Recently I shared an amazing video about validation.  As I watched it I tried to dig up memories of moments of validation that I had experienced over the years.  I will not deny that there have been some:  an academic award of excellence, a win in a sport competition, a compliment made in passing.  But the most amazing validation that I have yet experienced in this lifetime came in the form of a letter – a card actually – from my youngest child.

This is a daughter who, of my three children, has always been the bête noire from the get go; the free spirit – m a prickly test for a type A parent.  Perhaps that is why she chose me as her parent; to teach me to widen my scope; to learn to be more open and tolerant.  Last week she wrote me to describe who her mummy was.  Reading the note left me breathless.  I could feel the pain of love constricting in my chest and squeezing the air out – yes,  very intense love can be painful for a fleeting moment.

This young woman, with whom I had crossed swords on so many occasions, thought this way of me?  Could she be describing the same person who had set down ultimatums and expressed threats?  And then I decided to sit back and digest every one of her compliments.  My children have been teaching me for years to be less humble and to accept praise more graciously – yes, they can teach us so much, these children of ours.  We do not have exclusive rights to "knowing better".  As I sat quietly and re-read the words on the card I realized what a beautiful gift I had just received.  I was being validated not only as someone’s mother but as a person, as a human being.  Thank you my darling daughter.

Many of us go through life noticing kindness, or a special act of love without acknowledging it, without putting into words our appreciation.  We assume that the information is somehow transmitted by osmosis.  I am certainly guilty of that.  There appears to be some embarrassment in putting into words a sentiment, perhaps because it exposes some vulnerability in us.  I also believe that there is a degree of experienced rejection.  In the western world we are raised to be modest and humble in the light of compliments.  I do not have enough fingers to count the number of times that a compliment has been brushed off.  In any event we do not practice validation as often as we should.