Transformation Isn’t Something That Happens When You Find The Time

To all the unique people who want(ed) their transformation to begin on Jan 1 because everyone else is doing it, remember: if you go with the flow, you might miss the boat. 

Transformation isn’t something that you get around to doing. It isn’t something you can add to your calendar, begin my amazing transformation and then drag to a new day because there’s a scheduling conflict. Because the calendar says it is time, will not bring about a transformation, because time is not a factor that will change your life. Time is simply a measure of existence and events.

A transformation can only take place when you are ready and that means you must begin anew. What do I mean by “begin anew”? I mean you must deny yourself.

Denying yourself doesn’t imply that you sacrifice things that you like and those that give you pleasure: pizza, eating out, carbs… sex. Denying yourself means doing things you’ve never done and reacting in ways you never have. It is looking at a situation in another way. Seeing it… differently. Because if you do the same things you always do, you will always get the same things you always get; good or bad.

Bad things, just as good things are really only neutral things. How can this be? When something happens, we assign it a value of either “good” or “bad.” Most of us, maybe even all of us, want that value to always be “good.” But if you look at it, when something is assigned as “good” e.g.: a new job, a promotion, a proposal, a marriage — all events we generally assign as irrefutably good, hence we celebrate (and will reward with food) — is only good because of how it relates to our expectations; the value becomes the meaning. Afterall, a new job, a promotion, a proposal, a marriage is only “good” because of the expectations we have assigned to those events and what we think will happen to us because of those events.

On the flip side, when something presumably “bad” occurs e.g.: losing a job, getting divorce, bankruptcy and foreclosure, all things we assign as certainly “bad,” will be bad, unless we see them for what they are: acts of change. And change, by its nature, is simply something that becomes different.

The whole point of transformation is change. If you are happy, then by all means, and for heaven’s sake, continue doing what you are doing. This is your path; your bliss. If however, you are seeking a transformation, you are seeking something outside of yourself, something you cannot teach yourself and you certainly cannot teach yourself something you do not know. You must deny the satisfaction that comes with “don’t tell me, I know” and the reaction that is based on all the things you have come to know. And this will hurt.

To realize what we once thought was of value is no longer, is a difficult period. This is why it is called a rebirth. Just as a butterfly loses one form of life to gain a new one, you cannot become who you want to be, if you are unable to let go of who you’ve become.

When we are born, we are new — empty and ready to be filled, so to speak. With what you are filled determines how fulfilling your life becomes. To have a rebirth can only happen if you are ready to be “renewed” to be “refilled” And one cannot be refilled if there is no room for growth. How would a glass of wine taste if you were to pour new wine into the same glass that has old wine? 

Only when you deny the self you know, can you become the self you don’t know.

So, a rebirth is sort of like being born again. Just as birth was both painful for the mother and for the child, your entire existence during a rebirth will become painful: your social circle just isn’t fulfilling (anymore), your career is a job that you do but isn’t one that gives you pleasure, you love your spouse but are not in love with your spouse. All presumably “bad” realizations that will shock, horrify and frighten you, but are really the seeds of transformation… only if you let it. Because a seed cannot remain a seed and become a plant at the same time.