For the past several Christmases, I’ve flown from Los Angeles to Philadelphia, toting extra luggage filled with presents to give and presents recieved on both legs of my 3,000-mile journey. Some members of my family have felt the financial stress of gift giving more than others (my fresh-from college musician brother and our scultptor father). My partner, who is Jewish and participated in his first Christmas last year, opened me up to another perspective. His recent comment went something like this "Christmas feels like an American materialistic, overindulged event."
I adore Christmas because of the traditions and memories it allows me to revisit: homemade cards, evergreen wreaths, tree-trimming, special cookies, Handel’s Messiah and the enduring hope of snow.
This year my family and I want to celebrate an uncommercial Christmas. Have you celebrated Christmas without the usual bevy of presents? What are your traditions and suggestions for making this a personal and rich experience?
yep, we gave up materialistic Christmas many years ago….I mean when we were young kids, we were very much into gift exchanges and anticipating Christmas morning to tear open gifts. Although after high school, my brother and I faced some traumatic experiences in life and realized that Christmas isn't about materialism. Its really about getting together with friends and family. Its a time of the year people don't have to worry about work as much and can relax with the most important people around them. Our Christmas feels more like thanksgiving, we just get together, everyone brings good food and we eat, drink and enjoy the holidays, stress free….
Aw, this is putting me in the mood already.
Dear Olivia,
I adore Christmas, for me is like magic in splendor.
I remember one year we made a Christmas exchange, we raffled the names between the family and the only rule was that: the present had to be made by you, using your creativity and love to give a present made with your own hands to a member of your beloved family. I remember I decided to make a sculpture based on the "Three Musicians" from Picasso's painting for my brother. I taught my husband how to knit and he made a red vest for my sister with his own hands. As the gifts appeared magically from their wraps, the Ahhhs!, Wooows! and Ohhhhs! were like music. It was wonderful to see how much love and expression came from each gift. We all started to give thanks to each other and the tears stopped us from speaking. We took the time and heart to make a special gift for our loved ones.
Love
Adriana
For the past few years my family has been making donations to nonprofit organizations in lieu of giving gifts. We feel blessed to have most of what we need, and although we still delight in giving gifts at birthday time, we feel better about helping those in need. We ask our family to let us know which charity to donate to in their honor, and we let our preferences be known.
We still like to give holiday gifts to children, but want them to see how the adults express their generosity and love for one another during the season.
Thank you for posting about this, and I look forward to hearing others' ideas!
–
Lori Hope
Author
When I first came to this country from Hong Kong in the early 60's, the first half a dozen Christmases were gift-free primarily because it wasn't a tradition that my parents had at all. I remember being a little envious of the other kids who bragged about thier new gifts. But as a child, I thought like a chid.
Now, I have been happy to simply give a thoughtful gift for those who I love and the older members of our family have made arrangements to give gifts only to each other's children.
Besides that religous meaning of welcoming the coming of Christ, it seems to me that the true meaning of Christmas is to enjoy the fact that the holiday is a festival of lights and a celebration of our kinship with not just our immediate family but with all of humanity.
So what happens when you take the gift-giving out of Christmas? Is it just Thanksgiving with a tree? Seems like a lot of this holiday revolves around the gifts, no?
Enlightened abstinence.
As a practicing Gyppie (gypsy/hippie hybrid) it is 'relatively' easy for me to abstain. I do not have a typical familial structure, and my relatives never know when–or if–they will see me. I enjoy the sending of sentiments, and this is easily accomplished nowadays without even involving the post office. We have emotional ties to the ritual of Christmas, and to our childhood memories, not to the reality of it. It is a manufactured holiday in more than one sense of the word. Americans will benefit (largely against their will) by having to cut back on the material orgy that represents an ironic western celebration of the Christ-child.
Andrew not for the devout…I cant speak for the US but Im sure it would be the same for the catholics say like they have midnight mass here in Trinidad…over the years due to crime it was adapted to an earlier service in some churches…but other christians have services too …
My family is Hindu and when I was a child we used to have the tree… I live in an extended family and we always get together and have vegetarian meals, no alcohol and very few gifts and still manage to have a ball…like usually kids get gifts from everyone or some across the board but other than that gift exchange among adults take place with immediate family but again isnt a necessity for us or a pressure. So usually gifts are exchanged at home in the morning and then all the family get together for lunch and dinner.
