"My mother never breast-fed me. She told me she liked me as a friend." Rodney Dangerfield
I had finished teaching a yoga class at a studio in a somewhat remote area on the East Coast. One student named Anasoli sat with me afterwards chatting about exotic chocolate, medicinal marijuana, the Grateful Dead, and various topics commonly discussed among hippies.
As we wound down the conversation, Anasoli said, "Well my husband and child just pulled up outside."
But she wasn’t going anywhere.
Her little boy ran into the studio screaming, "Mamma, mamma! I’m thirsty."
Anasoli said to me, "Larbird needs to drink before we hit the road."
The boy lifted up her shirt and began to suck on his mommy’s teet. Ordinarily, I would think nothing of it. But this boy wore a Boston Celtics jersey with "Garnett" on the back, and had oddly defined calf muscles. Point being, he was quite old to be breastfeeding.
I stood there motionless, speechless, unsure what to do.
"Larbird, that’s his name?" I mumbled.
"Yeah, after Larry Bird. We’re huge Celtics fans," she replied.
"And ah, how old is Larbird?" I inquired.
"Oh he’s 8 years old," she said patting him on the butt. "You almost done honey?"
I sought further clarity, "So he just really likes the taste? Is that what it is?"
"Well the taste and we have a very special connection," she added. "Y’know, I never want him to grow up."
I felt like I was playing with fire. Clearly this lady was a little off center so I wasn’t sure if one question too many would send her reeling.
"And when will you, ah, consider him, ah, grown up enough to drink from a bottle? Or should I say keg? I mean can."
She quickly chimed in, "Well we’ve been told it’s making people uncomfortable especially at Red Sox games. Which I don’t understand cause soft drinks are so expensive at the ballpark. Why should my son not be allowed to drink for free? But anyway, I figure we better keep it private. When he starts puberty it might really freak people out."
Just then Larbird finished, removed his head from under his mommy’s shirt, turned to me, burped loudly in the way only an 8 year can burp loudly, rubbed the excess milk form his lips and cheek, put his hand up for a high five (to which I obliged), and walked off to daddy waiting in the car.
It was a strange moment. I looked at the Shiva statue to my right. I noticed a copy of the Bhagavad Gita on the table to my left. I smelled the faint scent of Nag Champa incense. As I looked at my hand which Larbird had just high-fived, I saw a bit of milk dripping down my arm.
In this remote corner of the northeastern United States, I’d reached a fork in the road. Either I was a conservative, watered down, yuppie yogi freaked out by some good ol’ fashioned mothering. Or Anasoli had held a headstand just a tad too long.
****
I recently found out that a family whom I’ve known for most of my life was one of many victims in the Madoff ponzi scheme. The father of this family was super wealthy, "wise," and even-keeled, an icon in my community. Now he’s bankrupt with barely a dime to his name.
Who and what can be trusted nowadays? It seems all the systems and infrastructure in our society are falling apart. Without that underlying comfort and support, we are left searching for what the yogis call The Mother’s Energy. If you can’t get comfort from the bank and you can’t get it from the money maven and you can’t get it from community leaders, there’s only one place to go.
The proverbial "teets"…otherwise known as those ancient and sacred sources of warmth and nourishment…whether they be prayer, a trip to church or temple, or a sacred text. Over the past several years, these are things for which most of us have had less and less time. And in our furious drive toward progress and possessions, we’ve lost our way.
I’d like to suggest 2009 as the year where it will be right and true to say "to hell with progress." I’d like to suggest 2009 as the year where putting a knee in the dirt and a hand to the heart will trump any action, invention, or transaction.
Because while an 8 year old breastfeeding in public is a bit awkward, we are never too old, and never too advanced, and never too mature to seek, sulk, even cry for the Mother’s Energy.
To pre-order my book Yeah Dave’s Guide to Livin’ the Moment which comes our March 10, 2009, click here. If you pre-order, email me, let me know, and I’ll forward you a never-before-seen chapter I’ve written entitled "Redneck Aliens on Ritalin."
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i have an eight year old son whom i love and adore, he drinks his milk from a carton and for my family that is how it should be…. i wouldn't judge another family but wonder silently how this little boy is going to deal with breasts as an adult.
Wonder if people who are not breast fed get pissed off and start ponzi schemes? Just a thought for Christmas eve…Happy Holidays to everyone, especially you David.
