lived, so I am eternally, forever, thankful for those who loved me enough in the “pre-physical” state to agree to come into his physical life and be my “villains in the illusion.” Specifically, my mother, who agreed prior to our encounter in this physical incarnation, to be such a villain as to be reviled and hated for her entire physical life by the very children she bore, to never know and feel the love that most mothers feel. To me, to be willing to do that (albeit for her own purposes as well) is a supreme act of love on the grander scale. Truly amazing to me that she would do that, and now, I love her more than I can express – she lovingly and willingly gave up so much so that I could be what I came to be. I realize that she had her own desires and agendas in doing that, and I bless her for being such a powerful co-creator with me, but for me personally, all I can say is “Thank you Mother, from the bottom of my heart!”
This is an intense, but valid, example of “finding the value.” So what, specifically did all of that abuse bring me that was/is of value? The answer to that is so multi-faceted that I cannot express it all, but many of the attributes that I now love about me are direct results of what Mom and I co-created. My strength, my determination, my compassion, my connection to Source/God, my love for humanity and desire to assist those who suffer, my optimism, my character, and so much more. You see, had I been raised in a life of ease and tranquility, I would not have developed those portions of myself that are so aligned with what I came here to do this time. I wanted to be a force for healing pain – how could I do that and truly understand those in pain if I had not experienced pain myself? I wanted to feel the love for humanity and ease suffering – how could I do that, indeed, how could I even understand suffering, if I had not lived it? I wanted to achieve a more profound and intense relationship with Source/God while in a physical environment – how could I do that unless I had first “lost” that connection in a profound way, and then been led to find it again — only more deeply? Now there may have been other ways to achieve some of this, but this is the path that I chose for me, this time. And from my bone marrow out I am beyond thankful that this is the life I have lived. I now realize the immense value in the choices I made, so not only do I not need to forgive, as the Course in Miracles explains, I am profoundly aware that there is nothing TO forgive. It is all good, and all perfect.
I also know that my path through the traditional therapy method was perfect! How else would I have come to the knowing that I now have, that there truly IS an easier way, a faster way to heal those early experiences and “get on with” the purpose I had in creating them in the first place?
Finding the value does require a deep understanding that we created the situations (even as a child) – and that is a big understanding, to be sure – but without that we see ourselves as the victims of our environment. And if that is true, then we are, indeed, “helpless.” But that is not a truth. We are the creators, we are “at cause” for our lives. And as such, we have the power to heal what hurts, to choose again, to live lives of peace, joy, contentment and bliss.
I do not advocate doing all of this alone, although that is certainly an option. What I suggest is that we work with someone who understands the process; someone who loves us and is willing to be a support person. It could be a friend, a paid coach or counselor, a support group, even an online community of like-minded people. We can lift each other up, assist in the healing. And again, it is so important to remember that we do not need to re-live the reasons that the pain is there – we need only to feel the emotion, itself, find and reverse the lie that we are believing about ourselves, and then find value in having created that circumstance, and I promise you, the value is always there.
We are here to create and find the joy that is life. Not one of us came here solely to experience pain, nor to spend the “lion’s share” of our life undoing that pain. We each had a purpose, a Divine purpose, in coming into this physical expression, and our “job” is to “remember” what that purpose was, and to show it forth in our lives. While it is true that for many of us the pain in our lives has “derailed” us for a time, we can know that we are not victims, we are not masochists, we are Divine beings that are here to express our Divinity in our own unique way. As we let go of the pain that has been binding us, we can move forward into that Divinity and be what we came here to be.
I will close this with a quote from my beloved teachers, Abraham. There was a time when I was in so much pain that I could not bring myself to believe this, but that is not so today. I now know, beyond doubt, that this quote is absolutely true!
There Will Be A Time . . .
There will be a time, not so far from now, that you will look back on this phase of your life and instead of condemning it or beating up on it… instead of blaming or guilting, you will feel appreciation for it, because you will understand that a renewed desire for life was born out of this time period that will bring you to physical heights that you could not have achieved without the contrast that gave birth to this desire.
— Abraham
Excerpted from the workshop in Boston, MA on Saturday, October 4th, 1997
My dear beloved Kitty, I don't know where to begin. You have shared something that everyone needs to understand. Everything you have said is so true. Everything! You have said what I have learned is true – I have learned (and am still learning) all that you say. I try to live by all of that and it is just recently that I have realized what it is all about. Another wonderful teacher is Louise Hay. If you have not read anything of hers do so. Her book, "You Can Heal Your Life" touches on this. There is also a movie based on the book that is outstanding.