I think for sure like others said below too it's also a time when people tend to be off from work for an extended time so you can just relax and be with family. Like here Boxing day is a public holiday so…and in my case it's my bday! Kinda makes me get the one gift and have my day swallowed up into all the holidays too but there is the pros to it too…like it is always a holiday, there is always a get together even if not necessarily for me etc…
But anyway I doubt you need to have gifts ever to have a good Christmas and it should also be the commemoration of the day Jesus came into the earthly plane. Even though it's not the actual day…so I'm sure many also have religious services etc. Also lots of people give charity around this time so there is that as well…in general many people find it is a time when people are more generous…nice to one another etc…so that too is a positive.
And of course only North America celebrates Thanksgiving while much of the world celebrates Christmas.
Olivia, This year I will spend Christmas at the Farm Sanctuary helping the animals, cleaning their stalls and singing them carols. My family is so not into that, so I will let them have their Christmas and I will have mine….
Maybe you and your family could spend the day together helping others in need; animal or human. The rewards of this, for me anyway, are far greater than any present I have ever bought or been given.
As always Michelle that's so sweet!
December 25 is the birthday of Christ….at least that is what most of the world celebrates as the date. (It is actually September 29)
Nevertheless the date is not the point.
The birthday of Christ….. Imagine if on your birthday you had a party and everyone brought gifts for everyone but you. Well that is what we do, we bring gifts for everyone but not the …birthday boy?…..What's wrong with that picture?
The commercialization of Christmas is no accident. Aside from being a gigantic money maker for retailers it is a big drag on credit cards…great for the cc companies, but it also takes the focus off of Christ.
Whren I was growing up Christmas was a big deal sacred holiday.Sacred is the operative word. Now in most circles sacred refers to big items giftsmn and the way we handle and wrap them.
Our gifts were school clothes and maybe a coloring book and a giant box of crayola….I grew up in a middle to upper class family, money was never an issue, but it was not our birthday, it was Cjhrists'
OK I'll get off my podium.
Here's an idea: this year I intend to write a personal letter-of-sorts
to each and every one of my loved ones to tell them how special they are to me and their influence in my life. I will list every beautiful attribute about them that make them special and thank them for being in my life. I will create a special generated card with special characters unique to each individual. Then I will personally frame it. I will aslo, and most importantly, write a special Why I love You card to the reason we celebrate Christmas at all. Jesus Christ.
Christmas time, no matter our beliefs concerning Christ, can be a beautiful time for family and friends to get together. No gifts are necessary and to the contrary, should be left out of it.
I had this discussion just last week with a very close friend. I told him that if gifts are given at all they should be only to children and only an article of clothing that s/he really needs. Most kids in this country have wayyyyyy tooooo many things….wayyyyy tooo many.
In love and peace,
Razz
PS
We also made a birthday cake for Christ and really did sing happy birthday.
This year we decided that the whole family would pick names and we would all only buy and only receive ONE present and the $ limit is extremely modest so there are no outrageous gifts or overindulgent expenses. Outside of that we are doing a baking day and will make up goody plates for everyone else. We'll have a day together as a family baking and spread a little chocolate love!
From my understanding of Buddhism/spirituality one goal is to give (not make money- even Tony Robbins recent tapes say giving is the ultimate goal- then I started turning to Deepak and buddhism and Jesus).
Therefore, one of the things about christmas is giving presents to your children and seeing them enjoy them and living it through their eyes (through the eyes of children with "perfect" nervous systems vs. my tattered nervous system).
I don't but the big HDTV which I would like, I buy little things that make me happy. So if commercialism is BAD- I view it as giving to my children and my family for happiness to celebrate the holiday.
I think gift giving in a reasonable way is a good part of christmas.
From Gaia friend Sonia
Oh, Gaia. The world works in such strange ways!
This spring, I gave my sister $20 to invest through a microfinance organization. She loaned the money to a woman in Togo, who used it to expand her then-small sewing business.
It was one of the most rewarding
I love it and I'm right there with you Olivia. This year for the first time, I am not employed. I am a small business owner and very conscious of my spending. My sweetie and my sisters and kids are all in similar positions. I suggested we all make something to give – write a poem, bake, paint, whatever, but make it a gift of the heart. Maybe not economically stimulating but it stimulates our connection to each other. My sweetie and I are pooling $ we feel we can contribute and coming up with something we can do together, such as going away to the ocean or just on a fun date, something we have not taken time to do for too long. This will mean more to me than anything he can give me.
Cindie
http://www.answersfromwithin.com
I think a key component is just not building up expectations about Christmas being about presents. It seems to me that while kids certainly are bombarded by commercial messages, the parents are ultimately the ones who build up the idea of Christmas being about many expensive gifts.
