When I was a little girl I distinctly remember feeling out of body and thinking "what am I doing here?" I felt out of place, lost, and homesick. Also, I’d feel out of body, and had zero idea what that sensation was, but it was weird. I was here, but not really…lol. Seriously could not have explained this even if I wanted to. And then if I would have found the words, my parents would have put me in a pretty pink room with padded walls at the psych ward better known as Ground Kohler…lol. I chose parents who were nothing like me, had no real depth of thought, and enjoyed speaking of the weather, food on their plates, and sports. I was able to find the humor in my parents and that there was great contrast between us. So anyway this "strange feeling" went away in my teenage years because I found boys, friends, parties and most things kids that age find important.
Well, now that I am all growed up, I feel as though I am walking in between two worlds and fit into neither. The more aware I become, the less in common I have with people. I have felt different all my life as I am an Indigo Kid, but I was able to deny it for the most part and lead a "normal" life even though I knew I was different than most my friends growing up. I conformed on certain behaviors to achieve this. Now that is much harder to do. If people aren’t discussing how to raise their own vibrations, peace, or anthing of that nature, I am not real interested in talking. I am intensely focused on how to expand my own consciousness and that of the planet. Anything other than this is just not something I want to have a conversation about.
I walked away from corporate america because I saw the futility in that. So now for the past year I am not earning a paycheck because I actually felt pain in that environment after I became awake spiritually. Seriously, how does one make sense of all this and be able to maintain a job in main stream America? I did very well at my job, but just the thought of doing it ever again is gross and not me anymore. All the competition, and everything is based on profit profit profit.
How does one live here in this world when one doesn’t fit in? I crave the ethers. How do I work among this, and deal within this life? I don’t want to be here (don’t worry, this is not a suicide note…lol, I know I am stuck here). However, I know that I came to this life to heal things within myself, and complete my mission or I will come right back again and again until I do. But?!! I guess I just need to come to terms with it, find the humor, and move forward to finish my job so I can go home.
Any advice from anyone out there how to go with the earthly flow? I need it.
Thank you in advance 
Namaste,
Krissy
Regarding the predicament you have expressed;
I could say one thing;
"Faith, Hope and Wisdom"
Please seek Wisdom, guidance from the divine source that you believe in
Please also kindly seek Faith, Hope and Courage of course, it is already there within each and every one us awaiting our humble approach
It will guide you, this is there within each and every one of us
Your instincts will guide you
Even if you reflect upon and think for a moment, it will be amazing to perceive having accomplished so much in Life
And there is so much more ahead that needs to be accomplished
Each one of us have to manage our personal and professional obligations precariously with the prevalent challenging times
Inspiration from within oneself has got its own unique speciality and each one of us is having an reservoir of inspiration; the positivenss and obviously practical perspective whilst attending to each and every aspect of this Wonderful Life
When we share the inspiration that is of help; to enable one another to excel in their respective assignments, it is wonderful
Our instincts also encourage us to contemplate with a calm find and a focused view upon the concerned aspects and seek to align with the hopeful, wise, and practical stand points of view with responsibility
Also, please kindly identify the exceptional / versatile talents, what you might be extremely good at and seek to improve on the concerned as the time and opportunity might permit
The reason is that with time being of the essence, resources being utilized to the maximum; the mind is focused mainly upon a resolution, a breathing space for the current state of events
However, in the long term perspective, there is always a reason for each and every step that is taken meaningfully and responsibly
I sincerely hope, wish and pray that you will find your best intentions bearing constructive results that will enrich your Family's Life and also of those around you soon
With Sincere Hopes and Good Wishes,
Keep Well, God Bless
Vashi
Hi Krissy,
I have, at times, also experienced feelings as you have mentions, especially the, what I term, No value conversations. The more I feel that way the more I read, write, and paint. (Water colors) When I have had my fix…I usually "come back to earth" more fulfilled and realize that my mission…my duty, is to help others see that there is more to life than just sports, and TV and fashion and etc.
Sometimes it takes some thought and private prayer. I look for an opportunity to bring a conversation around to the spiritual, especially back to the person I am with….usually about life. A good question I begin with, and so many people like to ponder is What do you believe our purpose is. Why are we here? What is this thing called life? Almost any number of questions concerning life, death, purpose will strike up a very worthy conversation.
