Have you ever met a man who is about to become a father for the first time? To an experienced father, such a man looks a bit like an alien—or at least someone who doesn’t yet fully grasp what it means to irrevocably cross over from not being a father to the “other side” of fatherhood.
Here’s what I might say:
So, you’re a dad-to-be. There’s a new baby entering your life. Congratulations!!!
Now, take a deep breath. And another one. Then, disengage the panic button for just a moment, while I tell you that you can do this Daddy thing.
For millions of years, men have become fathers. The overwhelming majority did it without ever reading a book, watching a PBS special, or visiting a website. That long historic and genetic heritage lays a pretty solid foundation for you.
It’s important to know that, despite those millennia of experience, it takes conscious effort (and sometimes even a bit of pushiness) for a man to stay involved in pregnancy, birth, and child-rearing nowadays.
The challenge is a lot like the one a guy faces in a modern-day wedding or commitment ceremony. Before the big event, there’s a storm of activity and decisions underway–often just out of your sight or reach. Relatives and family friends (some you’ve never met or even heard of) suddenly seem to have veto power over a day that’s supposed to belong to you and your life partner.
Relatives and family friends can do the same thing during pregnancy, elbowing the expectant dad out of the way so they can reach the expectant mom with unsolicited advice, “let me tell you about my labor” horror stories, and ironclad suggestions for what to name the baby.
To top it off, even though you’ve never been down this road before, it’s not likely that Dad or Granddad set you on his knee to regale you with tales of when Mom was pregnant with you.
You can take comfort in this, though: you’re not alone. Most men lack a surefire road map for making the Clark Kent-like transformation from regular guy to something bigger than Superman — FATHER.
But, you can rely on the expertise of other fathers (and books and websites) to learn:
Why and how to avoid being left behind in the roller coaster of doctors visits, birthing classes, butt-in-ski relatives, labor and delivery, and the first days and weeks of your child’s new life.
How to use your provider and protector instincts to help ensure a healthy, enjoyable pregnancy for you, your partner, and your baby (or babies).
How to share this miracle with your partner (and your baby) as fully as possible.
All you have to do is ask.
At the end of the day (or the 9 months), you won’t have a magic cape or x-ray powers to see you through to perfect fatherhood. (That’s because there’s no such thing as magic capes, x-ray vision, or perfect fathering.) But you can be prepared for the most exciting job you’ll ever have.
Welcome to fellowship of Fathers!
There’s more information for pregnant dads in my book “The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Being an Expectant Father” (Alpha, 2004)
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