Dear Dave,
I found your post intriguing. I actually know someone who breastfed her son until he was 7 years old. I, too struggled with the idea, although I didn't witness it firsthand. Your segue to the basic need on the part of all of us for Mother Energy was beautiful- although I'm not sure that was all that was going on between this particular mother and son. I am convinced, however, that there was a reason why you were present for this particular event, because the insight you gleaned from it was profound. Thank you for sharing it.
All my best wishes for joyous holiday season and a Conscious New Year.
Karen
Interesting post Dave! Seriously we don't know what is too much or what is too less. I try and stick to mother nature for that. It is high times we get in touch with it. That is where all the rules are safe. If we are a little tuned into nature's way of living, we would be a more balanced and beautiful. Otherwise, as it has happened in history, when things really go out of balance, nature takes care of it.
David,
First of all, you had me laughing loud. I mean a genuine belly laugh and my abs thank you for that…lol. You are a gifted writer. Do you do comedy during yoga? It would be hard to hold the poses with you around. Even if you were silent, I'd still know you were funny and that would even make me laugh and screw up my workout!!
As for the milk thing. It is a little creepy to me. When a child reaches the age that he/she can actually seek out the breast and undo the buttons on your blouse, that just seems a bit much for me…lol. My older son Lukas was on the breast for 14 mos, and he has a HUGE breast fetish. I mean the child loves them and he is 9!! He has loved them as long as I can remember. In fact, he still wants to lay his head on mine at night. Not sure if this is because mine are so beautiful, or he is just that infatuated with breasts…lol. Probably a little of both
And then of course, my Joshua always has to be the opposite so he is disgusted by breasts. WHATEVER!! We'll see how that manifests when he is a teenager. Anyway, I thought maybe I breastfed Lukas too long. Now I don't feel so bad. SHEESH!! I am open minded on things like that and I am a hippie at heart on a lot of things but wow, that would make me a bit uncomfy to witness. Would have loved to witness your reaction to the situation, especially knowing you and what would have been going through your mind. I live for those moments…lol.
As for the Madoff ponzi scam. I feel sick for everyone involved. From the individuals, to the charities, and on and on. Oh and your family friend. What will he do? WOW. I abhor this happening to anybody. And what about that hedgefund manager who had over a billion dollars invested with Madoff who was working day and night to see if he could get any of his clients' money back, to no avail, and so he committed suicide in his office. I am telling you that capitalism isn't working. When one person starves, we all starve. This newest wall street BS is happening so we take a closer look at this money issue we have and the disparity therein with other countries, cultures, and also within our borders.
Happy holidays,
Krissy
The Oedipus complex? Sigmund Freud? May be he wasn't that far off.
I would like to highlight some of Anasoli's comments. I hope you don't mind:
"Oh, he's 8 years old," she said patting him on the butt. "You almost done, honey?
I actually received an e mail telling me of this blog posting and asking me to comment from one of my dear intent friends. This behavior is indeed about accessing the Great Mother energy as David suggests. There is so much about this subject that I will have to write my own blog about it very soon. The key is that both mother and child desire to have this nursing behavior continue long after any nutritional significance, and despite making other people feel uncomfortable socially. The mother is indeed correct when she says that she and her son have a "very special connection." The connection relates to brain chemistry and the release of oxytocin in the hypothalamus not only of the mother but also in the child's brain as well. Look for my blog soon.
love and light,
Stuart
http://stuartmarkberlin.com
There are a lot of moms out there who have a hard time letting go of the dependent baby stage. It comes down to feeling safe and secure – for the mother as well as the child.
Having just weaned my 2year old daughter, I can tell you it was hard for both of us. However, I feel it is my responsibility as Victoria's mother to teach her alternative ways to feel secure and safe other than at the breast. I intend for her to be a confident and emotionally intelligent woman, but I also understand that she won't be that if I'm not there my self.
Children learn through the experiences of their primary caretakers. Moms are especially powerful and influential in the emotional stability of their children. It's a huge responsibility, but well worth it as I predict emotionally intelligent adults will be the major change makers for a better world.
~Liz
Lizette,
I agree with you completely. As a mother, your instinct is to keep them at your bosom as long as possible, but if you are a good mommy, you don't do that. I taught my boys independence from me starting with a cup, to a fork, to getting down from the jungle gym by themselves. This is our responsibility even though you ache to go in the other direction and keep babying them. You do them a disservice by not teaching them this independence. This teaches them many skills, one of which is self esteem, and we all know how important this is.
Great words of wisdom, girlfriend
You're a good mommy!!!
Krissy
We can't ignore our biology.
Sitting in a cozy chair long enough will eventually kill me.
Sorry to be so tough on this one, but mom needs to go to the zoo for an afternoon and learn how other moms handle it.