Some time ago, many years, I asked God to "Show me the soul of people upon meeting them" so that I may see him. He answered me in the positive. That was my starting place.
He showed me I must start with myself…
Another thing I like to do to get the conversation to higher ideas is to talk of a book I have read or am reading. Spiritual of course.
We are all stuck here Krissy, and we who know it are the the lucky ones. We can make some sense of it, many people go on struggling not knowing anything except they are struggling. So I try to share some of what I know in order that they might be less burdened. Just for starters.
In love and peace,
Razz
You are not alone. There are many of us who began experiencing things as children that were not accepted as normal. I've found in my life that most people have had something happen, and are afraid to speak of it until I've shared something of mine. Others have had more experiences, and are even more afraid to discuss it. And I now feel blessed for the past 20 years or so to be part of a spiritual community that embraces all of these experiences as being not just normal, but even a bit mundane. All this to say, please don't feel alone.
How to deal? Be of service to others. Open your heart to loving. Ask the Universe how can you best be of service, and then follow the guidance, follow the signs, and fulfill yourself in that way. Also, forgive others for their humanness, even those corporate types.
Lastly, I don't beleive we are "stuck" here. Whether Celestial (Indigo) or not, our souls choose to come here to have a physical/human/material exprience. Enjoy
Krissy
I so relate to how you describe your feelings; I, too, felt this same way for many years; I encourage you to pray for guidance to your Creator asking for direction; Being of service to others is the greatest gift we each can act upon. There are many like minded people that have experienced wanting to be out of this world; however I believe if we were not created to be here, we would be in another plane; I used to want to just sit on a high mountain and meditate for 24 hrs. a day; through prayer and meditation, I was empowered with Hope, Love, Trust , and Wisdom ; My Creator wants me to be of service with gratitude. Once I viewed my career as one of service rather than one of making money, my life changed greatly; May you find the Peace you seek
Jennye
No Krissy you are not alone—as a matter of fact I figure there are many of us here. That's why we are drawn to this place. However, I also need those who aren't drawn to things such as this to keep me grounded.
Have you ever determined your dosha—I'm relatively certain you are Vata/Pitta–as you remind me a lot of myself especially when I was your age. I'm also a nine via numerology and this can be a difficult road to travel but well worth the trip. I
hey, krissy : )
the best advice for increasing the feeling of being at home anywhere is to undertake a form of meditation that gives you access to the Whole, of which we're all an integral part but are largely unaware & which is free from distinctions & so free from conflict & feelings of alienation . .
to meditate regularly in this way allows a natural peace & harmony to settle more & more in the forefront of your experience & because it is without distinction, you are buffered from an experience of harsh conflict with the what the stream of life is serving up at any given moment . . & being more & more Aware of your True Universal Nature, you are naturally more & more content . .
though your preception of distinctions necessary for the processes of life will remain where needed, distinctions then serve you, rather than you being subject to their whims . .
[ & just so we are clear, i sell nothing & profit from nothing here or anywhere, do not have a website of any kind &, not at all incidentally, would not even recommend a meditation system to you or anyone else, other than to emphaize that finding a Supreme Teacher is the most important life endeavor any of us ever undertake . .
as Zen Master Shunryu Suzuki once said : The most important thing is to know what's The Most Important Thing . .
& also for the record, i am not Buddhist, Zen or otherwise . .]
Bon Voyage, Krissy, & Be Well : )
Dear Krissy,
You have been successful in the past when you followed the parmeters set by others, you should be even more successful when you follow your own values and goals. If you do not want to speak to people who are not interested in raising their own vibrations or growing then don't.
So what does that leave as a job possibility? Given your kind compassionate and loving nature, your personal openness and your own degree of self knowledge I think you would be very successful supporting and counseling women who are acutely experiencing sexual trauma or who are dealing with recovered memories of sexual trauma. You might want to look into becoming a family counselor or msw. You might want to look into a group that treats inpatients for sexual trauma or perhaps work on a hotline for people.
This is just one suggestion. Ultimately you have to find what it is you are meant to do. When you do that you will resonate with your purpose and begine to shine even more than you do now.
There is something that only you can do Krissy.
love and light,
Stuart
http://stuartmarkberlin.com
alot of typos in there . . apologies . . lol
I love all these comments. They humble me in their knowing.