Since I have become so close to Spirit and trust everything they give me and teach me I have learned to know just what you have said. Yes we all have contracts that we take on before we are incarnated. We even pick our parents. I know my granddaughter is a lost child from another lifetime and we have the most amazing bond one could imagine. I have had mother issues all my life – not abuse but lots of mental stuff – and when I did a regression I found out what was at the root of it and why we were here together again. But she has forgotten her part and is almost 92 so there is no reason to not let it go. Two years ago after doing the regression I forgave her and have found peace. Now when she does the things that used to have hold of me I can let them be without any thought. Awareness is so important. If we try to hang on to the old stuff without trying to find out what and why we can create unnecessary misery for ourselves. And yes, we all have all the lessons we are to learn. We can choose what we want to do with them at any time. Our ego/personality will try to tell us the stuff about we aren't worthy or the too tall or short thing but those are merely part of the puzzle. The ego cannot keep hold of us – it will never go away as it is a needed part of us – if we choose to observe it and what it is saying and then dismiss it with, "No that is not true. Done and over." (Wayne Dyer calls ego Edging God Out – and I love that). It is very simple. But we create the story we want to create at each moment. How we learn from that story and how we grow is what is important. If we see the blessing in every situation we have learned well.
I am so very grateful to you for writing this wonderful piece. I do hope many will read it and learn from it. You have done a wonderful service to all of us with it. You have a beautiful gift and we are able to be the ones who can receive it. May there be many comments on this well deserved post.
Love and blessings my dear friend and sister.
Angel blessings,
Linda
Linda,
My heart is full of appreciation and love for you. I feel so blessed that I get to call you "friend" — here on Intent, and in life!
I am crying tears of bliss to hear that you have achieved such profound healing with your mother before she transitioned into non-physical. I was not at that point in my life when my mother transitioned. She did, indeed, go to her grave without feeling one ounce of love from me (or from my siblings.) I know she knows it now, she has been with me for years now and we are closer than I could have ever imagined was possible — I so love her and appreciate all she "gave" me — but if I had one wish, it would be to have her here in physical one more time, so that I could give her the hug that is so in my heart. I know that will happen, not here, perhaps, and she knows how I feel, I hug her in spirit often, but to have just one more moment in physical with her…
I thank Source/God that you were able to achieve that healing before your mother left the physical realm. I desire to the very core of my being, to be able to help others find that peace and love before they (or their beloveds) are no longer here in physical.
If it is in your heart to do so, would you give YOUR mother a huge hug from me? If that is not feasible, that is fine, I am certain she just got it anyway. [smile]
We truly are given nothing BUT angels in this life, and our parents are certainly that! And my beloved Linda, YOU are certainly that!
Kitty
Dearest sweet friend,
I love you so much. Your mother IS with you and loves you very much. Don't think you cannot tell her what you feel (although she already knows it). My father, who I adored, crossed over just 2 weeks after my 20th birthday. So that was very long ago. Two years ago I had a dream visitation from him – only one I have ever had – and no words were spoken. He left me the next day a penny with my birth year on it as validation. I of course hold that penny and I will never let it go. I used a medium last year who brought my father, aunt and beloved cousin who had just crossed over in and was given so many beautiful messages. Then I started my healing work and had my father give me messages during a session with my teacher/mentor. I was moved to tears over what he said. Later I kept getting messages that I needed to forgive and I kept hearing my father was who it was. How could that be as I adored him and had nothing to forgive! Then I all of a sudden understood I needed to forgive myself! I was carrying guilt that I had no idea I had around because I was so young when he passed and I couldn't bear to see him in the conditon he was in so I stayed away from him. I forgave myself and instantly I had him there (I now can do the medium stuff without someone else) with me telling me thank you as he had been waiting for that. Then I understood why he did not speak in the dream – he couldn't because of this! He is one of my guides and I feel his love all the time.
Whoa – sorry I have made 2 long comments on here. I just want you to know that you are in contact with your mother, she is with you and sends her love to you and wants you to be happy. She wants you to know that there is nothing you need to forgive or feel guilty about. She is smiling and saying she loves you.
Blessings dear Kitty,
Linda
Linda Angel,
Oh yes, I am so in contact with my mother now, and I love that you are too! How cool is that??????
She and I do indeed have a relationship now, and she is with me a lot! But still, to be able to give her that physical hug…
I was also young when my step-father transitioned, I was just 19. He was my step-father legally, but the only father I had ever known since my biological father crossed over when I was just 2 1/2 months old. Long story, but suffice to say that at the "ripe age" of just 19 I'd had a lot of "death" in my life already.
Years ago when I was first "coming to terms" with the spiritual experiences I had been having (another long story) I had a very similar experience to what you have related in that my step-father was telling me to forgive, but I had no idea what that meant since I loved him endlessly and felt that I had nothing to forgive either. But, like you, I came to realize that the forgiveness I needed (the UNDERSTANDING I needed) had to do with myself — I was feeling guilty and ashamed of the way I handled myself when he died. That is yet another long story, but I was quite angry with my mother during that time and was "not very nice" — to put it mildly. Once I had done the "work" of letting myself off the hook for my behavior during that time, the contacts with my father increased greatly as well. Prior to that time the only thing I could get was the message about forgiveness.
