I know what you’re thinking – "Wait a minute? How can a dog trainer help me get some sizzle between the sheets?" Well you might be surprised…
Actually there are a few simple tips that I can give you, from my lessons in working with dogs, that will help you get in touch with your sensual side AND liven up your sex life. You see, the way that I work with dogs is all about getting in touch with your (and your dog’s) emotional experience of the world. Being present – in the moment. Basically, a recipe for good dog training is also a recipe for good sex.
1. You MUST get your dog out of the bed.
For most people, having a dog in the bed (either their own, or their partner’s), is a huge barrier to intimacy. Assuming that the bed is where you intend to, er, do it – at least some of the time – it is important to reserve that space for you and your partner(s) alone. Not to mention that your pooch takes up valuable real estate!
On top of the cleanliness issues (aka “dirt in bed is bad for business”), having your dog in your bed is, generally speaking, bad for your dog’s emotional health as well. You see, emotional state is also intrinsically connected with where you are in space. When you and your dog are on the same physical plane (both in bed, for instance), then your dog will tend to get more energized in order to develop some polarity with you and connect. If you’re dealing with ANY sort of problems with your dog, this additional emotional energy added to their system could be feeding the issue. By keeping your dog off the bed (and the couch, for that matter) you avoid this potential entirely.
2. Get in touch with your emotions, and stop projecting them onto your dog.
Seriously, next time you start saying “Sparky is feeling <insert emotion here>” – try stopping yourself and saying “I feel <insert that same emotion>.” Feel any resonance? Because dogs are heart-centered creatures, it’s very easy to make them into an emotional surrogate for what you’re feeling. By owning your own emotional patterns, you’ll become more aware of what you’re feeling in the moment, and you can take responsibility for your own emotional state.
Is your relationship with your dog getting in the way of feeling your own emotions, or getting into touch with your partner’s emotions? Trust me, if you’re giving your dog some quality time each day (quality is what’s important, not quantity), then they can pretty much take care of themselves the rest of the time. If you feel compelled to give your dog attention at OTHER times during the day, take that as an opportunity to check in with yourself and/or your partner and respond to the human emotions that are present in the room. Your bond with your dog is something you can rely on – so let THAT be the relationship that you take for granted, and put some energy into fostering an intimate connection with your partner.
3. Give to your partner. Unconditionally.
When you’re spending time with your dog, you never ask “what’s in it for me?” – do you? There’s no trade-off of “I’ll take you out if you tell me you love me.” Or “remember when you ran over to that other person and licked their face? Forget it – it’s over between us! Find someone else to put water in your water dish!”
Sounds silly, I know. But do you find yourself in a situation with your partner where you’re holding back from them? True intimacy and exceptional, passionate sex can only happen when you’re uninhibited with the way that you’re willing to express love to your partner. Why wait for your partner to be that way with you? After all, you have no direct control over your partner’s actions. On the other hand, you have absolute control over your own ability to give love. If you want to experience crazy love, then give boundless amounts of love to your partner, the kind of love that doesn’t ask for anything in return.
4. Keep things interesting.
Structure is good. Routine and predictability are essential in maintaining a good relationship – with your dog, and your partner. But without any variety, your life (and your dog’s life) will get boring. Uninspired. With your dog it’s easy – find a new toy at the pet store. Walk a different route than the one you’re accustomed to. Hide treats throughout the house.
So what are you doing to make things interesting in your relationship with your partner? Have some fun! Think about what you would normally do, and do the opposite. Buy something risqué to wear as a surprise. If you want things to get spicy in the bedroom, then why not add a little bit of “the spice of life” – VARIETY. For instance, what would you do if you were a “bad boy” or “bad girl”? Try a pinch of that.
If you make some physical space for your sex life, get present with how you’re feeling in the moment (and how your partner is feeling), give of yourself unconditionally (like your partner has never experienced before), and do your part to keep things interesting – you’re going to thank this “dog trainer” for giving you the sex life you had hitherto only dreamed possible.
Neil Sattin is the author of www.naturaldogblog.com a website devoted to transforming your relationship with your dog (and yourself) with a centered, nonviolent, and radically different way of training. He released "Natural Dog Training: The Fundamentals", an instructional 2-DVD set that teaches his methods. Neil lives with his wife, two children, three cats, and, of course, his dog Nola outside of Portland, Maine.