All I can do is try. That seems to be my mantra du jour.
I am trying, with increasing difficulty, to stay optimistic and not get discouraged. It occured to me as I was walking to my locker that I don’t have friends at school. I’ve only been attending here a couple of weeks. I need to be patient with myself. Still, I can feel a deep-seeded sadness creeping in. I’m trying to stay on top of it.
I can honestly say that I am doing my very best. I’m thinking clearly and making good decisions for myself. I’m quite sure this is a patience issue. It’s interesting how I can be so patient with others but not me.
I’ve come to the realization that it is becoming increasingly important to take better care of myself overall. I’m slowly learning the importance of quite basic things such as sleep and adaquate nutrition. I’ve been taking these necessities for granted for well over a decade now and it certainly takes a toll. I simply didn’t think I was worth taking good care of for the most part. I’d like to think that I’ve changed my opinion.
GOOD AFTERNOON Kerri!!!
I believe I hear you, for all of my life I have been haunted by feelings of lonliness and being completely unworhty of others Love and Friendship. I am uncomfortable in the company of others and ocassionally suffer from panic attacks. Going deep with … in before going deep with … out has enabled me to recognize my negative thoughts, emotions and beliefs as an observer and not take them as seriously and personally, at least much of the time. Breathe, Breathe, … . I have learned to accept that I am the best I can be in each and every moment, forgive myself and move past these negative thoughts by changing my thoughts which have formed my destructive beliefs. … indeed, we see the world as we are, not as it actually is. At 57 years of age, I suspect and accept the fact that I will always be haunted by feelings of inadequacy and un-worthiness and I have a choice. I can either attach myself to these feeling and beliefs or accept them for what they are and transmute thier journey informing power into positive energy and invest them more wisely in more virtuous pursuits, internally and/or externally.
Recommend you try to accept everything and everyone for what they are, not good or bad, not winning or losing, not right or wrong, but view it all through a prism of what works and does not work and what does and does not serve you. Attach/Keep works for you and Detach/Discard what does not work for you. Nothing has ever happened to you, nothing is happening to you and nothing will ever happen to you except what thoughts and beliefs you attach to your experiences and journey. Our past, present and future is all happening to us right now, in this very moment. Changing your thoughts will change your beliefs, either positively or negatively so make it an informing and positive journey.
Please be kind, loving and forgiving towards yourself, after all there are none of us who would like to be judged by our many worst moments and mis-steps and I know of no virtue that is served when we judge ourselves through this prism?
You are perfect in every moment so just be, BE HAPPY IN EVERY MOMENT in the comfort and knowledge that you are never alone.
ENJOY THE JOURNEY, WHEREVER and WHENEVER IT TAKES YOU!!
BLESSINGS, LOVE and PEACE!!!