What I am realizing is I am on the threshold of some growth and am just spurting. However, I have been resisting it. I just got off the phone with a soulmate friend who is in exactly the same place spiritually along with the same beliefs. That helps. Being able to speak to him and feel safe that he understands allows me to work things through as I speak them. Anyway, I was whining that my awareness has taken the mystery out of life and I feel like my innocence in the world is gone. I used to walk around completely happy (I was soooo ignorantly blissful), etc, and am now feeling discord, which is not something I am accustomed to feeling in my field. This is what came along with my growth and spiritual awakening, and it is not welcome. I told him since this is an illusion anyway, why bother, and it is analogous to being given a surprise gift, and then finding out what it is before I open the box and then not liking what was inside anyway…lol. After speaking with him, I know I have a choice. The universe will lovingly support me no matter what I choose as it is not attached to my choices and has no emotion, so if I choose to resist and be pissed off that I am here in this strange place annoyed that I have to do time here, it will support me, or I can accept it, find the humor, and have fun, and the universe will also support me in that. Either way it works. I just need to make the choice to go with the flow because we all know what we resist, persists. It is as simple as that. I need to move forward and have faith that I am supposed to be here because I chose it obviously for a reason. I know all this, but up until now I haven't come into alignment with it. I need to own the reality and apply it to my life as intended within my soul contract.
Sherri,
I took the ayurvedic dosha test and it wouldn't let me proceed because I was all three pretty much in balance, but that was a year ago when I was still ignorantly blissful, and just waking up. Prior to that I was a Pitta/Vatta, and most recently a Vatta/Pitta. Isn't it funny how it changes? Is that normal? So you are correct. I fell in love with Ayurvidic medicine years ago. As for being ill, I didn't mean it literally as I don't ever get sick. I am sensitive to smells though just like you although I don't get ill from it.
I have actually become quite a recluse this past year as I was not sure how to negotiate all my growth and still fit into society. Up until a year ago, I ran a sales office so I had no choice but to be more balanced, but in walking away from corp america, I pretty much secluded myself from people and became antisocial somewhat with not associating with anyone not like me. My kids and I are always out and about, but I don't interact personally with anyone on the "outside"…lol, unless they are on this path. I volunteered in my kids' classrooms all last year and I honestly didn't know if I'd survive it…lol. Talk about some craziness. I have not done one thing as far as volunteering goes at all this year as I am still overcoming the stress of last year. I went into that experience all innocent thinking how much fun it was going to be with all the other mothers, etc, and OMG, it was more cutthroat and political than my sales environment in corp america…lol. Who would've guessed? That threw me so I'm staying low key now with that.
But anyway, I just wonder about this earthy stuff, and what the point is. We come here to grow and evolve and experience, blah blah blah. Can't I do this from home? LOL!! Allow, Krissy, ALLOW. I am a rebel by nature and I rebel against everything. Even my own natural flow.
Sometimes I feel like I am in the middle of a "Twilight Zone" episode because this all has to be a joke and people cannot truly believe this is it. That their lives meanings are wrapped up in going to work, coming home, their cars and houses, and doing this day after day after day after day and this is why we are here. Only seeing what is right in front of them and not looking beyond their own front doors. And going to the carwash and keeping their cars nice and shiny is important and fulfilling…lol. And making a purchase and finding it so extremely important to research and do all this work to get the best deal and then proceed to talk about it to everyone who will listen. OMG, and this is important why? I listen to all the goofy meaningless conversations people find all important and I am just looking for the candid camera that must be following me around just to get the look on my face when I realize this is all real to some people, and they are not actually going to break out and say "Surprise" we are just kidding, we actually get it and don't sit around talking about the weather.
I crave being in Peru on some beautiful mountain and being in silence. So I relate to you in that Jennye. My kids are what keep me tuned in, or I'd have done that by now. That would be bliss for me.
I don't meditate nearly enough as I have had difficulty in my past with it, and would fall asleep every time even though I'd have gotten a full night's sleep. I need to go back and just stay with it. That is what I feel is calling me with nearly every post I read, and also write.
Thank you everyone!! It feels so good every time I see someone write, "You are not alone". And I appreciated you saying that Mahaila. And I do need to stop whining and open up my heart and let the love flow. That will definitely help.