Linda, I am consistently blown away by the similarities between what you have lived and what I have lived. Wondrously amazed and delighted!!
Lovin' Bein' your friend,
Kitty
PS — Have you noticed the blog I posted this just morning? It is so interesting (and not much of a coincidence, I'm sure) that we are talking on this blog about forgiveness — and that is the very topic of the one I've been writing for days and just posted this morning.
Yes – I just wrote a comment on your blog of today and talked about just that!
Yes we do seem to have a lot of similarities in our lives don't we. And we both adore horses too! I love all the connections, don't you? We probably have some past life connections somehow. I know Bing and I do and our daughters are connected – they are together right now! I am sure that many of us that are in this little "family" have many soul connections. That is why we have come together – no coincidences happen ever!
Hugs,
Linda
And a Post script – my mother called me about the time you were writing about the hug! She has increasing dementia and we had another little bit of confusion I had to tend to. She is in San Diego and I am in No. CA. We moved her from Denver in March to be close to my son and my granddaughter. So she gets to see her great-granddaughter several times a week and that lights up her life.
Don't ya love how this all happens? Thank You God! She must have felt your hug!
Love and hugs,
Linda
Thank you Kitty, and love you bunches.
xoxoxoxo
Robin,
I'm glad this blog was helpful for you. Thank you for commenting
I love you too!! Hope your day & weekend are superb.
Kitty
Kitty,
Thank you for this insightful article. For me the hardest part has always been finding the lie and turning into the truth..when you feel hurt or rejection by someone the first thing you do is question your own sense of worth…even if deep down you know the truth, the lie overtakes and keeps nagging at you. How do you truly let go of the lie? How do you truly embrace your truth? Hope you can shed some light on this for me.
Much love
Kitty, Simply Awesome/Amazing Article! I just have to smile w/ the universe after reading this just now as after spending the past 2 1/2 yrs spending time w/ and being a caregiver to my mother who just recently had a kidney transplant I was reaching the end of my rope and just emotionally unable to do it anymore. I've always considered myself an upbeat, positive and enthusiastic person, but lately, I have been feeling and exhibiting everything but those emotions. So to say your article really hit home for me would be an extreme understatement. With no desire lately to meditate, pray, or read, things which carried me and I treasured in the past. I for a few moments this morning before rising, "took my hands of the wheel……well, at least a couple of fingers! =)" and asked spirit to guide me; And w/ supreme synchronicity, was inclined to read your blog. Btw funny that you mention you are under 5 ft, in my mind, based on your huge personality I always envisioned you as being 6ft something!! =) seriously!! So much insight and wonderful "Ah ha"moments in what you wrote, I want to reread a couple of more times. I cannot Thank you enough Kitty for being the light that you are and sharing yourself w/ all!! Much love and Namaste to you my friend.
Sati,
I am delighted to hear from you. Thank you very much for the kind words.
I wish I could answer your question in a few sentences of profound wisdom, but alas, yours is pretty much the question of the ages. It is definitely NOT an unanswerable question, and I will try to give some insight into what has worked for my clients, and me, but know that this is merely a
Dear Kitty & Sati
To me the practical way to solve this problem is a positive attitude!And Yoga/Meditation!to realize one's identity with Divine! resulting in unconditional love and unlimited Bliss!Amen!Jai Ho!
With Love!
@run
Tefari,
Hello, my magnificent friend! Thank you for your kind words, and as I have said before, nothing thrills my heart more than to know that my words have been helpful for another. And knowing of the alignment that brought you to this blog today
Arun,
Yes, absolutely
thank you Kitty, we are definitely on the same wavelength, thank you:)
Tamasin,
You are so welcome, and I thank you for reading/commenting here. I have always felt a strong alignment with you, and the more I'm getting to know you, the more I feel that. Thank you for being my friend!
Lovin' Tamasin,
Kitty
Kitty…thank you for the amazing response to my question. You're so right…unconditional self love is the most powerful truth. I had an experience some months ago where I did question my self worth and I knew that what I was doing was believing the lie….I knew that the experience was not about me but my reaction was based on the lie and yes fear. I understand that love knows no fear which basically meant that I was not loving myself enough. I am slowly trying to let go of the fear and the lie and want to truly embrace myself and the truth about me…
Kitty thank you for your kindness and wisdom I will definetly read your blogs and write to you again soon…
Much love
Sati
Sati,
You are very welcome. There is nothing that thrills me more than to know that what I have lived and shared is of benefit to another. That makes my heart smile and sing!
I would love hearing from you again, whenever you feel inspired to write. If you have any questions or want to dialog about any of my blogs, or anything else for that matter. [grin]
Much love to you, Sati,
Kitty