Here is a good tradition. My sister adores the British sitcom Good Neighbors. In the Christmas episode, the Leadbetters, a wealthy social-climbing couple, are miffed when the Christmas they "ordered" doesn't arrive. The Goods, who have given up their social-climbing to live off the land help the Leadbetters celebrate without all the trimmings. My sister and her children make us all "crackers" for Christmas, like the Goods and the Leadbetters. What is a cracker? The inside cardboard from a roll of toilet paper, stuffed with a home made paper hat (usually from Christmas paper), a few pieces of candy, and a really good joke, (and some confetti), all wrapped in Christmas wrap. When you open the cracker you put on the hat and read the joke to the group. It is the highlight of our gathering!
Hi Olivia,
Don't know if you have had this suggestion yet, but here is mine.
I used to love Christmas also, but over the years have been turned off by the consumerism of it.
About 4 or 5 years ago, my daugher, who was 14 or 15 at the time, informed me that she did not want to celebrate Christmas anymore and did not want to receive the gifts that went along with this holiday, which had been overrun with things and activities that had nothing to do with the Spirit of Christmas.
Instead we worked at Father Joe's Soup Kitchen in San Diego, dishing out a Turkey Dinner to the homeless. It was amazing in many details. I was amazed at how many homeless FAMILIES there were…I was amazed at the humility and thankfulness of the homeless…I was amazed at the volunteers, many who dedicate more than just Christmas to the cause of the homeless. And I was amazed at how Thankful I was for my own life that I have. It was kind of a "There by the Grace of God go I" moment, meaning that given different circumstances, the homeless's life could be our own.
I suppose with our interconnectedness, you could say we were all vibrating the same thing…lack…except, some of us felt like we had nothing and had nothing….and the rest of us felt like we had nothing and purchased things the fill up that nothing.
I am really enjoying these observations, ideas, and stories! Thank you all for sharing.
It seems to me that a big part of Christmas celebration is giving gifts – at least to the children. They love to wake up to find presents, usually under the tree.
Every time I tried a less commercial Christmas, it wasn't nearly as great as this. I'd be around someone or some family who gave a lot of gifts to the kids, well, there was merriment and generosity and fun.
The kids eventually go out to play and all of them show their presents and they play and play.
This is all part of Christmas, at least in America.
We have a Toys for Tots program where toys are donated so families who can't afford the gift part – well, their kids aren't left out. During the month of December, we can drop off new toys to any fire station or Red Cross office.
Olivia-
Thanks for asking this! It is something our small family has had attention on for several years.
One thing we enjoy is making Christmas cookies together. Everybody! And we do not confine it to "traditional" shapes and colors either! During the year we might look for unusual cookie-cutters we can contribute to the pile. Sometimes the shapes are crafted freeform from the dough I make & bake — the "canvases." One year we were so happy to have perfected the "perfect purple" dye, and in the process came up with a gorgeous brown as well! We all look forward to this tradition of creative doingness together. The kitchen becomes a huge mess. We all crowd in & laugh & marvel over each other's masterpieces — Dr. Seuss trees, Picasso Taxis, Monet reindeer and Quantum Bells.
Then we give them away!
Happy holidays all! Eugenie
Eugenie, this sounds like a marvelous event! Making Christmas cookies are such as staple of my holiday traditions.
An offering of some options for alternative giving for consideration:
When our first child was very young, we realized that all the attention and gifting associated with Christmas was likely to encourage a lot of self-involvement and energy around acquisition. So we initiated a pattern of going to West River Drive in Philly and taking food to feed the geese. We scheduled this outing after opening Santa's gifts and before visiting grandparents and extended family.
As she grew a little older, we took a lesson from John Rockefeller who gave each of his children $.30 a week with the stipulation that: $.10 was for their spending, $.10 was to be saved and $.10 was to be given to one of the "Thanksgiving Charities" described in the New York Times each November.
With this in mind, we created a "matching grant program" for our children who, from the age of five, chose organizations that they felt a connection with and which they wanted to support. They then designated a specific amount from their savings, which we matched – thus doubling it. Or, in the case of five-year old Cliff – who, after extensive research, decided to donate $.35, we added a bit to the gift.
For years, Olivia sent money to PETA. Her brother shifted his gifts from the rain forest (we found out about the Children's Eternal Rainforest for him)to other things he cared about. Their choices often involved investigation into which groups protect animals or saved rain forests, cared for the homeless, etc.
It is our hope that such projects shifted some of the energy from "what am I getting?" to "giving to others" and perhaps, encouraged life patterns of giving to those in need.
Giving gifts, setting up the christmas lights and the Christmas trees are just some of the things I don't wanna miss. Especially baking cakes for the day! It makes our Christmas complete