And it was funny Clear Light when you posted that you are not pushing anything. I know you aren't, you goofball!! Now if you were, I may even listen as you now have my respect because I know your intentions
Namaste,
Krissy
Hi Krissy,
First, as with others, I certainly can relate to the here-but-not-really-here thing. Been dealing with this most of my life in one way or another, incl. jobs.
Your being a mother, perhaps you can relate to this analogy once told to me by a mentor when I was sharing how I had a hard time dealing with my inner crapiola — but it applies to anything outer, incl. people.
… A child having a nightmare and the parent entering the room, and as the child wakes up sweating and explaining how horrible–and real–the dream was, the parent simply holds the upset child with tender loving detachment.
… Eventually the child calms down. Reality sets in.
"This world" is in one sense a dream-nightmare, and the nightmare parts are driven by fears of our own creations. Or maybe not of our own creations, I don't know.
All I know, is that it's happening, and I and we are seemingly in it.
But every single one of us who acts in non-love, from the most demented and cruel to the smallest lie we tell is all fueled by fear in one way or another.
How this has helped me is to be able to eventually be able to look at any person who is acting out of non-love as just another….
Child still caught up in the nightmare, too. Just like me, just a different version.
To me this evens out the playing field, so to speak:
— I can climb down from any sense of "spiritual superiority" or up out of a sense of "Oh, crap, I'm crap" inferiority. Then a sense or form of translucence or gentler detachment can take place.
In the world, yet not of it. Need to get so caught up in it.
As with you and others, being very sensitive can make this hard at times, but perhaps the parent-child analogy may be helpful.
We're all parents and children, and both sides of us have wisdom and gifts. Knowing when to walk as one or the other or ideally, a translucent fusion of the two is part of the show, too.
IMO.
OK, 'nuf pontification. I'm outta here.
Hasta la whenever next time,
~ Philip
Hi Philip,
I do love that analogy. I completely get that. Perfect.
I guess what I find hard is not being able to connect with everyone and show them the love I feel. This goes against my being, and most situations I find myself in, there is no connection leaving me feeling lost. When people are not open, it makes me build walls. And I know I should be able to be me regardless of who they are. This is a big lesson I teach my kids, yet find it hard to follow myself. Being an extremist, I either want to live in a huge commune where everyone is loving and good to each other, or I want to be on a mountain in the middile of nowhere by myself…lol. And since the commune doesn't look like it is going to happen anytime soon, the mountain is it baby
And Clear Light, I never even notice your typos if there are any. I look at the essence and what is inside the book, not the cover.
I love your insight.
Krissy
Krissy – one more comment on this subject –
How about instead of feeling torn between walking in two worlds, how about thinking of yourself as whole in both worlds. I haven't read all the other comments in their entirety, but I'll bet someone else has said something similar.
It's about being whole everywhere, and actually feeling not stuck here in a world where you don't belong, but to KNOW that you belong in all worlds.
and you ARE home, wherever you are.
Sending Blessings …
Krissy:
Plant both feet firmly down and stradle both worlds! Now I prefer a nice pair of high heels because they just don't fit in the button down world of tech that I inhabit. I prefer blonde, wind blown hair because people expect me to be perfectly groomed and tidy.
I am trying to be funny, but the serious word is that you are right where you are supposed to be, just as I am. We are put here to shake up both of those worlds and not let things get too neat.
Perhaps we are needed the most because we move between worlds and those not on the search need us to shine just the little bit of light that they can accept.
The only way to go with the organic flow is to settle within yourself that it is okay not to belong, because that is just where you belong. Not everyone gets neat and tidy. Some of us are supposed to be messy, deliciously messy, but messy just the same.
Nina
Nina,
Thank you. And I prefer the high heels myself as wll..lol. Isn't funny how in corporate america, we are to deny we are women? We are expected to hide our breasts, pull our hair back, etc, etc. Do men ever have to deny who they are in order to succeed in business? They are the ones who set the rules (which HUGELY need to be crushed…lol) in the first place. I sense change. With all the girls being brought up with self esteem now, I sense a shift in the business paradigm.
And thank you, because you are so right in that I belong where I belong. I fit anywhere I am. And so it is.
You, my love, ROCK, and I am happy and honored you are my friend.
Krissy