The Three Most Important Qualities to Look for in a Partner


Have you ever looked back on a relationship and asked yourself why you had even been with that person in the first place? Although there are many things that can attract us to someone, if you’re looking for a partner in life, there are a few very important qualities to look for.

Obviously, you want to look for someone who has the core qualities that you desire such as honesty and integrity, but there are a few key qualities that most people don’t ever think about. In this article I will outline the three most important qualities that I find people overlook when entering into relationships.

1. Dedication to growth.  A dedication to growth means that you feel it’s a necessity for you to evolve into the best person you can become; both in the way that you treat yourself and interact with life.

A person dedicated to growth is someone who is willing to look at their insecurities and work to overcome them. They are typically looking for the most effective ways to communicate. They pay attention to the things that are blocking a higher expression of their lives and are willing to put forth the energy necessary to become a better version of themselves.

Not only are they willing to work on themselves and their relationships, people who embody this quality are acutely aware that this is how they must operate in order to live a fulfilling life.

2. A desire for partnership. If you wanted to start a business and felt that having a partner would greatly increase the chances of fulfilling your vision, you would look for someone who you not only felt compatible with, but someone who desired to work with you to make the business successful. You wouldn’t choose someone who simply brought you comfort or because you liked the way they look.

If you desire a partnership, which is what deep, committed relationships are, I would advise you look for just that… a partner. A common misconception in our society is that the dynamic of a partnership only goes with long term relationships. It’s just not the case.

It seems so obvious but most people overlook whether their romantic interest desires to be a partner in a relationship or not. Relationships take work, they take compromise, they require partners.

3. A desire to see and be seen.  Most people feel uncomfortable unveiling their deepest fears, their insecurities, and the way that they are truly feeling. Most people also avoid telling their partner how they really feel if they sense it could offend or hurt that person and negatively affect their connection.

A person who desires to be transparent wants to feel as close as possible to themselves and to their partner. When someone embodies the previously mentioned qualities and also wants to know what’s going on in your internal world and to share theirs, you have the opportunity to feel liberated on a subconscious level.

No longer will you feel like you’re playing hide and seek with someone who doesn’t want to be found or find you. This quality brings with it a feeling of comfort that we all long for. People with this quality can’t afford to withhold the truth from their partners, even if it brings pain. The same holds true for their partners sharing their true thoughts and feelings with them. 

When you’re getting to know someone who you have a romantic interest in, it can be helpful to use these qualities as topics to start conversation. It can be as simple as, “What do you think about using relationships as spaces for personal growth?”  Maybe they haven’t thought about it before but by discussing it, you awaken something within them.

headshot_blogDevon Loomis is a relationship coach and is passionate about inspiring new conversations around romantic love. He is known as The Relationship Coach and is the person many counselors, coaches, and therapist turn to for help with their own romantic lives. For more information, visit